Intro's day 1

(99 Posts)
funnychic Thu 24-Jan-13 19:51:09

Met my dd today, she is totally AMAZING!! she is very petite but gorgeous, she is clever, funny and just quite lovely. She weighed me up for a few minutes but then wanted to see what was in the gift bag, pepper pig phone and some bubbles plus the transitional soft toy that was in the photo book.

Can't wait for tomorrow when I shall become a baby bore and tell you all about day 2!!

HappySunflower Thu 31-Jan-13 14:29:31

Just to let you all know that I'm in touch with funnychic off board and have spoken to her today.
We are going to speak again later, I will make sure that she knows that there is support here for her if and when she feels she needs us.

Happiestinwellybobs Thu 31-Jan-13 15:18:36

I'm so sorry funnychic. What a difficult decision to make. Thoughts are with you, and any support we can offer.

Support from here too and I also think you're very brave to do what feels right no matter how hard the decision.

Slightly off topic. My sister's friend was due to get married some years ago. She was in her late 30s, had lived with her fiancé for a couple of years and they had a very drama-free relationship. Her invitations had been sent out (so wedding was no more than 6 weeks away and she suddenly decided it didn't feel right and cancelled the wedding. There were some in-law issues, nothing dreadful but they were quite opinionated (and she's a lovely quiet woman) and interfering and she just didn't think she could take a lifetime of them. She and her fiancé broke up for a while but got back together after a time.

About a year later, she and her fiancé went away and got married quietly.

My point is: everyone was a little shocked at the time that she had gone so far with the wedding plans before she called a halt but everyone also said how terribly brave she was not to keep going with it just because she was caught up with the flow of things.

They now have a lovely little girl born when X was 42 years old.

My point is, doing what feels right is always the right thing to do. You have to listen to your gut. But also, this doesn't have to be the forever decision, just the for now decision.

Big unmumsnetty hugs to you. I hope you're getting loads of IRL support.

DizzyHoneyBee Thu 31-Jan-13 16:47:55

Hugs. better to make that decision now than later, it sounds like you have been very responsible about the whole situation.

FamiliesShareGerms Thu 31-Jan-13 19:18:20

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that Funny. A brave decision. We're here if / when you want to talk about it

Funnychic thinking of you.

mrsballack Thu 31-Jan-13 21:37:31

I'm sorry to hear this. I've been following your updates. Hope you are ok x

LocoParentis Fri 01-Feb-13 06:28:40

I'm sorry funny, I concur with everyone that it takes strength to stop something like this when you have gone so far.

I'm so very sorry for you

Panadbois Fri 01-Feb-13 08:15:04

I'm so sorry Funny. Hugs.

As a new-ish FC with only two placements under my belt I can understand how you feel. I can say hand on heart, when both placements started, I lost a stone.

Both times I was nervous and sick to my stomach with apprehension and overwhelment for the first month or so. And if a SW were to offer to take LO back during that first month I would have said yes. Its a horrible feeling, doubt, dread , everything.

Be kind to yourself x

AngelsWithSilverWings Fri 01-Feb-13 13:46:29

I've sent you a PM as we have exchanged messages in the past. Have been following your progress and would like to offer support if I can.

jenny60 Sun 03-Feb-13 20:11:29

Thinking of you. Please pm if you want a chat. You were brave and so much better now than later down the line.

MrsBW Mon 04-Feb-13 15:00:54

Funnychic just wanted to add my voice to the chorus of support.

I hope you are OK.

Devora Mon 04-Feb-13 15:31:42

Just wanted to say to everyone: I don't know if we'll hear from funnychic again (but funnychic, if you're reading this, please know we'd love to stay in touch) but my heart is breaking for her. It must be a horrendous thing to go through, and words are so inadequate. What CAN we say to someone going through this? What help is there - do ss generally provide counselling and support?

AngelsWithSilverWings Mon 04-Feb-13 17:52:55

I can't stop thinking about it. I hope she is getting some real life support either from her SW or her family.

I'm really hoping that intros have been restarted with some better support in place and Funnychic will be back with an update soon.

I have friends who went though dreadful introductions and came very close to terminating the adoption. This was down to the FC not wanting to give the children up and not getting any support from her key worker. Luckily my friends' SW took control of the situation and all was resolved.

I have foster carer friends who get so little support during introductions that they really struggle with having the new adoptive parent's in their home. This causes all sorts of tensions which ,when added to the stress that the adopters are under and all the travelling back and forth, lead to potential break downs.

funnychic Mon 04-Feb-13 19:17:52

Hi everyone thank you for your kind words which I don't deserve. It was nothing to do with the child, FC or SS I just felt overwhelmed by the enormity of being a mother at my age and being single. I regret getting to the stage of meeting the most wonderful child but I knew my heart was never going to be in it the way it should have. I feel absolutely wretched, I cant eat or sleep but in time I hope this will pass.
SS are understandably not impressed with my change of heart but their best interests have to be with the child and not me. I have got family around me so I am not alone although it does feel that way in my heart. It is the end of a dream and that is why I am so sad. I wont be coming on here any more I am not a mother and don't belong on here.
Please don't worry about me I will be ok.
Thank you everyone and I wish you all love, luck and health.xx

Lilka Mon 04-Feb-13 20:09:48

And I also wish you good health and luck
also peace and a good future xx

You do deserve kind words. I hope you can get support for yourself. I am sorry you feel wretched and I hope this will get easier with time

Moomoomie Mon 04-Feb-13 20:21:07

Funnychic.... You do deserve support, you have just made the most difficult decision you have probably had to make.
I too wish you all the very best for the coming months and years.

Devora Mon 04-Feb-13 20:23:43

Very best of luck to you, funnychic. I hope you get peace of mind soon and that your future brings you fantastic gifts, whatever path you choose.

Happiestinwellybobs Mon 04-Feb-13 20:58:05

Oh my goodness... Of course you deserve kindness and support. I have thought so much about you over the past few days. This is not an easy path to choose for anyone, and to contemplate doing it as a single person is just so tough.

Better making this decision now than later. I too hope that this wretchedness eases over time. Wishing you love and luck in whatever you do x

FamiliesShareGerms Mon 04-Feb-13 22:52:53

Good luck, funnychic, however you decide to proceed.

Remember "Mumsnet" is a bit misleading, in that there are plenty of people posting on here who don't have kids, so please don't feel you have to leave, especially if there's a chance we might be able to support even a teeny but through this time (and beyond)

funnychic, I wish you all the very best and I hope in time that you'll be able to look back on this time and be proud of yourself for being brave enough to be very honest with youself. Often, it's easier to keep on going because of the expectations of others. I wish you peace.

YOU DO deserve support. You are a brave person. I wish you all the very best for the future.

Thinking of you.

God Bless you Funnychic.

We will miss you, please do stay around if it helps you.

MyDogEatsPoop Tue 05-Feb-13 13:30:28

All best wishes from me too. Stories like this are the ones we don't really get to hear - I've always thought of introductions, and adoption in general, as a bit like going on a blind date after having promised you'll marry them. There's no shame in realising it's just not going to be a great partnership on a blind date is there? Simplistic I know, but sometimes it's staggering that this process ever works at all!

SunnyS Sun 03-Mar-13 10:25:50

Hello I am very sorry to hear you story. It sounds like the SW could have supported you better so you didn't have do all that driving etc as well. Hugs. I hope you take time to work things out. Have you looked at the single adopters and prospective message boards on the Adoption Uk message board? I am trying to adopt at present and I understand what you mean about not being a mum yet

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