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Pooing in the workplace

(61 Posts)
3PacketsOfCrisps Fri 18-Jul-14 10:13:26

Yes or no?

Our manager has recently fitted the 2 cubicles with locks and we have to sign for a key each time.

This is because someone wasn't cleaning up after them!

This can lead to embarassment if someone has the key for your door and are waiting for you to "finish"


cogitosum Fri 18-Jul-14 10:16:16

I have ibs and this is my absolute worst nightmare.

Incidentally i don't leave the cubicle in a mess but not much you can do about smell (tmi)

smoothieooo Fri 18-Jul-14 10:17:21

Yes, absolutely!

That's what they're there for after all, although I understand it's not ideal should someone be waiting for your cubicle. We have also had issues in our workplace with people leaving the cubicles in a dreadful mess (all professional women hmm ) so maybe a key is the answer!

Doubtfuldaphne Fri 18-Jul-14 10:19:14

Same here I have ibs and would hate that. It's a bit much asking you to get a key!
I actually had to leave a job because the loo had no lock and was in a bodged together booth directly behind people's desks, so no privacy at all!

3PacketsOfCrisps Fri 18-Jul-14 10:20:02

I also have IBS and when I gotta go, I gotta go!

Only I am paranoid about the smell! Why is there so much stigma attached to pooing? Everyone does it!

What's the deal with people leaving cubicles in a dreadful mess? I remember it being talked about very sternly in assembly at secondary school as if people were doing it deliberately. Is it just poor toilet training habits or do they have ishoos?

3PacketsOfCrisps Fri 18-Jul-14 10:20:43

the loo had no lock and was in a bodged together booth directly behind people's desks, so no privacy at all


gobbin Fri 18-Jul-14 10:27:10

I would regard that as a gross invasion of privacy and would feel like I was being treated as a child.

I have Crohns and, like the IBS sufferers above I often have a 10 second 'window' between feeling the need to go and going. To have to find a key holder up to ten times a day would be embarrassing. I now have a stoma which needs emptying regularly - can you imagine how embarrassing this would be? I'd demand my own key!

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes Fri 18-Jul-14 15:56:36

our work loo is unisex, there are two on one side marked ladies and two opposite marked men. I dread going as for some reason it feels wrong to stand at a sink washing hands beside a bloke.

WipsGlitter Fri 18-Jul-14 15:59:44

Can I recommend poo pourri for the smell

3PacketsOfCrisps Fri 18-Jul-14 16:03:08

Well manager checked Employee rights beforehand and apparently it's all above board!

ToffeeMoon Fri 18-Jul-14 16:26:19

Surely there's only one key for each door? Why would someone have the key if you're already in there?

I think it's close to an abuse of human rights to have to beg for a key (and therefore announce your toilet habits) several times a day.

I never leave loos in a mess. Even public ones. I hate to think of someone having to clean up after me.

EvilStepMam Fri 18-Jul-14 16:31:22

No!! My cheeks refuse to unclench anywhere other than my own home.

BulletLaVolta Fri 18-Jul-14 16:32:46

Nope wouldnt work for me. I poo lots (medical problem) when I have to go I dont have long.

I never leave a mess and there is air freshner in loo, I am not embarrassed at all but it would be annoying to get a key evrytime.

ShakeYourTailFeathers Fri 18-Jul-14 16:33:54

DH has got a poo smearer at work. It's a building site and someone keeps decorating the inside of the thunder boxes ... it's fucking grim.

I used to have IBS and the key thing would have mortified me too...

Purplecircle Fri 18-Jul-14 16:40:55

I go to clients offices all the time, often 10 different ones in a month. In every single ladies toilet cubicle is a sign about leaving it how you would expect to find it.
I just wonder who the hell these animals are. I know that people poo at work, I try to avoid it but sometimes it has to be done. Yes it smells and you can't avoid it. If there is a toilet brush I'd use it if it needed it
But seriously who are these women that leave toilet cubicles in an unfit state for the next person? We're humans not animals!

JazzyThistle Fri 18-Jul-14 16:45:47

No, never

CharlieSierra Fri 18-Jul-14 16:48:51

We have the same thing with having to put a sign up, even had poo put in the sanitary bins before now. Again all professional women. Grim.

WatchingSeaMonkeys Fri 18-Jul-14 16:52:42

The best poos are at work!! I'm a firm fan of them. You do get some grotty buggers though!

We used to have a "nester" at work, who would fill the toilet with loo roll & then crap on top of it - and not flush!

Next poor sod in would gag & press the flush - making the whole lot rise up towards your wide-eyed face before sinking back down & completely refusing to go anywhere....

We never found out who it was.....

PrivateBenjamin Fri 18-Jul-14 16:59:10

I have a secret toilet at work. I'm so grateful for it. The ordinary toilets are fine for a wee but surely everyone wants privacy and not to have to poo when there are colleagues in the same room, only separated by a flimsy cubicle.

The asking for a key thing is really invasive. Am also baffled by women leaving the toilets in a mess. It has never occurred to me to smear poo on walls, surely that's harder work than just wiping like normal?

MyGastIsFlabbered Fri 18-Jul-14 17:03:14

I can't, I just can't. The idea just makes my buttocks clench so tight that I need a crowbar to prise them apart again.

CheesyBadger Fri 18-Jul-14 17:05:28

Take a little perfume spray maybe?

specialsubject Fri 18-Jul-14 17:07:25

box of matches - not to burn the place down but to deal with the smell. Something about methane, I think.

CulturalBear Fri 18-Jul-14 17:07:26

grin at WatchingSeaMonkeys' 'nester'

I used to avoid it, but now am in the yes camp - I don't often get the choice, if I need to go, I need to go.

There is a real art to it though. I always go to the one a long way away, where there are three loos. The trick is to time it so no-one can decipher that you are connected to The Smell.

So, if you go in and see someone at the sink, you have to hold it back til they leave, then you're ok. If there is one other person using the facilities, you must time it so you don't leave the loo at the same time (awkward eye contact). If there are two, you might be able to get away with it if you finish and are washing up before they emerge (as it could be either of the 'others' responsible.

The ideal is no-one in at the start, no-one there during, and no-one there on the exit. If there are people queueing (happens sometimes), then it's a strict hold off and hide until you don't have an audience to witness your scented walk of shame.

I have been caught out in the mutual poo-off deadlock though when there have been me and one or even two others in flagrante, all trying to hold off. Usually someone gives up and makes a bolt for freedom. I, on the other hand, have done lots of strategic hiding...

Signing for keys would simply kill off this beautiful dance of toiletry etiquette...

Frogisatwat Fri 18-Jul-14 17:08:47

Private Benjamin. . I sought out a secret toilet in every office I worked in...Every now and then you would meet someone from the same department waiting outside which was always a little bit blush

Kimaroo Fri 18-Jul-14 17:11:35

No no no, could never do it at work. If I go into one of the cubicles at work and it smells or is messy I run out and use the other one just incase someone after thinks it's me stinking it out. Again, professional smart women but leave marks all over the bowl. Yuk! I know if you've got to go, you've got to go but don't leave sights behind for others to clean up.

Lottiedoubtie Fri 18-Jul-14 17:15:42

There is something gloriously satisfying about pooing on work time wink

I never leave a mess though and would resent being made to ask for a key.

SuburbanRhonda Fri 18-Jul-14 17:17:05

wips, I don't think it's recommended to put oil or fat into the sewage system because of the difficulty of getting rid of it further down the line.

Go vegetarian - my shit never smells. Or so I tell myself.

splodgeness Fri 18-Jul-14 17:18:47

Early lesson my dad taught me - always cr*p on company time !!

I would hate to have to ask for a key tho.

goodasitgets Fri 18-Jul-14 17:19:36

With signs, one at my last workplace said (I'm not joking either)
"Please refrain from putting empty tins of fish in the sanitary bins, this has led to an accident where someone was injured"

waterducksback Fri 18-Jul-14 17:21:14

I hate using toilets at work.
My biggest nightmare is when its that time aunty flo of the month and you use the loo and

IT WON'T FLUSH!!!!!!!! shock

Patrickstarisabadbellend Fri 18-Jul-14 17:22:02

My uncle works on the trains and he had the phantom shitter.
Someone randomly shits everywhere and rubs it in on the seats and windows.

Pico2 Fri 18-Jul-14 17:22:37

We have a few loos at work that seem to take about 20 mins to refill with water. I've never had a problem with them, partly because they are miles from my desk and partly because I remember which they are. But people must get stuck in the "it won't flush, how long do I have to wait to try to flush it" trap.

Our work loos are cleaned 3 or 4 times a day. That helps a lot, but shouldn't be necessary.

Jubelteen Fri 18-Jul-14 17:24:07

We've also had a phantom smearer in our office loos. Why do people do this? There must be some sort of psychological explanation.
Men and women are so different in this respect, DH is amazed that I come home with tummy ache after holding a poo in all day, he says he couldn't do it no matter how hard he tried. He can't understand the embarrassment women feel, he's happy to chat to colleagues through the door if they're waiting for him to finish.

PeppermintInfusion Fri 18-Jul-14 17:25:40

I used to work in an office of smart professionals, and there was a poo smearer who offended every few months shock I really began to look at everyone with suspicion!

Thankfully where I work now there are very few women, so the Ladies' loos tend to stay clean and I have a 'secret loo' that must people don't realise is there also.

Other than not scrubbing their skids (tbf a lot of places I've worked don't provide loo brushes, maybe they read the MN debate?!) I don't see how people could ever make such a mess! Maybe I'm just naive!

Selks Fri 18-Jul-14 17:33:20

This whole poo smearing at work phenomenon is pretty damned weird....I've only ever heard about it on MN!

I can't imagine why anyone would want to do it, particularly in their workplace. Act of defiance, maybe? Still weird though.

Selks Fri 18-Jul-14 17:34:03

Oh and yes, I poo at work - necessity sometimes. I too have a secret loo. I dread working somewhere where I can't find a quite bog.

Selks Fri 18-Jul-14 17:34:27

# quiet

Do phantom poo smeared poo on thes seat or do they reach down into the water to pull it out?

Obviously I realise no one is going to answer that grin

Picklepest Fri 18-Jul-14 17:40:01

I'd poo on another floor. Is that poss?

Selks Fri 18-Jul-14 17:40:11

grin @ Stealth

Pico2 Fri 18-Jul-14 18:27:23

If you are worried about skids, a small amount of carefully placed loo roll prevents them, though too much will obviously block the loo.

Muskey Fri 18-Jul-14 18:31:50

My DH takes great delight in poohing in exclusive toilets given his job he has poohed in many an illustrious bog. However DD can only pooh at home. (I did add a particularly embarrassing story about this a few weeks ago). When I worked in an HQ some years ago there were executive toilets on a particular floor because they were mostly men in charge in this particularly company I would avail myself of the female equivalent. They were really lovely loos

Jubelteen Fri 18-Jul-14 18:36:11

Pico but not too much, that would make you a nester.

The poo in our loo was halfway up the wall, even if you had dysentery and ran in, and shat before you could sit down it would be impossible to get shit in that position accidentally. I now eye everyone with suspicion.

PicandMinx Fri 18-Jul-14 18:36:59

My colleague always poos at work. He likes the idea of being paid as he poops. He calls it "time and a turd".

PercyPorkyPig Fri 18-Jul-14 18:37:28

If you really have to go and the other cubicles either side are occupied- put a couple of sheets of paper in the bowl before you poo - muffles the 'fdunk' of the deposit as it hits the water. Alternatively - flush the loo as you poo - needs a bit of hovering dexterity to avoid splash-back - and a wait whilst the cistern refills - but worth it if you know it is going to be a right clanger..

GertieFinkle Fri 18-Jul-14 18:39:25

Where are all these secret loos?!

Muskey Fri 18-Jul-14 18:42:16

I have been thinking about the smearing thing I have never experienced it myself. However the closest I have come was coming into work really early after an evening event had been held in the HQ . I popped into the loos when I noticed that a toilet door had been ripped off its hinges. That must have been one desperate lady

BulletLaVolta Fri 18-Jul-14 18:45:58

But Percy, what about bum noises, my arse sounds awful when I I pooblush

Luckily we don't have cubicals so the sounds don't travel.

PercyPorkyPig Fri 18-Jul-14 18:53:25

bum noises can be masked by the 'flush the loo as you poo' method - but it is best avoided if you have a dicky tummy of course. I often use this method, years of working in a mostly female environment with only a 10 minute window of opportunity every 1 1/2hrs, 3 cubicles to 20 staff !

gamescompendium Fri 18-Jul-14 19:06:25

We had a poo smearer at work. There were regular emails about it and I had innocently assumed there was some skid marks in the bowl and that was it. Then they sent an email out with the photo. There was no way that happened accidentally. I was on matenity leave at the time so thankfully missed all the suspicious staring.

Muskey Fri 18-Jul-14 19:06:29

Flush the loo as you pooh I love it

McBear Fri 18-Jul-14 19:15:13

I'm truly shocked at some of these stories yet fully sympathetic.

I had to take my lunch break early one day this week and drive to a local supermarket approx 10 mins away due to a dodgy tummy. I knew I wouldn't know anyone there. Massive overreaction and it has made me question myself.

I have approx 30/40 women in my workplace and three cubicles. They're vile. One big fat woman goes for a poo every day at about 11 shamelessly. She stinks.

One woman, I think I have worked out who, creates a big line of poo on the back of the seat. I'm not sure how. I think she doesn't wipe properly and sits very far back on the seat when she wees.

Ironically, a super clean woman who finds public toilets absolutely disgusting is the one that leaves them on the worst state. She wipes the seat using half a tree of toilet roll then refuses to sit on the seat so splatters and then refuses to touch the flush so leaves it all there. Not sure why she won't wipe after if she wipes before.

Pico2 Fri 18-Jul-14 19:15:26

Statistically, I think at least one poo smearer must end up reading this thread, but then not 'fess up. If you are reading this poo smearer, please name change and enlighten the rest of us - why?

WestEast Fri 18-Jul-14 19:17:30

I'm a work poo-er. But we have a staff loo in our changing rooms that's nicely out of the way.

TSSDNCOP Fri 18-Jul-14 19:30:49

I have to stand, so it's a case of poo or fart all day.

But our loo has a horrid habit of not flushing a poo away, so one winds up having to pump the cistern out many times to avoid leaving a floater.

I have cunningly concealed an implement near to the loo to assist with shoving said poo round the bend if necessary.

Ok remind me how to name change....

Pico2 Fri 18-Jul-14 20:08:44

That would be an epic name change fail.

Pico2 Fri 18-Jul-14 20:08:56

That would be an epic name change fail.

WastingMyYoungYears Fri 18-Jul-14 20:15:28

I go to a different building if I need to poo grin.

I hate it if I go for a wee in my building, and someone has just had a poo. I then worry that if someone sees me leave, they will think that I did the poo confused.

I am clearly the Queen.

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