2 weeks!

(8 Posts)
calmlychaotic Sun 28-Oct-12 00:16:21

it has really put my dp off, he was away with work and had to change flights to get to this evening. if they where never going to accept us why encourage us to come. yes spoke to original sw who said well we are not saying no, just not yet and the evening was about information which would be useful for us eventually. they also said i would need to stop working as a childminder, for at least 9 months to allow child to settle, i would take some time but 9 months would shut my business which i love and have worked hard to set up. my dp doesn't think he can cope jumping through hoops for local authority so at least for now adoption is on the back burner, its a shame, i think we have a lot to offer but not prepared to wait around for years. will maybe approach an agency in a year or so but for now im off to lurk on the ttc boards!

WendyGx Fri 26-Oct-12 08:31:13

Hi calmlychaotic, so sorry this happened and I imagine you're confused and annoyed. Did you see the person who called you? Surely nothing has changed in a week or so? I am so dissappointed for you. I hope you don't feel this is it. I do believe that some SW take on a 'adoption prevention' role, doing their best to put you off, which is in fact a test to see how serious you are. After saying we were interested in siblings, one told me that we'd need separate bedrooms as they (and I quote word for word) 'are likely to abuse each other'. Are they really? Siblings are more likely to abuse each other? I think they shock to test you. I had a lot of agencies say no to me, without even meeting me and my DH. But we were very determined and found an agency who have approved us for who we are as a whole.
Anyway, just hope you are not put off completely and make the decision you want and when you want to.

Calmly hi, sorry you have had this disappointment.

I do hope you will not feel too discouraged by it. We had a similar situation in that we were told we could not have any more children when DD was only about 21 months. So sometime around her second birthday I approached social services and they said we had to wait.

I know it seems hard. Maybe they will change their minds a little on exact timings. I wonder if it is because they need the flexbility to be able to match people and maybe feel it would be quite tight in terms of closeness of age. Although with birth siblings this is not a problem (two very close together) in terms of adoption I believe a larger age gap is better.

Like you I felt very frustrated and just eager to get on with it, etc. If you want to talk more feel free to PM me. I really do think I know some of how you feel and it really is very frustrating.

calmlychaotic Thu 25-Oct-12 23:35:21

Well that didn't go well. Went to the information evening, listened, took notes asked questions got exited until the bit where you fill it a brief description of yourself your home etc, i mentioned 2 year old ds and immediately sw said would not accept my application now, we wound have to wait 2 years min before applying. What makes it worse is in the presentation they said in last year in my council 75% of children adopted where under 2. They said this has changed drastically in last couple of years and used to be much older. I said my child is 2.5 process will take 12 months at the very least. He will then be 3.5 giving 2year age gap and we could adopt a 12 to 18 month old which is what they currently have. . They admit that is true but say its policy, she said don't worry 2years will fly!

WendyGx Fri 12-Oct-12 08:27:23

Brilliant news, so pleased for you. That must have been such a wonderful call! Best of luck with the process!

Tigglette Fri 12-Oct-12 06:59:14

That's brilliant, fingers crossed it all goes smoothly.

Lovesoftplay Fri 12-Oct-12 06:45:37

That's great news smile and how lovely of the SW to phone out of the blue like that.

calmlychaotic Thu 11-Oct-12 23:26:11

So after getting rejected,( well not outright rejected just told to go away for a couple of years) by every agency had too many councils, social worker from local council called unexpected for chat. My last miscarriage was in July and we have a 2 year old. So she said she just wanted to know a bit more, talked in depth, about everything! Actually got on really well with her, she decided she is happy to let us proceed., she is going to see us at the information evening in 2 weeks, will arrange home visit after that and prep course in Jan! So so happy that she is willing to at least meet us and not dismiss us outright. Just so exited, I know early days but still its a start!

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