Mumsnet Talk

A really good friend of mine and her husband have just been matched with an adoptive daughter, aged 6. She is very excited, emotional and really looking forward to it. I have two children of my own (not adopted) and know what I would do if she were having a baby. I really want to give her something for herself and something for her new daughter. Now the child is easier - I will probably buy a couple of books or a small cuddly toy or a board game they can share. However, I want to get the Mum something. But, I don't want to look patronising, as if I am suggesting she needs something or she might not have thought of it. Should I get her something just for herself (wine? flowers?). I had thought of a photo frame so she can begin building memories of them as a family. What do you think? Also, any ideas for the daughter as my own children are older so I feel a bit out of touch with this age group.

Sorry - that should read - GIFT in the title. Not doing too well today!

I am sure some people would think it tacky, but I loved anything saying mummy. My favourite was a mug (I think it's Emma Bridgwater) with little red hearts and mummy written on it in scrawly writing.

Thanks so much. What a lovely idea. She is so excited but I didn't want her to feel that her adoption was being ignored where everyone makes such a fuss of the pregnant ladies.

She is going to have a really stressful couple of weeks during introductions, so is she the kind of person who would appreciate a hair cut/massage/facial to take her mind off things?

Once her child is placed with her she is going to have a nervous breakdown be very busy, so gifts of meals/housework/things she can do at home will be useful. She won't want (probably) to go out much so may feel a bit trapped at first.

Finally, I would suggest getting her flowers. I just loved getting flowers when I had ds2. No-one had thought of getting me flowers when I adopted ds1 and dd , and it would have been really nice to have one of those gimmicky "It's a boy/girl"bouquets .

For her daughter, those wooden letters spelling out a name are lovely to put on a new bedroom door, to make it hers, iyswim.

Oh lovely! When we adopted DD (although a lot younger at 10 months). I loved the flowers I got with the huge "it's a girl" balloon. Gift vouchers for a massage would be lovely too - the first few weeks in particular are so stressful. Photo frame a great idea too. I was so pleased that our adoption was celebrated by friends, family and colleagues in the same way a birth child would be.

REcognising this in any way you can is the ley - she really won;t care much what you do but will (if she's pretty normal!) be bowled over that you've recognised her arrival of a new child.

Flowers definitely hardly anyone buys flowers - perhaps big bouquet for paretns and tiny posy for daughter?

Photo frame nice idea too.

As KEW says the kind thought is there, which will be very special for your friend. We received some lovely gifts when our daughters came home from a few friends, but my Dh work did nothing at all yet always had a wip round when someone had a new born baby. It still upsets a bit.
Flowers are always well received also photo frames. Practically a few meals for the freezer or someone to just take the ironing away and bring it back all done.
You are a good friend.

I was very lucky as so many people marked DS's arrival in some way. I've never quite forgiven my father who didn't even acknowledge the letter telling him that I was adopting DS.

and he wonders why we're not close.

I also had a friend who I included in the note out to people telling them about the adoption - very straightforward "I have been approved to adopt a child 0-2yrs and am very excited to be expecting to travel to Kazakhstan at some point this year to be matched" or something along those lines.

She never spoke to me again! Asked by a mutual friend why not, her reply "Oh I couldn't think of what to say"! Erm... "congratulations" would have done. The particularly bizarre thing was that she had miscarried whilst my IVF was going horribly wrong and we'd bonded over it. She took the decision not to try again and didn't want to adopt so I decided (charitably) to put it down to her pain over remaining childless.

Thanks all. We went shopping today. Our village is really tiny so not much choice and I wanted to get something quickly, so she didn't feel forgotten. I managed to get the last photo frame. We bought her new daughter a kit to make friendship bracelets so they can use it as a craft activity to do together in the first week or so and also so she knows we are assuming she will make lots and lots of friends. We dropped them off but no one was in so, hopefully, she will be pleased.

Rose, that sounds lovely, hope your friend's placement is going well

yes I loved anything that said its a girl, or welcome, or new mummy. A photo phrame or album for the first few weeks would be lovely idea x Congratulations to her x