Medical reasons / weight etc to not be allowed to be a surogate?

(13 Posts)
OceanBeach Sun 05-May-13 19:25:27

Thank you very much happy daze. I have now joined a Facebook group and have the opportunity to talk to surrogates and IPs, which as has helped a lot. I think you are absolutely right about it making no difference how far away they live, as if we choose adoption in the long run, missing out the first few years even would not make any difference to how you would feel towards your child.

With regards to work, as long as they will let me have 6 months off, the. Go back part-time, with their part of pay, not the statutory government part it will be fine. If I had to quit my job I would not be allowed to return to it, so along as they left me have a career break for 6 months, even if unpaid I am going to go ahead.

happydazy1 Fri 03-May-13 14:38:59

hey I have read a few of your threads and want to wish you luck with everything. However I can't help thinking that maybe you are overthinking things a little bit and wanting everything to be a bit too perfect.

People do this when thinking of having birth children as well, waiting till they have the right home, job with good benefits etc. People often say that there is never the "right" time to have kids!

As long as things go ok and the surrogate is reliable (e.g. not doing anything crazy like drinking, smoking, etc) the pregnancy won't really be that major a thing to think about once you have the child and so it doesn't really matter that much in the long term how much involvement you have with the surrogate during pregnancy. Ok it would be nice to be involved but long term once you have the child I don't think it really matters.

Likewise with maternity pay - ok it would be great to have good benefits but plenty people lose their jobs while pregnant or never had above stat min benefits to start with. They cope somehow.

Anyway I just wanted to say that to try and encourage you to try and do this even if you can't work out some of the finer details such as pay or a local surrogate.

I have a child via surrogacy (host) and used a surrogate from a different country. OK not ideal and we had to travel etc. But now I have my child I don't really think about it at all. I will tell the child of course in a few years but for now I am just enjoying my dc. If I'd attended scans etc for the child I don't think would make any difference to how I feel about my dc now.

Anyway like I said, just wanted to wish you luck!

OceanBeach Fri 03-May-13 12:08:57

Hi, I know in the UK that host surrogacy is the option, and that you can't choose surrogates, they choose you. I would definitely not want to go out the country.
For me we were going to go down the adoption route, but then had the most amazing offer, but we all know this wouldn't work now. For me I think of someone being a surrogate as someone I know, who I could spend time with during the pregnancy.
I guess I understand how a friend or family member would want to help you, but I find it more difficult to understand why a stranger would want to help you, if that makes sense?

HDEE, she was willing to do straight surrogacy for us, but we decided we wouldn't want to take the risk to her health, as her blood pressure got worse with each pregnancy.

QOD Fri 19-Apr-13 21:37:54

Just so you know, there aren't surrogates you can get to know and chose from wth regard to straight surrogacy.
They are few and far between.
I used COTS myself for the support and legal info (my friend offered to be my straight surrogate) and the surrogates chose the IP's THEMSELVES

I think surrogacy uk is more social based, but again, they chose YOU

If you want to pick, you'll have to go out of the uk, the USA perhaps?

Host surrogacy is your only chance if you want to stay uk only, if you've not got your own surrogate lined up

OceanBeach Fri 19-Apr-13 19:07:32

BMI is definitely well over 35, would be categorised as obese. So despite 2 normal pregnancies she could have a lot worse problems with BLood pressure. She did say she would do straight surrogacy as well, but she would find that harder, but thought she could do it.

Even if we can't use her, which I think looks that way, and never have a child, I will always be in awe of her offer, as she was genuinely excited about me being fully involved in the pregnancy as we live in the same village.

HDEE Fri 19-Apr-13 18:41:48

Also, would she be willing to consider straight surrogacy, using her own egg? No need to even involve clinics if she and you are open to that idea.

HDEE Fri 19-Apr-13 18:40:01

I think most clinics will like a BMI below 35. Is she likely to be over this?

Research as many clinics as possible, and I've heard amazing things said about Brno, which is obviously abroad, but know of a few surrogate babies starting there.

OceanBeach Fri 19-Apr-13 18:34:21

No reason we would want to be related to a surrogate. Just imagined knowing the surrogate very well, so could feel like we could be involved in the whole pregnancy, going to scans, feeling baby kick, hear about pregnancy in all its uncomfortable details etc.

So I think if went through an agency would want to find someone local who I could visit and have cup of tea with etc. doing some looking around into the two agencies, have heard good and bad things about both. Want to make sure that DH is happy with surrogacy and we can afford it before we pay to sign up. He can get his head around adoption, but thinks surrogacy will take him longer

Is there a special reason you would like to be related to your surrogate or could you try going through an agency?

All the very best.

OceanBeach Fri 19-Apr-13 13:45:47

She's had 2 pregnancies in the same condition as she is now, have found an open day with information about ivf clinics, surrogacy, adoption etc so going to go to that. Spoke to a consultant today who didn't think it would be appropriate to use her if had previous high blood pressure.

It was nice to think it was possible for a while

QOD Fri 19-Apr-13 13:12:09

You'd have to check with an IVF clinic. The one you plan to use I guess.
She'd be having natural cycle IVF if you're not getting egg collection for her, so not a massive health risk?

Only the clinic can answers,

oceanbeach I have no experience of surogacy but do of donor eggs. If you are going to use a donor egg where will you get them from? If it is via a UK clinic then I would tall to the clinic to get an idea if what is allowed. Plus I eod look into the UK surrogacey organisations for their guidelines. Is there a medical risk for your cousin in being overweight and pregnant? I am sure it us possible to be obese and still pregnant but how might it affect her health and baby's health. I hope someone will be would with more advice. You may find if you post in conception you get more replies.

OceanBeach Tue 16-Apr-13 22:20:09

One of my lovely cousins has said she would like to be a surrogate for us. She has competed her family of 2 children, she had uncomplicated pregnancies and births, apart from being induced both times. But she did have high blood pressure during both pregnancies requiring medication. She is also very overweight.

Would any of these mean she wouldn't allowed to be a surrogate? We would be thinking of host surrogacy with an anonymous egg donor. If we are paying privately does this still affect their policy?

Thank for the advice. P.s. have been around a while, NC pretty much every week as I'm so unbelievable identifiable otherwise!

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