Blabbing about adoption

(25 Posts)
VerityPushpram Mon 28-Jan-13 08:46:30

I feel like such an eejit, I was setting up a gym membership for myself and Mr Pushpram, and the guy on the phone tells me we can add two children for free, so 'maybe later in the year' say I. 'If you give me their names now it will save hassles later' says gym man, 'I don't know their names, we haven't adopted them yet'. 'Right-oh' says gym man.

Early hours of the morning and suddenly I'm aware that I just managed to blab one of my most personal secrets, already! None of our friends or extended family know, and I've just told the man at the gym! What's next, an ad in the paper? I'm going to be a terrible mother!!

Pease don't tell me off blush

Mum2G Mon 28-Jan-13 10:16:27

Not at all! Nothing with with finding out for later and i am sure it will be treated in confidence.

Mum2G Mon 28-Jan-13 10:17:13

sorry that should have read 'nothing wrong with'

JustGiveMeFiveMinutes Mon 28-Jan-13 10:20:57

That is brilliant. You will fit in very well with the rest of us daft mothers grin

VerityPushpram Mon 28-Jan-13 10:55:32

Thanks smile

VerityPushpram Mon 28-Jan-13 10:56:13

Now I'm going down the shops to tell them too.

I'll see your telling the guy in the gym and I'll raise you blurting out to a class of 29 11 year olds that you've just gotten a referral for a child. grin

While bawling your eyes out, may I add.

FamiliesShareGerms Mon 28-Jan-13 20:38:47

Ooops! Never mind - I told one of my colleagues (one of those "know in passing, not worked directly with" colleagues) before lots of my closest friends... It happens!

VerityPushpram Tue 29-Jan-13 12:47:19

Phew, then I'm not the only one! Telling my third referee this weekend, then I'm going to try and button it.

AngelsWithSilverWings Tue 29-Jan-13 14:49:59

Just wait until you have the children! If you are a blabber mouth like me he following will happen:

Other mum in DC's baby gym class: "ooh he's a big tall boy! How much did he weigh when he was born?"

Me : "oh I don't know" blush ( tip: learn your children's birth weights , this question is asked a lot)

Other mum : "does he take after his dad then?"

Me: " erm well no because he's adopted"

( my DH is over 6ft so I could have just said yes he does!)

Other mum : not stop questions and assumptions about my son's background, pitying looks in his direction and me being told how wonderful and brave I am.

Frustratedartist Wed 30-Jan-13 21:54:02

Why have you called this 'adoption Tourette's'?
It has nothing to do with Tourettes.
Whilst I hope you get to adopt, I am really struggling with your outrageous insensitivity to those affected personally or who have children with this debilitating neuropsychiatric condition.

GoldenGreen Wed 30-Jan-13 21:59:33

I agree, Frustratedartist. Unkind to use this condition to get a laugh.

Frustratedartist Thu 31-Jan-13 09:29:31

To explain.
I look at 'adoption' to understand and be supportive of one of my friends who has adopted children.
I thought the thread was going to be about someone offered a child who has Tourettes. I have two children with Tourettes, and thought I could be helpful.
Instead I was really upset. My children are bright, ordinary children. Their illnesses both came on very suddenly and they are severely affected, but are helped with medication. My son has expressed ideas of self harm because of the condition.
People with Tourettes don't want to shout out or make movements they don't intend. They are a victim of a brain that no longer works properly, and that controls their body against their will.
I'm sorry if I've spoiled your thread. But please don't make fun of Tourettes. It's a very complex condition and is not in the least bit funny.

MissCLS Wed 06-Feb-13 14:17:35

I am in a similar position to you. I am starting the process of adopting and I actually have told a few people. Sometimes it slips out and other times I mean to tell them. I find a lot of support from those around me that are my friends. I am adopting by myself so the support is invaluable. It is hard not to talk about it as the process is so hard, but yet so exciting. I wish you well in your process and hope you have your family soon.

Cheltenhamgirl Fri 08-Feb-13 22:06:00

Me too. I am also in a similar position. I have told some friends at work my very close ones and my family. But we are waiting until we are approved before we break the news to one and all.

KristinaM Fri 08-Feb-13 22:54:07

I would advise to wait until you are matched before you tell everyone . Only closest friends and family before then.

My friend, who is a school teacher, told her head of department when she was approved. It was 2years before she was matched and she was given all the worst classes. In the end she was only off on leave for one term as her child was placed at Easter and she went back to work after the summer holidays .

MrsBW Sat 09-Feb-13 13:55:22

I'm the opposite. I don't tell everyone, but I'm fairly open about the fact that we're starting the process... and we are right at the start.

My boss knows, colleagues know, all my family, lots of friends - I was asked why I couldn't make a sports match I was due to play in and explained we were hoping to adopt and had our initial visit.

If we don't get approved we don't get approved. It won't be a source of shame to me and I'd rather people knew so they can offer support or at least stop the 'when will we hear the pitter patter' questions.

Each to their own, but I can't see any reason to worry that a stranger knows... And you certainly shouldn't be question your ability to parent!!

VerityPushpram Sat 09-Feb-13 15:28:45

I question it all the time, but it won't stop me! Everyone will know when I suddenly show up with two children anyway.

I'm thinking of telling my line manager when we're approved. I'm a teacher as well, but he doesn't allocate my classes. Colleagues ask each other to take on teaching based on our skill sets, so hopefully no-one will have to know anything till it's all certain.

Being on here means I can talk about it all I like smile

Happiestinwellybobs Sat 09-Feb-13 19:20:26

I told everyone smile. Couldn't help myself I'm afraid. Working in a small team it was difficult to keep it quiet and I wanted them to know what was happening at each stage so they could prepare. The support they gave me was amazing. I will never forget coming back from our first approval panel to find a Disney princess car on my desk (still my DD's favourite!). I do wish I had kept quiet to the wider workforce as constantly fielding questions as to when our child would arrive whilst waiting for a match was draining. But the people where I work are amazing and were nothing but supportive - and threw me the most amazing baby shower smile

I told my neighbours as thought they'd wonder when I suddenly started taking DD out in her pushchair. I still get some people saying they had never noticed me with a bump grin

Domjolly Sat 09-Feb-13 20:45:58

We haven't told close family and friends just references however i have told a few randoms like a cab man and also the women who works in pound land just wanted to tell someone who wouldn't put there 2 pence worth in


We learned from when were going through the fostering process not to tell anyone it was really bad and added to our nerves we had family ringing every five minutes asking as questions so were keeping our mouths shut this time wink

MrsBW Sun 10-Feb-13 07:26:23

Think that's a good point Domjolly... It depends on the people around you and how they'll react. I get people asking how the process is going but it's kind, not intrusive (we've known we'll try to adopt or some years despite only just starting the formal process) and so people are interested now were on the official road.

But then (and this isn't a slight on your family), ours would never dream of quizzing us every 5 mins, any more than they would if we were trying for a family naturally... i mean, It'd be like asking how many times you'd had sex this month and when your period is due and whether you'd come on! How invasive!! If they had/do got/get too much, they'd be firmly but kindly put back in their box.

Domjolly Is the lady in the pound land allowed to put two peneth in! wink...

I think I have ended up telling an odd assortment of people! People I am good friends with but also people I barely know. I am just a blabber mouth. I don;t think it is a good thing but I found it impossible bot to!!

NOT to, not bot to!!

2old2beamum Mon 11-Feb-13 20:45:25

Sorry no use to you I was at the delivery of our 1st adopted DC as a midwife.
I was so angry his birth parents did not want him (Downs) I approached SS and he is now 32 and changed our lives.shock 7 more have followed grin

Every one at work knew long before all our families

ENJOY your ? secret

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