Mumsnet Talk

something i would have to consider would be the impact on your older 2 dc, how would they feel as they got older?
I have no experience of this, hope you make the right decision for you and your 3 dc x

squids
I am an adoptee and I just want to thank you so much for sharing your feelings/ experiences.

It really is one of the most insightful things I have read which I feel might help me understand my birth mother's position. Esp this:

"It also never leaves you, If I meet people I last saw from decades ago this is what they most remember, friends who have told their parents have their parents identify me as the one who placed a baby for adoption, when people find out it often jars horribly with their ideas of me. People look at choices I have made as an adult and try to see how this one thing explains my choices. I don't tell anyone other than good friends or people I (or my children!)have inadvertently told because it gets wearing having to deal with their responses..."

Thank you, thank you.

Lady Harriet, I missed your post. I hope you (both) are in a place of understanding. Am glad you felt it helped a little, thanks for sharing too.

I have read the whole thread. I am so sorry you have to cross this bridge. that's all I can say is I didn't keep my Baby and it is the biggest mistake I have ever and will ever make. I think about him everyday and it's been 3 years I am sat hear crying again.

Ok, at the end of the day you and you alone have to live with your decision.

Big hugs

It is 33 and a half years since I lost my son to adoption. It was the worst and most significant event of my life.
Both my son and I continue to grapple with the grief, in spite of being reunited for two years.

Please don't do it.

When I was 18, in 1968, I gave up my baby for adoption. At the time we were told that it was the best thing for the baby as I wasn't married. How times have changed!!
I think about my baby everyday, I had to look after him for 6 weeks. It was and is very hard. A lot of untruths were told in those days and I certainly wasn't "clued up" about what i really could of done. When I returned home from the 4 month stay at the mother and baby home I was told to forget about it and get on with my life. As if !!
If I were you I'd ditch the bloke~he'll be more easier forgotten.

I think you worrying about ruining your marriage over this is null and void to be honest. Your marriage is already dead. I really dont think you can come back from this emotionally. I think whatever happens you're always (quite rightly) going to resent him for this.

It's clear you want this baby. In ten years time will you be sad you made a success of being a strong positive single mum with an extra child or still trapped in an unhappy marriage? Because those are the options.

I'm not against adoption in very good circumstances but to do it not because you want to but because some arsehole of man says so is not ethical or morally right.

Your dh sounds very immature and unable to take responsibility for his actions. This does not bode well for your marriage and future. I agree with flippitty if he wants you to chose between him and the baby there'll be no contest who I would want.

If you have any maternal feelings at all - do not make any difficult decisions yet just to 'save' a relationship, In years to come you will end up resenting him. Children are always yours, men are rather less reliable.

Oh Nonio and Offredalba your posts touched me so much and I hope that the OP reads them and thinks carefully about your personal experiences. I was one of the young unmarried girls in the 60s who got pregnant outside of marriage and were it not for my wonderful parents who supported me, my baby would have been adopted.

OK OP you will have 3 children under 4 which will be tough but not as tough as giving your new baby up for adoption. I may be wrong but it seems to me that you must want the baby or you would have had an abortion. Thing is you need to ensure your H is "on board" with the new baby, and if he isn't then surely he has to go rather than the baby.

OP's baby will have been born by now. I wonder what happened. Hopefully she's happy with her 3 DCs and her knobhead husband is overcome with regret and remorse for his knobbishness.

One thing I have learnt is that adoption at birth doesn't guarantee that a child will grow up free from attachment issues, emotional difficulties or unhappiness. They have a better chance than older adoptees but no guarantees. The child would be better off with its mother (and that is no reflection on the adoptive parents posting on this thread, I hope you understand)