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When did you realise you were an actual grown up?

(167 Posts)

I have been thinking about my life recently and I have started to realise that I am no longer a girl, I am a woman. An actual grown up.
I have been a grown up for ages too (early thirties)

But these things have really confirmed it for me..

*I am in another age category when I do surveys
*I was nearly hit by a ball that these young lads were playing with and one shouted to the other 'Wath out for that lady'
*I turn on the radio and I have no flippin idea who's on, or what they are on about

What did it for you? wine

I sometimes think that although I will be 46 soon, I've still never quite grown up grin

Even the DCs think so......

Jumblebee Tue 29-Jul-14 13:30:37

I haven't gotten to that stage yet!confused

I have a 1 year old and sometimes I still don't feel like a mum!

CMOTDibbler Tue 29-Jul-14 13:31:15

The pivotal moment for me was buying school uniform. Somehow, this defined me as a mother and proper grown up more than anything else

magichandles Tue 29-Jul-14 13:32:28

When I stopped bunking the train and would always make the effort to get a ticket. I guess I was about 26/27? I think it coincided with me thinking train tickets were an extortionate waste of money and being happy to pay for travel as I had a job that paid enough.

Jumblebee My eldest is 14 and I still have moments where I don't feel like a mum grin

weegiemum Tue 29-Jul-14 13:33:46

A grown up?

Boaty Tue 29-Jul-14 13:34:55

Some days I feel grown up, when I see something on tv or music was from 30 years ago or I hear myself sounding like my mother/grandmother! grin
Otherwise I don't feel grown up at all!! I'm 47!

misog2000 Tue 29-Jul-14 13:36:21

I realised I was officially old (or just a bit sad) when I told the girls at work how excited I was about my new Hoover being delivered today hmm

MrsRonBurgundy Tue 29-Jul-14 13:36:42

Mine was when I started keeping alcohol in my house just for some in stock. And it lasted more than a week shock

Fryone your kids are sweethearts, my son thinks I am really old!

Jumblebee that might change when you are referred to as __'s Mum all the time rather than your actual name

I am not yet at that stage CMOT! Soon though. That is very grown up too.

BreeVDKamp Tue 29-Jul-14 13:37:17

Still waiting for that!

Naughty magic!

Love some of these replies keep them coming!

Alcohol lasting longer than a week- was you unwell? grin

Missunreasonable Tue 29-Jul-14 13:39:38

I realised that I was a grown up when I moved into my first house and started paying the mortgage at 19 years old.

WaitingForMe Tue 29-Jul-14 13:40:11

When I joined the National Trust.

EvilHerbivore Tue 29-Jul-14 13:40:45

I've recently gone NC with my mother and haven't had contact with my father in nearly 15 years (his choice) so actually its starting to hit me how grown up I feel now - I have 2 young DSs (3 and 1) and its solely down to me (and DP), I have no one else to rely on or know that they 'have my back' should the proverbial hit the fan especially magnified I think by the fact that both DPs parents have sadly died too

ToriaPumpkin Tue 29-Jul-14 13:42:46

Looking at the bag of name labels for my DS starting nursery in October. Terrifying.

Aww Evil, I imagine that is a very grown up feeling

Another moment for me a while back was when I was managing a small team of 18-23 year old staff, now they made me feel super old! I never knew what they were on about.

Purplewithred Tue 29-Jul-14 13:47:50

When my best friend's husband was killed in an accident and I had to step up to the mark and help her, her mum and her kids while handling my own (much lesser) grief. And I did it.

EvilHerbivore Tue 29-Jul-14 13:49:15

Thanks comedy (sorry though, think you were looking for more light hearted answers!)

If it helps balance it out, I also felt very old when some of the kids I work with did not know who the spice girls were when dancing to "Wannabe" on the wii's Just Dance game! I was outraged, having been born late-80s I was a huge fan at the time! Girl power!

Small things, like taking dd1 to the dentist for a check up. It seemed a very grown up thing to do!

Also, a couple of days ago I was in the bathroom, looking into the mirror, and dd1 shouting 'mummy!' The combination of seeing my face and hearing the word really hit home.

MrsRonBurgundy Tue 29-Jul-14 13:51:08

comedy I must have been wine

Don't be sorry at all.

I was the one that told everyone about my Nan's death as I was notified first. It actually made it so much harder to grieve as I was trying to be strong for the others. I still don't think I have grieved, I am not sure when I will.

That's awful purple

Januaryjojo1 Tue 29-Jul-14 13:55:03

Signing my Teen DD out off AAU against their advice.......remember thinking shit I'm in charge here.....shiiiiit!

Psammead, sometimes I look at my face and I don't recognise myself! Although a recent weight loss has actually aged me a little round my eyes cake

What's AAU January?

AlleyCat11 Tue 29-Jul-14 13:58:54

Very recently. I'm 38. It's when I catch a glimpse of myself in a shop window or mirror. I see a woman instead of a girl.

BalloonSlayer Tue 29-Jul-14 14:00:07

- Having to read my BIL's post mortem report for my sister to check that something particular was mentioned in there

- Having "the talk" with my Dad's doctors over whether to resuscitate him should the occasion arise (it didn't)

A happier one:

- my DCs were stressing whether they were going to get a free bus pass or not (we are deemed to be near enough to walk but in practice it doesn't work). I said: "Look, either you get a free one or we (DH and I) will pay for it. You won't have to walk and you won't have to pay. Leave it to me to worry about."

- Mentioned the song "Tiger Feet" so someone whom I thought was about my age and she had never heard of it.

Flexibilityisquay Tue 29-Jul-14 14:00:27

I have all the trappings of being a grown up, job, child, husband, house. I still feel like I spend most of my time pretending though to be honest. I'm not sure I'm ready to be a grown up yet, grin

Januaryjojo1 Tue 29-Jul-14 14:01:04

Acute Admissions Unit at hospital. comedy smile

When DP and I were driving out of the car park after a comedy gig at the O2 and, instead of laughing about the routine, or debating getting a kebab en route, or any of those, you know, non-boring things, he tapped the steering wheel and said 'well, that was a good exit.'

Possibly only topped by driving down the M6 through Lancashire, him commenting on the amount of bridges, and wondering whether it was the densest concentration on a motorway in the country, and my saying 'I'll Google it.'

We'll be buying those sweets in tins next...

Unlabelled Tue 29-Jul-14 14:04:05

When I watched the 'Shark steam cleaner' infomercial and thought, that looks good! then bought it and have steamed cleaned everything barr the cats

Watching dsd (11) interact with her friends and thinking I have no clue what they're talking about, loom what??!

KitCat26 Tue 29-Jul-14 14:05:31

When I realised that I don't actually know everything!

tuttiandabitfrutti Tue 29-Jul-14 14:06:30

When I realised that my DD may actually need to have surgery (so about 5 hours ago)!

Thanks for clarifying that January, can imagine that was difficult.

Love these responses.

I am wondering if your DD is OK Tutti? Hope so

Sherlockmaystealyourpug Tue 29-Jul-14 14:20:28

I work with teens who are at least a decade younger than me, and none of them 'know' any of the bands I still listen too.. thinking I am clinging on my youth....

Getting paid and immediately transferring car tax (etc.) amount to savings without even thinking about it

Not being ID'd (I look young, and up to recently was always ID'd, overnight it has stopped)

Going to a festival with a friend, and enjoying drinking wine and chatting about fertility whilst sitting on our camping chairs, watching all the young things moshing at the front!

tuttiandabitfrutti Tue 29-Jul-14 14:21:33

Yes thanks for asking, DD has seizures, surgery is to hopefully decrease them and fingers crossed take her off some medication. Not a full blown decision seeing surgeon tomorrow.

Another thing that totally matures me are the 'Mumisms' that I say

'If the wind changes you will stay that way'

'Because I said so'

'Eat your carrots, they help you to see in the dark'

grin

Sherlock, I don't think I have been ID'd for about 2 years now. I keep waiting to be asked!

Wishing your DD a speedy recovery Tutti, it sounds like a scary but essential op x

tilliebob Tue 29-Jul-14 14:25:50

I still don't feel grown up but I still get a jolt whenever I sign a form for/on behalf of the dcs as "mother" - they are 6, 13 and 15, so you'd think I'd be used to it by now grin

When I was cooking dinner for the DC the other day. I really didn't want to cook but had to, it made me realise I am a proper grown up with small people who depend on me.

ThatBloodyWoman Tue 29-Jul-14 14:27:01

When I left home (17).

minimower Tue 29-Jul-14 14:30:11

When I got my council house tenancy at 18 and was soley responsible for all the bills, maintenance etc. I had a dc then as well, but it was all the official stuff that made me feel grown-up.

This thread is making me feel grown up actually... www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2144822-Cringeworthyness-of-ex-partners?pg=4

...as I am old enough to have dated a few fella's like these blush

Lottiedoubtie Tue 29-Jul-14 14:36:30

I haven't been ID'd since my wedding day. Literally was ID'd in the week before (and regularly before that) and never since. That makes me feel like a grown up!

Also getting an info letter from the hospital headed, 'information for parents'. I was 20 weeks pregnant at the time!!

PigeonPie Tue 29-Jul-14 14:45:55

The first time, more than 10 years ago now, was when I had to be the grown up with my parents and tell Ma to do something quite unpleasant but which had to be done.

Being called 'Mrs PigeonPie' by my butcher!

Signing prescription forms, but for some reason hospital consent forms are ok!

HerrenaHarridan Tue 29-Jul-14 14:51:49

Tutti frutti. I just spent several weeks on the neurological ward with dd and the was a lad on the ward with us who had surgery to reduce seizures.

He bounced back ridiculously quickly and had a wonderful tone being spoilt. His parents were thoroughly traumatised by the experience but he thought it was cool.

Try not to be intimidated by the neurological surgeons, it's ok to ask 10,000 questions, to make them repeat themselves and to ask them to explain any terms you don't understand.

Pm me if you want to

MarchEliza Tue 29-Jul-14 14:57:24

I am 33 with my own home, business and a baby on the way, however I don't feel that I can genuinely claim to be a grown-up until I have learned to drive...

However the following things have made me feel old recently:
1) My idea of a really lovely Saturday morning involves a trip to the garden center;
2) I catch site of myself in shop windows and see my mother looking back at me.

MarchEliza Tue 29-Jul-14 14:58:50

Oh and the other day I told a group of young girls (around 14ish) who were smoking in the park to put their cigarette buts in the bin - and they actually did whilst having the good grace to look sheepish.

Secondsop Tue 29-Jul-14 15:00:12

stinkingbishop I love yours, because they are EXACTLY the kind of things that my husband and I say.

The thing that made me feel like a proper grown up was getting a cat.

TheFantasticMrsFox Tue 29-Jul-14 15:21:42

The one heart-stopping "fuck, I'm old" moment was about 4 years ago the morning before we went on holiday. DH put DS, DDogs1&2 & DCat in the van to drop them off at school, kennels, Cattery respectively (booking a kennel/ Cattery is also extremely grown up in my book)
As they trundled off up the road I was hit with this shocking realisation that I there was a dreadful accident my whole life was sat in that van. My childhood life was long gone (without me actually realising it) and I had this grown up, adult life that could actually disappear in a flash.
I had to scurry in the house and have a quick weep to myself and get on with the packing <sap>

TheFantasticMrsFox Tue 29-Jul-14 15:25:43

And on a more lighthearted note I specifically requested that we stop off at the garden centre last week as I was looming for a particular type of clematis grin

MarchEliza Tue 29-Jul-14 15:28:25

Oooh TheFantasticMrsFox - what type of clematis?? - I've bought two types (standard pink 'Elizabeth' and a port wine colour) this year alone...

vladthedisorganised Tue 29-Jul-14 15:28:59

Being a grown-up: Fixing a broken sink in my student house - I had no idea what I was doing and it was something of a miracle that it worked, but I remember being very proud of getting a wrench and a DIY manual out while my housemates cried at the water pouring out over the kitchen. I felt very grown up then.

Being an adult: Sitting by my mum in her last days with a cold flannel in my hand to wipe over her forehead to make her more comfortable - and thinking 'you did this for me when I was a child, and I'm lucky enough to be able to do it for you now'.

Being old: the morning after a new years' party when DH and I turned to each other and admitted that we'd have preferred to have a few friends over for dinner instead of going to an all-night piss-up.

notamonkeysuncle Tue 29-Jul-14 15:35:20

When I went to a night club and uttered the words "its so loud in here" I was 24 at the time!

TheFantasticMrsFox Tue 29-Jul-14 15:36:23

march Tis a white Elizabeth and is currently rampaging climbing gracefully up my porch. I fear that should I contract something that renders me bed bound for a few days I will be unable to exit by the front door on my return to health grin

Going to the university nursery where my DD will be in September, and being referred to as 'mum'. I know a lot of people hate it (I personally quite like it grin ) but it just hit me that... oh wow I am a grown up now grin

Gosh some of these make me weepy brew

wfrances Tue 29-Jul-14 15:51:34

i think i was born a grown up(sad face)

LarrytheCucumber Tue 29-Jul-14 15:55:36

Becoming a teacher at 21 and being referred to as Mrs Cucumber instead of Larry.

MarchEliza Tue 29-Jul-14 15:56:24

TheFantasticMrsFox - it's so satisfying that they are so easy to establish and the Elizabeth ones look so beautiful in springtime - hope you don't get trapped inside! smile

Just to add, I am currently shopping for a clothes steamer.. Very grown up, if you fellow grown up's would recommend one that would be brilliant. thanks

MirandaWest Tue 29-Jul-14 16:11:35

I find putting fuel in the car makes me feel quite grown up.

My dad (nearly 66) sometimes says he wonders what it's like to be grown up..

Elesbe Tue 29-Jul-14 16:13:48

When I passed my driving test. I had two small DC then but it was the driving that did it for me!

higgle Tue 29-Jul-14 16:15:38

I've always felt that I was just playing at being a grown up, despite being in a very responsible job, chair of a charity and vice chair of a trade association. I'm always surprised when grown up words come out of my mouth at times I feel like swinging my feet under the table and eating sweets. Last year my youngest went to uni and this has made me feel that I want to revert to doing silly teenaged things again now I have no formal domestic responsibilities. So far I've become pony mad again and started snogging DH in public.

Callani Tue 29-Jul-14 16:17:33

Slightly trite but going to France and having people call me Madame instead of Mademoiselle made me realise I was a grown up - I also started ticking Ms on application forms after that because Miss suddenly sounded so little-girl-ish.

loveliesbleeding1 Tue 29-Jul-14 16:24:43

I still don't feel very grown up tbh, I have a 20 year old, and sometimes I look at him and think,wow, he is actually mine.(And dh's, of course).I wonder if it's because we settled down so young, we have just sort of all grown up together.

aJumpedUpPantryBoy Tue 29-Jul-14 16:25:49

First time I went to a Tesco after I got married twenty plus years ago
I remember pushing the trolley round doing my shopping and thinking look at me! all grown up

Most of the time I don't feel grown up, although I hear myself saying things that are decidedly middle aged. Inside I cringe a little.

ImATotJeSuisUneTot Tue 29-Jul-14 16:32:43

After I'd had a wedding, had a child, and walked away from my marriage - in a little house, just myself and DD1.

There was a spider - I've always been terrified of them. This time I realised there wasn't anyone else. I was the grown up that dealt with this stuff now.

Willdoitinaminute Tue 29-Jul-14 16:41:41

Yep I think it was being able to deal with spiders solo that did it for me. Also having hit 50 this year I realised I no longer care what people think of me and have learnt to complain when I'm not happy with stuff.
I had a real go at a cosmetic sales person the other day when she ignored me in favour of a long chat with another assistant. It was so cathartic. And I didn't give a sh*t about her feelings. I hate poor service but was always too polite to moan.

UnderEstherMate Tue 29-Jul-14 16:46:24

I don't!

Vitalstatistix Tue 29-Jul-14 16:48:04

I'm still waiting. I am sure I will know it when it happens.

Plenty of stuff makes me feel OLD - such as my eldest starting his gcse years, my gp being about a decade younger than me (if not more) the songs I used to bop along to as a teenager being on the radio as 'Classics' <sob>

But what makes me feel grown up? Nothing. I still feel like a kid playing house and that at any moment, I will be exposed for the fraud I am.

sauvignonblacks Tue 29-Jul-14 16:57:04

I realised I was a grown up when I wandered into Topshop Oxford St...it's far too loud

Deliaskis Tue 29-Jul-14 17:04:31

Any day now...

Squigglypig Tue 29-Jul-14 17:11:24

When we bo

Squigglypig Tue 29-Jul-14 17:13:33

When we bought a cover for our new garden furniture. And BBQ. Although maybe that's more I feel ancient.

lettertoherms Tue 29-Jul-14 17:21:52

I feel about sixteen most of the time. It isn't until I see/hear actual teenagers that I think to myself wow, I'm not one of them, these are children, they're so young.

mousmous Tue 29-Jul-14 17:23:31

when I did my first proper grocery shop and bought <drumroll>

loo paper and vegetables

KitKat1985 Tue 29-Jul-14 17:45:29

Back when I found out at 24 years of age that my Dad had cancer, and dealing with that and all the practicalities involved (e.g, taking him to appointments) and helping my Mum through the process as she was emotionally devastated by everything. Almost overnight the tables shifted from them always having been the care givers to me to me having to look after them.

Sorry that was a bit heavy.

On a lighter note I realise I am getting old because I really, really, really want a Roomba, because I hate vacuuming at the best of times, and at currently 32 weeks pregnant, hate it more than usual at the moment. I'm even sad enough to think I would be quite excited if someone gave me one for my birthday tomorrow.

Just catching up with all the posts. Really interesting stuff, it even made 'Discussion of the day'

Andro Tue 29-Jul-14 18:11:14

When I had to go to a solicitors office to deal with inheritance related issues - I was 18. I was a fair bit older when I realised that other people saw me as an adult.

GreedyBitch Tue 29-Jul-14 18:16:52

When I had my baby twenty weeks ago. I'm 43.

wellnowthenmardybum Tue 29-Jul-14 18:31:20

me and my best friend used to talk for hours about sex , nightclubs and boys. I knew I was a grown up when we had a in-depth discussion about the best national trust places around our area.
I also knew I was a grown up when the house phone rang at 9pm and I asked 'who is that at this time of night'

hellymelly Tue 29-Jul-14 18:34:06

Two moments, one was with my mother sobbing into the 'phone one end while my toddler had a raging screaming tantrum my end.
The other was welcoming people to my Dad's funeral and managing to hold it together. sad.

Realising ive been alive in 5 decades - im onyl 34!

ovaryhill Tue 29-Jul-14 18:46:34

When I was listening to I song I used to love on tv then realised it was on the vintage channel!

Mercedes519 Tue 29-Jul-14 18:55:10

I'm not sure i am, i still expect someone to congratulate me because we haven't run out of toilet paper. However, we haven't run out of toilet paper for years.

Seriously though, i think you become a grown up when you stop expecting someone to come and save you. I've had situations lately when i just wanted to crawl under the duvet, cry and wait for someone else to fix it but realised that it was down to me. So i just got on with it. Like we all do.

JustCallMeBaldrick Tue 29-Jul-14 18:57:04

When I realised that it was down to me and adH to make sure that Father Christmas and the Tooth Fairy did their jobs properly.

Jakadaal Tue 29-Jul-14 18:58:42

When I felt a bit 'meh' about Xmas and all the 'hard work' it involves .... And I love xmasshock and then when I had to buy sanitary towels for my dd as I vividly remember my mum doing the same for me

Mercedes519 Tue 29-Jul-14 19:00:27

baldrick definitely that but even more when DS asked if it was me.

It was such an adult conversation to have.

EvenBetter Tue 29-Jul-14 19:06:19

It still hasn't fully hit me yet! but seeing NoTHiNG I could wear in shops I used to go to all the time was pretty depressing (who the fuck wants to wear crop tops and neon?)
Putting the radio on in the car and thinking 'that's not music!'
Being excited to try a new laundry product and getting my vacuum fixed blush
Wishing the young ones in work would stop asking me what I got up to last night.
Can't believe I'm actually allowed to drive, have a debit card, have sole responsibility for another living being (puppy), and can do whatever I want, whenever I want.
I'm 29....

velocity1 Tue 29-Jul-14 19:23:58

When my 19yr old baby told me I was going to be a Granny..I'm 44 and can't say I had ever felt really grown up before smile

technosausage Tue 29-Jul-14 19:33:27

Last week it hit me. I've got two children, getting married next year, two properties and I've just bought a Audi A4 smile
I have also started making a flask and a picnic for long journeys because I can't bring myself to pay service station prices.

Egghead68 Tue 29-Jul-14 19:40:39

Get a Roomba KitKat!

I still feel like a child (at 45) but I look old when I look in the mirror and "young people" have to explain things about iPads to me.

Being asked to be the executor of my parents' wills, agreeing to be the legal guardian of my nephew should his parents die, holding my mother's hand to make her go into the funeral of her mother while fighting the urge to run away howling.

Sorry, mine are all a bit depressing.

ModreB Tue 29-Jul-14 20:05:12

I am still 18yo. Even my 24yo, 22yo & 15yo DS think so. As does DH, who is over 50yo. We were known as the "mad" parents when the DS's were very small, but guess what, all our DS's are more successful and confident than theirs are, so I count that as a bonus.

BTW, a colleague who recently retired at 62yo was the same as me grin

RumAppleGinger Tue 29-Jul-14 20:08:56

Despite having husband, child, mortgage and having been responsible for organising both my brother's and father's funerals it was the rather trivial acts of getting my washing to smell amazing and owning a tin opener that actually works that made me feel like a grown up.

Marmaladecat1 Tue 29-Jul-14 20:10:50

Taking my son to hospital in an ambulance and being referred to as 'Xx's mum'.
Being a NT member for the last few years.
Having Gin in the cupboard.

loombands Tue 29-Jul-14 20:11:52

Oh...ive just started nearly exactly the same thread

im 42. Just realised that these days i make sensible decisions with my brain after a period of logical thinking and consideration

Up until much too recently, i made daft decsions driven by my heart/whims and hormones

Marmaladecat1 Tue 29-Jul-14 20:13:58

Having a miscarriage like mercedes no one came to save me. I've had to deal with it myself...which was shit I might add!

ElephantsNeverForgive Tue 29-Jul-14 20:14:31

I was playing piggy in the pool with DH and DD2(13) this afternoon, when I remember this thread.

We all agreed that being a grown up was very overrated.

Itsjustmeagain Tue 29-Jul-14 20:14:41

I was walking through a park a few weeks ago and a child ran up to me shouting behind her "its ok I've found a grown up".

It turned out a man was throwing cans at them and had kicked one of the children - thank god he ran off when the little girl dragged me back to where the other children were hiding (brave eh? attack a group or 9/10 year olds but run off at the sight of a 5 foot 2 woman)

WineAndChocolateyummy Tue 29-Jul-14 20:14:46

I still have to remind myself that I am meant to be a grown up. I realised I wasn't as young as I thought when a student got on the bus and I thought.."what are you wearing, what do you think you look like", followed by OMFG I sound like my Mother.

If it wasn't for the lightening I would have put my swimming costume on last week and run around in the storm....I did this as a child.

HippyPottyMouth Tue 29-Jul-14 21:07:57

Not when my dad died, when I prganised his funera, sorted out his estate, got probate, all that stuff. Oh no, it was while I was sorting out his house. I realised that I was driving my own car, to the tip, on a Sunday morning, and didn't have a hangover. That was the moment for me. It passed. I still wonder how I was allowed to have a professional job, a mortgage and a baby. Somebody must have made a mistake.

Letthemtalk Tue 29-Jul-14 21:15:28

Signing the consent forms and seeing dd off to theatre when she broke her elbow. All of a sudden it hit me that I am responsible for her.

Wh0dathunkit Tue 29-Jul-14 21:19:24

When I became the "responsible adult" for my parents, both of whom have subsequently been stonkingly ill since. This started when I was in my 20s, I'm still (nearly 20 years later) not convinced that they really meant to put me in charge!

slightlyconfused85 Tue 29-Jul-14 21:22:55

When I realised that the children in year 7 at the school I teach in were not born for 9/11.

When my weekends became consumed with trips to BandQ and Wickes.

When DD is poorly and needs me to cuddle and comfort her - I feel like a real adult then..

OpiesOldLady Tue 29-Jul-14 21:37:40

When I had to chose the casket I wanted my son to be buried in. He hadn't even been born yet, but I knew that I wouldn't be up to it after having him. It seemed such an adult thing to do when all I wanted whilst I was doing it was my mum to come and hold me and tell me it would be ok. It wasn't.

On a lighter note, I realised I was getting old the other day when I went on a big water slide at our local leisure centre and hated every second of it!

DownyEmerald Tue 29-Jul-14 22:22:59

I won't feel grown up until I can do the whole tradesmen thing.

Which I totally can't.

And I'm 45 or 46 - I've forgotten.

sunflower49 Tue 29-Jul-14 23:28:52

When bad things/crises happen I sometimes feel like an adult. When I have to help people get through things, when animals or people need help I am responsible-and usually pretty good.

When I have to pay out large amounts of money angry !

But, in every other sphere of life, nope!

I'm fairly girly. I like clothes, make up, fluffy animals and rock music... I like alternative means of decor. I'm still very much the same person as in my teens-my views on things haven't changed (aside from not being quite so uptight)!

I used to think I'd hit 25 or 30 and it would happen-I'd feel 'adult' . But it didn't. Ah well smile

merlehaggard Tue 29-Jul-14 23:36:59

My immediate response was also not very lighthearted. I thought the day I grew up was when my mum died when I was 24 and my first child was 2. In reality though, I mostly don't feel very grown up. I don't think I ever really will and I'm 45.

frumpet Wed 30-Jul-14 09:06:20

I am in my early 40's and still feel like someone is going to catch me out . I dont have the trappings of a grown up , i think to feel grown up i would need to have

More than one pair of jeans at a time
bra's and pants that match
A hairstyle
Savings
A real life proper bank account with a debit card
A plan for the future
A signature dish , as opposed to a handful of take away menus and a shelf full of unread cookery books
A full set of matching crockery

What worries me is that people half my age at work have all of the above grin

thisisnow Wed 30-Jul-14 09:55:59

When I had a cupboard under the sink I realised I was an adult sad Depresses me just thinking about it.

However someone did ring my house-phone and ask if they could talk to one of my parents, I said I don't live with my parents I'm 28!

Catching up with these on my tea break at work [tea]

I meant brew and hopefully a biscuit

OnlyLovers Wed 30-Jul-14 11:57:48

frumpet, do people really have all of those things? shock

I have more than one pair of jeans, but that's just because I like different coloured ones.

I have a bank account that's always massively overdrawn and a debit card

but that's it. hmm grin

I'm in my late 30s.

Itsjustmeagain Wed 30-Jul-14 12:09:21

I have thought of another time it hit me i was growing up - my mum died when I was 17 and the first day back at school coming home and unlocking the door to go in. She had been a sahm so I had never needed to use the house key before that point! I felt very grown up getting the keys out even if it was sad as well

Despite my comments very early on this thread, I've just realised this very morning that I'm finally getting on a bit.

I finally need varifocals...... grin

Sometimes when I'm driving my car with DS in the back. I feel like such a responsible person.

jellyhead Wed 30-Jul-14 13:34:56

When my eldest was diagnosed with autism and I realised I had to cope with this and make sure he would be ok.
I was in my 30s and up to then thought I was so grown up. It was accepting you can't change things you, have to accept and deal with it

BananaHammocks Wed 30-Jul-14 13:40:16

When I rang the doctor and asked to make an appointment 'for my daughter'. She was 6 weeks old and it was the first time I said the words 'my daughter'! She's now 12 weeks and it's still sinking in!

jellyhead On a serious note, I think you and some other posters have probably hit on the real issue.

Being grown up is the point when it's finally up to you to deal with what life throws at you. It's no longer up to your parents or any other adult to take over for you, you finally have to work it out on your own.

If I look at it in that respect, I've probably felt grown up since my early teens, I've had to deal with a lot myself. Perhaps my lack of seriousness is my counterbalance to that, because I'm quick enough to plough in and do stuff when necessary.

CrohnicallyDepressed Wed 30-Jul-14 13:42:46

slightlyconfused I had a similar moment talking to a work experience student. I was laughing about the fact that I found a computer at work with a "year 2000 compliant" sticker on it- which shows just how ancient some of our stuff is. Student looked at me blankly and asked "what do you mean, 2000 compliant?". It suddenly dawned on me that she wasn't even born for the millennium bug malarkey.

So now, like a PP, I feel old- but I definitely don't feel like a grown up yet! I'm married, have a child, pay a mortgage, and am waiting to be exposed as a fraud for having all of those things.

jellyhead Wed 30-Jul-14 13:46:00

That's it fryone. When you realise it's up to you

GarlicJulyKit Wed 30-Jul-14 15:08:39

I was just thinking the same thing, fry and jelly!

Getting a mortgage, getting a huge promotion, voting, buying my own car, having proper dinner parties ... all made me 'feel grown up' because they're things that had represented adulthood to me. They were ticks in the grown-up box (a very grown-up way of looking at it hmm)

But the first time I really realised I'm an adult happened when my parents suffered a crisis overseas. I calmed them down, told them what to do, mobilised the help they needed, and didn't even think twice about it. I'd automatically stepped into the solve-it shoes for my parents. Gosh!

One other time - in my late twenties, when I first told a group of strapping lads to stop picking on the other passengers and sit down - and they did grin

ElasticBandBall Wed 30-Jul-14 15:50:15

A few recently for me;

Realising I'm only 2 years off the age my mum was when she died.

Telling my DS to stop dragging his feet - I just sounded so like my dad!

And finally we are having proper building work done on the house at the moment, for some reason deciding things like where sockets are to go etc feels very grown up.

Oh and contemplating RHS membership and wanting garden vouchers for my approaching significant birthday.

sezamcgregor Wed 30-Jul-14 15:55:30

Turning 27 did it for me sad

DS was 6, going into second year of primary - just suddenly felt very real

I'm sure that 30 will be a bundle of laughs!!

Looking forward to being 40 and doing all of the stuff that I should have been doing in my twenties and cavorting around the world acting totally disgracefully posting embarrassing pictures on FB at every opportunity!

ButterflyOfFreedom Wed 30-Jul-14 16:20:26

I still generally don't feel 'grown up' and I like the fact I'm generally young at heart / a big kid (!) (and apparently look young too which is a ncie bonus!) but a few examples that spring to mind are:

Meeting up with my uni friends and finding that topics of conversation have turned from drinking / men / girls nights out to mortgages / children / politics

Listening to radio 2 - and really enjoying it!

Contemplating National Trust membership

Telling my DS to 'put your shoes on', 'tidy your room', 'eat your veg', etc... I know that definitely makes me sound like a mum!

Kleptronic Wed 30-Jul-14 16:47:41

I keep getting shafted by plumbers/boiler repair people/car mechanics and there is no one to sort it but me and I know nothing. Being a grownup is horrible!

Mercedes519 Wed 30-Jul-14 20:20:07

klep i realised i was a grown-up when i realised i just had to deal with all that kind of crap. And now, actually i think i am different that when i was 20. Mind you i think i'm actually around 32 not nearly 40

However, it's all very well being all grown-up but no one tells you that quite a lot of the time being a grown up is, well a bit shit. A lot of it is just a load of crap you have to deal with, like broken cars and leaking washing machines.

I don't think i want to be a grown-up any more hmm

PigeonPie Wed 30-Jul-14 20:23:39

Mercedes - I had a bit of a crap time earlier in the year and I wanted to wail that I didn't want to be a grownup any more and that someone else could deal with it all!

ocelot41 Wed 30-Jul-14 20:26:33

Really liking puttering around teh garden of an evening with a glass of wine and a hosepipe...now where's my cardigan and slippers?

Mercedes519 Wed 30-Jul-14 20:27:46

Sorry to hear that pigeon but i know exactly how you feel, i have a full-on management job, two kids and a disabled DH. The level of crap at times is phenomenal.

Sometimes you want someone to come in and say "you've done enough already, take the weight off"

Perhaps being a grown-up is the certain knowledge that no one is coming....

enormouse Wed 30-Jul-14 20:59:32

Whenever I say any of the following phrases:
"I think we need to think about savings/life insurance/changing our energy provider"
"But are the schools good in that area?"
"It's a nice car but will the car seats fit?"
"We should make a will"
All accompanied by a face that makes me look like my mum disagreeing with my dad .

I also have a new found love of household appliances.
I covet steam mops, breadmakers and roombas the way I covet kurt geiger shoes now.
I know about things like where the vacuum cleaner bags are, how to descale things and own pot plants

Mercedes519 Wed 30-Jul-14 21:02:23

I was just listening to Radio 4 and it was really interesting...oh dear

Whilst having a shower ready for an early night...oh dear

MrsBartlet Wed 30-Jul-14 21:46:11

I have just started working full-time for the first time in seventeen and a half-years and both dc said to me that I was like a proper grown-up now! Being 43 I thought I was a proper grown-up already but apparently not grin

Plomino Wed 30-Jul-14 21:57:24

Driving home listening to talk radio instead of Capital.

Dyeing my hair because I need to so I don't look like a grumpy badger , instead of doing it because I actually wanted it purple .

fairiesatthebottomofthegarden Wed 30-Jul-14 22:11:44

When I filed for divorcegrin and when I fill in questionnaires I am now in the 35-40 bracket, that's far too grown upsmile

UnderEstherMate Wed 30-Jul-14 22:16:22

Still not feeling like a grown up, but when I told DD that we were going to watch a YouTube clip from 2008 today, she said "Ahh great, that means it'll be in black and white!" Definitely made me feel old (and think of this thread!)

temporaryusername Wed 30-Jul-14 22:21:04

If possible I think I feel about 8, but also about 80, but nowhere near my real age.

But yes - I was so shocked when a teenage girl said to her sister 'mind that lady'!! Also when doctor's letters no longer say 'thank you for referring this young lady' - the bastards could pretend!!

The other thing is actually making a point of seeking out the weather forecast. Having spent years being told by older female relatives to be quiet so they could listen to the weather forecast.

enormouse Wed 30-Jul-14 22:21:55

grin at a grumpy badger.

I've just had a phone call from my MIL and we're going to B&Q recreationally next week and then for a nice cup of tea. We're also planning an ikea trip. I can't pinpoint when but at some stage I grew up and started making an effort with her instead of just tolerating her. That feels grown up to me.

temporaryusername Wed 30-Jul-14 22:22:28

Oh yes, and someone said they wanted to ask me questions for their school project because it was about toys people played with in the olden days.

mumof2kiddos Wed 30-Jul-14 22:54:19

When my DD now almost 13, was 6wks old, she fell really ill, vomiting diarrhea listless and it was only me and DH...no one around. Also it was quite late at night and most of doctor's clinics closed (it was outside the UK). At that moment it first hit me the enormity of the whole thing! We had to locate a 24-7 nursing home, get the paed check her, get her admitted and then all the faff following it.

Strangely when we bought our own house, arrange mortgage etc, I was never really out of the 'haze', my DH did the whole thing and only took my signatures where needed. It was too surreal for me...as if beyond my grasp! Even now after 6 yrs sometimes I wonder whether this house is 'really' our's???

NoMilkNoSugar Wed 30-Jul-14 23:40:57

Forgetting my age and having to work it out. I decided I was staying at 36 forever, as that was easy to remember. Then my brother died and I'm suddenly bloody grateful to be 37.

BillyJoel Wed 30-Jul-14 23:41:36

I am rehearsing for a play in which i play 21 year old wondering if I'll ever meet the right man and settle down and have kids. And i really feel it and remember that feeling very clearly. The i remembered that i did find the man and have 3 fab kids, and it did actually happen for me. Very weird cos i remember the feeling so well. I guess i did grow up somewhere along the way. I do feel like a fraud at work - i have a very responsible job and people come to me for answers and advice and somehow trust me to give them the right answers. I am still getting away with it and some people i really respect seem to think i am doing a good job. Weird.....

GoshAnneGorilla Thu 31-Jul-14 01:09:20

Two moments, which seem rather trivial compared to most on this thread.

The first was when I was working with a school nurse. I was walking through the school with a pupil we needed to see, when she was waylaid by some argumentative classmates. I realised that I wasn't at school and didn't have to feel cowed by mouthy school girls as I was now an adult. I told them that we had somewhere to be and off they went.

The second is a few months ago when Dd1 came home with her brand new school shoes massively scuffed. I now understand how my mum felt when we did similar things. It made me feel rather old.

EBearhug Thu 31-Jul-14 01:25:43

At 37, dealing with my mother's death, executing the will, clearing our childhood home and realising that I was the oldest left in my line.

Haven't managed to do proper grown up stuff like mortgage, marriage or motherhood. Never managed to get a promotion. Been gardening and listening to Radio 4 since childhood.

Not sure why it bothered me in some ways. My mother was never exactly supportive anyway. But I've got friends my age, and some still have grandparents, let alone parents. It definitely does change something.

PasswordProtected Thu 31-Jul-14 05:05:04

Buying silk thermal vests & being able to deal with spiders in my house have made me feel officially grown up, but in my head I am still about 26.

TheGonnagle Thu 31-Jul-14 10:22:00

I didn't feel grown up until I got ill.
Overnight I became an adult. Sorting out wills, checking life insurance, cancelling plans to move as we couldn't guarantee my income long term etc.
I am now officially a grown up.

sauvignonblacks Thu 31-Jul-14 12:06:16

Don't know whether it's grown up or getting old but tuning into James O'brian's mystery hour gives me a strange satisfaction

ContentedLittleMummy Thu 31-Jul-14 12:20:08

Realising yesterday that we either went to see the Northern lights in the winter OR pay for our ensuite which has just flooded and has been ripped out. Obviously the bathroom won. That and my tax return. There used to be a time when I'd get my student load and piss off on holiday with it, then eat mushy peas on toast for the rest of the term. I'm going on 28.

Greengrow Thu 31-Jul-14 12:41:00

For a very long time. As a teenager I was always extremely sensible, planning etc. I have yet to have things like gap years and wild phases. I think I was born middle aged and only now that I am has my age caught up with the mentality.

Ladyboluna Thu 31-Jul-14 17:09:19

When I realised I spent more money on knitting yarn than alcohol at the age of 23.

I thought: this is my life now.

Maya15 Thu 31-Jul-14 18:42:36

Last year I got a pension, a life insurance and a mortgage. That made me a feel very grown up!
A colleague at work is in her early twenties and has not heard of most movies and music I like (and vice versa) :-)

Baddderz Thu 31-Jul-14 18:46:06

When I had to sit down and tell my children my dad, their beloved pop, had died.
I am not the person I was before that.

Mercedes519 Thu 31-Jul-14 18:49:28

badderz sad

WasWildatHeart Thu 31-Jul-14 21:32:54

I

Shlurpbop Fri 01-Aug-14 07:41:13

When I look at my 3 year old DD and realise that this is her childhood, what will shape her and what she will remember when she is older, as I remember mine. The responsibility makes me feel old and a proper grown up.

When my beloved DH died last year.

Dealing with moving, his estate, dismantling our life and knowing I was the only person who could get me through it has made me feel very grown up and very isolated.

Rox19 Fri 01-Aug-14 07:57:34

A few things
- on the way when sister repeatedly attempted suicide when I was 16/17 and mum leant on me (dad useless);

- aged 14 when nan was repeatedly sectioned for mental health problems miles away in yarmouth and again mum leant on me;

- aged 20 when parents bought student but to let and I was responsible for day management and exicting squatters;

- receiving bills on first owned flat aged 22;

- husband being sectioned when I was 22 and being the person responsible;

This looks terrible written down but all were temporary- sister bipolar and fine on new med and husband on anxiety med and had long term CBT! Just made me grow up!!

Mum based-
Seeing the 'my family' name tree and having to fill it in when daughter was 2;

Training as a bf peer supporter when aged 26 and thinking I must be a good knowledgeable mum as I am helping other mums!

poppy990 Fri 01-Aug-14 09:43:19

I went clubbing last week for the first time in about 5 years. It was full of 18-20 year olds. One of them came up to me and said 'I hope I'm still going clubbing when I'm your age' ouch! (I'm a young looking 37) I felt really old after that!

groovyolmutha Fri 01-Aug-14 11:44:05

Last week when I accidentally strayed onto Radio 4 and started listening to The Archers AND thought it was good!

When I get irritated by people who say 'Glasto' and 'Uni'.

When people refer to me as a 'Guy' in shops/cafe's ("It's Madam to you!").

When I am asked for my first name in certain coffee outlet - i.e. none of your business what my name is and I don't want everyone else to know either - again "It's Madam to you, show some respect!".

Otherwise, I still catch myself thinking, oh, I'll do that when I grow up, e.g. do the ironing every week.

DD is 14 and I am over 55!

jenny1969 Fri 01-Aug-14 11:51:51

My DD is 25 and I still dont feel like a proper grown up. Dont think I ever will until I

Learn to drive
Have a mortgage
Have savings
Work full time
Spend my free time doing sensible things,like gardening, instead of on Facebook

I look at photos of my school friends and they are all so OLD. Still feel like I am play acting, especially when I have to deal with tradesmen.

Its why I struggle to make friends as people my age are all so sensible and talk about babies and colour schemes!

dorothyparka Fri 01-Aug-14 12:11:33

In my relationship with my mother I've always had to be the responsible adult--I don't think the midwife made it clear to her which of us was the child and which of us was the parent hmm

Velocirapture Fri 01-Aug-14 12:17:21

When I bought new school shoes and uniform for DS and then put him in car to go and get an ice cream to get over the trauma of shopping.

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