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If your children dress peculiarly or look a bit minging would you tell them?

(56 Posts)
AtYourCervix Sat 03-May-14 20:24:00

Teenager children.

Not in a quirky 'i have my own style and am cool in a geeky kind of way'.

More of a 'you've missed and you look shocking and people will laugh'.

Would you say 'ffs DD/S you look a fright go and change/shave/wash your hair'?
Or let them get on with it and let them get sneered at by bad people like me?

BoJolly Sat 03-May-14 20:27:38

I will tell them to go wash if they smell.

Other than that, I wouldn't say anything. That could possibly be because I often look a fright though.

AtYourCervix Sat 03-May-14 20:28:59

Not your average normal teenager fright. Really bad.

Parsnipcake Sat 03-May-14 20:30:22

It depends on the teen. Some would take it better than others. If they like the look, they will appear confident and get away with it probably!

BoJolly Sat 03-May-14 20:30:32

I am trying to imagine things worse than normal teenager fright.

Could you give an example?

EatShitDerek Sat 03-May-14 20:31:19

Mum has a 12 and 14 year old teens. She tells them if they look a twat or stink. She was the same with me --still is--grin

I also tell them

AtYourCervix Sat 03-May-14 20:31:48

I'm crap. I'm all 'oh be an individual. Dye your hair. Get pierced. Wear purple.'

But then I get all shock by someone else and wonder why on earth the parent hasn't pointed out the child looks minging.

HomeIsWhereTheHeartIs Sat 03-May-14 20:33:32

Judging by the family photo albums I often looked a total state and I wish someone had said something. However I would have taken it VERY badly.

PrincessBabyCat Sat 03-May-14 20:34:11

Hygiene, I'd always tell. I tell my husband to take a damn shower some days There's no excuse for being smelly or unkempt.

If it's clothes though... They'll figure it out on their own. I wore all sorts of stupid stuff as a teen and didn't get laughed at. If it bugs them to get laughed at and they do, they'll stop. Otherwise, just let them get it out of their system before they have to apply for jobs and have boring outfits and haircuts like the rest of us. wink

BoJolly Sat 03-May-14 20:34:39

I have to be honest. My DSs are fairly boring conservative and never took to the shat-in-the-pants look.
I think I might have had to say something if they had.

thornrose Sat 03-May-14 20:35:26

If I see a child/teen that looks bad I might cringe a bit inside or feel sorry that other people their own age might take the piss but as an adult I don't have it in me to sneer at a teenager.

AtYourCervix Sat 03-May-14 20:35:31

If the DDs look greasy i'll tell them.

Or slutty. Or just peculiar combination (twinset and leggings).

AtYourCervix Sat 03-May-14 20:36:46

I think if they were boys i couldn't tolerate the jeans around the knees look.

BoJolly Sat 03-May-14 20:37:37

Twinset and leggings makes a change from twinset & pearls.

<imagines very interesting W.I. meetings>

AtYourCervix Sat 03-May-14 20:38:00

Sner isn't the word.. No. Wrong word sorry.

But a 'what the actual feck were you thinking'?

AtYourCervix Sat 03-May-14 20:38:45

See through leggings.

I'd tell them bluntly.

BoJolly Sat 03-May-14 20:39:26

We used to worry about VPL

<wistful>

AtYourCervix Sat 03-May-14 20:39:31

Whispy moustache...

'Get and shave your face now'

5madthings Sat 03-May-14 20:39:50

My ds1 has no dress sense whatsoever and he just doesn't care, I actually wondered if he was colour blind he was that bad at co coordinating clothes, camo trousers and a check shirt.. And yes I will tell him if things dont match etc.

OHforDUCKScake Sat 03-May-14 20:43:17

Speaking as someone who dresses very scruffily (is that a word?) I judge no one on how they dress.

However, if one of my boys was to be smelly or visibly unclean I would mention it. Otherwise, unless they were young and at risk of being bullied, Id not mention it.

thornrose Sat 03-May-14 20:44:42

Aha, 'what the fuck were you thinking' I get grin (really sorry, bogged down with goady threads, temporary sense of humour failure)

It's a bloody tough call. I'll call dd up on cleanliness and absolute wrongness. It's such a bloody fine line!

LifeHuh Sat 03-May-14 20:45:20

Cleanliness yes- and I do comment (nag!!) in RL. Clothes, no , not unless asked.
I would say something about unsuitable interview clothes though.

BoJolly Sat 03-May-14 20:46:17

My mum doesn't like me wearing Dr Martens. She buys me old lady slippers at christmas.

HecatePropylaea Sat 03-May-14 20:46:35

If they smell or are dirty then I think we have an obligation to throw them in a shower and scrub them grin

but if they just want to go out looking stupid, well, <shrug> when I consider how ridiculous I used to look as a teen and probably half of you lot did too grin I think we'd do well to keep our gobs shut

Xihha Sat 03-May-14 20:51:55

I go with the 'dont you think that top would look better with those trousers?' approach with my teen sister and when teen brother went through the showing his bum stage I used to walk up behind him and pull his trousers up, unfortunately mum cottoned into this and now leaves me to tell them for her as they take it better from me.

PortofinoRevisited Sat 03-May-14 20:57:10

I might drop subtle hints, but then I went for years wearing purple eyeshadow with blue mascara and had a Phil Oakey fringe and seemed to have survived with my self-esteem intact.

hoohah Sat 03-May-14 21:04:18

I currently have this with 12yo ds. Mostly I put out clothes, but he's started experimenting. Sometimes he looks all over the place and I find myself in a quandry whether to guide him or leave him to be potentially laughed at.

12 seems to be a sensitive age for worrying what people think of you, before you've found your own style or speciality.

Hassled Sat 03-May-14 21:12:01

Oh I'm brutal. I love their individuality and all but if they look weird/rough/skanky I tell them. Only today I told DD she needed to brush her hair - and she's mid 20s. But then she gives as good as she gets,

Rockinghorse123 Sat 03-May-14 21:13:21

My DS is still tiny but I like to think I won't! My mum used to comment on my clothes and tell me what I should/shouldn't wear all the time! Used to drive me mad, and I didn't listen I just used to wear what she said to shut her up then get changed at a mates grin

LynetteScavo Sat 03-May-14 21:17:43

Mostly I'm quite direct, although ds is refusing to shave his whispy moustache. I am contemplating Immacing it during the night.

Cocolepew Sat 03-May-14 21:19:12

I do to dd1 who is 16 and doesn't brush her hair. She likes to pretend she's being all subversive but in reality she is a lazy slattern.

DD 2 is 12 and I regulary wipe the make up of her face . Less is more isn't her motto.

TinklyLittleLaugh Sat 03-May-14 21:24:14

Well I put my two pennorth in. I don't realistically expect them to take any notice though.

DS1 in particular had a style that can only be described as "chavvy", trackie bottoms, very short hair. I so wanted a nice long haired, indie boy.
Thankfully he has improved a bit now he's at Uni.

Thumbwitch Sat 03-May-14 21:25:23

My parents always seemed to think it was fine to do this. I used to ignore them thoroughly, of course. grin

Annunziata Sat 03-May-14 21:26:00

Oh yes.

DD1 can go a bit trampy with the leopard print dresses, and I hate DS1's horrible beardy-thing.

Thankfully mine are all vain enough to have no hygiene issues.

I tell them when they look lovely too though.

havenever Sat 03-May-14 21:30:43

Do any of your teens listen????

my 8 and 3 year old, take no notice of my fashion advice. I cant imagine a teenager listening?

not that i really give any advice. I care so little about dress/fashion/style

Linskibinski Sat 03-May-14 21:35:31

I often have to hose dd down in the garden. I feel it's my duty to let her know when her clothes are a bit crap. She often returns the favour <proud> grin

TheOriginalSteamingNit Sat 03-May-14 21:38:06

I told my 17 year old last night that she needed to put on some tights because she looked naff with loads of bare flesh on a cold night in the UK, and it was not cool. She took it on board and said this morning that I was actually right.

However, you're a braver woman than I if you want to suggest my 13 year old might like to have a look in a mirror before leaving the house.

ghostmous3 Sat 03-May-14 21:38:13

Yes i tell mine if they look really terrible, i was badly bullied at school for my lack of style. My parents just used to let me get on with it

Linskibinski Sat 03-May-14 21:41:48

I was the only 15 year old wearing Clarks sturdy shoes in my year at school. I was often the subject of much mirth. Hide of a rhino now though. grin

ghostmous3 Sat 03-May-14 21:42:29

My 11 year old dd wears half mast trousers with flourescent coloured socks and black school shoes andwonders why people stare! I tell her and I get back But muum, I love it.

Some of her concoctions, well.... im speechless sometimes.

AtYourCervix Sat 03-May-14 21:45:23

I was beyond uncool as a teenager.

It hurt.

VivaLeBeaver Sat 03-May-14 21:51:39

Dd has some see through leggings. I follow her up the stairs going "I know what colour pants you're wearing, I can see your PANTS".

Doesn't seem to bother her.

I've told her in the past that she could do with paying a bit more attention to her appearance and clothes. She used to hardly ever brush her hair and refused to wear anything apart from old trackie bottoms and t-shirts.

I felt bad because if she was happy then part of me felt I should leave her to it. I've no desire for her to be a pouting, duck face, selfie taking teen but on the other hand I don't want her being bullied for being a dork.

Thankfully she now seems somewhere in the middle and I leave her to it. Apart from the see through leggings.

HillyHolbrook Sat 03-May-14 21:52:00

DM would tell me and I would say 'NO MUM I LOVE IT'

Then look back on the year befores hair/makeup/outfits and think 'MUM WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME I LOOKED HIDEOUS?!'

Repeat til I turned 21. Now it's 'DP WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME I WAS SO FAT/PASTY/LOOKED CRAP AS A BLONDE?!'wink

Thumbwitch Sat 03-May-14 21:55:17

To be fair, some parents have crap taste as well. Mine certainly did - no sense of style, colour, or what suited me (or Mum - Dad was old fashioned but at least he looked ok). I have hideous photos of me as a child dressed in AWFUL clothes, courtesy of Mum. I had ginger hair as well - yet she seemed to favour putting me in pink... gah!

Doyouthinktheysaurus Sat 03-May-14 22:01:42

Ds1 (10) likes bright clothes but has absolutely no concept of what goes together so he took to wearing all the same colour, red trousers with red t shirt, yellow trousers with yellow t shirt and so on.......

I did tell him eventually because I got sick of seeing him in head to toe yellow every weekend because that's his favourite outfit! He has orange hair ffsgrin

He took it on board and for a while opted for complimenting but not exactly the same colours. Unfortunately he missed his yellow outfit and has now resurrected the look!

My Dad used to make me walk two yards behind him when I was. Teenaager as I apparently looked so bad. I was into Nirvana and grunge so wore lots of baggy cardi's, jeans and t-shirts.

Can't say it did my confidence much good and I was way to stubborn to change what I was wearing.

I intend to accept what my girls choose to wear with grace smile and only tell them if they smell, look dirty or its just too skimpy!

PostHocErgoPropterHoc Sat 03-May-14 22:07:31

I have no idea about clothes so I feel a bit sorry for my dds who are going to have to figure it out for themselves. But given they are 5 and 3 now and have stronger opinions on clothes than I do already I think they'll be ok.

I remember my mum throwing away my favourite jumper because she hated it.

My 15mo dd demands to chose her own clothes. Even my nanny have given up trying to change her mind. Only way is to sneak the clothes out before she notices! I have no hope when she is a teenager...

Jakadaal Sat 03-May-14 22:09:22

I try very hard not to say anything too DD 11 (as advised by psychotherapist - DD has SEN) apparently it's all about expressing her personality hmm

However the days she looks like a cross between Jimmy Cricket and Compo I have to step in (she likes wellies and hats!)

I have a 17 yr old DD. Sometimes she looks a bit, not quite right iyswim. I will suggest something along the lines of "maybe your black boots would look better with that skirt" or similar. If she doesn't take the hint then I let her get on with it. I had a mother who constantly criticised what I wore and it's made me a very drab and conventional dresser.

HolidayArmadillo Sat 03-May-14 22:16:39

Ooh it's a difficult one, DS (4) still wears what I out out for him but DD10 is being a bit more adventurous and quite frankly looks like a clip most of the time. That aside she is starting to develop her own style and I'm trying to let her get on with it, I figure that when I was young we all had hair sprayed fringes and wore shellsuits which was completely out of my parents frame of reference, to them I looked ridiculous (to me as an adult looking back I looked ridiculous) but all my friends were wearing similar things so we looked stupid together and those who actually listened to their parents and wore proper, put together outfits, actually stuck out far more than I did with my 'coke can' fringe and crap perm.

DS1 has a thing for plaid overshirts which is fine - not my taste but he looks okay. The only thing I've really had to say is not to wear two collars, so a polo shirt with a shirt on top, as it looks odd. He has a wispy bumfluff 'tache but apart from threaten to wax it in his sleep I figure it's his face; his business (does make my fingers itchy though)

DS2 has an unnatural love of orange but I leave him to it. He's generally a bit quirky anyway so suits him tbh.

DD's the one I have to watch, She has no sense of complimenting colours and doesn't seem to notice whether things fit but doesn't really care so I'm constantly torn about whether to interfere or not. I try not to unless she's pick something she really can't wear in public. She's 10.

Thumbwitch Sun 04-May-14 01:08:20

"quite frankly looks like a clip"
I like this but have NO clue what it means - what is a clip in this context, please?

SecretWitch Sun 04-May-14 01:27:30

My lovely 15 yr old dd has always been careful about her appearance but lately seems to be heading into grunge territory. Last week she bought one of those slouchy hat things which she claps on whenever heading out. I hate it. I say nothing and grit my teeth, I want her to be comfortable in her own style. But really, I hate hate hate that hat thing.

HolidayArmadillo Sun 04-May-14 08:54:34

Thumbwitch it's a North East thing I think, it just means she generally looks a bit shambolic/bit of a mess but in an affectionate way.

Thumbwitch Sun 04-May-14 09:41:40

Thanks Holiday! smile

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