Newbies

(1000 Posts)

Hi I am a newbie and only just started this journey, officially made the call last week.

Just interested how may other newbies are out there who are still in the early stages. I keep coming across people and recognising names. Anyone want to let on what stage they are at?

VerityPushpram Wed 09-Jan-13 20:00:56

I bought three types for mine! She didn't eat any! Good luck Mum2G

Hi Mum2G good luck. Hope it goes well with the social worker. Ours was lovely and it was all very relaxed.

MrsBW how is it going?

Mrsballack any news?

Verity, Loco, CheshireDing, * funnychic*, calmlychaotic, and Tigglette, and anyone else who is lurking - how goes it?

VerityPushpram Wed 09-Jan-13 20:17:08

Just starting the PAR now - tense but exciting stuff! How's it with you?

Doing prep group at moment, very exciting, feeling part of it all. Long way to go, in our area prep group is quite early on, before medical, home study etc etc.
Thanks for asking Verity.

Mum2G Thu 10-Jan-13 10:56:32

Thanks all, hope your meeting goes well Mrsballack

Mum2G Thu 10-Jan-13 15:43:22

Yey! We are to be invited to appply, disapointing news however is there are no places available on training courses for local families til sept (as they are trying to place local children priority is given to families who are not so nearby. They have suggested we think about applying to Bristol.

VerityPushpram Fri 11-Jan-13 08:15:01

That wait is far too long, don't sign anything yet as it will tie you in to them. The government is setting up a hotline today for anyone interested in adoption, the number is 0300 222 0022. Good luck!

mrsballack Tue 15-Jan-13 17:42:33

Hiya. Hope everyone is well.

Well the social workers came yesterday. They were here for about an hour and a half and they seemed very unimpressed. They pulled a face several times when hubby was talking about his childhood and his daughter who he has not been allowed access to. (she is now an adult and he's had no contact for years). They pointed out loads I things wrong with our house (like our bathroom being too small) which was confusing as the couple who lived here before us adopted their daughter whilst living in this very house.
So overall I just have a sense of dread and am fairly certain we will be told no. We will see I suppose.

LocoParentis Tue 15-Jan-13 18:36:59

they're probably just testing your commitment. it's not an experience I had but lots of others have said the initial few visits with the social workers were negative and they were looking for faults.
don't lose heart I'm sure you have a lot to offer

Try and stay positive. See what happens. All the best.

Mum2G Wed 16-Jan-13 17:20:55

When do you hear Mrs Ballack? Fingers crossed it is better news that you think

We are currently shopping round agencies, I read the 'adoption diary' book, It was very enlightening about the whole process and emotional.

MrsBW Wed 16-Jan-13 20:33:17

Hi mrsballack

Sorry your first visit wasn't a good one.

I'm racking my brains to understand why the size of a bathroom would be a factor.

We have no news to report but will check back on this thread every so often!

Mum2G any news on an earlier date?

Mum2G Thu 17-Jan-13 09:32:31

I know what has the size of your bathroom got to do with anything!

No news yet, we are currently talking to different agenices but are unlikely to be prioritised as we don't have room for siblings as we only have 1 spare bedroom and it's too small for 2 to share. We are both white British so unlikely to be considered for black or mixed race children and I don't drive so it would be harder to meet the needs of a child with limited mobility. We have 'made an offer' (their words not ours) to another local authority that is being considered. We are hoping to meet with another next week if my husband can get the time off work.

I phoned the adoption line (Thanks Veritypushpram) and they did give some helpful info, when I asked if it is true that voluntray agencies assess you quicker but then it can take longer to be matched with a child, because they tend to place children who have been waiting longer, I don't think she knew what to say! She did say though that phoning and speaking to them can give you more of an idea of these things. It does seem all very well setting up the adoption line but what is also needed is more resources to enable local authorities to process more applications (stating the obvious but letting off steam!)

mrsballack Thu 17-Jan-13 09:57:46

Hiya. Not sure when we are going to hear back, it was all a bit of a blur. Apparently the bathroom is too small for a baby bath and all the toys and things that children have?!? I was raised in a house built in exactly the same style as our current house so I asked my mum about it and she was a bit lost for words. She said that you manage, and that a baby bath woul go in the bath surely. It did feel like they were being overly picky. I'm hoping that it was just their attempt to test us a bit.

mrsballack sorry it was not good. Pulling faces sounds very unprofessional! Or was it that they were trying to look sympathetic???

I would try and stay positive and not let this get you down.

I am sure the whole area of previous children etc is an area they will go into for anyone so I expect it will come up and be discussed etc. Maybe someone else who has had those kinds of experiences and also adopted (or knows about adoption) could help you to talk it through etc.

This is so weird about the bath! I am guessing they have recommendations on how much space kids need.

We have a birth child and never used a baby bath. We had a foam inset that went into the regular bath and that is what we used when she lied down, then there are bath seats you can use.

This thing looks pretty cool! We had a simple foam thing, so I have not tried this one at all.

www.squidoo.com/top-ten-baby-bath-pads-and-cushions

I could not get the sound to work so no idea what they are saying but it looks pretty good.

Anyway, if the question of the bathroom comes up again I would focus on how you can solve 'the problem' as they see it. using the space creatively like having bath toys hanging safely in bathroom net on the wall, using the inset safe thing that goes in the bath.

I think I would be tempted to tell the social workers that the previous owners adopted with that bathroom. However, the fact that the previous owners adopted in that house may be a bit irrelevant (for the social workers) as things may have changed in terms of what is expected etc. I am only saying this because talking about what people did in the house a long time ago may not help you, and might even make it look argumentative.

PS I should also say that maybe the area of what a birth child does or has is not always the answer anyway, I know I gave the example of what we did, and maybe sometime social workers are looking at the list of things they need/require and don't always want to know how other people have done it/would do it! But I do think showing you have thought about what they said and come up with 'creative' ideas makes you look thoughtful/inventive/in the process etc. Just my humble opinion!

Newbies how are you all doing?

Funny, LSP, Loco, Calmly, CheshireDing, Verity, MrsBW, Mum2G, Karbea, mrsballack, Tigglette and all. Thinking of you. Any one got any news? We have finished prep group and are waiting to see if we get to go on to home study.

VerityPushpram Mon 28-Jan-13 08:35:24

Fingers crossed then! We're about 4 meetings into our home study, in less than a month, so 'vroom'! Looking at the financials form with a puzzled expression, money is a mystery to me but I know I get some so hopefully will all work out.

Mum2G Mon 28-Jan-13 09:32:21

Hey All, How was the Prep group Italian?

Hope your home study is going well, Verity - from the reading i have done there is not a lot that they don't ask you!

We are still talking to agencies, 'making offers' (as they call it), having initial visits and filling in forms. It is looking like we may go on a prep group in April/March depending on what authority we go with. One authority is particularly keen and visiting in the next fortnight - they are talking about prep course in march with the aim of being approved by the end of the summer, so it is a case of wait and see!

Doing some reading here and there, and trying not to scare myself too much in the process!

Hope everyone else is well x

Verity I know nada about money but yes I make it and I spend it!!!

Mum2G Thanks for asking. It was fab, it was great. Lovely people, really lovely bunch, I reckon I could stay friends with any of them! I mean they were all great people, whether we will all stay friends, no idea, but I do hope some of us will. Most did not have kids yet and it would be a privilage to watch them become parents.The Social workers were lovely. So great, met two fab parents who have adopted and the attach team lady was a real star too. So all in all I was very impressed.

mrsballack Tue 29-Jan-13 17:58:40

Donkey

Group: Senior Member
Posts: 1,752
Member No.: 17
Joined: 4-April 10

Hiya. Had a phone call today and they haven't said no yet! We've not been assigned a sw yet as they are short staffed apparently but they are looking at running a prep course in April and will send us a letter to confirm dates.

So good news in general. April isn't too far away but gives us time to sort the decorating that needs to be done.

mrsballack Tue 29-Jan-13 17:59:31

Not sure what the hell that donkey stuff at the top is. Sorry

Mrsballack Great news. April will be here before you know it.

I am now nervous as I have weight to lose and my medical is looming! Luckily I am in such a good place that I know I can do it and feel more confident about talking about the fact that I am overweight but working on it!

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