Considering surrogacy, all a bit overwhelming!

(68 Posts)
rocketupbum Wed 26-Jan-11 21:06:23

I am seriously considering offering to be a surrogate for some friends of ours. It is something I have thought about for a while and it all fits. I have been trying to do as much research as poss before offering, so as not to cause any disappointment. I am finding the websites a bit hard to get along with. They are obviously mostly geared towards people looking for matches and perhaps mostly intended parents. They are also a bit too nice (I have been so used to the harsh MN way it is all a bit wierd and full of "huns" and "hugs"grin)
I wondered how many surro mums there were on here and how you went about it etc? I feel I just want some more straight talking and a bit less fluffy stuff. I dont want to be an "angel" I would just like to have a baby for people who would make great parents!

OddBoots Fri 08-Mar-13 17:38:49

Surrogacy UK is about 10 years old, I know because I was pregnant with my dd at the time (I was a little bit involved in the set up).

QOD Fri 08-Mar-13 19:32:55

Ah there you go then! I couldn't really remember. But of course, back then when I joined, it was still affiliated to Kim Cotton

We're not parents yet, though it's something we've been planning for a long time, so I'm a constant lurker on these boards -- it's been super help even for non-parenting topics. And now this is my first post! Thanks for being such a great resource.

Anyway, we have embryos already created, and we were going to ship them to India for a surrogate there. Unfortunately, the Indian govt announced in the last weeks that they will start enforcing the rule that bars same-sex couples from surrogacy. So we are back at square one, which is a shame, because we spent a lot of time making sure that our agency in India was morally upright and that the surrogates were treated in an ethical manner.

Now we are looking at surrogacy in the UK. In a lot of ways, many of the ethical considerations (exploitation, etc) fall away compared to India (though of course some remain). I know the original poster doesn't want to be treated as an angel, and I understand that. But from our perspective, those of you who are even contemplating being a surrogate for someone are the kindest, most generous people in the world. Even if you decide not to, the fact that you have even thought about it points to a very generous spirit. So thanks to all of you.

2hope Fri 12-Apr-13 10:38:58

I'm really pleased to have come across this thread. After some very difficult times we have decided to explore surrogacy. We've done some initial reading and were mainly trying to decide what next - surrogacyuk or COTS. I had thought COTS appealed more - don't know why - but I'm pleased to see it been discussed positively here. Maybe this weekend we'll take the next step to sign up. This is such a big deal, we don't know how it might work out, we don't want to get excited but it does offer a glimmer of hope.

I know there aren't many on this thread who have actually gone through this journey but I wondered if anyone knew about surrogacy where an egg is sourced from a third party? My eggs can't be harvested and I wonder if we might have more success finding a potential surrogate if we weren't also asking to use her own eggs. I realise this would be more complicated but it's just a thought. Anyway, I know we're more likely to get a response on the COTS message board but just felt the need to add to this thread too as it's not often you stumble across these discussions. If we do take this further I will keep you updated. To those of you on the other side, who are thinking about being surrogates, you really are amazing.

LinzTOYT Fri 12-Apr-13 19:55:28

I am glad to have come across this thread as I have considered becoming a surrogate for years, after my 3rd son was born I watched a TV program I watched a very interesting documentary and knew it was something I would really love to do for a couple one day. I have been very blessed with 4 very lovely children and would love to be able to give some other deserving person the same gift. My family is 100% complete and whilst I am still relatively young I would love to look further into it.

OceanBeach Sun 14-Apr-13 13:07:28

2hope, I am in the same position as you! Can't use my eggs due to the high chance of passing on a major disability that can't be screened for.
So we are wondering whether it is better or easier to use a host surrogate and an egg donor or a traditional surrogate. No idea how easy it is to find an egg donor!

2hope Mon 15-Apr-13 12:26:04

Hi oceanbeach, we had spent some time looking at egg donation as a possibility for me but it was too high risk. I also learned that egg donors are few and far between - there is no real incentive in this country for a woman to go through this invasive procedure. There are some clinics now doing egg sharing schemes - so a couple going through IVF can donate eggs and the recipient will cover part of the cost of their IVF. There was a place in Nottingham (if I remember correctly) that did this. How the arrangements might work with a surrogate though I do not know.

Have you joined COTS or surrogacyuk? I'd love to stay in touch and follow your journey as I don't know anyone else in a similar position!

OceanBeach Mon 15-Apr-13 13:55:02

Hi 2hope! At the moment looking around getting some information. As £800 is a lot to part with to join cots / SUK if we then cants afford to pay for egg donation etc! There's an open day conference in cardiff in June, with stalls for adoption, all the ivf units, about surrogacy / adoption / fostering etc, so going to go to that first to find out if we could afford surrogate with egg donor, or better for tradional surrogate. Then will join something if we think we can afford it.

OceanBeach Mon 15-Apr-13 13:57:14

Does anyone know any good groups to join just why we are looking into surrogacy to see if we can afford it / it is for us?

Had a look at a few on Facebook, one we found was full of 20 year old looking girls with pouty faced photos, never had children saying they want to be surrogates. It just felt wrong, like they wanted the money etc, it just didn't seem like the type of group I wanted to join.

WeAreEternal Mon 15-Apr-13 14:06:23

A good friend of mine is an experiences surrogate.
She has had four surrogate babies (three straight and one host, all for strangers) and I am in absolute awe of her.

I have seriously considered the possibility of one day becoming a surrogate, purely because of how amazing my friend is.
She is so open and honest about her experiences and is always happy to chat with anyone about surrogacy.

OceanBeach Mon 15-Apr-13 14:58:52

We, did she go through cots or surrogacy? Or one of the other Internet forums? Wondering where is the best to join?

WeAreEternal Mon 15-Apr-13 17:05:01

She has met couples through both cots at surrogacyuk but she now finds couples herself via the Internet and national meet ups.

QOD Mon 15-Apr-13 17:29:39

You will find it incredibly hard to find a surrogate who does straight surrogacy right away, sometimes they "convert" after failed IVF etc and after building a relationship.

Egg donation IVF would be much more likely BUT obviously lower pregnancy success rate and not just your surrogate costs but IVF costs too.
What a sham about the Indian clinics.

You don't have a friend who would incubate? Or your partner? Or are both of you in the same position?

OceanBeach Mon 15-Apr-13 17:34:35

Fingers crossed American that as you already have embryos created your half way there!

givemeaboost Thu 08-Aug-13 01:27:43

hi, I am registered with cots as a surrogate but would like to know how to find the fb surrogates groups please?

SeaWave Thu 15-Aug-13 21:14:02

Hi, I have previously posted on a few surrogacy posts, but regularly name change.
Just wanted to say after starting out my research on mumsnet, went on to match independantly with a TS! TTC at the moment, but hang on in their, it does happen and fingers crossed we will be pregnant before christmas!

nia4321 Sat 17-Aug-13 23:21:13

Hi there, we have a baby through surrogacy in India. She was born in 2010. I was wondering g how long it took for you for the immigration paper works and to get the baby home? We are planning to have a second one soon through host surrogacy in India as it is relatively straight forward and cheap I got my daughter's passport in 3 months.when was yours and how long did it take

Givemesomehope Tue 07-Jan-14 13:43:15

Hi, I've been reading this thread as I am also seeking a SM. My husband and I live in Yorkshire. If anyone thinks they could help, could you please contact me. smile

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