Not to sure what do you think?

(13 Posts)
Fishwife1980 Fri 09-Nov-12 14:31:41

Hi every one after lots of phone calls today it seems the ony real choice we have it to go with the la do and see the head shrinker and keep our fingers crossed
Lest we up set the LA we are likey to get a dodgy reference and would unlikey taken on by any one elese gurrr

I really wish now i didt just blindly go with our la we are also haveing lots of issue resigning as foster carers

angry confused off to make a quilt

I guess i will just have to nod and smile

Kewcumber Fri 09-Nov-12 12:45:22

I think you should decide which agency you want to go with then go to whatever counselling assessments they ask you to.

Home studies are like interviews for position of being a parent and you need to jump through whatever hoops you need to.

Can you delay making a decision on the the assessment until the decision on which agency to go with has been made?

MaryZezItsOnlyJustNovember Fri 09-Nov-12 08:16:38

I think you can still go with the VA.

When is the assessment? Tell the VA it is happening, but continue with both.

The awful thing is that the stress will get to you, and soon they will be saying you are too "stressed" to be assessed or something stupid like that.

So I think you need to take a deep breath, and try to forget it all for, say, 3 months, apart from the times either the VA or the LA contact you. Just give your head a bit of a break.

Moomoomie Fri 09-Nov-12 07:43:33

I really don't think it will do any harm in going to the assessment. It may help you . Unfortunately the la do seem to have you over a barrell here, because they could make life difficult if you choose to move to a va, as they will need to send a report, especially as you have been a FC with them.
Unfortunately, with the adoption assessment, they can treat you really badly and expect you to come back smiling because they hold all the cards.
Best wishes.

I can't advise you but just wanted to wish you all the best, you sound lovely and I am sorry you are being messed around.

However, it may be useful to go through this assessment.

Whatever happens, all the best.

Fishwife1980 Thu 08-Nov-12 19:43:58

Sorry i think "the mummy issues " may come from my disrupted childhood which i have worked though hence me being approved for 7 years and not being put on hold once

This is the first time i ever heard of this as a issue

So you think i will just have to ho to the assement them?

And not go with the VA

MaryZezItsOnlyJustNovember Thu 08-Nov-12 19:16:56

It seems to me from reading your posts that for some reason your LA have you in their "foster carers" bracket and don't seem to be able to transfer you to their "adoptive parents" bracket.

The "counselling because you have mummy issues" - is this to do with the fact that you no longer want to be just a carer, but want to be a mummy? Can they not understand that this is perfectly normal - and it isn't that you want to suddenly be a mum to your foster children, but that you want to be a mother full stop confused.

I think it is incredibly unfair that they seem to be using your willingness to be a good foster carer as some sort of evidence that you can remain detached from the children and therefore won't be a good mum confused. But that is what it is sounding like.

However, they have you over a rope, and I think if I were you I would go to the assessment - be honest, as you have been all along and hope their concerns will be just dismissed. And if they aren't, ask for specifics, in writing, and an appointment with someone in charge.

Fishwife1980 Thu 08-Nov-12 19:06:06

Sorry (sp) independent review

Fishwife1980 Thu 08-Nov-12 19:01:26

Also we were advised by BAFF that if our LA did give us a dicky refrance they would look very foolish as our annual reviews written by our support sw and inderpendatly reviewd would contradict any negative comments plus the fact the wuestion would be asked also why they kept us on for 7 years with out once being on hold

and because we went to the VA before we told this by our LA they cannot of accuse us of avoidence

Fishwife1980 Thu 08-Nov-12 18:56:57

Thats the thing

The VA did ask about our angncey when we rang and we were very open

We are able to evidence our recored as foster carers i have a copy of *all of our yearly reviews and a card sent to us thanking us for our work with one of our placements from the support team.

We almost feel like if we go with the LA and go for this assment and are given a clean bill so to speak will they just put somthing else in our way

just a quick not its not counselling its a assement by a counciiler to see if i need therapeutic imput as she put it

KristinaM Thu 08-Nov-12 18:45:55

If you move to another agency they will require a reference from your existing agency. So if you decide to leave them, make sure you do so on teh best possibel terms. I know this is hard when they have been so difficult.

If you walk away now and refuse to go for their " assessment" , they might say you were unwilling to go for "counselling" , which might look bad. Of course it's not prosper counselling , because that woudl be confidential and clearly this is not.

If I wer you I would go and see what happens. You shoudl be able to see teh report from the counsellor, so if they refuse to assess yiu, at least you woudl know why. I mean beyond the meaningless " mummy issues"

I have to say I am very sceptical of your agency. If you've been fit to foster for them for years, how can you have such HUGE issues that woudl prevent you adopting ?

LocoParentis Thu 08-Nov-12 18:36:48

It's a tough one. If you stay with la they will make you jump through hoops but they do have the children.
if you go to the va, less hoops and they are not being arsey with you, but you may have to wait longer to be matched and are more likely to get harder to place children.
Is doing the counselling really such a bad thing it's only going and having a chat with someone once a week. Especially if you're fine and don't have mummy issues (does that mean you have problems with your mother, or problems about wanting to be a mother?!?)
I think if it was me I'd want to stay with the la even if they're being shit and unhelpful. I'd have my eyes on the prize as it were and grit my teeth then tell them to fuck the fuck off to yourself when you close the door after each visit.
good luck whatever you decide

Fishwife1980 Thu 08-Nov-12 17:47:56

Right just been rung by LA and told we have been booked on the prep group but with the priviso that we go for a assement with a councillor confused
Was told some of the team think i have mummy issues * i of course dont agree*

Adoption can throw up some issue but so can foster children i think if there was a issue it would of surfaced in 7 years of fostering, this has come after

"off the recored warnings about being black listed"
A strange meeting with the adoption team and my social worker from fostering
A numerous home VIsits

*we had already called a VA last week due to feeling out LA was mucking us about and are just waiting for them to back to us with a date for a home visit

If we move to the VA should we tell them that the LA wanted us to have this assement?
If we stay with the LA what will be involved

Not sure what to do any advise would be good

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