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Can anyone give me a kick up the bum and tell me to get a grip?

(32 Posts)
emeraldgirl1 Wed 22-Jan-14 09:11:02

Just having a bad time and know I'm being silly.

DD (11m) is wonderful, the light of my life, funny, interesting, loving, lovable.

But my God she's high-maintenance.

She is teething which is making her usual very-far-from-zen-like behaviour even worse.

But I am just tired. I'm tired of her not sleeping. I'm tired of her screaming blue murder when I put her in her high chair. I'm tired of her refusing to let me wash her face when it's covered in Weetabix. I'm tired of being covered in Weetabix.

This morning nothing I provided for breakfast was acceptable (!) and she just screamed and cried and wanted to sit on my lap and cover me in crumbled toast.

To calm her down we watched the tweenies. She started yawning so I began to take her up for a nap. Cue meltdown because she wanted the Tweenies.

I cant' get a break because she WILL NOT GO to anyone else, my mum is about the best option and that still involves her crying and my mum eventually coming to get me. I have a v lovely Mother's Help who can't really help because DD cries when I hand her over (for 30 seconds) and wants to come back to me. And when I say cries, I don't mean a little whimper, I mean a ref-faced, head-back, full-on roar.

DH is great but he works long hours and anyway she still wants me over him

I can't put her down very often (even though she loves crawling, she often just wants to be carried around too) and my chronically bad neck/back is a disaster zone.

I know I am whining. I know I am so so so lucky. She is utterly wonderful BUT impossible too.

Does it get better? Teething is causing her real real anguish, she is cutting 3 teeth at the moment and is frantic with it.

bragmatic Wed 22-Jan-14 09:15:17

Yes, it gets better. My velcro baby is 8 now and just rolled her eyes at me when I asked for a cuddle.

If she can't be put down, and you are in pain, lay on the floor and let her crawl all over you.

It gets better!

11 months and teething is horrible. The clinginess is horrible, the making a mess everywhere and not understanding is horrible. But give it a few months and it'll be better!

I mentally tick off the teeth dd2 is getting. We're up to 10 now, half way through. It's the teething that causes the clinginess, lack of sleep etc, I think.

It wont last forever. I promise.

emeraldgirl1 Wed 22-Jan-14 09:18:37

bragmatic, that's a good idea actually... will try. The trouble really arises when I have to do stuff (washing, clearing up kitchen, cooking her food etc) and she either want to cling to me lilke a limpet or screams when I put her in her high chair. I do get some respite when I give her a selection of kitchen items (safe ones!) to play with in her chair but obviously that slows me down as I have to pick them up every 10 seconds... I can deal with that tbh it's the screaming and crying I'm relaly having a hard time with at the mo sad
Thank you!!!

emeraldgirl1 Wed 22-Jan-14 09:20:11

Thank you Psammead, that helps!!

I swear to God no baby in the entire universe has ever teethed as dramatically as this smile smile

She also has a meltdown every time we go to change her nappy as she HATES lying on her back st the mo (head hurts maybe?) and that also means she has a meltdown every time we even go near the bathroom as that's where I change her nappy and she thinks that's what's about to happen every time...

MrsExtraOrdinary Wed 22-Jan-14 09:21:23

Oh yes it does get better! I'm not sure when but you just turn around one day and notice it's better. My clingy thing is 16 this year. I'm in shock at the thought. I think what mostly helped him was having a sibling. Where he wouldn't leave my side he suddenly was intrigued by the baby and loved her to pieces. She's 14 this year. There was a 20 month gap. She was a piece of cake in comparison.

It's my birthday today. I currently have a 2 year old who could cling for Britain and whine and shout but it to shall pass. So I'm laying in his floor every night to get him to sleep knowing I won't be doing it when's he's 16!

emeraldgirl1 Wed 22-Jan-14 09:21:29

Feel awful about disliking this so much as my bff is struggling to get pregnant and desperate to be in my position, teething and all. sad

emeraldgirl1 Wed 22-Jan-14 09:22:46

Thank you Mrs!!!

Would dearly love a sibling for her (I've often been saying recently that I think she needs one) but I think she's finished me off!! In all seriousness I don't think I can even think about a second one when the first one is still only sleeping in 4 hour blocks...

AlwaysOverthinkingAgain Wed 22-Jan-14 09:23:32

Didn't want to read and run!
You're not whining, and yes it gets better.

I'm guessing the high chair and issues are related to the teething?
I did BLW with my DD, and she was a very picky eater, and never ate loads. I took a really laid back approach, not too many specific "meal times", just offered her bits through the day, and not always sat up at the table. She joined us for meal times, but we didn't really enforce that she had to eat a proper meal with us at that age. We also used to do picnics in the floor etc.

She's now 4 1/2, I can take her to any restaurant, in any company, and she eats a wide range of "adult" food and never wants fish fingers and potato smileys or any such stuff! Still doesn't always eat loads, but other times you can't fill her up!

Guess I'm saying we took a super relaxed approach to eating, and it did work for us.

Also... The not going to anyone else, have you ever actually left her and gone out? Like hand her to your mum, give her a kiss, tell her you love her and just go, whilst she is screaming? I'm only asking because DD used to do this, and as much as its horrible (and sometimes I'd have a secret cry in the car!), I had to do it because I had to work.

I never ever didn't get a text message within 10 mins saying that she was totally fine, on the floor playing/eating/watching TV etc.

Just some suggestions....but it will get better, and you sound like you're doing a great job. grin

impty Wed 22-Jan-14 09:26:17

My only advice is when (if!) she does nap, rest. I know the temptation is to rush around and do all the things you think you need to, but you'll feel better if you just rest.

It really does get easier. flowers

MrsExtraOrdinary Wed 22-Jan-14 09:28:11

Well if not siblings does she have any other little friends? Nursery friends or other family? Distraction is the key! How is she in the buggy if you're walking?

When my 3rd was about a year and went through the clingy phase if just split from his dad. The best thing if if was pay for a half day at nursery. To give me a break. 4 hours to do what the hell I wanted. Every Wednesday morning. You may find the different environment she actually gets used to other people. Very hard though when you are primary career. I had this with my first h, as he worked in London with long commute.

Oh that's hard for your friend, but doesn't make it any easier dealing with a teething baby who will not be put down. Try not to feel bad, am sure you are very sensitive about not offloading to her about it. You sound like a nice person - I was ranting and raving out of earshot of my dd2 when we went through similar!

Sympathy from me - it is such hard work. Even though dd2 didn't always want dh or my mum, she still had to go to them to give me a break. Do take their support even if your dd doesn't want to - it's too much for one person.

emeraldgirl1 Wed 22-Jan-14 09:29:52

AlwaysOverthinking (love the name!!) thank you that;'s so nice

Issue with me leaving her actually is that I mainly feel bad for the person am leaving her with (unless it's DH, he can deal with it smile

DD is the kind of baby to work herself up into a terrible state, holding her breath etc, and all 3 people I've tried to leave her with (my mum, MIL and the MOther's Help) all get a bit panicky and (especially in latter two cases) ended up very nervous to be left with her.

If I could afford a proper nanny I might get one as I think someone experienced with little babies might just tough it out. But we can't afford it. Don't want to try a CM just yet either, I know I'm being silly but I'm hoping to wait a few more months.

Yes, I too would probably be the one crying in the car. And I know she'd be fine in that situation.

Just being a bit pity-party today. I'm so tired and don't really have anyone in RL I can off load to in the same way. DH doesn't really get it, he kind of listens then starts to say, "yes but she is so wonderful' which isn't helpful...

emeraldgirl1 Wed 22-Jan-14 09:31:29

impty, that's sweet thank you for the flowers - trouble with the resting thing is that I have to work (from home) which I should be doing now instead of crying into my coffee and posting on MN

Thank you everyone, hugely appreciate the support!!!

emeraldgirl1 Wed 22-Jan-14 09:33:51

Mrs, thank you - yes I am starting to wonder if a couple of mornings somewhere else would be good for her... it's a catch 22 though as she is so fragile at the moment that I worry it would just make her clingier the rest of the time!!! She does have little pals, we do get out and about quite a bit mostly so I am being ridiculous really... obv still there's a lot of time just me and her though and though it can be the most amazing fun it's also very fraught.

MrsExtraOrdinary Wed 22-Jan-14 09:41:46

Emeraldgirl, you are trying to work from home on top. I work from home too with dc. But there comes a point when you need to be able to work breathe step away from your clingy thing and for a few hours let it be someone else's responsibility. Stop feeling guilty. You can't be all things to all people. You might find you have more energy for her if you had that few hours away from each other. Please consider it properly today. That doesn't make you a failure it makes you human. smile

Flibbedyjibbet Wed 22-Jan-14 09:45:32

Mine is 14 months and is generally a wilful little Madam. Nappy changes Aaaargh, getting dressed/undressed Aaaargh, giving medicine (on antibiotics at the mo) aaargh, putting in car seat Aaaargh, going in high chair aaargh (I have to scatter blueberries on the tray to get her to consider it, she assumes a rigid stance on the tray), I sometimes have to pee with her in my arms.

They get much better when they can walk I found with my 2. Hope yours walks soon.

emeraldgirl1 Wed 22-Jan-14 09:56:43

Flibberdy yy to peeing with her in my arms!! Been there done it.

Mrs, thank you so much for such a thoughtful and understanding reply!! I do feel a bit overwhelmed at times. I am lucky as I have support but trouble is it isn't all that much help iyswim? I don't get a mental break. I'm not the most naturally patient person and having to find new ways to make everything fun or constantly singing to distract her from whatever it is that's currently bothering her is wearing me down.

DannyUK Wed 22-Jan-14 10:00:49

boots Get a grip!

(not sure that'll make you feel better, but you did ask...)

It does get easier, I promise, but that won't provide much comfort right now sad

emeraldgirl1 Wed 22-Jan-14 10:02:02

Danny smile smile thank u!!

Heydiddledumdum Wed 22-Jan-14 10:06:12

I am on baby #2 and although I know it gets better I feel the same as you!!! Dd is 14 months, teething, and a complete Velcro baby. I love her and all of it but it drives me to distraction. The whining, the clinginess etc.

Not really helping but sharing your happy misery hmm smile

bolshieoldcow Wed 22-Jan-14 10:08:05

It does get better! I do think this is a hard stage for the wee one - sore mouth, starting to want independence in some ways but not able to communicate or sustain things.

I also think you're under loads of stress. You clearly love your daughter and want to do the best for her. But…(and it's easy to type, less easy IRL, I totally get that)…she is learning that what she wants i.e. YOU will come to her if she screams. You have help in place - your mum, a mother's help - so please try and use it. Maybe start with smaller chunks of time, but emphasise that there is no option of bringing her back to you before that time's up. Crying is really hard to listen to, but it's not life-threatening, and at 11mo, she can start to understand a little more.

You're the mum. You get to decide. It's comforting for her to know that she doesn't need to make all the decisions. You deserve to be able to pee with both hands free.

And weetabix is of the devil once it dries.

Good luck thanks

CrimsonDay Wed 22-Jan-14 10:08:36

I had to reply to this. This was me a year ago, my ds was an absolute nightmare.

In the end I had to start leaving him for my own sanity. So my nan took him out, she had him for half an hour while I cooked etc. He screamed the same as your dd, but he got used to it.

He is still the same at home (he's 20 months) but i have now started leaning him a few hours and he's fine!

Do it slowly, be patient, but don't let this carry on.

Arion Wed 22-Jan-14 10:37:58

Have you got a Surestart centre near you? Some have crèches, my DS had terrible seperation anxiety from about 18 months. He's been going to the crèche once a week (term time only), £4 for 2 hours, once a week. First few weeks he got a bit worse, but the. He started to really enjoy the time there and now he asks if it's Monday and if he's going to crèche!

underactivethyroidmum Wed 22-Jan-14 11:04:53

I had this problem - and still do with DS who is now nearly 4.

I bought a sling and used to basically get on with my day with him strapped to my back. He turned from being a grumpy clingy grouch to a happier much more confident little boy within a few days. I also found he would fall asleep at that age in the sling and I could then pop him into bed without a fight.

He's still a clinger and regularly cries when I leave him but you have to do it for your own sanity !

impty Wed 22-Jan-14 14:11:40

Yes, I did the working from home thing too. I found childcare 2 afternoons a week at about 12 months. I made sure she got there for lunch. Those 2 lunches alone were lovely!

MrsExtraOrdinary Wed 22-Jan-14 20:21:59

Hi emerald how r u feeling now?

emeraldgirl1 Thu 23-Jan-14 14:27:50

Bit more cheerful today, thanks so much Mrs!!
(that's me, not her, she is still being grouchy...!)

It just gets on top of me at times, a bit of off-loading and I do feel slightly better.

Also she went to my Mother's Help for 2 mins today without crying, I know it sounds absurd but that is progress!!!!

Trouble is really that when she's not screeching she is literally the happiest baby I've ever known - smiling, clapping, kissing me (in her own wet way), waving at strangers from her pram (unless they get too close...) so it can be hard to reconcile this with the moments where she just screams the place down.

I do think everything is made worse with teething and/or tiredness.

But thank you - everyone! - for advice and support. There is a lot for me to think about...

LBDD Thu 23-Jan-14 14:39:49

Don't have anything amazing to add but noticed that you mentioned nightmare nappy changes early in thread.

All my DC hated lying down for nappy changes as soon as they were mobile (around 10 months) so they were all in pull-ups from very early. I changed them standing up and only ever made them lie down if it was really messy. It worked well for us and never caused a problem with toilet training so maybe worth giving it a try, just one small thing made easier can make a big difference to stress levels.

bolshieoldcow Thu 23-Jan-14 14:52:17

Ooh, I"ve just thought - if she'll go to your Mothers' Help (oh, I wish i had one of those grin) for a couple of minutes, maybe you can play a game with her - sort of like pass the baby? You hand her over to MH who makes a big fuss of her, then take her back while she's still not crying, you make big fuss, return her to MH, do it all again. Gradually build up the time? So the message is reinforced that it's fun to be with MH and that you respond to smiles not cries.

emeraldgirl1 Thu 23-Jan-14 21:12:38

Genius ideas both!! Thnk you! Why have I never thought of the pull ups idea myself?!

My lovely gorgeous DC2 (my DD now 11.6) used to 'attack' me sad
Sounds way OTT to say that but it's true.
If I held her to my shoulder she put her fingers in my eyes and mouth and clawed me.
If I held her hands she'd swing her head to the side and headbutt me (broke a back tooth and near concussion , she caught my temple)
Then if she sat on my lap she'd throw her head back , caught my chin once but I got wise.

It didn't last long (thankfully) it was a horrible situation. I made DH do as much as possible but I really thought she hated me sad

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