Homestudy Repetition

(8 Posts)
Familyfinder Tue 02-Apr-13 21:41:19

I'm feeling a little perplexed to be honest and wonder if anyone has experienced a similar situation in their homevisits. Our Social Worker seems to be hung up on the fact that my husband lived with an ex and her 3 children she is now with his brother (a situation which has caused a rift between them (although he did attend our wedding and my husband spoke to him when he was ill). This I may add is the only 'skeleton' we have in either of our family closets!. The SW has visited the ex and is happy that my DH was good with her children but she talks on and on about his ex every visit (she even put her on the family tree although she is not married to his brother. I had a 2 hour one to one with her the other day and guess what she talked about? Will it ever stop??

Familyfinder Oh that sounds annoying. I have no experience of this as our home study is right at the start.

I wonder if your social worker is going over it because she is trying to think how she would feel? So it is sort of playing on her mind and she is exploring it because it seems a big deal to her, although your DH has worked through it presumably.

Not sure what to recommend! What I think I would do is just politely tell the truth about it and wait it out. Maybe she think if she keeps poking at it she will get a different reaction! BUT as I say I have no experience of this so please feel free to ignore me.

All the best.

MissFenella Tue 02-Apr-13 23:01:44

be upfront and ask her why.

If you feel it is distracting from 'you the couple', tell her your concerns. Ask if she has found anything of concern with that relationship and when she says no, say, good I presume we will be moving on to other aspects of our relationships/partnership/suitability.

FamiliesShareGerms Wed 03-Apr-13 20:48:17

Yes, different issue, but our SW definitely fixated on a detail that we thought irrelevant, and others in our prep group have found similar.

Ask her why she thinks it is so important, particularly in the context of any impact on an adopted child. We found that putting it so bluntly helped move on to the real issue causing concern - which could then be discussed and resolved.

flossymuldoon Wed 03-Apr-13 20:58:47

We are still friends with all the couples on our adoption prep course (5 couples) and this is common. All of them had something that the SWs were fixated on - us included. I have no idea why. Maybe you are right that they keep poking to see if the reaction was different.

It drove me up the bloody wall but yes, she did finally shut up about them!!

Maiyakat Wed 03-Apr-13 22:54:03

I also had this, over a different issue. I think the Social Workers know what issues will come up at Panel, and need to be sure they've covered them from every angle. That's my view when I'm feeling generous anyway - it was a less polite view immediately after a few of the homestudy sessions! wink It was after talking to one of my referees that she finally accepted where I was coming from. All worth it in the end!

fossil971 Thu 04-Apr-13 22:42:32

Could you ask her straight out why she is giving it so much attention? Is it because of panel, or because of a real concern, or because the ex said something which is a problem? Say it is just making you feel confused because it seems to be a disproportionate issue for her.

The SW's have a lot of boxes to tick and sometimes they can go round and round the subject rather than just saying "please tell me you will bring up your child to appreciate racial and cultural diversity so I can tick it off" or whatever it is. It might be they are trying to get you to say something which is so blindingly obvious you haven't bothered to say it.

Familyfinder Fri 12-Apr-13 17:35:18

Thank you all your advice DH had one to one with SW and all seems resolved she has all the information she needs. It does seem that they go on and on about a point to get an answer they are happy with before moving on. I think it is to test your patience and committment after all you could adopt a child with issues that go on for years so they need to see committment to the process and patience. Hard are it is at times!!

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