So, where are you at?

(132 Posts)
MyDogEatsPoop Fri 05-Oct-12 12:28:22

A 'getting to know you' thread, as I'd like to update my spreadsheet wink

I'll kick off shall I?

Started the process with the first (nervewracking) phonecall in June of 2010, Workshop not until July 2011(!), followed by Homestudy a couple of months later.
Finally approved in June 2012 smile
Turned down one link as not suitable, and have a meeting coming up soon to discuss a little girl!

LocoParentis Sun 07-Oct-12 13:46:50

congrats Maiyakat grin

I'm in the middle of my prep course now

Happiestinwellybobs Sun 07-Oct-12 14:07:08

Congratulations Maiyakat smile

MyDogEatsPoop Sun 07-Oct-12 16:55:38

Congratulations Maiyakat!
It's lovely to read all your stories, and know so many people really do make it out the other side - I'm still a bit disbelieving that people are REALLY going to give me a child to look after!

Maiyakat Bosnia-Herzegovina Mon 08-Oct-12 11:25:05

Thank you all! I have a possible link with 2 girls, been stealing the keeping calm ideas from funnychic's thread!

HappySunflower Mon 08-Oct-12 12:12:39

Oh how exciting for you!
I had a link very close to panel-my head was in a complete spin grin

Kewcumber Mon 08-Oct-12 14:57:12

there seems to be a wave of newbies in that exciting just started phase. i think I ffeel jealous but can't quite make my mind up!

Devora Mon 08-Oct-12 15:12:53

Gosh yes. It is such a weird time after the arrival of your child - whether by birth or adoption - best of times, worst of times stuff. I felt just overwhelmed, exhausted and emotionally numb, and also thrilled, happy, obsessed with the them like the start of an adolescent crush. Falling in love IS stressful, isn't it? So is having your old life blown up and replaced with something very different.

I don't think I'd like to go back there full time, but I would love to have a day pass, to be able to go back for a day or two at a time, to hold my little ones in my arms with all the awareness of how wonderful they will become and how much my love will grow.

Kewcumber Mon 08-Oct-12 17:16:54

"with all the awareness of how wonderful they will become and how much my love will grow" - oh yes that would be amazing. All that stressing and how much I wish I could have lived in the moment more at that time than worrying about what issues DS would present with and whether I would ever bond with him.

I need a time machine.

Ladyofthehouse Mon 08-Oct-12 19:57:21

Congratulations Maiyakat!!

We went to prep last November, approved June 2012 and linked 6 weeks later. Match approved by panel September and today I finished work!!

Meeting tomorrow with foster carer and social workers to agree introductions and meet our DD's on Wednesday!

MrsDeVere Mon 08-Oct-12 20:08:14

Got a phone call from SIL in May 2003 telling us DGN was being removed from DN's care.
A week later picked up our DS from court age 1 day short of 8 weeks.

Approved to adopt him at the beginning of September 2004
Adoption finalised March 2005

Congrats to all the newly approved and matched and placed smile

Fishwife1949 Mon 08-Oct-12 21:07:00

Right i rang sw today ladies, had home vist last tuesday and i was told they are having the team meeting to talk about us and others on thursday

I think somone needs to shoot me with a dart gun i am clawing the walls

HappySunflower Mon 08-Oct-12 23:54:04

Oh, Fishwife thanks I found the waiting and the wondering the worst part.
Fingers crossed for good news for you!

funnychic Tue 09-Oct-12 09:11:19

Maiyakat, Congratulations on being approved and your potential match. I'm so glad my little meltdown has helped others in this new and scary situation. It's so funny how things change in only a few days, I now have her photo on the fridge and I speak to her every time I go in the kitchen!! I feel a sense of calm and even dare I say it excitement.
Very best wishes to you and all the other newbies. x

Ahhhtetley Tue 09-Oct-12 14:09:36

Congratulations grin

We'll I'm a newbie, had our home visit last Thursday and we're now wading through the mountain of forms to fill out smile

FamiliesShareGerms Tue 09-Oct-12 22:24:40

Lots of lovely news on this thread, congratulations to everyone just through panel, matching etc!

For the spreadsheet: prep Sept 2010, panel July 2011, matching panel and introductions etc Aug 2011. Can't believe DD has been with us 14 months already!

Kewcumber Tue 09-Oct-12 22:32:29

Oh yes the spreadsheet

Ummm... application around around March 2004, matched Nov 2006 (11 mnths), DS came home with me January 2007 and will be 7 next month shock

Devora Tue 09-Oct-12 22:46:32

Ah, the spreadsheet. [Racks brains] I first enquired early 2008, got slowtracked to prep August 2008, approved October 2009, matched July 2010, dd came home August 2010 and has just turned 3.

TheTragicClam Fri 12-Oct-12 21:37:16

Hello everyone. I've been a (lurking) member here for a while, but just starting to get into it.
We started life as respite foster carers (initial enquiry feb 2010, panel jan 2011) and are now approved adopters (enquired june 2011, prep course nov 2011' approved June 2012).
We've had one failed link already and now trying not to panic as have just been linked again, but feeling quite insecure! Weirdly the link feels more "right" this time but just waiting to find out more about the LO.

Pleased to meet you all!

sadie1 Sat 13-Oct-12 18:54:00

I'm reading this thread with a mixture of nerves and hope. I'm a complete newbie to posting but for the record I have one ds (one of twins his brother died at 11 weeks). Dh and I applied for adoption in Oct 2008, prep course July 2011, approved feb 2012, and to cut a long story short now in the middle of introductions. I am such a huge mixture of emotions! Little one is 9 months and has v strong attachment to foster carers, so I'm worried he will take ages to attach to us. Worried I am ignoring ds by spending so much time trying to bond with lo. Felt so confident previously and now all over the place. Have several friends who've adopted but all in different circumstances to us, and worried every time lo cries, feel guilty for taking him away from foster carers, Aaaargh, just hoping it gets slightly easier! Any advice hugely appreciated.

Moomoomie Sat 13-Oct-12 19:37:02

Sade..... Welcome to the adoption threads. The fact that the baby you are hoping to adopt has strong attachment to the foster carer is a good thing, it means the baby will be able to transfer that attachment to you. It is a worse situation to not have a good attachment in the first place.
It may be worth reading some books on attachment ready for the intros.

Devora Sat 13-Oct-12 20:43:13

Hi Sadie, lovely to meet you. Introductions is a very, very difficult time, and you have my sympathy. My little girl was 10 months when we met her, and my older dd was 4 (and started school just four weeks later - NOT ideal). From what you have written, I strongly doubt your ds2 will take ages to attach to you. He is strongly attached to his fc, and when that is removed he will be bereft. Yes, that is awful, and the guilt is excruciating, but he will NEED to replace that attachment figure as soon as possible - and you will be there. It is far more risky to take a child who has learned to not trust or rely on any of their caregivers.

My dd was very, very strongly attached to her fc - they adored each other - and I can only guess at how distressed she was to lose her (early photos show a very sad little face sad). But she clung to me like a little monkey; I wore her in a sling or carried her around for months, and she transferred her attachment quickly and easily.

Having an older sibling is a very mixed blessing, I think. On the one hand, there is no way you can give both children all the attention they need in those early months. You need to give as much as you can to the new arrival, but you can't just abandon your firstborn. No easy answer to that. On the other hand, IME at 10 months old children just adore older children. My dd2 was just fascinated by dd1 from the start, and I think that really helped us bond as a family.

The early months aren't easy, but they are also very special. My advice? Keep calm, get lots of sleep, buy a sling so you can keep ds2 close to you while you talk and interact with ds1. And come on here a lot to talk to the rest of us smile

sadie1 Sat 13-Oct-12 21:16:53

Thank you lots moomoomie and devora. It is great to talk to other who've been in a similar situation. Devora, yes lo is fascinated by ds1 and just paws him at every opportunity. Ds1 has only just started school and has found transition from nursery not easy despite going 5 afternoons a week, so timing not great either but you don't choose these things do you. Lo due to be here for good on Wed so v nervous but excited too - think I've spent sooo long imagining what it would be like, that am worried when reality not quite the same ( my problem not the childrens!!) Thanks again!

Moomoomie Sun 14-Oct-12 11:27:05

As always Devora is more eloquent than me, I wish I could get across in words what I am trying to say.
Sade.. I did not realise you were at I tro stage.... How exciting. I second the sling idea. I carried the little ones on me for a long time. I then went on to a hip seat, I actually used a strip of material to " tie " her on to it. Indespensible when you have an older child to look after.
Best of luck to you.

sadie1 Fri 19-Oct-12 13:15:13

Nearly a week since I posted and lo has now moved in. All seemed to be going well, and in ds1, although v resentful mid week now seems happier. However I am feeling hugely tearful today, full of anxieites, protective of ds1 and feeling resentful towards lo for diverting my attention away. i have phoned my social worker who says this is normal and these feelings will pass, and its just letting out all the pent-up stuff from however many years of waiting and planning but really hoping I will learn to love lo as really not feeling there at the moment - reassurance needed! Many thanks

Kewcumber Fri 19-Oct-12 13:26:04

how old is DS1 sadie? I only have one but what you describe sounds fairly normal to me - sure I'd feel the same way and I've heard people who gave birth to a second describe something very similar - I think its part of the process of moving from 1 child in the home to 2 (apologies - I know you had two and I don't want to ignore that but presumably you've been a one child household for a while now)

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