What would my BMI need to be to adopt?

(7 Posts)
Ducklings45 Wed 29-May-13 08:15:14

Mine isfar too high at the moment, but I am at slimming world and doing well (still have a long way to go).

Plus, would I be able to adopt as a single woman or would my application be denied?

I am 25.

I don't think our county council has a set number but what they would say (and have said to me) is that being over weight or obese is not healthy so that is why they encourage you to lose weight.

If you are interested I started a thread about this a while ago....

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/adoptions/1729438-Lowering-a-BMI

Lilka Wed 29-May-13 14:26:57

You can absolutely adopt as a single woman, I am a single adopive mother of 3

If you are overweight as Italian says you will be encouraged to lose weight, but what counts as 'too obese' depends on the individual agency and on what your doctor says in your adoption medical. Some people are accepted to adopt with very high BMI's.

However at 25 you are very young in adoption terms, the average age is I think 38. I was also very young in adoption terms (28) when I applied (and 30 when my first child came home) and I did face some questions about my age. I think you will definitely be asked serious questions about your age. The kind of things social services will be thinking are - if you are able to concieve, you still have lots of time, so why adopt at this point? You could be accepted to adopt and then meet a new partner and then want to have a baby with them. How many of your personal goals have you achieved at this age (career wise, travelling etc etc) and would it be better to wait a few years and spend more time focusing on you before adding a child? If you waited a few years, wouldn't you have gained more life experience, wisdom and things that will be useful to you in parenting?

I am not trying to be horrid at all, but social services can be quite blunt about it, and they do tend to prefer adopters aged 30+ so if you seriously feel that now is the right time to try and apply, then you really need robust and good answers to their questions. You still may find that some agencies would say 'not now, but we invite you to reapply in a few years time and we could take you on then'.

When I attended my first preparation group I was surrounded by married couples aged about 33-45 and I felt out of place as a young single woman - like being the only teen mum in a baby group of older mothers is the closest comparison I can think of!

Personally, at the time I was 28 I did feel I was done with travelling, having short relationships and studying, and I did want a child more than anything else there was for me to persue. BUT with hindsight, I am glad now I did not bring a child home at younger than 30. I think extra age does make a difference in parenting. The majority of adopted children, having suffered trauma and abuse, do have some additional needs, and parenting can be very hard and stressful. If your friends are still childless, then you move away from their company and toward other (usually older) parents. Especially when it comes to adoptive parents, when you network or talk with with adopters you are going to find yourself one of, or probably the youngest person.

I just would advise serious thinking and some caution before moving forwards. Being a young adoptive mum has had some benefits for me, but quite a lot of challenges too, and in addition becoming a parent when I did very much seperated me from most of my friends and acquaintances so I had to find new company from scratch as well.

Lilka is right, social services can be pretty harsh. A friend of mine has just been matched, but at matching panel they asked her what she was doing to lose weight!?!?!? Rude. However I don't think that they have a specific BMI figure in mind, they are worried about your health being good enough to look after a child. They wouldn't, for example, place a child with someone who is clinically obese and bed-bound, for obvious reasons. I personally have a problem with BMI as an indicator (A professional rugby team will consist of a squad, all of whom, will be clinically obese according to the BMI chart) BMI factors in nothing of muscle or fitness. I think if you are concerned about your weight, and you are taking measures to improve, then that is all you can do, and the agency should respect that.

As for your age and being single, neither should be detrimental to your application, indeed, it would be a big problem if they were!! So let us know.

Good luck, and keep us informed of how you get on.

Duckling I am not yet an adoptive mum but I am birth mum to an 8 year old DD. When dd was 18 months old we were told we could not have any more children but I tried and tried and tried with medical help to prove doctors wrong! Unsuccessfully! During this time I did ask about adoption too and the answer was always that our DD was too young! When she was 5 she was old enough and then I wasn't ready, so we did end up waiting about 7 years to adopt! This is probably longer than most but I can honestly say that the wait was worth it, that in that time I dealt with a lot of things that were problems or issues for me, like not being able to have any more babies via pregnancy, like some of my issues to do with over eating and not exercising and also I got a lot more tuned in to what an adoptive child may need.

I am not for a moment suggesting you wait that long but I do agree that Lilka has some wise points and you may have desires like travel, study or relationships you may wish to explore before adopting.

All the very best with whatever you do, please do keep in touch with these adoption threads on mumsnet as they are very helpful and many wise adopters lurk here (not including myself as I am not yet an adopter!).

All best wishes.

Or wise!

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