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Newbies

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Hi I am a newbie and only just started this journey, officially made the call last week.

Just interested how may other newbies are out there who are still in the early stages. I keep coming across people and recognising names. Anyone want to let on what stage they are at?

craftycreator Fri 17-Jan-14 21:49:26

Hello

Just popping in to say hello. We have just registered our interest with 2 LAs and 1 VA and am waiting to hear back from them :-)

Very exciting to be starting the process but I think we will have a few initial hurdles to overcome, and then if we make it over them probably a heck of a lot more, but ready for the ups and downs and trials and tribulations of the process.

A little bit about 'us'. I am 30 and hubby is 36, we had tried for about 8 years to concieve naturally with failed assistance, I suffer from PCOS. We decided no more 3 years ago and now feel ready for the next step is trying to become a family through adoption.

We are at the very early stages but looking forward to getting to know you all.

CC

Meita Fri 17-Jan-14 22:12:21

gosh, lots of new newbies! smile Welcome zelazo, honeybee and crafty!

zelazo I totally get where you are coming from… it's heartbreaking, seeing these programmes. But probably you are being a bit bonkers, yes ;) Try to bear in mind that those lovely little boys might well not be so lovely and well behaved once they were uprooted from the carers they love and have been with for a large part of their lives, and sent instead to the home of total strangers… It is important to not bite off more than you can chew, it would be a disservice to those boys (and others in their situation) to be moved to an adoptive placement, only for that placement then to break down. In order to do it right, you have to stay realistic, even though it feels so hard to 'reject' some children like that.
But hey, at the end of the day only you can judge what you would or would not be capable of. So, give it a good thought!
(One thing that was mentioned to us is that siblings might have a 'trauma bond' and that might make things very complicated, particularly regarding your DS. Just saying.)

honeybee, our prep group was relatively small, only eight prospective adopters (4 couples) including us. And they didn't make us stand up and talk in front of the (not-so-full-of-people) room. In fact, to start with we only talked to one other couple, so it was not threatening at all. But I know, I was very excited too! And so curious as to the people we would meet there. Would there be any others with BC? (we have a son who is three) Would they be from nearby, and nice and possible become new friends? Would there be single adopters, a same sex couple? But most of all, what would we learn? Anyway, good luck to you!

crafty, can I just ask, when you say 'registered your interest' what do you mean… did you send them e-mails/do their contact forms? Just wondering. We communicated with quite a few LAs before deciding which to go with. But I thought you're not supposed to do the 'registration of interest' form with more than one? (probably just a question of terminology here, not to worry!)

hmm choccy/inthebeginning, methinks perhaps I'm going to need that list too...

craftycreator Fri 17-Jan-14 22:18:23

Hello There & thank you for the welcome

In answer to your question, its terminology. I have contacted them to tell them I am interested and have been sent some documents and waiting for a call back to discuss further. I have not agreed to officially try and adopt with any of them as yet. Does that make more sense? Once we have all the initial contact information/conversations we shall see who we wish to progress with and move from "can you provide us with more information on adoption" to "we want to adopt with you".

I am now probably trying to over explain and making a twit of myself lol.

CC

Zelazo Sat 18-Jan-14 08:08:25

Meita I know you're right... One of the hardest things I've found about this whole process is trying to be realistic about what I can and can't cope with (and not feeling guilty because of the latter). And trying to estimate what my BC might be able to cope with is a whole different topic! Please forgive me....I have put my bonkers head away now grin

Honeybee I found the prep course to be really interesting and challenging. It took a little while for the people in my group (around 20 of us) to relax and start talking to each other, but I think that is normal...we were all very nervous! We didn't have to stand up and talk in front of everyone, but towards the end we were sharing our thoughts while sitting down wink

Crafty I went to two different LA introduction evenings and I found that it was talking to the social workers there that helped me decide which I should apply through. The two LA's seemed to have quite different approaches (which surprised me as they're so close) especially regarding my likelihood of being approved (I'm an older single mother with a young BC).

hi everyone, Hello to all new newbies too!

Looking back on our prep course, I really enjoyed it. We were only a group of about 6 couples and some of us have kept intouch. We only spoke to one other couple about what had made us make the decision. dh and I got involved in a lot (including the role play) because we thought it was important to get the most out of it but I know it's not for everyone. We also asked lots of questions as we thought we'd never really have access to all those people again.

meita msg me if you would like 'the list' grin more than happy to send it to you.

we're pretty much done now house wise. couple of bits to do to the room and paint the living room and that's it! 11 days till panel and 24 til social worker visit. finding it hard to control myself! !!!!

Choccyjules Sat 18-Jan-14 10:52:09

Welcome to all the newbies! :-) You'll find the experienced adopters on here are lovely (though they don't like to admit their fluffiness ;-)) and give excellent, well worded advice.

Zelazo DH and I stayed up for hours after that programme discussing sibling groups or singletons, ages of children etc. We have a BC aged 5 so are currently swinging wildly between baby/3 yr old as there are pro's and cons to each joining our family unit. We are also undecided on 1 or 2 and are talking throught that together and with friends who have 2 and 3 children (though I know that if 2 are adopted it's not quite the same). I know you're a single Mum so you have to take that into account too...I think I'm waffling and just saying we were stirred into thought by it too!

Closerthanyesterday Mon 20-Jan-14 17:31:17

Hi everyone. I've been lurking a long time on here and found so much inspiration in all your adoption journeys, so I'd like to join in if that's ok!

Me and DH have been soul searching for months having been told we couldn't conceive naturally and have decided, for many and varied reasons, that adoption is for us rather than IVF.

We've had an initial interview and been invited to apply, so we've just sent off our registration of interest form. Let the madness begin grin

Closerthanyesterday Mon 20-Jan-14 17:37:06

Zelazo I had the same thoughts having watched that programme, so far we've said we wanted a little one under 2 but it really made me think. However, super-sensible DH said be wary of TV programmes, they can edit however they like to pull heart strings, day to day life is probably very different.

Hi and Welcome Closerthanyestemday, Zelazo,*honeybee8 and crafty.

I loved our prep group it was really good.

CloserThanYesterday Tue 21-Jan-14 07:53:48

We have one prep group end of Feb, then 3 in stage 2 if we get that far! Looking forward to it.

Anyone have to wait ages after they sent their registration of interest form back? I emailed the SW who did our initial visit to let her know it was on its way, and she emailed back to say she would provisionally book us on to the Feb prep course and we'd get more info once the forms had been received. Getting on for two weeks since I sent it now, and nothing yet!

Do I need to pipe down and stop obsessing??!!

m0llyr0se Tue 21-Jan-14 09:43:44

Hiya - I am a newbie to these boards although not to the process... our little boy has been home 9ish weeks and we are still learning day-by-day!

We went through the process before the new timescales came through and it did take quite a long time to get started properly... info evening with one LA, SW visit and report then took 6 months and then it turned out they were not keen on us as DH works for the LA and there was a conflict of interests... on to the next LA and the beginning was slow after the initial SW visit as most LAs only run a few prep courses each year. Our prep course was in May 2012 and then we were allocated a SW and our home study ran from July 2012 to Feb 2013... finding the right match took until Sept. 2013 and LO moved in in November.

What we found was that the SWs are so busy it can take them some time to get back to you until you are officially allocated to a particular one (which is unlikely to be the same one as the initial home visit)... they are juggling new prospectives, existing prospectives and home studies, matching for their approved adopters and often also have a case-load of children with visits / contact / court dates and family finding... plus I imagine after last Weds. programme they have more people coming forward for information - which is great but may clog up the system a bit...

My advice to anyone at the start of the process would be to book yourself a nice holiday if you can - or treat yourself however you can ;) You may not get the chance again and if the new timescales are to be believed then it could move pretty fast once you are booked onto a prep course! ... and before you know it, life will have changed forever!

Meita Tue 21-Jan-14 10:33:12

closerthan, after sending our registration of interest, we didn't hear anything. Called after about 2 weeks, were told they had just been about to call us… they booked us on a prep course. They sent us the forms for DBS and the medicals, which we duly did. Then didn't hear anything more.

We did the prep course, and we have been in touch with the adoption team (always us calling them, never them us; and at times it has been hard to get hold of anyone) but that's it. Now finally we have been told that we should hear by the end of the week, should be allocated a social worker. It is now a good 9 weeks since we sent those forms … so stage 1 is already overrunning, and we are yet to be allocated a SW.

Apparently they have been OFSTED-ed, and people have been leaving the team, they have been having unfilled vacancies, and generally just been busy, as mollyrose describes. I just hope that we will truly be allocated a SW now, and that then things will move along more smoothly in stage 2.

If I were you I'd make sure you keep in touch - just a call every week or two if you don't hear anything from them. Meanwhile get your medicals done, and your DBS forms, because these might take a while to come back, and hold things up. So if need be, call your adoption duty number to get them to send out these things.

CloserThanYesterday Tue 21-Jan-14 11:09:18

Thanks molly and meita

I thought I was just being over eager, but having heard your experiences I'll give them a little call if no post has arrived tonight.

CloserThanYesterday Tue 21-Jan-14 20:11:58

Lucky I asked for your advice!

I sent an email just to check all was well, and had a reply straight back to say the ROI form hasn't arrived there. We sent it the week before last so it must have got lost in the post. Gutted - took us AGES to fill it all in nice and neatly and now we'll have to do it all again!

What a brilliant start confused

Hi all, hi new-newbies!

closer that must be very annoying for you both. I'm a bit obsessive about things like this so I sent it recorded delivery grin I also photocopy everything

If it's any help, when we were through to stage two we emailed everything instead. Some of it went awol but I could just resend it in seconds.

We are on the final countdown. a week tomorrow for panel! !!!

tea4two4three Tue 21-Jan-14 20:37:05

Hey closerthan, rule number one: make sure you take copies of everything, this includes your references when they do their bit, and your medical forms, everything. I haven't met an adopter yet that hasn't had something go missing, is suppose there's just so much of it! One of the social workers asked me the other day if my DH was always so pedantic? We've come to the conclusion that SW live in a totally different working world to any other we've known, but when you've already completed the same info on various forms 3 times, to be told they've not turned up and you're asked to redo them up really winds you up. Have one of these wine :-)

CloserThanYesterday Tue 21-Jan-14 21:09:12

How exciting, inthebeginning, I bet the week can't go quickly enough! Seems a long way off for us at the moment, but we have some friends who have adopted who said the best advice they could give us was not to wish away our time on our own. Trying very hard to do that, but it's been us two for 6 years now. Much as I love him, and in the nicest possible way - that's plenty!!

Thanks for the advice on copying stuff/sending recorded delivery. I've learnt a valuable early lesson! Thanks for the wine tea ... just pouring myself another ... grin

rosetintedglasses Tue 21-Jan-14 21:16:11

I sent my ROI form off today and am now wishing I had waited and read Inthebeginning's advice and sent it recorded delivery! The LA have set me up with an encrypted email account to exchange info so I might just email a copy through too as a double check.

I'm half excited at having finally - after years of thinking about it - taken the plunge and sent the form off...... And half absolutely bloody terrified.

CloserThanYesterday Tue 21-Jan-14 21:33:24

Hi rosetinted, I'm with you there. We've been soul searching for months and now we're going for it ... it's the wierdest feeling.

rosetintedglasses Tue 21-Jan-14 22:53:29

Hi Closer, great that there is someone else at the same stage as I am out there. It will be good to have some company over the next six months!

Did anyone go to the Adoption Register adoption exchange day in London today?

I went and found it very interesting. Well organised, quite calm although quite busy, a lot of authorities from all over the country.

Just wondered if anyone else went?

Meita Fri 24-Jan-14 13:34:35

Italian, still a few of months until approval (hopefully) for us, so no we didn't go - but good to hear it was good, I fear I will struggle to just 'wait' when the time comes, can definitely see myself going to such events!
Did you see a child you think might be yours?

So after over 2 months of hearing nothing at all from our LA, a new SW was appointed, started work yesterday… called us yesterday… came to our house today… so our assessment (stage 2) has apparently started! Feeling good about it.

CheeryGiraffe Fri 24-Jan-14 18:04:14

Hi all,

I just thought I'd come and say hello. smile

DH and I are due to go to our approval panel at the end of March. We're undecided on one or two (or three!), and we have no preference on gender. Our social worker has just mentioned concurrent planning today and so we're going to be doing some research about it this week. Does anyone have any experience of that?

Anyway, hello everyone! grin

CloserThanYesterday Fri 24-Jan-14 19:25:31

Silly question afoot ... but is the adoption exchange day a bit like the activity days I've heard so much about recently?! Would be interested to hear more, although we're just starting out, so a bit early for us!

cheery, I haven't got any advice on concurrent planning but I'd also like to hear of anyone's experience of it. We'd really like an under 2 and this looks to be one of the ways to do it.

CloserThanYesterday Fri 24-Jan-14 20:32:50

Sorry cheery, should have said hello first! smile

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