So we have started the adoption process - can anyone help with advice?

(26 Posts)
Cheltenhamgirl Sun 30-Dec-12 00:06:19

Just wanted to check how it was going for you? We are at the start of the process and I know it's going to be a long and hard road. We have no children so this will be our first if we get approved. We have had several visits from our SW (from Barnados) both together as a couple and individually as well. We have had our CRBs done, medicals completed, references completed, family trees done, discussed our strengths and weaknesses as a couple etc but we have been told this is just the start. We have our training next month and I am excited about this. Just wondered if anyone out there could share their experiences. Is there anything we should be doing in particular, we have done a lot of research and have books to read.

Hi Polly wishing you well.

PollyinHemel Sun 10-Feb-13 22:49:41

We are just starting along the adoption path and are waiting to find out when the first training day is. We are scared, excited and cannot wait to begin this journey. I will keep reading this thread for pearls of wisdom; particularly when the going gets heavy.
Polly

MissCLS Wed 06-Feb-13 14:25:23

Wow, this is a comfort. I am just starting the process. I went to an information session last year and was going to have my home visit in October. I have delayed until the next approval round as I am finishing off some study whilst working, I thought one hurdle at a time.

I can see from what you all say the process can be tough, but is rewarding, keeping the end in sight. Cheltenhamgirl how are you progressing since the course?

Devora I am already following your advice. And Gallicgirl I too am doing the hands on experience at a local creche. It's is a great eye opener.

Good luck Cheltenhamgirl!

Cheltenhamgirl Thu 17-Jan-13 18:20:43

Thanks I will check out your previous thread smile

PS My social worker has never had more than a glass of water in our house. And I even made homemade tea cake once and did she even smell it? No. just as well cos it wasn't actually very nice

Hi Cheltenhamgirl. We adopted from Russia and are home a year with our dd. She's the icing on our double chocolate fudge cake. There's a thread aboutour journey to her here
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/adoptions/1245332-In-5-days-well-know-if-we-are-able-to-adopt-a-little-girl

Maryz Thu 17-Jan-13 13:19:22

The biscuits, the biscuits, don't forget the biscuits

Seriously, though, you might like that thread smile.

It is hard because it is so important, but really the best thing you can do is to try to be laid back about it and try to enjoy (as much as you can) some of the preparation.

Also, have a good holiday, just the two of you, before you are accepted and matched. You won't get another break for years.

Cheltenhamgirl Wed 16-Jan-13 20:38:20

Hi Happyasapiginshite thanks for your message. Can I ask which country you adopted from? Or you can pm me, I am interested in hearing your story.

Welcome, Cheltenhamgirl. I have no words of wisdom because we adopted internationally, I just wanted to wish you well on your journey. smile

Cheltenhamgirl VERY exciting. So great. Have pmed you.

I am in middle of Prep course. Exciting challenging. Would love to hear what you liked about it all, feel free to pm me if you want to chat.

All best wishes.

Cheltenhamgirl Mon 14-Jan-13 22:15:00

Thanks all for your comments. The prep course was excellent and it was really good to meet other couples as well. Do you think we should subscribe to "be my parents"? As we are Hindu couple we have been told it will be unlikely we will be matched to a Hindu child as they just dont come up for adoption sad Do we just wait and see if a match comes up? we would look at mixed race children as well.

Hi Cheltenham, lovely to hear things are going well for you.
When we got accepted to our course we were repeatedly told that it showed their commitment to us as they're expensive to run! I think it's really unlikely that you'd be knocked back now.
Everyone on our course got approved (ours was in Jan last year) and so far at least two children have come home, including our ds. We were matched during assessment which is incredibly lucky.

We already had a dd so the childcare experience was a done deal, I have a friend who volunteered at a nursery for three months to meet her requirements but know more that did it through nieces/nephews/friends children.

In all it took us about a year from first phone call so hopefully it'll be a busy time for you next Christmas.

Cheltenhamgirl Tue 01-Jan-13 20:44:44

Thanks gallicgirl and Devora we are getting in as much baby sitting as we can. I am looking forward to meeting other prospective adoptors on our course in a couple of weeks.

Devora Tue 01-Jan-13 19:31:02

Cheltenhamgirl, obviously there ear no guarantees, but if you have got this far you stand a great chance of success.

gallicgirl Tue 01-Jan-13 19:13:02

I have a friend who has just started the process like yourself.
She has been advised to get more practical childcare experience. Maybe spend lots of time looking after those nieces and nephews?

Good luck with it all.

Cheltenhamgirl Tue 01-Jan-13 19:06:11

Thanks all for your advice and comments. I am excitied and v nervous about the process. The reason being because we dont have children of our own I fear we will get turned down even though we both have large families with nephews and neices and good friends as well and we are use to looking after children.

Happiestinwellybobs Tue 01-Jan-13 13:46:24

Hi Cheltenhamgirl. The process for us took 14 months - approved after 9 months, matched 3 months later, then approved for her and met our DD a couple of months after that. She was 10 months when she came home smile

Some bits felt quick, but the waiting after initially being approved - oh how that dragged!

VerityPushpram Tue 01-Jan-13 09:55:53

Congrats Pudsmum!

No advice from me Cheltenhamgirl I'm afraid, you're further along than we are. We've had prep group and that's it so far. Prep group can be a bit emotional, but it's a nurturing environment (or ours was at least). We were recommended to read 'Creating Loving Attachments: Parenting with PACE to Nurture Confidence and Security in the Troubled Child', by Kim S. Golding and Daniel A. Hughes.

Good luck for becoming parents this year!

Cheltenhamgirl Mon 31-Dec-12 21:48:02

Thanks all for your comments. Pudsmum1313 can I ask how long the whole process took for you? I really want this to happen for us in 2013 but am I being realistic? We started our visits in September and have our training in January.

Pudsmum1313 Mon 31-Dec-12 19:11:00

Hi Cheltenhamgirl.
The process is long and it can be frustrating but the end goal is worth it. Our training was really useful, if a little intense. They played up all the things that can go wrong....I think they just want us to be prepared. It's a great opportunity to ask all those questions that have been swimming around in your brain and to talk with people going through the same things that you are.

We meet our new sons next week grin

Happiestinwellybobs Sun 30-Dec-12 21:24:37

We did the training course prior to home study, medicals etc. Ours was a 3-day course: really interesting and enjoyable, although quite draining. Everyone seemed to enjoy it actually. A year after the course our DD was home. She has been with us 9 months now smile. As for what else you can be doing, Devora is spot on... Especially about the toilet!!

Devora Sun 30-Dec-12 19:44:07

Hi and welcome, Cheltenhamgirl. My little girl has been home for over two years now and is a constant delight. We had a reasonably easy journey through adoption, I think, not least because our agency was very good.

I'm very happy to answer questions, as are the others on here, so do fire away.

In the meantime, what should you be doing? Getting yourself ready in all sorts of ways: try to minimise any debt, sort out tedious long-term housing repairs that you won't want to bothered with after matching, go to Paris together, enjoy going to the toilet on your own grin

And keep posting on here, and reading about the experiences of others. We cover quite a wide and representative spread of experiences, I think.

HappySunflower Sun 30-Dec-12 11:45:44

Hello, and welcome smile

I enjoyed the preparation training and made some good friends who I am still in contact with. I found it to be very well organised with some very interesting, thought provoking content.

I went on to have quite a protracted assessment period, but enjoyed Home Study, though found it challenging at times, mainly in the emotional sense.
My daughter has been home for almost a year now.

I look forward to following your journey!

Cheltenhamgirl Sun 30-Dec-12 10:39:25

Thanks for this. It's good to know there are others going through the process as well. How did you find the course? I am a little nervous about it.

I am behind you in the process, although in our area we get our training first! So just wanted to wish you well.

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