Newbies

(1000 Posts)

Hi I am a newbie and only just started this journey, officially made the call last week.

Just interested how may other newbies are out there who are still in the early stages. I keep coming across people and recognising names. Anyone want to let on what stage they are at?

Loco and Tiglette I am watching The Biggest Loser, it is an old series from USA and then later this week from Australia. It is on every weekday after noon at 14.00 until 15.00 and sometimes also from 15.00 to 16.00. It is on Pick TV, which is number 11, and I try and record it daily to watch for inspiration each night!

Good luck. Wow, it's all happening on here!

calmlychaotic Tue 18-Sep-12 03:12:43

Hi everyone,
for those of you worrying about more than one child to look after, I'm a childminder and I always find more than one easier if not too much of an age has as they usually amuse each other. Once you get used to the logistics of leaving the house and increase in noise that is!
Be my parent is heartbreaking isn't it,I find it really strange too that if everything goes according to plan and I get matched with a child about 2 my new dd/ds is born already and out there somewhere. I find myself worrying about them. Surreal.
My top weight loss tip is have everything you want but in smaller quantities and nicer versions, I mean if you feel like chocolate buy yourself a little box of beautiful Belgian truffles instead of a big bar of something,and really savour them. Also carry a water bottle everywhere and everytime you feel like a snack drInk some, and eat loads of fruit, it really does satisfy sweet cravings. I just lost 2 stone doing this, good luck.

Tigglette Tue 18-Sep-12 08:52:33

I keep thinking the same calmly, we hope to adopt two older children so there's that thought that they're already born and the hope that they don't get too screwed up while we're waiting to adopt them. Thanks for all the weight loss encouragement, I'm guessing if this is the hardest part of the process we'll have done well but oh am I regretting not moving more and eating less before now!

calmlychaotic Tue 18-Sep-12 13:33:54

Its a weird feeling worrying about children who are almost hypothetical!I found the hardest thing with weight loss is how long it takes, I'm not very patient

Calmly wow, excellent tips. All best wishes with that.

calmly and tigglette where are you in the system at the moment.

Tigglette Thu 20-Sep-12 20:04:37

I'm very early on, attended an information evening in July and have submitted paperwork for initial checks as I need to have a medical early in the offices because I'm overweight. I should be invited to prep group once that's done and we'll go from there. Psychologically I'm at the "oh my goodness what have I let myself in for, do I really want all of the lifestyle changes etc". I know I do but I get a bit daunted thinking about it. We've told very limited number of close family members, all of whom have been delighted for us and would usually support us with stuff.

Tiglette just sent you a message - feel free to ignore it.

ALL best wishes with next step.

mrsballack Sat 22-Sep-12 20:19:33

Hi guys,

Glad to see theres been lots happening while ive been away. I am currently in Rhodes, waiting for the bus to the airport and I am losing the will to live.

No sign of the form before we left, I think I'm going to have to go and collect it on friday before work. At least they cant say its been lost in the post again. I am trying to give them a chance as Ive heard some good things about my LA but if they carry on being rubbish and rude I will look elsewhere.

Hubby and are are also in the fatty club, so we are with a lot of you too. We had lost weight before our holiday but you know what happens on holidays.

My main concern is my lack of experience with children. All I have is a few months of helping with the Beavers, but I suppose that's something.

mrsballack glad you had a great holiday, very jelous, me, envy.

Yes, quite a few people have said that they need to lose a bit. But what we are losing it for is worth it! PLUS we get to live a longer and healthier life. I watch The Biggest Loser Australia every day to try and get me MOTIVATED! (Well I record it and watch it when DH is not around in the evening, he HATES it!).

mrsballack I heard a great thing on here of a person who got experience with kids by helping at school. I am pretty sure she went in dad a gardening club once a week in her lunchbreak (or something like that). I think it was a school near where she worked so she just fitted it into a work lunch break! The good thing is that things with kids can be quite short! So swimming lessons etc are usually half an hour and ballet or Rainbows is an hour. So helping with stuff is not a huge commitment. Also if you did a club or school activity in the lunch break or afer school I expect some schools would bite your hand off, they love having responsible adults going in. There is a woman who comes into my kid's school and does junk modelling with the kids once a week, they love it. There's loads of info on the Internet about craft etc. I always thing craft is a fun thing for some kids as they get to make something and take it home!! Just an idea.

oopse - she went in and DID a gardening club once a week.

LocoParentis Sun 23-Sep-12 16:19:48

Hi everyone, I'm taking a break from making my house presentable for the initial sw visit tomorrow. The sw said she's bringing the manager with her and they'll tell us there and then whether they want us on the prep course starting friday.
I don't think I've ever been more nervous.

LocoParentis wow, very exciting and nerve wracking! All best wishes for the visit. Hope it goes well. Try not to worry.

calmlychaotic Sun 23-Sep-12 23:25:00

Hi everyone,
locoparentis good luck for tomorrow, please let us know how you get on.
I am not very far at all, made initial call, have had a very promising chat with social worker over phone, got information evening in about 3 weeks. Can't do anything now until been to that. My last miscarriage was only in July so I am a bit worried they are going to say its too soon and to come back in 6 months. Will see. This waiting is frustrating just want to get on with it!

LocoParentis Mon 24-Sep-12 17:42:07

Thanks Italian and calmly,
So that went really well, they didn't try to put us off or be negative about it.
They ate my biscuits! I knew the biscuit decision was important. grin
I feel so glad that the first contact is out of the way. At least I know now we're not a definate no, that we have a chance iyswim.
Im thinking of it like this:
Initial interview - first audition
Prep course - boot camp
medical, references etc - judges houses
home study - live shows
panel - the final
matching - getting your christmas number one
being a parent - having a successful career.

sorry i'm rambling. I think the adrenaline (spelling!?!) has hit me, now its over with and went well.

Calmly - even if they say its too soon they may do the checks and everything for you to at least get the ball rolling. Then you won't feel like you're in suspended animation in the mean time.

calmly I am so very sorry to hear about your misscarriage, and I am guessing there were a few, so sorry. I hope you have had some counselling, I think the adoption people like you to have some of that, but I am sure some more experienced adopters can advise.

If your miscarriage was in July, well they do usually say 6 months before starting the process. You are going to the open evening next month so could you ask them about it at that? So after open evening soon you would be looking at start or New Year, or maybe end of year, would you? All the very best.

Loco fab news, that really is great. I am very pleased for you.

calmlychaotic Tue 25-Sep-12 00:05:52

Thanks for kind thoughts, I just had 2 but that's enough, one was quite late. I have friends who have spent 10 years plus trying to conceive and had so many mc and its just not for me, there are enough kids out there that need a home is my logic.

Loco, that's great, now what kind of biscuit did you go for, very important! I love the x factorcomparison, guess I'm currently queueing outside a venue!

Suppose yes that's true if they do checks at least its doing something. I asked for and was referred for counselling, I didn't feel I needed it I did think t would help with my applying to adopt, anyway at initial telephone assessment I scored far to high, am apparently normal and fine and in no need of counselling. . .they haven't seen me first thing in the morning though! I agreed didn't feel I needed it but did worry a bit that I should have some just to prove I'm ok. Just felt like a bit of a waste of everyone's time.

Italian, I'm not really in a massive rush anyway, my ds is only 2 and they prefer an age gap, saying that I would like to be all done before the end of next year.

Lots of questions for the open evening

anyone given any thought as to if they would late twins, siblings?

calmlychaotic Tue 25-Sep-12 00:06:56

Take, not late!

calmly I have a birth child too (she's 8) so I decided I would only like one child. I know I would love twins, but at my age not sure I would cope!

LocoParentis Tue 25-Sep-12 10:35:09

Calmly the fact you contacted for counselling, and were told you didn't need it may well be enough for the adoption agency.
I did cry on them when they asked the ivf question. I really thought I'd blown it then and they'd make us wait but they seemed happy enough that it was a year ago.
I suppose ivf, miscarriages, infertility in general is going to have affected most of us and if they won't consider adoptive parents who have been through the mill with it all then lots of children would be living in foster care.
We've said we are open to a single child or a sibling group of two. I told them I would love twins. They said it's probably more likely the oldest sibling being around three and the youngest about one or under.
I think they were testing the water to see if we would take three. We were very definate about not taking three.
Biscuits. I didn't buy the milk chocolate hobnobs I had planned. I went to marks and spencer to get flowers on the morning. Didn't know i wouldn't be able to buy hobnobs there, we don't buy biscuits very often you see. So bought ginger snaps and these belgian chocolate florentines. They ignored the ginger snaps but ate the florentines.

calmlychaotic Fri 28-Sep-12 23:25:30

So not great news, been doing lots of ringing round because I was hoping not to have to deal with my own local council. So far 3 agencies and 4 councils have rejected me. All same reason because I have 2.5 year old. My argument that by time through process he will be 3.5 and I could adopt 18 month old is ignored. Been told to go away and come back in a year. What am I meant to do for a year! With my own council only got so far as information evening so far so now I'm convinced when get to proper meeting I'll get rejected by them too.

DameKewcumber Sat 29-Sep-12 00:18:29

calmy - not a newbie but I just wanted to say that the reason they may be telling you to go away is that although some councils say minimum 2 year gap they really do mean minimum. Most councils prefer a gap of 3 yrs or even more. Also saying that allows you to adopt up to 18 months may make the selection pool (of children) too small to be worth them getting you started yet. If you wait another year they would be able to suggest up to 2.5 yrs which makes many more children in your range.

"I would like to be all done before the end of next year. " Do you mean with a c child placed? BEcause I know 15 months from application to placement is possible but I have to say in my experince it isn't usual, particularly if you've looking at a child under 2. In your case (with a young child at home) I would say you need to start thinking about 2 yrs as a more realistic target.

Hi Calmly Sorry to hear this is tough for you. I know how you feel - I have been there done that! It is tough.

In all honesty I can see where the LA are coming from (although I could not when I was in your position!). There really does need to be a big enough gap between adopted and birth kids, for the sake of everyone involved (including you).

The year can be a time of getting yourself ready for adoption both emotionally and practically.

Also you can enjoy the time with your birth child who is still so young. In a few years time he will be off at pre-school and then school. I know it is corny (and people told me when I was sad not to be allowed into the adoption process when DD was aged 2) but enjoy this time with your birth child while he is young and you will be able to give lots of attention to a new child when they arrive.

Calmly earlier on in the thread counselling was mentioned. I personally feel most people can benefit from the chance to talk openly with a trained adult who is not involved in the situation they are in and can provide a listening ear and help to find a helpful pathway through concerns etc.

This is not about counsellors giving all the answers or 'solving' a problem.

The fact that you had a miscarriage a short while ago and have now come to the conclusion you will not try for any more birth children and will now look at adoption is a massive thing! A good counsellor would help you work through the implications etc for you. That has been my experience of counselling anyway!

I do think part of the year away from the process could be a chance to get your head around it all. For me it has taken a long time to come to terms with adoption rather than another birth child. I now feel excited about the process and ready for it all (or am I wildly naive!).

I feel the child we adopt (if we are lucky enough to get through this process - and we are right at the start) will most probably come with their own set of baggage and concerns so it is imperative I have worked through mine before they arrive! The process has been very long for us, and it may be more straight forward for you, but these delays (although VERY annoying) can allow you a breathing space to take stock before you go to the next bit. Please P.M. me if you would like to talk more.

All the very best.

CheshireDing Mon 15-Oct-12 12:22:55

Hello, can I join as a "newbie"? Is this the thread to join or is there another thread?

DH and I have been discussing adoption more recently. Even when we first were thinking of moving in together and talking children etc I said I would always like to adopt but now I hope we are getting to that stage.

I notice on a lot of thread though you seem to be able to register with your own LA and others. I just presumed I would only be able to go to our own (Warrington) and then wait it out, so to speak.

What would be the real advantages of us going to others too though?

Would they all prefer to wait until our DD is older too? - She has just turned 12 months.

Sorry about all my initial questions.,
Thanks

LocoParentis Mon 15-Oct-12 19:05:49

Hello and welcome CheshireDing.

I think it's very likely that most LA's would want your DD to be older. They usually say a minimum of two years between your youngest child and the adopted child. It's worth phoning and asking them though, just for your own peace of mind.

You can choose which LA to go with and i personally would recommend having a look at the ones within striking distance. Like anything different departments will be ran differently. Some may be a lot more organised and process your application much faster. Some may have a lot more children waiting than others, depending on the demographic of the area.

As well as LA's there are adoption agencies, Barnardo's for example. They tend to specialise in 'harder to place' children.

It's worth remembering as well that only the LAs have the children waiting to be adopted. And they are going to try to place their children with their adopters first. So sometimes as 'fast' as an agency may seem to get you through the process you may be waiting a long time to have a child placed through them.

When choosing your LA its worth having a look on their websites as they usually say what adopters they are looking for ie sibling groups, older children etc. I also found looking at their ofsted reports helpful.

Good luck!

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