Was told some shocking/sickening news from the social worker yesterday.

(34 Posts)
isthisnameavailable Wed 02-Nov-11 18:27:23

A few of you may remember, I've been on here before, explaining how my child was adopted out against my will when I was very young (adoption was completed in 2002 on grounds of possible future emotional abuse due to some self harm I did).
I'm now happily parenting my two younger children who are aged 1 and 4.

We had social services do a Children in need needing breifly this year, as my older son is disabled and we had housing issues (tenancy terminating due to it being a recently diseased relatives tenancy) the housing issue is now resolved.
We're now being discharged from social services and my son has a diagnosis of Autism so is now getting appropriate help :-)

On the social worker's final visit yesterday she mentioned that her request to close our case includes her view that I'm a very loving capable mother to my two youngest boys, etc, and my partner is equally caring and supported, so all good, thumbs up!

But what she also told me that after investigating the forced adoption of my first child, she found that the social services department have written that I had actually agreed to it.
I expected some allegations of not being good enough at the time, but to write that I signed my child over perminantly, of my own will!!

I cannot believe that they could write something so false.

Are you adoptive parents aware that such fabrications can be included in the files?

I am still utterly stunned by this news of them falsifying my son's record sad sad sad

utterlyslutterly Thu 03-Nov-11 06:59:51

Well if this true, I suggest you get yourself a solicitor pronto.

usingapseudonym Thu 03-Nov-11 07:54:51

Oh gosh that sounds hideous sad Is there any leeway to have him back/have contact or is it all final?

hester Thu 03-Nov-11 08:04:11

usingapseudonym, I remember your earlier posts. I'm sorry this has all been stirred up for you again. I know you will never get over the pain of losing your child and it sounds as if your social worker is trying - however cackhandedly - to help you make your peace with it.

First of all: no, I don't see any chance that you will get the adoption reversed. Adoption is final, and even if a court agreed with you that it was not handled properly, I can't see them reversing it, given that your son has now been living for some years with his new family.

I don't know about contact. What was the contact agreement at the time of adoption? Have you asked the social worker if it might be possible to negotiate indirect contact with the adoptive parents?

You ask, "Are you adoptive parents aware that such fabrications can be included in the files?" I can't speak for any other adoptive parent, but I am very aware that the information we receive is often partial, subjective and misleading. From my own experience I think there can be a slippage between 'birth parents cannot see any way of getting their child back so have reluctantly acknowledged that this is the end of the road' and 'parents agree to the adoption' that may not be a deliberate lie, but certainly does not convey the full and true situation and feelings of the birth parents. I think this may have happened to you? Was there a point where you gave up in exhaustion, and the social worker took that as assent?

hester Thu 03-Nov-11 08:04:59

Sorry sorry sorry, I mean to address that to isthisnameavailable and not usingapseudonym, obviously.

isthisnameavailable Thu 03-Nov-11 19:38:29

I fought it until the end. With the court apointed child gaurdian and mother and baby unit manager advising we should be reunited in the mother and baby unit. So I was asking for him back until the final ruling where the judge said he'd be adopted. I lost it in court and was in a right state and everyone with me was saying how sorry they were as they thought I was going to win him back.
Then the social worker who came two days ago said she investigated and found out that I actually agreed to the adoption once I met the parents.
I met the a-parents and said they were nice and if he had to be adopted that I like them.
That doesn't mean I agreed to the adoption as the social worker said is documented.

Anyhow,
I wouldn't try and get him back, I couldn't do that to him. Disrupt his life so massively, now. It's been 8 years.

I'm writing to the a-parents and speaking very complimentary to them about how I appreciate their contact and I trust that they know him best.

I want to ask them to meet me so I can have an opportunity to really ask all about my son and learn all about him, as the letters can only include so much.
If they could show me family albums and things that would be a real treat.
And I'll tell them I would love to get to know him through them until he's ready to meet me.
I really hope they will.

Thanks for talking to me about this.

You know what, it really doesn't surprise me much because they (social services) have come out with some absolute b*****.
All I can do is try and let the a-parents get to know who I really am.
I remember very happily making his dinner at home and taking it to contact sessions to feed him when he was in care and theyve written that I did not want to feed him, it's absolute madness.
They've purposely failed to include anything good about me in the notes.
I have pictures of when my son was with me, I was breastfeeding him, co-sleeping, using a baby carrier, he was my little extension.
They wrote that we werent really bonded. Absolute morons.

Anyway, just gotta move on from the complete rubbish they've lied about. It is really slander, but what can you do.

Just look forward and hope my son and his new family will get to know me, and know that what they've written isn't a record of fact.
It was complete biasedness with the agenda of getting him adopted.

I am going to get in touch to get what exactoly was written about me supposedly agreeing to adoption.
But part of me doesnt want to because it just angers me.

NatashaBee Thu 03-Nov-11 19:46:40

Can you add a letter to the adoption file explaining your side in some way? Not sure that SS would allow you to include anything too critical of them but I'm sure it would help your son to know you fought to keep him and he wasn't just 'not wanted'.

Lilka Thu 03-Nov-11 19:46:58

"I am going to get in touch to get what exactoly was written about me supposedly agreeing to adoption."

I hate to say this, but most LA's are terrible about files. Ideally you'd be entitled to any reports about you, but I doubt they'll hand them over. I couldn't get one of my DD's file after I adopted her, though I tried hard. In the end, she managed to look when she herself was an adult. And frankly, it would have been so much better for us if I could have gotten the files earlier. I honestly don't think it's that likely they'll give you anything if you ask to have a look at your file. You could try a Freedom of Information request I suppose if they refuse first off

Lilka Thu 03-Nov-11 19:47:40

Natasha's idea is also good. You can push to have a letter from you placed on the file at any point

KristinaM Thu 03-Nov-11 19:50:43

Im so sorry for all you and your son have been through. And yes, i m well aware that Fabrications exist in official files and even in court records. The secrecy that is supposed to protect the child has ended up concealing many miscarriages of justicesad

You have done so well to build a new life for yourself and your younger children. I wish you well

isthisnameavailable Thu 03-Nov-11 20:04:08

Thanks.
I don't know what the stupid * was playing at I know which professional would have written it, it would have been the same one trying to bribe me into signing him over by treatening that I wouldnt get any contact letters if I didnt agree to the adoption. I asked the a-parents if this was true when I met them and they were shocked and said no theyll always write to me.
This social worker also told me I'd be arrested for taking my son home at a time that it turned out he was in voluntry care anyway, so she would have been the one adding lies to his file.
Perhaps she thought that my son reading in future that his adoption was agreed to may be better for him. But that's no reason to play god and rewrite history.

I'm working on getting back in touch with my son and his new family, so they will know me before they go and read the storybook they have at SS headquarters.

I'm a busy woman I have a toddler and a disabled child who I'm devoted to, so I hope they realise that I won't be trying to abduct him, as long as he's happy, I am.
Obviously seeing him, though, would be fantastic.

isthisnameavailable Thu 03-Nov-11 20:07:00

I'm sure he has a nice life, the a-parents seem lovely.
Just don't want him reading b*** about me and possibly being hurt by thinking he wasn't good enough to be loved by me, or something silly like that

teatotal Tue 07-Feb-12 17:36:50

It's happening all over, did you read the forced adoption website?

ninkynonkpinkyponk01 Mon 20-Feb-12 15:05:54

You can request ur social services reports. I think u have to pay a small fee.... but my MIL requested hers from when she was a child as she was trying to piece her childhood together. Anything that is written about u...ie drs files, social service reports etc u are entitled to see. They may make it difficult for u... but persevere as it can be done! Wish u the very best if luck!

ChippingInNeedsCoffee Mon 20-Feb-12 15:15:27

That's all really awful sad I hope you can get the contact you would like with them.

nannipigg Mon 20-Feb-12 15:20:13

This is horrific and to think that Social Services are supposed to protect the welfare of children. This is just so heartbreaking!!!
I hope you are able to some how get contact with your Child. Good Luck x

fightforjustice Wed 13-Mar-13 17:31:53

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Lilka Wed 13-Mar-13 18:04:35

Is that not one of those websites where birth parents send in photographs etc of their adopted children so they can all get posted online. eg. this is my baby X who was stolen from me can anyone find her? etc etc

ETA - I've checked. Yes it is. Do you know how upsetting this is for the children when they a) weren't stolen and b) don't want to be found? Like my DD1 for example, several years ago. That's not directed at OP btw.

fightforjustice Wed 13-Mar-13 18:11:52

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fightforjustice Wed 13-Mar-13 18:12:57

google forced adoption also there is some groups on facebook for the same thing

Lilka Wed 13-Mar-13 18:45:25

And maybe those parents should think twice before putting photos of the children online, given that they aren't legally their children any more, they could get into trouble (several blogs/sites over the years have been shut down after doing just that) and it's paying no thought at all to the children's feelings.

Also, I have Googled forced adoption in the past, and the majority of the sites that come up contain waffle, crap and crazy. Like that Ian Jospehs, the man who thinks child molesters and sexual abusers should not be reported to the police because social services might get involved with the children hmm

fightforjustice Wed 13-Mar-13 19:18:24

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fightforjustice Wed 13-Mar-13 19:32:02

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Lilka Wed 13-Mar-13 19:40:34

Have I had dealings? Yes, as an adoptive parent over about 16 years. Have people I know had dealings? Yes, known people who were reported to SS, disabled children in need, people who were being investigated because of child protection concerns, foster carers, other adoptive parents

Adoption targets were targets to get children who were already in care adopted, not get new children into care. Besides, they were scrapped a few years ago so an article from 2007 means nothing relevent in 2012

Mistakes may be made in individual cases, I'd be the first to admit that and there will be some cases where the wrong decision was made (perhaps OP's case for instance) but there is no national conspiracy to steal people's children, and anyone peddling that idea is talking bollocks.

And I reiterate that the posting of childrens photos online is misguided, unhelpful and wrong, and Ian Josephs waffles a load of badly worded copy and paste crap mixed with horrible advice like to protect child sexual abusers

fightforjustice Wed 13-Mar-13 19:54:17

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