Contact with full siblings

(11 Posts)
MissFenella Wed 28-Nov-12 13:51:37

Dds have DB also in care. They have been with us 2 months and I was wondering when we should start contact with him and how often.

Any experience out there?

Thanks in advance

RudolphLovesoftplay Wed 28-Nov-12 18:30:03

Hi, we have sibling contact with our boys sisters and they love it (so do I) we waited about 3months before we met them, but they were really young so it was tricky to explain who they were. How old are your girls if you don't mind me asking?

I guess my advice is to meet them when you feel 100% comfortable with it, don't feel pressurised by anybody to meet before you're ready.

MissFenella Wed 28-Nov-12 20:39:12

They are 7 and 3 and we in FC with DB prior to us becoming their parents. DB is still with FC.

Girls talk fondly of him and we have sent pictures etc but they don't want to speak to him yet and I am getting pressure from FC and now SW.

Just looking to understand what is the norm, we hoped/expected to be left to bond until after christmas.

MrsDeVere Wed 28-Nov-12 20:46:24

You are their parents and you are the ones who have to make this important decision.

Your DDs have told you they are not ready yet.

I think this is a good enough reason to tell the SW that this is not the right time. I can understand the FC's anxiety but this is something for you and your girls to work out.

Christmas is coming up soon. This is a tricky time for contacts.
If your DD's were asking to see DB it would be different.

Would they like to make him a personalised card? They could do it themselves or maybe make one on Moonpig with photos?

Congratulations smile

MissFenella Wed 28-Nov-12 21:07:26

Thanks - I encourage the girls to do 'bits' for their brother. We have sent lots of photo updates etc and will continue to do so. I feel that they just don't feel ready to chat away with him (and at that age they probably wouldn't).

Smudging Wed 28-Nov-12 21:14:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MissFenella Wed 28-Nov-12 22:12:45

They saw him just before they moved in with us 6 weeks ago. Their reluctance is around wanting to settle in here and understanding 'that' before moving on to wider relationships.

MrsDeVere Wed 28-Nov-12 22:27:10

They sound pretty amazing little girls. smile

I expect the FC is concerned about the DB missing his sisters and that is understandable but your responsibility is towards your DDs and the FC is going to have help DB manage his feelings around his sisters moving on.

It seems your DDs have made their feelings very clear. SW and FC need to respect this.

MissFenella Wed 28-Nov-12 22:39:51

Thanks - that is what we were thinking but, felt we needed a check to ensure we were not being selfish etc.

I have said its too soon and not in their interests. Every sympathy but, as the girls have moved out perhaps additional help to cope with this is more appropriate as his sisters are not equipped or responsible for making it 'all better'.

after all he could be placed with a family and we never hear from him again! I'd rather take things slowly and measured.

RudolphLovesoftplay Thu 29-Nov-12 09:05:11

I think it's very reasonable to say you aren't ready, and you will let them know when you are. I agree that it needs to be in your girls best interests, and although they have a brother, your girls and their welfare will always be prioritised by you.

You are right, their brother could be placed in Timbuktu or with parents who want no contact so don't feel rushed. It's not as though you have said that you are never doing it.

Moomoomie Thu 29-Nov-12 10:57:29

It is still very early days for you all as a family. Your girls sound like they have decided they are not ready to meet their brother and everyone should respect their decision.
We have letterbox contact with our daughters brother, who has recently asked for direct contact. We have declined this for the mo net as our youngest is only 5 and I feel she is too young.
Continue with the indirect contact for now and see how they feel after Christmas.
I remember feeling pressurised by the SW to have contact with the FC before we felt it was ready.
Be strong.

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