Three's a crowd?

[ChoccyJules]

Has anyone adopted a sibling group after having one bc?

I know that offering to adopt two siblings is useful to an Agency, I just have questions abt how a bc would react, ie could they feel in the minority somehow?

Any thought on this would be useful to my musings, thank you. I must add that as yet we are classed as 'considering' adopting (we discussed it before marriage as I have always wanted to adopt whether or not I could have BC) not applying, as bc is only 3.5.

[Italiangreyhound]

choccy hi, our birth daughter is 7 and we are considering adoption. I must admit I had sort of fantasised about sibling group if one was still a baby! I kind of thought if they could not yet talk they would not be so 'bonded' to each other. I guess maybe it depends on so many factors. The idea of two coming in who were very close and then my DD being the outsider kind of upset me, just the thought of it. But have no experience of adoption yet, still considering.

I guess this does happen too with step families where two families merge, they may be two small families or two large, but could also be one with just one child and and one with more kids. I guess it also depends how many behavioural difficutlies etc come with the children, in terms of you and your dd/dc coping.

All the best.

[Italiangreyhound]

sorry dd/ds - I was not sure if your child was a boy or girl.

[Adoptionrulesok]

Italian I don't wholly agree with your point about a baby siblings not being so bonded. Remember that the only constant factor in their little lives has been each other. My boys are extremely bonded to each other for exactly that reason, and have been since the youngest was about 6months. They share a room and will not sleep without the other, I sometimes find they have crawled into bed with each other during the night :)

With that in mind, we wouldn't introduce another brother as I would always worry he would be left out, however, a little sister would be a bit different IYSWIM?

OP it's a really tricky situation, but then so is adoption in general!! When are you thinking of applying? It can be a really long process so worth bearing that in mind.

I don't have any experience of your situation as no BC myself, and also don't know any adopters who were in this situation, so no help really, sorry!! I would talk to your social worker (when you get one) and they can probably put you in touch with a "buddy" who has been in this situation. We "buddy" 2 couples and we have become really good friends through it.

[Italiangreyhound]

Thanks adoptionrulesok - I don't have any experience of how bonded children and babies are, I guess I just thought if they were not yet speaking then maybe it would not be as close as if they were.

You may well be right and you know more about how siblings react.

I guess I would have loved to have three but having one already I was not sure I would be wanting to adopt two into my family at the same time. Just my opinion but interested if the OP hears anything about adopting more than one with a birth child.

[Adoptionrulesok]

Italian, I am certainly not an expert on these things ;) That was my experience of adopting siblings, and I know 2 other couples where this was the case for their children. Throughout the training we did to become adopters, a common theme was pre-lingual memories and how important they are. My guess is that the sibling bond falls into this catagory.

There is quite an age gap between your BC and any prospective adoptee's so it might not be such an issue for you. You are always going to have to deal with potential "you love him/her more than me" (the same as any family, birth or adopted) so it might just be that this issue is tagged onto that IYSWIM?

How's you adoption "journey coming on"?

[Adoptionrulesok]

choccyjules sorry, I forgot this thread was started by you. Please don't think I am hijacking to have a conversation with italian.

[ChoccyJules]

No, it's fine, it's all interesting stuff!

We have read a lot about the gap between bc and adopted child needing to be as big as possible and our LA said it was doubtful we'd be linked to a child younger than 2 hence we've waited until bc is almost 4. Also this has given us the chance to explore whether we really plan not to have any more bc before adopting. So atm we have not applied but have dates of some 'enquirers evenings'. We were respite carers before we had bc, in a different county, but at least I feel we have had some experience of SS and the training, home study stuff etc.

The 'Buddy' idea sounds good, does this tend to happen in every area?

The adopters online I have come across with bc, their bc are several years older than any adopted children. Often teens or even left home. So I can't get a feel for how bc would react (and I know every situation is unique) if two new siblings came into the home.

Will stick around in case others have a view!

[Moomoomie]

As a personal view, as someone who has only adopted, and not had birth children, I think it would be easier for all concerned to think about adopting just one child.
Bringing an adopted child into your home is upheaval and emotional enough for the family, without having to share your attention even further.
We adopted our first two girls together and then their birth sister a few years later, as a baby. Looking back at that time, having one child at a time is so much easier.

[ChoccyJules]

Thanks for that, it's something I've also thought, but I know sibling groups tend to wait longer so I guess that was one of my reasons for considering this. However your point makes a lot of sense and you're the one with the experience, not me.

[Moomoomie]

It is certainly something to talk about to your social worker, when you get to that stage.
I would not totally discount the idea, with a lot of support, it would work, and you know your bc the best.
We adopted a sibling group to start with because I only ever wanted to go through the assessment etc once. Little did we know that we would get a phone call a few years later to tell us about our little " Brucie bonus"

[ChoccyJules]

:-)

[FamiliesShareGerms]

There's nearly 5 years between our DS (birth) and DD (adopted) and they are thick as thieves. We definitely only wanted to adopt one, as we couldn't work out how the dynamics would be right to bring a sibling group into the family. I'm not sure I've quite put that right, but I hope you understand what I mean!
The SW didn't question this at all.

[ChoccyJules]

I do understand, that's what I am thinking too, ie siblings would outnumber our bc if we went that way. I am just aware that sibling groups wait longer. And maybe are available quicker therefore? I guess we wouldn't necessarily be matched with a group anyway, it would depend on our approval.
Spoke to a real live SW this morning! Eek!!

[Italiangreyhound]

Choccy hi, can I ask what stage you are at? We are going to an open afternoon next week and can officially start the process in September. We too have a B.C.

[Italiangreyhound]

Congrats on talking to a social work. Nerve wracking, isn't it!