Hi everyone, I've been lurking round here and reading these threads for a while now and have a question you might be able to help me and hubbie with
We've been TTC for almost 7 years now with no luck. We've both had all sorts of checks and everything is fine. We've just been told that it will happen "when it happens.".....but it never does!
We don't want to do IVF as we have 2 sets of friends who have done it with no luck and I can't face the anxiety they went through. So for the past year or so we've been seriously considering adoption.
We've made contact with the LA and have had a 30 minute phone chat with one of their staff. We're off to an introduction meeting in a few weeks.
My question is, will we be considered? There's medically nothing wrong with us, we just can't seem to get pregnant. We're past feeling sad or frustrated, just resigned to the fact that we might not be able to have a child naturally. Would I have to go on to a contraceptive to "prove" that we are not trying anymore?
I know exactly what you mean Italian I knew I was on the mend when I no longer wanted to stab the women who I'd see smoking outside the materninty hospital, when I didn't have to psych myself up to meet up with people who were pregnant/ have small babies, when it stopped being a gut-wrenching pain and was just a little bit of sadness. In ways, that sadness has never left me but I've come to terms with it. But the loss is always there. I love my dd with all my heart but she's not the 'fix' for my infertility. Time was.
whatintheworld, I think that by the time we were ready to think about adoption I had figured that I wasn't going to get pregnant. But there was an overlap, a time when we were on the adoption list (very long wait in Ireland to be assessed at the time - we waited 2 years and were a further 2 years being assessed) and we were also trying to get pregnant. Counselling helped me to come to terms with letting go of the pregnancy dream but it took a long time. I couldn't tell you when it stopped hurting because it was gradual.
Happy YES, exactly, you are so right when you say ...
'In ways, that sadness has never left me but I've come to terms with it. But the loss is always there. I love my dd with all my heart but she's not the 'fix' for my infertility. Time was.'
I met my pregnant friend today but there was only the tiniest touch of sadness as I touched her hand and congratulated her. She has her own life and I have mine. She is oodles younger than me and has several children, why shouldn't she add one more if she wishes to. he has had her own sadnesses in life and I wish her well.
I can certainly see why one would keep trying through a four year wait. I am fortunate that at this time in the UK the wait seems to be considerably less. The longest part was waiting the few months after we stopped treatment to get the ball rolling, now it is rolling I feel totally relaxed.
Reading this thread with interest, as I can have children, well had 1 mc, but we have decided not to go through pregnancy as it would be detremental to my disability and we don't want to pass on a genetic disability that can't be screened for.
I wish you much luck with your plans - I really hope that the introduction meeting with the adoption agency confirms your beliefs that adoption is the way to go.
If I can just add one word of caution though. I underwent many years of infertility treatment and several unsuccessful attempts at IVF. I found the process completely heartbreaking and in some ways horrific, though kept going long after, medically and financially, it would have been 'sensible' to stop. We then stepped off the infertility treadmill and onto the adoption one. That process too was demanding and very stressful. Obviously you haven't got the physical demands on you that IVF has, but you will certainly have the emotional ones. I am sure you realise this, but I just wanted to say when I look back I realise both processes were equally as stressful. Was it worth it though? Oh yes, a million times.
I also wanted to say I found counselling after IVF and before adopting so helpful, no maybe life saving. It really allowed me to grieve for what would never be and let go of the past before moving onto the future.
In answer to your other question we WERE asked to use contraception before our children were placed with us...though we never actually did!!