Newbies

(905 Posts)

Hi I am a newbie and only just started this journey, officially made the call last week.

Just interested how may other newbies are out there who are still in the early stages. I keep coming across people and recognising names. Anyone want to let on what stage they are at?

CloserThanYesterday Thu 06-Feb-14 22:14:33

We had our first SW visit today which went well - lots of homework to do! All stage one checks are in the pipeline and medicals next week. I so badly want to get past this stage ... in a constant state of worry that DH's transplant or weight is going to bring us up short. I'm finding that I'll be driving along with my mind whizzing, and suddenly realise I'm holding my breath! I need to calm myself or I'll be a nervous wreck by the time the hard stuff starts!!!!

namechangesforthehardstuff Thu 06-Feb-14 22:21:50

Meita what is this 'paper' of which you speak? grin I think it's great that you e-mailed, I have the attention span of a gnat, if it doesn't work first time I'm straight back to MN...

Choccyjules Thu 06-Feb-14 22:22:04

Sending calming thoughts to Closer please breathe!

Re: AUK groups, Meita is right that you get the list of local contacts if you join. I can't remember whether we joined online or by snailmail. We just have the basic membership, ie no access to profiles, but the magazine is good and there's a helpline and courses and of course these local groups I mentioned last night.

namechangesforthehardstuff Thu 06-Feb-14 22:26:54

And what form do meetings/get togethers take?

And yes please do breathe closer always going to be number one on SW checks that - 'is applicant breathing? ' smile

Choccyjules Fri 07-Feb-14 12:40:47

Hi namechanges well have only been to the one for our County, but they meet every 2 months or so in the evening and there is a topic for each one, with guest speakers. Drinks, biscuits, open and relaxed chat before, during and after the speaker's talk! There are also daytime meetings but they appear to be run by the actual LA and are for adopters. The AUK ones are for anyone wherever they are in the process. It sounds like they have an annual BBQ for whole families in the summer, too. And judging by the people there this week, not all of them were members of AUK (so don't ask me how they knew about it!).

CloserThanYesterday Fri 07-Feb-14 14:26:42

Thanks choccy and name ... Practising deep breathing as we speak, and expecting a state of zen like calm to envelope me any minute now grin

Hope everyone is having a lovely Friday!

prumarth Fri 07-Feb-14 18:30:28

Try and find time to relax Closer, although I know it's easier said than done. We also have things that we obsessed over as being the things that might derail us - and new ones crept in through the process! But try not to worry until you are told to worry! We just got our PAR report and the things we worried over are actually mentioned in a positive light. Of course I'm already digging up new things to fret over!

Social workers coming tomorrow. Will report back when we are the other side. If they say yes, this is going to be the biggest day of our lives. Only cried once today with potential excitement/nerves. I'm doing well grin

Meita Sun 09-Feb-14 22:48:20

Fingers firmly crossed, Inthebeginning! Hope you'll soon have reason to change your NN smile

Marraskuu Tue 11-Feb-14 22:00:41

Hello,
I'm new to MN. I'm a single adopter (prospective), passed my panel in January so now in the nail-biting wait stage!
I love how supportive these boards are, and not nearly as intimidating as other places. Lilka and Feverfew have made me laugh out loud already :-)

Welcome Marraskuu.

Meita Wed 12-Feb-14 09:02:18

Hello Marraskuu, this is a good place to hang out while waiting! Somehow there seems a lot of waiting to be involved in the adoption game.

Choccyjules Wed 12-Feb-14 18:05:06

Hi Marraskuu and welcome aboard!

Four hours today. Yep, the SW stayed for four hours (2 hours were planned) doing yet more background work for the PAR! I know I can't moan but blimey, that was my whole day gone, more or less.

Marraskuu Wed 12-Feb-14 18:58:51

Thanks everyone!
Wow Choccyjules four hours!! That has reminded me that at an upside to the waiting stage is at least at the moment I've got my "spare" time back with no prolonged SW interviews or training courses lined up. Of course I should probably be reading improving books, but I'm sure reading these boards counts, right?!

Choccy you must be very interesting to fill up 4 hours!

Hi everyone. How are things going? Is it ok if I have a moan (if not please ignore this post! ) Since sister in law has known we were planning to adopt she's been lovely....until discovered little one is a boy. no support or anything. Today her and dh had a chat ( she had been so rude tp us) and she said we've been spiteful for choosing a boy when she has only got girls!hmm dh reminded her we didn't choose him and also that we would have given anything to have a birth child boy or girl. She's such a knob!

namechangeobv Sun 16-Feb-14 23:28:28

angry Have pm-ed you as I can't seem to get put of my namechange...

Inthebeginning please do not allowthis stupid women to rob you of one gram of your joy. When and if you feel able to tell her how hurtful her comment was, please do. She should not be allowed to get away with such utter shit!
A) You did not choose him, you have not picked the same coloured handbag from a store as her, and to imply in some way that you choose him to be unfair to her is utterly ridiculous!
B) Had you had a choice and chosen to adopt a boy rather than a girl this would 100% your business!

And C) Whjat the f*ck had she got to say about this to you. It sounds like she is either very unhappy about something or grappling with her own issues.

Either let it go and ignore it, or tell her or her DH how hurtful such a comment was.

IMHO if she apologies I would accept it graciously because you are in the right. If she does not apologies I would leave it, just wash it out of your hair with your next shampoo. If she dares to repeat such twaddle I would simple say she has no idea at all what she is speaking about and to keep her comments to herself.

This is all my humble opinion and you can ignore me!

allthingswillpass Mon 17-Feb-14 08:03:24

in the beginning I am furious for you. Has this woman any idea what you've been through to get this far.? Grrrr!
All I can say is get used to it because people do say the most incredibly daft things and brace yourself for being shocked by who ends up being your support network.
My SIL lives about 20 paces from us and in 7 months she has been round 3 times and doesn't even ask how LO is. When I think of what I still do and have always done for her 3, now teenagers, it hurts me and breaks my heart in equal measure.
My in laws on the other hand are amazing.

CloserThanYesterday Mon 17-Feb-14 11:08:36

Reading your post has made my blood boil inthebeginning ... what a thoughtless, selfish and hurtful thing for your SIL to say. I hope she realises this and apologises unreservedly to you!

Just another confirmation of what I'm coming to realise. So many (not all!) people just don't understand, or make any effort to understand what adoption is, or what adoptive parents go through to become parents.

CloserThanYesterday Mon 17-Feb-14 11:10:55

Grrrrrrrr. Silly cow. I'm done now smile

CheeryGiraffe Wed 19-Feb-14 14:26:26

InTheBeginning Your SiL sounds delightful. I hope everything is going well with your LO.

We're just plodding towards panel at the end of next month. Our SW showed us a profile last week which we were not expecting - I hadn't thought that would happen until after we'd been approved. The profile wasn't right for us, but it was so much harder than either of us had expected. Having to be so cold about it really took it out of us... It also brought it home that this is really going to happen. I don't know what I was thinking was happening before, but it definitely feels very real now! I can't decide if I am more excited than terrified or vice versa.... That's normal though, right?!

allthingswillpass Wed 19-Feb-14 16:01:57

Cheery it's normal!
Swings one way, then the other.
A fellow adopter advised that we harden our hearts, you have to be honest about what you can manage, it's for life, not the weekend.
Good luck x

Cheery I agree with allthingswillpass you really must make a choice that is right for your situation, things you can handle etc. You will be with this child for life, they will be part of your family so it is serious decision. Once you feel confident about a child you may feel more open to things you had felt you could not handle! So things may change, I don't think you have to go on with a list of must have/mustn't have etc, rather an idea of what you can handle which may develop as you go on. I do feel a gut feeling is helpful (IMHO) and if you feel 'no' you must listen to that voice even if it is hard. For the sake of the you and the child. Good luck.

CheeryGiraffe Wed 19-Feb-14 19:56:08

Thanks allthingswillpass and Italiangreyhound, it's such a relief to know how we feel is normal. I think my problem is having the guts to go with my gut and to then articulate why I feel that way. I don't think we explained to the SW why we didn't feel that the profile was a match very well, but we are meeting again this week so we can have a talk through it all then. Thanks again, the MN adoption board really is the best. thanks

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