Mumsnet Talk

It's the middle of the night - no one will notice and she really needs one. It might also help push the spammers down the page...

Zombie had her smear test last week. She got her results in the post today (well, technically yesterday). Severe dyskaryosis. Urgent colposcopy required. Rang clinic and made appointment for 14th March.

She's probably had more abnormal than normal smear results in her life. She's had more colposcopies that she can count. They've never found anything requiring treatment. She knows what to expect. She just needs all the hugs she can get.

Some of you may know that it's been an absolutely shit 18 months for her. Right now, this is feeling a bit like the straw that broke the camel's (or the Zombie's) back.

<hug>. Don't really know what else to say, but didn't want to read and run.

[Squeeze!!]

Sorry, I accidentally made a fake link!

< hugs> to you zombie

In the circumstances,I can do no more than {{{{{{Zombie}}}}}}}

oh Zombie {{{hug}}}

Insomniac <hug>

Another insomniac hug from me. Don't know what to say other than hoping for the best for you

If its a recurring thing and nothing has been found before then there's a good chance it'll be the same again.

<hugs a zombie> can't sleep, spammers everywhere... Can think of much worse ways to occupy myself than handing out hugs where they are clearly needed. Hope life (or unlife, I suppose ) improves for you soon.

Oh Zombie, that is shit. You are a brilliant poster who always makes me smile. Im so sorry you are going through this.
I had to have a colposcopy. The GP terrified the fuck out of me, had a look up my chuff, ran to get a second appointment, then left me with the speculum still in, to go book an urgent appointment! (within 2 weeks)
On investigation, a 2 week turnaround is pretty normal. There wasnt anything awful wrong in the end!
Like you say, you know the drill, it just isnt nice. Theres nothing like an officious letter from the medical profession to set you worrying!
Have a great big HUGE fat bird {{{{hug}}}} with lots of bosom from me. xxxxxxxx

NotMostPeople, Zombie is trying to hold on to that thought. But...

In a smear they take samples from both the surface of the cervix and from a bit way up the entrance to the uterus. During a colposcopy they swab the surface of the cervix with 2 solutions that make abnormal cells stand out. That can't see up the entrance to the uterus. Couple that with the fact that Zombie's results over many years have got increasingly worse (starting with borderline, moving on to mild, then to moderate, then to moderate/severe and now to just severe) and it becomes increasingly likely that there really is a problem AND that it may not be one that is so easily treated (as abnormalities on the surface of the cervix are).

Thanks, Saggy. Zombie knows all about the 2 week rule. Her breast cancer was diagnosed under it. She's still receiving treatment (Herceptin) for that.

Hugs to you Zombie.

Oh cripes! I missed that! Have another {{hug}}
I know its hard, my 2 week pre colposcopy wait was the hardest most worry filled time in my life, but you need to try not to let it get on top of you. possibly preaching to the converted, sorry Can you be with other people as much as possible and keep busy? I know its not easy, all I end up doing is spilling the beans and discussing things endlessly, but keeping my mind entertained elsewhere does help.

She can try, Saggy.

It must be time for her to go back to bed. BBCNews has a story about "telephathic rats sharing thoughts over the internet". She's not at all sure she still wants to be watching the telly when the full report on that one cycles around.

what a waste of time! Just teach the rats to use Mumsnet. Job done! saved a fortune!
Sleep tight Zombie. Stay strong. x

Sending love and hugs from across the sea x

Terriers have woken me up yapping at something.
I have told hem it is NOT appropriate and put them back in their beds.

Perhaps they are telepathic terriers and are alerting me to Zombie's plight.

{{{{{{{zombie}}}}}}}

Hope you are tucked back in your bed, Z. Things always seem worse in the middle of the night

{{{{{hugs}}}}} from over here, zombie, from me and mine, which right now includes the snoring too...

(((((((((((*ZOMBI)))))))) there you go love, some more from the Tropics with added suicide ants and sweaty cleavage.
What would the next step be? hysterectomy? hopefully it won't come to that.
(((((((((((have some more)))))))))

I don't do hugs, but I will absolutely do a friendly shoulder-punch, if that's any good?

Will hug a zombie, but only if the zombie promises not to take the opportunity to eat my brains.

(((((*Zombie*)))))

(hug)s from here too

hugs for the Zombie, definitely. Sorry you are going through so much shit at the moment

you are a lovely (if slightly foul smelling) poster who has helped me a lot in the past and I wish there was somehing I could do to help, in the way you helped me,

Massive hugs, Zombie. There's definitely some good luck waiting for you just around the corner x

Ill hug you if you don't bite me
I've been down zombies road with stupid boob betrayal so if zombie wants to compare battle scars she can pm me.
My stupid cervix is also rebelling too btw.
<shakes fist at the sky>

Thinking of you Zombie xx

I missed this last night Zombie.

It's shit, and the last year has been shit, but you will get through it - battered and bruised but you will survive.

The waiting is the worst.

I hope you are feeling slightly better this morning.

Love to you Zombie, seen you on the boards over the months. I had to have a cervical cauterisation last year it is crappy being poked anywhere in the down belows.

Sending many hugs your way x

Big entirely MN like hugs for you, Zombie. Keep strong and have some extra strong keeping chin up vibes (NO! Not that high! Oh shit, now your head's come off. Here, have it back. It goes the other way round btw).

Now can I have my brain back please?

Zombie we haven't crossed paths much on here but Iwould like to give you a big hug. Your advice to others is always so helpful and caring. I hope it all turns out okay.

Oh Zombie Here ((((((((massive hugs))))))). You are a very funny poster, and you always make me smile. Whatever it is you can beat it, you know? And it may well be nothing (given your past history). Stay strong, Zombie.

Thank you all for the hugs and the very kind comments.

Zombie read for a while and then slept for a few hours. She'll try and keep herself busy today and will hopefully sleep better tonight.

((((( Hugs all of MN )))))

Oh, Zombs, that's shitty news.
Sorry, I was up and about, but missed this. I signed off in a huff after being told that I was reporting/reporting on spammers in the wrong way.

It's just shit isn't it (have been down the old C road meself). You start to get some kind of normality back, then a new big pile o'shit get dropped on you.

No words of advice. You'll cope, because you just will. Because there's no real alternative, is there? I always feel much better once the appts etc are underway - you're in that (worst for me) space where you're just waiting and worrying.

I will echo the above. Your posts - and tone of posts - always make me smile!

(Like Sesame Street, this post has been bought to you in association with the word SHIT!)

Oh Zombie. {{hugs}}

Oh Zombie. I was up at 2am this morning but scrubbing vomit off the floor, toilet, washbasin etc in the bathroom.

Hugs to you, lady. <hands back the bits that fell off>. Sorry, that was too much of a squeeze for a Zombie.

((((((((hugs)))))))))) in abundance Zombie darling xx

hope you are having an ok day.

and a very big hug from me.

<hugs>

I'm glad you could get some sleep in the end zombie and hope you are feeling better today. As you say, you know the drill, but that doesn't help in the middle of the night.

My colposcopy, treatment and regular repeat smears were 20 years ago, but I remember being frightened each time I had more tests.

(((((Hugs)))))

<hug>

Hope it all goes well.

<hugs> hope all is ok, you have reminded me I need to book a smear now ds4 has put in an appearance.

Oh, no, you poor love.

<big hug>

I hope it goes well and I'm really sorry you're going through this.

Oh zombie. I'm sorry you've got these results.
Sending BIG hugs to you lovely.

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<Zombie Hugs>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

cyber hugs, prayers, best wishes,

I'll lend you 2yo DS for one of his 'stealth hugs'. He runs up, hugs your legs with his whole body, and then runs off again. They're good hugs. Have one of them. And one from me.

Sending positive vibes and hoping it all goes well for you. xxxx

Ah Zombie. Im sorry to hear it. Im not a hugger sorry. But I am an ace sitter-and-listen while you have a chat about what ails you.
Thinking of you

((((hugs))))

Lots of positive thoughts winging their way to you.

Thinking of you, Zombie. Sending you hugs and positive thoughts.

Always look out for Zombie posting, she does the best posts and very sorry to hear she is low today ((hug)).

I don't think we've ever 'spoken', Zombie, but I have smiled at many of your posts.

((((((((((hugs)))))))))))

(((Zombie)))) and hopes that Zombie will sleep better tonight.

missed this last night...at the risk people will see in the light of day...(((Zombie))).

Hope you're ok today.

<daytime-finished-work-early- hugs for Zombie

Hope Zombie is ok, her posts always make me smile.

(((((((((((*Zombie*))))))))))))))
Here's my hand. Thanks for letting me borrow yours last Christmas (mammogram scare).

Big hug xx

Big hug Zombie , I always look forward to seeing your name on a thread, you always make me smile.
((((((Zombie)))))))))

Thanks, again. I really appreciate your support.

I'm just taking a quick lunch break and then back to some housework.

Thinking of you Zombie

Poor Zombie. How bloody unfair.

I was going to say i don't do hugs but fuckit. Sometimes a hug is more important than my slightly autistic tendancies.

(((((BIG HUG)))))

{{{Zombie}}} I have often read your posts and have seen your story but didn't know what to say. Hope the tests are positive.

And ermm, do you want this arm back?

Zombie Sorry, I didn't notice this thread until now.

((Hugs))

x

Zombie lovely, have a {{{{{hug}}}}} from me as well. Is there anything I could virtually get for The Dustbin?

Apart from obv. And [gin].

Oh right, I forgot . Here you are. And another ((((((((HUG)))))) for good measure.

I do hope it's not to late to offer an enormous {{{hug}}}?

Or 'coggle' as DS3 learnt to say yesterday.

How is Zombie feeling today?

Zombie. Big hug and much love x

;hugs: and squeeze.

MammaTJ is very upset she did not notice this until now.

MammaTJ is sending the Zombie all the hugs and positive vibes there are to send (while deaing with her guilt for her neglect).

You will be fine, you have to be. MammaTJ will not allow otherwise!!

HUGS!!! For Zombie.
Thinking of you.

Zombie - hope the rest of today was better. Very many (((((((((((((((()))))))))))))))))) and some and for you.

oh, Zombie. That is really crap and worrying. Massive (((hugs))) and <soppy hand holding> and all that.

<Rollie for Zombie>

<hugs all of Zombie>
<very hard>
And hands over a bunch of

<hugs the Zombie>

More hugs and from me xxx

I'm waiting for loop diathermy and a cone biopsy. They tried under local but my stupid local anaesthetic resistant body was attached to the ceiling in pain, so now am waiting for a date for a general.

I have severe dyskaryosis + cancerous cells found. They are doing the cone biopsy to see how far it has spread.

<<Couthy squeezes zombie tight in understanding of the shitness and worry>>

I would offer you some brains, but mine aren't fresh, too many faulty wires!

Hey Couthy, nice to see you out. Those duck and orange pies still have your name on them!

((((hugs))) for Couthy too xxx

Zombie, if you can't get fresh brains you could go vegan. Then you could eat grains...

right you 2......

i dont do hugs. never.
but
for you i will make an exception.

my brains would poison the zombie....they are toxic.

(hugs) just for the pair of you. and if you tell anyone, i will have to shoot you.....this is just between us, ok?

<<Looks round furtively to ensure nobody is watching...>>

Hug for you zombie

<<takes photos on extremely small spy camera>>

And one for couthy (then runs other way to pretend haven't seen her)

Would anyone like some snuffly newborn cuddles? I have 2 non-sleeping 3 week old babies who like to be surgically attached to people and you are all welcome to a good solid night of snuggles.
Sending lots of good luck vibes your way

Couthy, you get hugs too.

Free, my 7 year old has got up to watch TV and in theory, I could go back to sleep, in reality, that is the end of sleep for me, so send snuggly buggly newborn my way (pleeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaassssssseeeeee).

((Couthy)) too - had no idea

((((( Couthy ))))). Zombie is sorry you're going through this as well.

Yesterday wasn't too good for Zombie. She tried to keep busy but she couldn't stop her mind going round in circles.

On the plus side, she did manage a fair night's sleep. As usual, she woke several times but she made herself stay in bed, roll over and go back to sleep. Once she's had another cup of coffee, washed, re-attached the bits that fell off overnight and dressed, she's heading out to the butcher and the supermarket.

Thank you all. Again.

Only just found this thread (not been on much lately, too much weirdness all over the place).

Big ((((((((((hugs)))))))))) to you both, I can't imagine how terrifying it must be.

All fingers and toes crossed for the best possible outcomes.

Really sorry you are going through this, Zombie. Hugs from me, but don't tell anyone as I have a reputation as a cold emotionless bitch amongst some in RL and I would not like to be outed as a human being.

Hugs to Couthy too.

I hope the upcoming tests bring both of you good news.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

<hugs> to you both xxx

Am thinking of you Zombie and shall use a long {{{{{hug}}}}} to squish any loose limbs back on. How's the lovely DZH?

((((((((Couthy and Zombie)))))))

Hello,

I had severe dyskaryosis this time last year. I was 24, and raging that something like that had happened to me. Not quite sure who I was raging at, but nevertheless. Raging.

Anyhoo, had a colposcopy which confirmed it, and then had cold coagulation under a local, which really really was not that bad. And I am ridiculous with pain. Honestly, whilst it was frightening, I was so glad it had been picked up so early.

It's going to be alright. This isnt cancer. It is pre cancerous changes, that if left, might one day become something more sinister.

It's going to be alright. I'm sorry this has come at you. Mine personally came just as I'd gotten over horrific PND, I just felt like my life was getting back on track and bam! it really hit me.

I know it's nowhere near what you've been through, but I've been there at the end of a long road too, and I know what it is to think 'what now?!'

<nibbles Zombie's arm sympathetically>

Thinking of you, Zombie and now Couthy too. Hugs for you both. XXXX

Thanks, slatternly. I do understand what you say.

But what keeps going round in my head is that the reason I keep bouncing between abnormal and normal results and the reason the colposcopies never seem to find anything is that the problem is up in the neck of the cervix. I have a vague recollection of the colposcopy nurse mentioning this to me last year. If that is the case, then it may not be as simple to deal with as a problem on the outer surface of the cervix. I think that's why I'm in such a flap this time.

<Hugs Zombie>

Sorry you are going through this, and the others too. I think we all wait in terror for the test results, but I can't imagine what you must have felt when you got got yours

I do hope you find out where you are with it all and totally understand your "flap".

Ah see now I had the same. Abnormal and normal results from age 20. They never mentioned a neck of the cervix issue, but it does seem that the cold coagulation worked. Also, they now test you for HPV and treat if necessary because apparently that us responsible for 99% of 'dodgy cervixes', according to the nurse I had.

Definately worth pushing for that screening for HPV, as it could be causing you more woe.

So sorry to hear this and sending hugs and best wishes to both Couthy and Zombie.

couthy I'm sorry to hear you're going through this too <pats arm, refrains from nibbling under the circumstances>

You will get through this.

I'm on the other side.

I was 24, and now I want to scream at my friends when they joke about ignoring letters for smear reminders.

(((Hugs)))

Hugs to both of you.

Shitty-shit news.

Oh no. {{Couthy}}

x

More hugs for zombie, couthy and slatternly.

I had cryotherapy (cold gas treatment, a lot like letting a fire extinguisher off inside you) 20 years ago, after being told I had abnormal cells from my very first cervical smear test, caused by HPV, in spite of using condoms. I was very pleased that the screening had picked this up when I was 20, whereas many areas don't screen until 25 years and over now.

My cousin had cervical cancer, which was discovered when she was pregnant. Her DS is 14 and she had treatment during the pregnancy and a hysterectomy once he was born. Both are very healthy.

I know it's not the middle of the night for you lot any more but it is here so sneaky (((((hugs))))) for both Zombie and Couthy.
I hope that you both come through it safely xx

<<<hugs>>> for you both. I've had Severe dyskaryosis too but luckily mine was solved with a single colposcopy appointment and I've been fine since.

Sending good vibes for you both.

Wish it was just severe dyskaryosis. But they have actually found cancerous cells too - not many, but they are there. Hopefully when I have the cone biopsy it will come back that it hasn't spread anywhere, and that the loop diathermy I'll be having will get rid of all the cancerous cells.

Thank you for all the hugs. I am trying to hold it all together and tell myself things will be gone because it's obviously been caught very early, but there IS an element of 'Why the fuck ME, haven't I got enough wrong with my crappy body already?!'

Hard to get over the damn unfairness of having epilepsy, arthritis AND cervical cancer...

<<Slaps self with wet fish, tells self to buck up ideas because there's many that are worse off than me!>>

Couthy I was having a tantrum this morning because DH had got up too early and encroached on my alone-time. 5 minutes on Trazzle's thread soon sorted out my self-pity party. Those of you with real problems should feel completely entitled to whine away. I hope this time in 2014 your biggest problem is that your new curtains clash slightly with your new carpet. I hope those cancerous cells are zapped to smithereens, never to return.

Have you any idea when your appointment is likely to come through, Couthy? Zombie's hospital is very good at keeping things moving along.

Zombie really sympathises about multiple health issues. As a woman, she's a bit fucked off with both her breast and her cervix giving her problems at the same time. 2012 was just sooooo shit that she'd convinced herself that 2013 would be a huge improvement and instead it's been even shittier so far.

Anyway, Zombie got all the shopping done, got some housework and laundry done and generally managed to keep herself busy all day.

She even bought some flowers to brighten the place up a bit.

(hugs) from the thixotropic house. Including a surprisingly intense muddy huggle from tinythix who has been making mud pies.

I am on yearly smear tests having had loop diathermy in 2009. It was Shit.

We have never 'met' , zombie but I love your posts, you often make me chuckle.

< runs before anyone catches me being nice>

(hugs) and a gentle punch on the arm couthy

Glad to hear you're keeping yourself in a positive place, however hard that may be. {{{more hugs}}}

{{{hugs}}} to Couthy as well. YY to the biggest problems next year being where to plant the new rose bush.

Not been on MN much this past week so missed this.

((((((((((( Zombie ))))))))))))

Always time for a Zombie hug, and to those who are also in need ((((((((( big fat Brian hugs))))))))

xxx

Couthy wonders what Zombie flowers look like? Red and black tulips...?

They said within two weeks, but considering my hospital has the third highest death rates in the country, after Mid Staffs and Basildon, I won't hold my breath.

Thing is, I KNOW how shit my hospital is - and I can't physically get anywhere else, so choose and book is useless!

If I hear nothing by the 12th, I'm going to start ringing up EVERY DAY. I can be a PITA when I need to be...

Zombie flowers look like this:

i1240.photobucket.com/albums/gg497/JesuislaZombie/DSC04233640x480.jpg

She promises the link is safe and that it is not the bat nor TWC.

Zombie - some extras for your house . (Not entirely a ZombieCat, but hopefully yours can 'convert' him.)

More ((((hugs)))) to you, and Couthy.

Oh, Zombie doesn't know, Moonlight. That cat looks at least as scary as the ZombieCats.

I hope all you ladies get sorted very soon.

Very, very soon.

Oh hugs for Zombie, who always makes me smile. If it helps, Zombie can nibble on any brains she can find hanging around me!

Hi,

I'm a bit of a lurker and not normally much of a hugger either, but remember reading your story once and crying - feel very that you've now got this to deal with.

So please accept a tight bear hug from me, (please don't bite!), I hope you get good news very soon.

Same goes to Couthy. I'm sorry to read about what a crap time you're both having

((((ZombieHugs))))

Not sure what else to say, to you or to all you others.
Sending lots of good vibes to everybody.

feels bad about her recent remarks about Zombie's falling off body parts

Back to check on Zombie and now see Couthy experiencing similar. If it's not being too forward can I offer you a hug too ((squeeze)). Courage to you both and she who shouts loudest gets attention so don't hesitate to chase up your care provider for a date x

<Hugs> Zombie. I'm thinking of you. Xx

Sorry I missed this thread till now. (((hugs))) to you Zombie, and to you Couthy too.

You both deserve better than life is giving you.

Second Nicholas and glad the additional beastie may fit in.

Zombie flowers are pretty.

Unfortunately I now require mental floss as I have the image of TWC seared into my brain again...

If you want to see pretty, look at the rising moon. Very orange and very large for a quarter moon. Stunning.

I think you must be on the other side of it from me, as I've been looking out of all the windows and can't see it yet

I loves a moon, me. But it's no reason to try to stay awake if I don't have to. Hope you manage some sleep too! xxx

hugs and bigger hugs

quite sure you'll have seen this before but hey, it always makes me smile

Not you too, Couthy? Big hugs for you, too, and extras for Zombie and her whizzing brain. How are you both doing today? Hope Couthy is revving up to get the right proper hump at the hospital come Monday. I do a great line in effective arsey letters if it helps .

Morning all.

I hope you got some sleep last night Zombie.

((((((((hugs))))))))) and to everyone who is having a shitty time atm.

Well, Zombie, if you didn't sleep much, at least you were given the opportunity to watch live football...

Or you could have listened to my DP snoring/my neighbours partying at 4 in the morning. That would have taken your mind off everything!

It wasn't Zombie's best night, MrsWembley, but nor was it her worst.

She's just trying to get motivated to tackle the kitchen...

and [chocolate] to everyone that needs them this afternoon.
and [braaaaiiins] for Zombie (and a big hug)

D'ya know what? I let DP do that today. He asked me if I enjoyed my morning on the sofa and I told him yes, it was lovely pretending to be him for a couple of hours...

But I know I'm going to regret it when I see the state of it after he's finished doing lunch.

How's the kitchen now, Zombie? Sometimes physical labour can help as a distraction.

{{{ hugs for zombie }}}

(((Zombie))) and ((((Couthy)))). Big hugs for two of my very favourite posters. I'll be thinking of you . (one each).

(((Zombie)))

I hope hope hope it's nothing

Checking in x
Couthy, given the mid staffs report I hope all hospitals will be on their very best behaviour at the moment.

Kitchen came up nearly to scratch MrsW. It then produced a lovely roast beef dinner and has now been tidied again.

Many, many thanks again to you all for your thoughts and kind comments. Zombie really cannot express how much it means to her.

((((( Group Hug )))))

((((( Extra one for Couthy )))))

I am going to throw a selection in for you to choose from.
((())) {{{}}} [] <<<>>>
Those are to be shared equally between Zombie and Couthy.
If more are needed, let me know

Only just found this. Long time lurker / intermittent rambler sending ((((hugs)))) to Zombie and Couthy from the Southern Hemisphere. Often around at daft o'clock with offers of rather good nz .

Love that pic, have to try and get it into a tutorial now!

Sunny frosty {{{hugs}}} from the wilds of Germany to you both. As in it's a beautiful frosty morning, not that my hugs are lacking in warmth, as you must note.
Somehow makes the day and week seem off to a more positive start. Hope so for you.

Sending huge and squeezy hugs to Zombie and to Couthy.

Lovely posters both, and it's so unfair that with the other issues on their plates now there's this as well

I'm getting a bit wobbly over it, struggling to sleep well. I just want it over and done with, I want the cone biopsy done so that I know if it's gone any further. The waiting is horrible, knowing you have these cells lurking down below and that you have to wait to get rid of them.

I have DS3's portage assessment today. Hopefully he will get some portage hours out of it.

Keep on keeping on Couthy and Zombie you are probably used to being strong for others now you have to do the same for yourselves. Don't feel for one minute it's selfish or indulgent. Lots to do, lots to plan for. Here's more ((hugs)) to start your week.

Zombie has her 12th cycle of Herceptin today. That's the 2/3rds milestone. She'll be away with the Piriton fairies most of the afternoon and then pleasantly relaxed this evening.

She's heading out in a few minutes so she can squeeze in a double sausage and egg mcmuffin first...

Hope Zombie enjoys her breakfast, happy that she's on the home straight with the Herceptin and very sorry to hear about 2013's turn for the worse.

<squeezes zombie hard>
<grabs couthy for a bit of a bundle>

Thinking of you both and sorry to hear that something so shit is happening to two such lovely people.

That's a good milestone down! Hope breakfast is good and today as easy as possible.

Hope breakfast was tasty. Rest up later.

Sending a love top up to you both. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ive just found this thread, Zombie.
Ive spoken to you a couple of times and laughed with you on other threads. Best wishes to you, my dear.
Hugs to you and Couthy and I will keep you in my thoughts.

Breakfast was yummy.

The Piriton fairies played nicely.

Zombie is about to eat some dinner and then curl up with a hot water bottle to watch some telly.

((((( Hugs to all )))))

So happy you're ok Zombie. Sleep well tonight.

DS3's portage assessment went excellent - he's going to be getting portage, and the assessor is going to recommend the SN Nursery that I looked around last week for him.

This assessment counts massively toward getting him statemented before he goes to preschool, and her observations that noted many of his autistic behaviours will also be used as part of his Autism assessment in May!

So a little bit if good news for once!

Still heard nothing, but it's only a week tomorrow since the aborted attempt at loop diathermy and cone biopsy. If I've heard nothing by Friday, I'm going to start my bothering campaign that Monday.

Tonight I've got to write a posh letter to appeal for GS for DS1 (missed out by 2 points because he was very ill for the test!), do a bit more of DS3's DLA form, do the bins and wash DS3's beakers.

No rest for the wicked.

Though I do occasionally wonder if I was Ghengis Khan in a previous life, with everything I have to keep me so busy...

Glad the Piriton fairies were kind!

3 cheers for good news Couthy I hope your week continues well. (Ghengis Khan, eh? Modest about your precision shooting skills, fond of riding? ).

for you and your faries, Zombie and glad to hear something went a little better for for today, Couthy.

May I ask, though, or am I being daft; GS?

Grammar School. Sorry.

Only just seen this, wanted to add hugs for Zombie and Couthy. (Hope you get your app soon)

Xxx

Ooh, good luck with that, then! I'm a big advocate of grammars, having been to a good one myself.

Couthy, that's all great news. Now we just have to send "make the appointment letter arrive" vibes to you.

Zombie has been looking for something positive, however small, to celebrate. She's found something.

This first link is to a picture of the back of Zombie's head that was taken almost exactly a year ago when she was just over half-way through her course of chemotherapy:

http://i1240.photobucket.com/albums/gg497/JesuislaZombie/DSC04163640x480.jpg

This second link is to a picture of her head that was taken yesterday afternoon:

http://i1240.photobucket.com/albums/gg497/JesuislaZombie/DSC04242640x480.jpg

So, today Zombie is celebrating curls.

(((((((Hugs for zombie)))))))

Yay for curls, that is brilliant and deifnitely cause for celebration!

Goldilocks!

Curls! Fantastic!

Goodness that's a contrast - from the rate of growth though I think we may need to go beyond 'Goldilocks' and start calling you IamRapunzel though.

Tres chic (insert Le French Accent) Zombie

LOL, Donkeys. Someone said the same thing on Facebook.

Moonlight, my hair has always grown very quickly. Don't forget that I had another 3 cycles of chemo after that first picture. By the time the treatments finished in early May and the hair loss continued for another couple of weeks after that, I really was virtually bald. A month later, in mid-June, I had a covering very similar to a young baby's.

I am very at your hair growing ability - I could leave mine uncut forever and it would only get as far as my shoulders and add insult to injury by hanging around looking stringy.

Also, not sure if you've seen this thread? . Short but sweet!

OMG! Thanks for that, Moonlight. Zombie's mood was slipping a bit but that has made her cry with laughter.

right back at you! Isn't MN great?

How is Zombie? Bumps would like to know x

That is some impressive hair regrowth and I love the idea of being away with the Piriton fairies (I'm thinking rainbows and unicorns would feature. Maybe some giant smiley chocolate buttons? Or would that be a bit sinister?) but am very sorry to hear you're having such a shit time of it. You'll be in my thoughts, I know.

I love your golden curls. I think I'd like some golden curls. But I am stuck with a dirty brown bird's nest.

That's some impressive regrowth Zombie - are you going to grow it down out of your bedroom window to see who/what climbs up?

Couthy hope your appeal letter is coming along mightly fine.

<goes off to look at thread>

Oh, yes, Hassled. Zombie rides unicorns over the rainbows while the fairies dance around them sprinkling fairy dust. No giant smiley chocolate buttons though.

"How is Zombie?". Hmmm. To be completely honest, Bumps, she's very much up and down - more down than up. She's not sure whether it's just because the last 18 months have been the absolute pits in virtually every way imaginable, but she finds it increasingly difficult to cope. She's been seeing a counsellor for a couple of months now and that does help but she's got so far down that it's going to be a long, hard climb back up.

With regard to the smear results, she just wants whatever it is to be dealt with once and for all. She can see the light at the end of the tunnel with the breast cancer treatment and is confident that she is and will remain cancer free there. The thought that she may have to continue with yo-yoing between (as she said earlier in the thread seemingly worsening) abnormal results and then nothing being found only for another abnormal smear to raise its ugly head 6 months down the line really is more than she can bear. She's making a list of questions and possible options to discuss at the appointment. If 2013 is going to be another totally shit year then she'd quite like to get the cervix dealt with during it so that maybe, just maybe, she can enter 2014 with a bit of confidence and hope for a brighter future.

Each time you get knocked it's that little bit harder to get up, isn't it? Almost as though you are afraid to be positive in case you get another kick in the teeth .

It's shitty.

But the cat/nose thread is one of those rare pick-me-ups that appear at random intervals to prove that life is (underneath the shittyness) good. No?

Oh shite, oh shite, oh shite!!!!!!!!!!

Now there's a fucking lizard in the lounge. Zombie is totally freaked by snakes, lizards and anything even vaguely resembling either.

Fuckity, fuckity, FUCK!

A frreaking LIZARD...WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?

Where does Zombie live?

A lizard.

Where are you?

Has it escaped from the local pet shop? It's a bit cold for a lizard at this time of year isn't it?

Beautiful hair Zombie. I bet the front view is just as beautiful as the back.

Central heating is a godsend (or a bad thing) for lizards as they don't need to do their winter thing....

Zomb, where is the lizard?? Have you contained it?

See profile for acceptable lizards.
I LOVE lizards, shall I come and rescue you / it

Do zombies eat lizard BRAINS?

OK. Deep, deep breaths. Zombie gave said lizard a very wide berth and went into the kitchen to get the tupperware box that is dedicated to catching the mice that the ZombieCats bring in. She managed to get the lizard into the box and has put the box (with lid firmly attached) in the porch. She'll have to deal with it tomorrow.

WTAF is about right, Val.

Zombie lives in a very small village in Deepest Darkest Shropshire. No pet shops for at least 10 miles. Today was, relatively speaking, quite warm in that it probably got into double digits. To be fair, it was a very small lizard. Maybe it just warmed up enough during the day to half wake up (do lizards hibernate??) and then made it's way from the garden into the warmer house this evening.

Tonight had been a no alcohol night. Note the use of the past tense.

Cat size? Piano size? Hope it's small. Probably more frightened of Zombie. If you need to go in the room hold a big towel in front of you. If it runs towards you which it won't lightly drop the towel on it. Is it too late to ask any friendly neighbour for help?

Norks, if you're anywhere near South Shropshire, the lizard is yours!

Oh x post Zombie well done, excellent.

Not too far away, Malvern, but too far to collect a be-tupperwared lizard.
Please post with airholes

Norks, that would require more dealing with the lizard than Zombie could cope with. She'll take a walk to the far side of the village in the morning and release it there. Then she will run away very, very quickly.

Zombie is very brave tonight

or better [brandy] is definitely medicinal for cases of sheer terror - the fright cancels out any alcohol (honest!).

Curls are great Zombie!

Can I recommend Boots 'Naked' range to help with them?

I had a year that felt similar to your previous year.... and a new year to match. But things did improve.

Zombie is having a very large wee dram of whisky.

She loves where she lives. She really does. She's had to learn to live with spiders though. And small frogs.

True story:

Several years ago Zombie was returning home from one of her training courses. By the time she got here she was absolutely bursting for a wee. She got into the house and only just made it to the downstairs loo about 10 feet from the door. The relief was unbelievable.

When she had finished and stood up and turned around to flush the loo she noticed something under the toilet seat. She thought it was a leaf. She lifted the toilet seat and found a tiny frog sitting on the rim of the toilet bowl. She ran out of the toilet, slammed the door shut and retired to the kitchen to consider her options.

She decided to remove it using a dustpan and brush. She returned to the toilet, placed the dustpan in front of the frog and very gently touched its behind with the brush. Cue said tiny frog jumping OVER the dustpan and on to the floor. Cue Zombie running away and slamming the door shut again.

She then decided she would shepherd the frog out. She opened the door to the porch. She opened the door to outside. She then opened the door to the loo and started nudging the frog in the proper direction. About 2/3rds of the way to the outside, the frog started screaming. Yes, screaming. Zombie never knew frogs could scream. Eventually she got it out the door.

That may have been another night when Zombie didn't remain alcohol free.

Aren't you supposed to just pounce and eat its brains or something?

But seriously, well done on the capture. V rare for any kind of lizard to be venturing far given it's the first day of sunshine. Must be a renegade one that was drawn to you my lovely

I've heard that a lizard appearing=g from nowhere is a sign that you need to detach from a problem so you can resolve it...

Message received and understood, Val, my lovely.

Not my meassge but apparently one from many moons ago and from collective wisdom. x

Hassled - thorntons sells giant smiley chocolate buttons. Aside from tasting oily and rank, they are quite sinister...

Couthy doesn't mind lizards. It's sneaky bastard ants that give Couthy the heebie-geebies. Not eight-legged freaks, not slithery, nor lizardy, just fucking creepy!

Still no letter for appointment date.

Couthy, I think you need to channel your inner Ghengis Khan! Get on that phone tomorrow!

Couthy - there is a product called AntStop, that you can spray round the edges of your house - walls, doors etc - that makes a line that the ants can't cross, and that stays effective for months (not sure how many, but quite a lot). Might that help with the creepy little bastards?

Fingers crossed for you and for the Zombie, for good news, expedited appointment dates and the right outcomes.

<Makes mental note never to move to deepest darkest Shropshire>

Couthy hope you hear soon, or get pushing. When you fret your sleep is disturbed, just when you need all the strength you can muster.

Just caught up with this thread.

Zombie, am well impressed by your efforts at lizard-restraint! Don't ever come to Australia. Many many lizards here, in our back garden, in the laundry sometimes - but usually small skinks. DH recently found a baby blue-tongue lizard though, which was rather lovely (Sorry).
Snakes = more of an issue but we've not seen any in our back garden yet - although DS1 and I did find a red-bellied black snake while we were picking up sticks for kindling last winter - it was sunning itself in front of a stump. We looked at it, it looked at us, no one moved for a while and then we carried on our way - when we came back it had gone.
I don't mind them, or the frogs - we had one climbing up our patio doors the other day, hilarious!
But I cannot abide the fecking cockroaches, mozzies and ants. Piss me right off, they do.

Re. frogs screaming - my Mum found out that they screamed when she caught her cat playing pat-a-cake with one. Poor thing!

Here's hoping that things improve as much as your beautiful curls have and very soon. x

Couthy - fingers crossed for your appt date soon too. x

Just had a phone call. Op is on Tuesday, 12.30pm.

Hopefully the cone biopsy will show that it's not spread further, and that the loop diathermy will get rid of everything, severe dyskaryosis AND those pesky cancerous cells.

Is it weird that I am imagining them like little black amoeba's with cute faces drawn in a frown? Or am I just weird?!

Glad you have a date and time, Couthy (hand squeeze). No not weird, you picture them how you want and then imagine them disintegrating/vanishing.

Good luck for Tuesday Couthy. ((hugs))

Yes, heaps of good luck vibes for Tuesday, Couthy - and imagine them any way you want. So long as you also imagine them being zapped by a light-sabre-like diathermic lance/wand/thingy.

Best of luck for Tuesday, Couthy. We'll be thinking of you.

Zombie, hope you're doing okay.

Hooray for getting an appointment Couthy. Hope all goes well.

Well done on catching your lizard Zombie, I didn't know they were native to DDS!

Oh, Couthy, Zombie's glad you've got your date now and that it's not too far away. She'll be thinking of you on Tuesday. ((((( Couthy )))))

Zombie's hanging in there, Creme.

Very best of luck for Tuesday Couthy.

Glad to hear it, Zombie .

Good luck for Tuesday, Couthy!!

FFS. I spent 5 HOURS yesterday sorting out a fuck up that had seen me put in as a day case rather than an inpatient, when my other disabilities mean that the anaesthetist won't touch me as a day case.

Five bloody hours.

Rearranging isn't an option either because Ex has been told no more unpaid time off, and there is literally NOBODY who can look after 4 DC's, 3 with SN's, ESPECIALLY DS3 with his allergies.

So I had to spend 5 hours getting it sorted.

Am now, finally, on the list for Tuesday as an inpatient.

Did not realise it would be a 4-week recovery time. Apparently it's the biopsy that does it?

But seriously, how the FUCK am I meant to properly look after a hyperactive, allergic toddler with autism on my own AND deal with 3 older DC's, two of whom ALSO have autism, with no effing help?! For 4 weeks?! WTF?!

Couthy may have found the straw that breaks her back, and may be ready to cry and wibble in a corner now...

<<No longer coping>>

When I said 'yesterday' in my post there, I meant Friday. Can't sleep at normal times right now.

Having more seizures through various stresses too, and my dose of epilepsy pills has gone from 600mg/day to 1500mg/day in less than a week. I feel like SHIT.

And Aunt Flo is pissing me off too.

Plus am dosed up on painkillers as my joints are bad.

I'm falling apart. Have the body of an 81yo at 31yo.

And am meant to cope with more than it is humanly possible to cope with as JUST. ONE. FUCKING. PERSON.

<<Cries. Again.>>

(((couthy))) afraid I have no practical help poor advice to offer, but you will get through it somehow.

Oh Couthy that sounds shit. I know how hard it is to cope with four kids when you're on top of the world. I also know what it's like when you've got no-one around to help.

Where are you in the UK? I know nothing about autism but am good with a duster, can cook something for your freezer (to direct specifications if required for DC), and make lovely healthy soup and tasty cakes that will also freeze.

<squeeze>

(((((((((( Couthy ))))))))))

Deep breaths, sweetheart, deep breaths.

Zombie has done some checking. It looks like the 4 weeks recovery actually means no sex and no strenuous physical activity for that period - not that you will be completely incapacitated.

Macmillan info

CancerResearchUK info

It will be difficult given your circumstances, but you will get through it.

Oh Couthy - sending you lots of strength and rapid recovery vibes. xx Glad you sorted the fuck up out now rather than it being discovered on Tuesday though.

I was told it might hurt to walk for a couple of weeks afterwards. How am I meant to manage to run around after a hyperactive toddler?

I had the colposcopy done under general three weeks ago, it's no sex and tampons for four weeks (as well as bleeding). The afternoon I came out of hospital I was fine and able to continue life as normal.

Hopefully it will be the same for you too Couthy I will keep everything crossed for you.

<stealthily hugs Couthy and Zombie>

Couthy, can I help?

Couthy, where in the country are you? Even if it's just one afternoon of soft play/carpet picnic/playground, could my two help yours run off some steam?

Wherever you are, Couthy, surely we must be able to find someone local to you, who can help you. If I'm near you, you can count me in for some help.

I know I'm local and I really want to help if you need anything. X

Couthy, how are you doing this evening? Speak to us. Let us know how we can help.

Oh Couthy I don't think I am near you so I can't do anything practical but I just want to give you a big hug.

FWIW, my mother had a cone biopsy. She had some complications which meant that her recovery time was far longer and more difficult than normal and even then she was not incapacitated for four weeks so please speak to someone medical about your recovery period and what help you will actually need.

And now ex has said he isn't going to support me any more because, and I quote "You do everything wrong, you won't listen to me and do things the way I tell you to, so I can't help you any more".

He's deliberately made my DD with Autism have a meltdown today, because she needed to know something insignificant, and he refused to tell her "because she's a child and I don't have to tell her anything I don't want to", even though he KNEW it would cause her severe anxiety and make her meltdown if he didn't tell her.

Which it did.

And then he shouted at her FOR having a meltdown.

When I pointed out that he was shouting at her for something HE caused, HE went into meltdown. (He also has Autism, was dxd at 12!).

He then called DD a bitch. At which point I went fucking mental. And told him that he can make ME cry as much as he likes, I have to put up with it because I need his help, but I will NEVER put up with him calling my DD names.

He started shouting, crying and stamping his feet (WTF?! He's 37, not 3?!).

Aaarrrgghhhhh.

So now I have even LESS help. Well, make that none.

And the fact that they found a serious heart murmur while doing my pre op on Friday that they want investigated within the next 4 weeks is scaring the SHIT out of me.

I have an until now undxd heart problem, likely to be the same as DD's (leaky heart valves requiring open heart surgery), as my mother had the same thing & had surgery as a late teen, and I'm having a general anaesthetic in a day and a half.

With an unknown cardiac issue.

I'm scared shitless that I'm going to either die under the anaesthetic because of this cardiac issue, OR that I'm going to die from SUDEP whilst in recovery.

<<Irrational fears>>

Not just a colposcopy - Loop diathermy & cone biopsy at the same time. Apparently it's the cone biopsy that will cause the most issues.

Saggy - pies might help

No, in all seriousness, soft play isn't an option because of DS3's allergies. Older DC's with SN's aren't cute, and a 5ft6" tall 15yo with Autism in full violent meltdown isn't most people's idea of cute at ALL.

They told me not to lift anything heavier than a kettle for the first week or so (so a 27lb toddler with SN's is out then?!), not to do anything strenuous (so DS2's Physio that he needs to do to prevent him from ending up in a wheelchair is out then?!), that if I don't rest with my feet up then I will take longer to heal, am at higher risk of complications, and will bleed far more and be in more pain (so school runs hefting a heavy pram on & off buses and preventing toddler from escaping and running in the road is out then?!)

How can I recover properly from this?!

I HATE my useless family right now too. I told my crappy toxic alcoholic mother that I have to be at the hospital for 7.30am now. She said "oh, that's early, will the buses be running or will you get a taxi".

I'll be going in on my own, and I don't know if I can even get someone to turn up to the hospital so that they will discharge me on Wednesday. If not, I'll have to discharge myself AMA.

Again.

I'm just fed up with fighting life tbh.

There! You bugger! I offered to bring pies! duck and orange
Im working on Friday I think, I will bring you some. x
Honestly my lovely, anything else I can do you only need to ask. Ill PM you my mobile number. x
I cant get to you at 7.30am on friday, but I can be around on wednesday to accompany you home, and I WILL if you need, me.

S'all right - I'm known for not doing cute (otherwise I'd be in the other place with tickers and huns).

Seriously though, please PM me if there's anything I can do.

Hand holding tbh. And telling me I'm being daft for worrying about the heart issue & epilepsy and GA.

And lying telling me I'll cope perfectly fine with the recovery.

<<Wants to remain deluded>>

How is Zombie today? Did zombie have an ok weekend?

Zombie is still holding on, Couthy. Barely at times but it's the best she can do. Her weekend was quiet and fairly uneventful.

for asking.

Glad you had a quiet weekend.

Sorry to hear this, Zombie. hoping for the very best for you.

Couthy - I too had a loop diathermy and cone biopsy at the same time, although only local not general and I don't have other disabilities. But the recovery was fine - not much pain or many effects afterwards, just a bit of discomfort.

Of course, this was before I had children, so I do appreciate things are so very much different for you.

But just wanted to try to reassure you a bit.

Thank you. I think it is the other disabilities that will complicate the recovery though.

Couthy, Zombie is probably going to bed shortly. She just wants to wish you all the best for tomorrow. She'll be thinking of you. xxx

<sneaky pre bed hug>

<<Throws Zombie a juicy severed arm>>

I'm a little nervous. But it's got to be done, so onwards and upwards. More pressing issues to worry about with DS1 tonight!

No more food or anything but water from midnight onwards. Have to be up before 6am to take my pills too - not even allowed water after 6am.

I'm NOT going to be pleasant on arrival at the hospital - no caffeine, and I'm not allowed to wear makeup. I don't DO no makeup...

And up at nighttime too! It's bad enough getting up at 6.45am - I usually snooze till 7. I'm NOT an early riser, but I have to LEAVE at 7am to be there for 7.30. Bleurgh.

Am up. Have taken pills. Have looked at white stuff outside window and got concerned that a) Schools will be shut, and b) that anaesthetist or person doing the procedures won't be able to get to the hospital so it ends up cancelled...

Argh!

Good luck couthy. Hopefully the march snow will be gone fairly early in the day so you need not worry.

have just caught up with thread

bloody snow...

how are getting to hospital? fingers crossed that it won't be cancelled

will be thinking about you

Good luck, will be thinking of you today x

Hope everything goes ok today Couthy.

Well, schools seem to be open, no Parentmail texts. Am at the hospital, filled in first form.

I'm bloody STARVICATING.

My stomach is very rumbly. And I'm like a bear with a sore head without any caffeine...

I'm nervous and calm at the same time.

Couthy thinking of you today

Good luck Couthy. Hope it goes well

Hope all goes well, Couthy.

Good luck for today Couthy

Thinking of you, Couthy. xxx

Best of luck for today Couthy - I hope it all has the best possible outcome for you. xx

Call if you need me Couthy.
Zombie {{{hugs}}} hang in there. x

Hope it goes as well as it can today, Couthy. Thinking of you.

Still thinking of you, Couthy. Hope it's all going well.

Best wishes COuthy. And I really do sympathise about the starvation - I had that last month for my biopsy: nothing after 6 am and then they didn't actually take me down to theatre till 12.30. I nearly ate the anaesthetist.
Hope it's straightforward and not too horrid.

At nearly are the anaesthetist...the chairs were looking particularly scrumptious!

I wasn't allowed to eat after midnight, and not even a sip of water after 6am. They didn't take me down till 12.30 either.

And my epilepsy pills make me insatiably hungry for around 2 weeks after a tiny dose change - and in the last week, my dose has more than doubled from 600mg/day to 1500mg/day, so I was insatiably hungry without having to go 12.5 hrs without any food AND 6.5 hrs without any drinks.

The toast they gave me in recovery was the best thing I've ever eaten - it even beat the toast I had after giving birth to the DC's when is had HG throughout and it was the first thing is been able to keep down in 9 months. This toast was better!

My mouth felt like I'd been licking a camels arse by 12.30pm because my pills also have the side effect of a dry mouth for a couple of weeks after each dose change...

No seizures after the general anaesthetic - they now think that I should avoid locals because obviously it's the drug in a local anaesthetic that brings on my seizures, whereas the drug in a general doesn't!

Procedure done, and I was told that it should be quite painful for today at least. Tbh my joints are more painful from the position I had to be in for them to do the procedure. The nurse said that it just shows the level of pain I live with daily from my joints of I can barely feel the pain from the procedure. Compared to my joint pain, it just feels mildly 'uncomfortable'.

My heart - they did a VERY detailed scan before the op, took almost an hour, and I have a leaky heart valve like DD has and they're going to refer me to a cardiac consultant to make sure it's not going to cause me any issues in future.

As I've had no seizures, I've been discharged to home rather than staying in, as long as I REST. I don't do 'rest' very well...

However, I am in bed, and will have a sleep soon.

I will get my biopsy results in 2-3 weeks.

Going to sleep now.

Sounds like that's about the best you could have expected from today, Couthy.

Very relieved that you're home and not in too much discomfort. Please rest as best you can.

Sleep well.

I'm glad you're home sweetie. If you need anything...

What Zombie said. Glad you're home - now get someone to nail you to your bed so you REST!

Glad today went as well as it could and you're now back home. REST!

Had a good sleep, and Ex is 'playing nice' and is cooking me dinner, albeit slowly!

Hope you're resting now, Couthy. Was thinking of you this morning. Hope Zombie is doing well too.

Keep resting, Couthy. xxx

Thanks, KateS.

Zombie's colposcopy is Thursday late afternoon. She's prepared her questions. She'll no doubt be a gibbering idiot tomorrow afternoon. That 24 hour countdown is the pits.

Sending more hugs to Zombie and offering you brains and/or grains should you be having a vegan spell. The last 24 hours before an op is always horrid, and you can't have a drink or a fag to take your mind off it, either. Very best wishes.

Thanks, SGB. I'm not having an op, just a bog standard colposcopy. But, as I've said earlier in the thread, I can't have yet another (potential) serious health problem hanging over my head unresolved. I just can't. I'm at the end.

It would be so much easier if Zombie just didn't wake up tomorrow.

Don't you dare say that, Zombie, don't you DARE! Where would DZH be then?

Ah, lovely, come here and cuddle up with me on my sofa with the blankie and I'll stroke your hair and old songs. <<<<<<blankie>>>>>>>

<brings Poledra and Zombie a warm drink>

DZH couldn't give a flying fuck.

Zombie <squeeze>

You can beat this our kid, you have us, your not so secret army.

Get well soon Couthy, we're all rooting for you as well.

We care, Zombie. We need our resident undead.

This song is 25 years old

It might be appropriate.

Zombie, big hug and best wishes. Have you any favourite funny books or films handy? Sometimes the best comforts are things that are very silly.

This is the song I walked down the aisle to when we married. I meant it then with every fibre of my being. I still do. He is and always will be the "love of my life".

www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Go6I2_PpBU

He now dismisses me as controlling and a liar. I dared to tell his daughters that he had lied to me, deceived me and betrayed me. Which he has. He now has another love of his life. I have nothing left.

Oh, Zombie

I've got nothing except <hugs>

Oh God, Zombie, I'm sorry, that was tactless of me. I didn't know, I'm really sorry.

I really hope you're sleeping now, or watching something silly like SGB suggested.

Hugs, blankies and head-stroking for me, as if you were one of my little DDs.

Zombie, you certainly, however indirectly, have helped me on a number of occasions since May last year. You are defined by more than your love of just one person. I know you're tired of fighting, tired of 'getting through this' but please do - very, very many (((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))) from me for tonight, and any other night.

Oh zombie

Lots of hugs and xx

Couthy, glad you got a good sleep and some dinner

Couthy wants to tell Zombie that she is glad to have it over with, and that Couthy will be here to provide hand holds and juicy severed limbs on Thursday!

Ah, Zombie, I get you. It's just the puts when you are REALLY at your emotional limit on broken body shit. One last thing is what tips you over to gibbering. It was my fanjo stuff that did it for me too.

I get it. And I offer (((Hugs))).

I can't take that stuff away for you, I would if I could, but I CAN tell you I truly understand.

Have some more Zombie flowers.

I think I'm missing some information here. If you are saying what I think you are, Zombie, then I am really ever so sorry.

Ex keeps calling me controlling too. But when your own body lets you down so much, you DO tend to have a NEED to control your immediate environment to make it a place you are comfortable with, to almost 'make up for' the lack of control over your own body. At least that is what I've found.

And certainly my Ex doesn't get it. And yells and shouts at me for it. And tries to shut down any negative emotions I express, anger, upset, frustration by shouting at me. Because that's really going to make me feel less negative, isn't it?!

I have a suspicion that Zombies H is doing the sane sort of thing, and if Zombie is anything like me, then it might leave Zombie in floods of tears every night?

If Zombie wants to correct me, I don't care if I'm wrong because I hope I am because it's horrid when the person you still love is treating you with so little understanding when you most need it...

I was wondering how you were both doing.

Glad the GA went ok Couthy, hope the results are all good.

((((Zombie)))) hugs and and wishing you all the best for Thursday. Can't say "rooting for you" because that has a different meaning here which I discovered when everyone laughed at me for using it but I am anyway.

more for the zombie and her ill performing cells.
Manny many good wishes and vibes coming atcha (DDs favorite phrase)

Zombie is still here. She has to go into town shortly.

Couthy, hope you're doing well today.

{{{{{hugs}}}}} for both of you.

I hope the results are good in both respects and that you both get some happiness in your lives. It's positive thinking that gets you through sometimes and it sounds like that's quite hard right now.

Still thinking of you, Zombie, and {{hugs}} to you both.

Thinking of both of you. Hope you're doing as well as expected, Couthy, and it goes ok tomorrow Zombie.

Ouch. That is all.

((((( Very gentle hugs ))))) for you, Couthy.

Zombie good luck for tomorrow, ((hug)). You're dented not beaten, besieged not defeated.

And Couthy, good wishes to you, rest when you can.

to you both.

Best of luck for tomorrow afternoon, Zombie. We'll all be thinking of you and sending you positive vibes.

Couthy, hope you're not in agony and managing some rest .

Best of luck for tomorrow Zombie

(((((Puffin Hug))))))

For Couthy and Zombie

Hope tomorrow goes well, I will be thinking of you.

Thanks, all.

Zombie hopes you're back in bed and RESTING, Couthy.

Good luck for tomorrow zombie

Best of luck tomorrow Zombie

Couthy - hope the pain is starting to subside now.

Wishing both of you a good night's sleep.

Good luck tomorrow Zombie.

Morning all.

Zombie was absolutely shattered last night so she went to bed at 9.30. As usual, she woke several times during the night but managed to roll over and go back to sleep. Now she just needs to keep busy today until it's time to leave for the hospital. She feels some housework coming on.

Couthy, hope you had a good night.

Good luck today, Zombie. My thoughts are with you today. I hope all goes well and any and all dodgy cells are gone at the end of it.

Popping on by to say hope that it goes well today Zombie and that you're back supping on a soup made of the finest, tenderest brain as soon as possible.

Love and hugs and positive vibes to you both. Hope it goes okay today Zombie.

All the best for today, Zombie. Go easy on the housework.

Good luck for today Zombie.

You deserve some good fortune Zombie we are right behind you.

Mintyy sends Zombie all her most fervent good wishes for today xx

More good wishes for Zombie xxx

Fingers crossed, and good thoughts being thunk for Zombie. And a {{{hug}}} too.

Good luck, Zombie. I hope it goes well.

Best of luck for today, Zombie - hope it all goes well. And very sorry to hear that DZH is conspicuously less D than he bloody well ought to be - has that been going on for long? for you.

Couthy - you'd best be resting, young lady!

Hope all went well, Zombie.

Zombie is back and settled.

She was seen by a Registrar this time instead of the usual Nurse Colposcopist. He was very good and was obviously taking her case extremely seriously. He had anticipated all of her questions and answered them before she even asked.

This time abnormalities were visible - but only just as the area of concern is very high up in the cervical canal. A punch biopsy was taken and the results should be back with them in about 2 weeks. The biopsy will really only reveal whether any of the abnormal cells have already progressed to actual cancer. Regardless of that she must have further treatment.

She is to ring the clinic in 2 - 3 weeks to confirm that the biopsy results are back and to book an appointment to have the treatment carried out. She will be having a Large Loop Excision of the Transformation Zone (LLETZ). The registrar had mentioned before the examination that it might need to be done under general anaesthetic but as she tolerated the colposcopy and biopsy without too much pain or discomfort, it will now be done under a local anaesthetic in the clinic.

So, that's all she knows for now.

Thanks to all of you for the hand holding so far. More will no doubt be required in a few weeks time.

Zombie Zombie Zombie. You are sweet and funny. You deserve someone sweet and funny for yourself. Giving you a hand to hold and hoping your Zombie teeth don't want to gnaw on my fingers.

Thanks for updating Zombie, glad they are taking your case seriously and best of luck for the next stage x

Your fingers are safe, Mechanical. Unlike the bacon sarnies Zombie is about to make.

You always make me smile Zombie even when you're not intending to be funny, I always think of you as 'part of the race who knows Joseph'. This of course only makes sense if you're an Anne of Green Gables fan.
Thinking of you with hugs and hand holding.

Zombie, you are a better woman than me. That's all.
So many (()) and vibes coming your way you'll be knocked over by them.

Gosh you are braver than me, Zombie. I couldn't even manage the bit you did today under local - they just went straight to doing the LLETZ at the same time as it all while I was under the general.

(I realised that that is what they did when I read the aftercare leaflets!)

Are you comfortable?

I will be here with you, Zombie. I'm panicking a bit about the results from the biopsy. I will hold your hand if you hold mine. And don't eat it...



Didn't it hurt when they were doing the colposcopy under local? Or am I just a wuss? They had to peel me orf the ceiling - I was literally screaming.

That's why mine was done under local - because I needed the treatment done, but I was to wussy screamy in pain for the consultant to continue, so they decided to shut me up knock me out, so they could do it all at once.

Am I really that wussy?

Why it was done under general I mean.

Btw - naproxen in the firm of feminax ultra is very good to help with the pain after the LLETZ. Though it does leave you feeling slightly pished!

Zombie didn't have any type of anaesthetic today, Couthy. She did warn them that the smear a couple of weeks ago had been extremely painful and that she has a very shy cervix that can be difficult to find. The Registrar was very patient and gentle. He did an internal exam first and Zombie suspects a LOT of KY jelly or similar was used for that. He first used a small speculum and then replaced that with a larger one. Once he had that in place he did the exam and then the biopsy. The nurses were well practised in their distraction chit chat. She didn't really feel anything other than some slight pressure when he was painting the vinegar and iodine solutions on. The punch biopsy nipped a bit but Zombie was actually more freaked by seeing the bleeding on the monitor. It's been at least 10 years since she had blood coming out of her fanjo.

DZH came home to accompany her to the appointment. Zombie nearly crushed his hand in the waiting room and probably left bruises on his arm during the exam.

None of that means or implies that you're a wuss, Couthy. We all have different pain thresholds and you have a whole range of other health issues that Zombie doesn't.

Is feminax ultra OTC or prescription? Zombie will be seeing her GP before she has the treatment and if she needs to ask for a prescription she will do.

Anyway, she's just recently woken up having fallen asleep in the chair. The earlier dose of paracetamol has worn off and she's crampy, feeling a bit bruised and her dodgy hip is screaming. She's just taken some ibuprofen and will be heading off to bed in a few minutes.

Aw fuck Zombie.

DH had a biopsy of his prostate in January.

It sounded horrid.

I hope you're ok.

Feminax Ultra is OTC, Zombie. I think what hurt so much was that the registrar or whoever was looking at my foof and seasoning it with iodine & vinegar the first time thought that it was essential to inject local anaesthetic in 12 different places around my cervix...

I felt each jab!

I think they went straight to the local because they already knew that I needed LLETZ, so that was what the anaesthetic was for. But I am resistant to locals anyway, so why they thought it would be wise to attempt to laser bits off me with local is beyond me!

(I had even warned the registrar before we left his consulting room)



But, I am slowly feeling better, just the worry of the biopsy results to go.

I am hoping that Zombie is doing OK, and doesn't have too long to wait to get everything dealt with.

If Zombie needs a hand to hold or chew, mine is here.

Haven't been here but have been thinking of both Zombie and Couthy.

Massive hugs for you both. And . And [tea]. And . And bacon sarnies. Your cheerleaders are here for you whenever you need them barring actual consumption.

I'm still here, holding your hand Zombie.

Does anyone who's had a colposcopy ever actually want to watch the procedure on the screen? I couldn't think of anything worse at that moment in time. They kept pointing things out to me and I just wanted them to get on with it - don't tell me what you're doing, or show me in detail on screen, just do it as quick as possible please!

How is Zombie feeling?

No, I had absolutely no desire to see things on screen - I'm glad I wasn't awake for the colposcopy & LLETZ, I know my insides are slightly fooked, I don't need to see pictorial evidence!

Evening all.

Zombie had a lie in this morning and a lazy afternoon (including a couple of hours back in bed with her book). She's feeling a lot better today. The cramps have gone and so has the bruised and battered feeling.

Echo, DZH had 2 prostate punch biopsies a few years apart. Zombie thinks they sounded far worse that the cervical punch biopsy.

Zombie does watch the monitor to see what they're doing. She did the same when she had a colonospcopy in December. Her echo-cardiograms are more colourful though.

I got as far as - "This is your cervix", before I started to feel dizzy and faint! They had to turn the monitor away, some things I just do not need to see. I'm not usually squeamish but when I'm about to undergo an uncomfortable and worrying procedure I'd rather not see what's going on thank you very much!

Glad you're feeling better today Zombie, and Couthy. My hands are here for holding while you both wait for your results.

Now see, the odd thing is, Zombie would say that she is squeamish. But, she's also fascinated which seems to overcome the squeamishness.

Glad it's over Zombie and hope the wait for results etc is not too long and that the results are good or at least as good as possible.

(but Eek! Yuk! Aargh! at watching it on a screen. I would have shat on the table...)

Glad that's it done. Fingers crossed for good results.

On a lighter note, I saw this ring on etsy earlier and thought of you.

Hope you have a good weekend, Zombie.

I'm feeling a bit better - the pain seems to be subsiding a bit, bearable with ibuprofen now.

Not going to think about the biopsy results yet, I have too much else to do, so I'm going to keep my mind occupied.

Here's to both of you having less pain and lots of distraction.
Weekend {{{hugs}}}

Morning.

That's a good ring, Diana.

It looks as though it's going to be a pretty miserable weekend weatherwise so Zombie will probably stay safely tucked up in the house.

Glad to hear that you're doing better, Couthy. It will get easier every day.

Hugs to all. ((((((( Zombie hugs )))))))

Hope you're both getting on well today.

Zombie - I have found something for you to wear to the wedding you're going to - here

"with a touch of Dregs from the bottom of the wine barrel for that feminine touch."

Sounds perfect, Moonlight.

Zombie is doing as well as possible.

Hope Couthy is getting better.

Glad to hear it.

Arse. I was just about to post the same thing.
Hope you're OK Zombie.

Sorry. Vanished for a bit. Life is hectic here as usual.

DLA have decided that only a month after they awarded Couthy DLA, for two years, and paid just the first payment and her backpay for the four months that they took to make their decision in the first place, that they have carried out one of their infamous 'reconsiderations', and Couthy is suddenly magically 'cured' of epilepsy and arthritis by ATOS.

Because they say so.

So now I'm facing paying back 4 months if back pay if I can't prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that I DO have epilepsy and arthritis within just FOUR bloody weeks.

The four weeks that I'm meant to be taking it easy (yeah, right, whatEVER!) in.

And all the evidence (that I currently have collected bugger all of) for DS1's Grammar school appeal is due in on the 29th March.

I'm still bleeding from the LLETZ.

I am still trying to book an appointment with DS2's elusive SenCo - she's harder to find than Lord fucking Lucan.

I also MUST book am appointment with DD's SenCo to try to sort out the mess that is post-16 provision for those DC's with SEN's that are too advanced for life skills courses, but not advanced enough for standard college courses.

There is NOTHING to fill that gap in my town. Compounded by the fact that DD's year will be the FIRST year group that HAS to stay in education until they are 18, as she is currently in Y10.

If she can't do any college course, ALL my benefits for her will stop. No CTC, no Child Benefit. I can't work due to my own disabilities (my GP has signed a sick note to say so...). She will NOT be eligible to claim JSA if she is under 18 and living at home, as she 'MUST' be in education (new rules that start for her year group).

The closest college that offers courses for this group of students in in Chelmsford, 40-odd miles away, a journey involving a bus and a train AND another bus. My DD at 15 has only been to town on ONE bus, with her friends, ONCE. She just ISN'T independent enough to do that journey, and still won't be in a year's time. No matter how much I try. Maybe in 3 years time, but not at just turned 16.

My LA won't pay the transport costs for a taxi because it won't be to an SN school.

AAARRRGGHHH!!

AND I'm waiting for DS3's ADOS assessment for Autism.

Couthy wants the world to stop.

I've spent half the night writing statements about what happens when I have a seizure, so that DLA can decide whether I am enough if a danger to myself through my seizures to qualify for DLA.

And even if I WIN this appeal, they'll probably pay me the back pay and one month's money, and ten do ANOTHER effing reconsideration yet again..,

Oh - and who exactly will offer a 16yo with dyslexia, dyscalculia, dyspraxia, GDD, partial hearing loss, LD's, Hypermobility syndrome, and 'Autistic traits' that cause violent meltdowns, with no GCSE result higher than a 'D', mostly 'E's, 'F's, 'G's & 'U's a job when she will be competing against people with bloody degrees that are applying for sodding supermarket jobs, because there are so few jobs here that each retail vacancy has 200 applicants per effing job?!

It would be daft for an employer to hire DD over someone more literate and numerate than your average 9/10yo...

I love DD, but this is fucking killing me!

God. That sounds horrific. I do despair of the UK. Can your MP help at all. Or is that a daft question?

Oh heck, Couthy, what a situation. rips has a good suggestion with your MP - worth a go?

(((((((((( Couthy ))))))))))

Zombie doesn't know what to say. She just hopes things start getting better for you and your family very soon.

Oh Couthy. It sounds so impossibly hard. Is there anything we can do to help?

Jeez Couthy - that's just awful.
Hope that you can get it all sorted - do ask for help if you can, from anyone/where possible. (((hugs)))

{{{{{Couthy}}}}} - I wish there was more I could do or say to help. If there is, just ask.

Anyone got any sanity spare? I think I'm losing mine...

That's one thing I can't manage, Couthy - I lost my last remaining marble years ago.

I'm not sure I ever had any marbles to start with...

DS has some for his marble run...?

I think he must have stolen mine. I definitely last had them before I had kids.

((((((((((((((*Couthy*)))))))))))) also, may I offer one of these?. I have no idea why, but that was one of the images that came up when I googled 'sanity'.

Hope the wretched DLA get their act together soon and you don't have to keep fighting your corner on this as well as everything else.

Sorry I missed this, my internetz hug is late, but better late than never.
zombie you got me through my first chemo when I was very scared and despairing. I hope there is karma because you are due something good.

Sympathy to all who just keep getting knocked down over and over.

Courthy I agree MP suggestion worth a go, it sounds like someone has to try and pull it altogether for you.

Zombie will also take some that sanity stuff if anyone manages to find it. She's home from another very emotional session with her counsellor.

Spero, thank you. Hope you're sailing through the treatments now. Zombie feels she rather abandoned you and she's sorry for that. She hopes you understand.

{{{hugs zombie}}}. Sanity is overrated, IMO.

Hi Zombie

Cyber hugs

Bollocks to sanity. Have a laugh at this

www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=nE_wbO45FYE

Oh. My. Goodness.

Don't be ridiculous! You offered me a zombie hand on the day of my second treatment but by then had embued me with sufficient courage that I didn't need it.

I hope you get through this. The only way out is through.

It got worse today... GP threatened to ring SS after I gently pointed out his negligence in correct handling of my case wrt my epilepsy. Long story, but he HAS been negligent, and I fear he is under supervision, as the clinical decision maker from the PCT has recently started seeing patients for 3 hrs a week at the surgery, and all the GP does with anything requiring a referral is ask you to see this GP.

Who orders tests that should have been ordered long before now. He's so far done it with me about my arthritis, my DD wrt her missing cardiac appointment, AND my DS2 wrt his asthma AND his kyphosis...

Hmmmmmm.....

Negligent GP threatening SS when patients points out negligence...

As I've been with this surgery for over 8 years, it could explain why my family has had so little support over the years, lack of referrals...

But I CAN'T change surgery until June at the earliest, as DS3 is awaiting ADOS testing in May.

If I change surgery, he will be allocated a different HV. Which means that the ADOS would have to be put in hold while she got to know DS3. DS3 doesn't have the luxury if waiting for that to happen, I need his ADOS done in May so that his statement will be finalised by October/November time because otherwise he won't be able to have his place at the SN Nursery.

So the ADOS is very time-sensitive, and I CAN'T delay the process.

So, for DS3's sake, I have to put up with this GP threatening SS in order to keep DS3's stuff on track.

Aaaaaarrrrggghhhhh!!!!

<<Wanders off muttering Rock and hard place, rock and hard place...>>

Hope Zombie is feeling more Zombie-like right now. I offer my mangled brain for Zombie to chew on, in the hopes that it will improve her mood.

I've got about another week till I get my biopsy results. Must remember to ring for them, no matter how busy I get!

Oh FFS. What fuming shocking state of affairs. I honestly would contact my MP - even though it may not produce results.
10 naked men just walking down the road...
Why on earth did I watch that three times in a row?

Call this ridiculous GPs bluff. Add this to your complaints against him. He cannot 'threaten' to call SS - if he has child protection concerns he MUST contact them, it is his professional obligation. To 'threaten' but not do it, suggests he has no concerns and this is a mechanism of intimidation. Keep a careful note of what and when things are said to you.

Couthy if you want to check up on your GP, look here and click on the button to Check a Doctor's Registration Status. You can search for your GP, and see if he has conditions attached to his registration.

Oh, Couthy, it's just never ending, isn't it?

Zombie has different issues, but she knows exactly how you're feeling.

((((( GROUP HUG )))))

Poledra - I'm going to have to fire up the lappy for that one, but will be returning to that later!

{{{more hugs}}} for you both from the sunny SW. Fingers, toes, legs and arms are all being crossed.

Sorry to hear about shit times with those who are supposed to be helping you, Couthy. I have nothing to add beyond repeating what others have said, try your MP. And as for the problem with your doctor, if the one he's referring you to is actually doing what's supposed to be done, then take some solace in the fact that people in charge know what's up and the numpty might actually get his comeuppance.

And can I just add, hello Spero. <waves> Hope all's well enough with you. Loved your 'Don't Fuck With Us' attitude with the blokes from ARSSE! (But obviously I couldn't say that on that thread...)

Obviously you should take solace from the fact, not in the fact...

<wanders off, muttering something about the middle of the night, sleep deprivation, bloody DCs being ill again, proof-reading not being all it's cracked up to be...>

Zombie won't be online for a few days. She hopes everyone has a peaceful rest of the week.

Good luck and good vibes to zombie and mouthy and anyone else going through the mire.

I found a good song on the Internet a while back, I will see if I can find it again - not good if you don't like swearing but otherwise quite inspirational, called 'push the motherfucking boulder up the cocksucking hill'.

I think that is all we can do, little by little.

Thanks MrsW - sorry to hear about ill children, mine has been off for 7 days with unspecified high temps but fortunately she is old enough to turn telly on by herself so I am probably having it easier than you.

((hugs for Zombie))
Good luck, hope it all goes well.

Hugs for Zombie - and crossed fingers. Be good whilst you are offline!

Hope things are ok for you during your Internet free days, Zombie. I will be thinking of you.

And a peaceful rest of the week to you, and Couthy, too Zombie

(It's Moonlight under an Easter NC)

Zombie has braved the inclement weather and is safely home after attending the wedding of two of her dearest friends in Whitby yesterday. Pity someone parked their car in the entrance to the "driveway" she shares with her next door neighbour so that she fell at the last hurdle. She managed to turn her car around (but only just!) further up the lane and squeeze into a "parking space" back down at the bottom of the lane. She then had to wrestle shopping and her bags back up the hill to the house. As she forgot to take any boots with her the first climb back up the hill with shopping and one of her cases was more than a bit damp and cold on the old Zombie feet. The second wasn't much better...

Couthy, how are you doing?

Hope everyone else is well and happy.

Evening Zombie - with the lovely weather around, I'm guessing it was a 'white' wedding?

Welcome back!

Welcome back Zombie. Don't lose any toes to frostbite!

Actually, Moonlight, Zombie was in the one bit of the country that didn't have any snow or rain. It was perishingly cold but dry. It was the drive home that was "interesting".

<Zombie counts toes. Eh? 11? Oops. She'll put the odd one back tomorrow.>

Good Lord - they managed to change the weather system for the wedding? That is impressive.

Yes, there's nothing like seeing the cars off the side of the road, and skidding on patches of black ice to make a driving experience 'interesting'.

Dare I ask from whence the odd toe came?

If Zombie knew from whence it came, she'd know where it should go. She'll just have to release it to the Universe and trust it finds its way home. ;)

Hmm, maybe it's adopted you, bit like when a random cat shows up and moves in uninvited knowing that they will be spoilt rotten.

<counts cats>

<still just three>

Phew...

So far...

Good night.

Couthy is slightly concerned about her fanjo, but can't do anything until Monday. Couthy is still bleeding fresh blood, in amounts that, while not exactly horrifying, seem to be more than she would expect nearly 2 weeks after having had the LLETZ done.

Couthy is hoping it is just the lack of ability to truly rest hampering the healing process, and not something that means she has to let yet more strangers peer up her chuff.

Hugs for you Zombie

Couthy, how did you get on today? Zombie hopes things are improving for you.

Zombie ticked off Herceptin infusion cycle 13 today. Only 5 more to go and, if things stay on schedule, she should be having her last one on 9th July.

She told the nurses about the LLETZ and the Clinical Trials nurse is going to double check with the oncologist that there's no reason that should affect the Herceptin and that there are no issues with timing of the LLETZ. The nurse will let Zombie know by the end of this week so that Zombie has all the necessary information when she rings the Colposcopy Clinic next week to make the appointment for the LLETZ.

Sending hugs to Zombie and Couthy.

Zombie has had her echocardiogram this morning. She still has a heart and it's still working well.

Zombie, you have such a huge heart, I'm surprised they needed a machine to monitor it...

SDTG wonders if talking in the third person is catching. She also wonders how Couthy's chuff is doing, and whether she has had to have more strangers peering up it, or if the bleeding has stopped. She is very pleased that Zombie's heart is still there and working well.

Zombie has just received her cervical biopsy results:

"The biopsies taken from your cervix have returned and are reassuring. However, as we discussed in the clinic because of your severely dyskaryotic screening smear and because we cannot see high up into the cervical canal, I would like you to have a LLETZ treatment performed in the clinic."

So, all in all the best news she could have hoped for.

<considers putting some champagne on ice for celebrating>

Is it your heart Zombie or did you get that at the wedding along with the extra toe?

That is good news Zombie. So happy to hear it

Yay! <clinks glasses>.

Hurrah for good news!

Good news x

Oh that's great ZOmbie, very pleased for you. And COuthy, hope your chuff is feeling better as well.

I am calling them tomorrow. I have had the Monday and Tuesday from Hell - 5 appointments plus bill paying and food shopping to do in 2 days! Tomorrow I have kept clear (ish!) so that I can ring them / go see them.

It's excellent news about your biopsy results, Zombie.

Just wish mine were back...

Fingers crossed for your results couthy

Oh I missed this thread. Zombie that great news. Couthy - you're fantastic.

((((( Couthy )))))

Make that call tomorrow without fail, please. If you're still bleeding more than you think you should be at this point they really need to know about it. You had your LLETZ a couple of days before Zombie's biopsy. Zombie's results arrived in the post today, so hopefully yours won't be far behind.

FAB news Zonb. Couthy, hope yours are just as hopeful when they come back

<as an aside, AdChoices on MN cracks me up on this thread: Watch ZOMBIE movies on Netflix! One month free trial>

for you, Zombie, and I hope your phone call is productive, Couthy...

<crosses fingers>

Couthy, did you make that call today?

How have I missed this? Darling Zombie, I'm so glad the news is good.

<leaves a gift of Hot Cross Brains>

{{{{{{{ *Stratters }}}}}}}

Zombie is sooooo happy that you've come back to us.

Zombie wouldn't call the news exactly good, just less bad than it might have been.

< scoffs brains >

Ooops...

{{{{{{{ Stratters }}}}}}}

< previews post >

That's better.

How could I stay away? <snuggles her favourite Zombie>

Stratters!

<<<<>>>>> all round

<sneaks in a quick hug>

Dittoes OYBBK.

Sneaky (((hugs))) to both Zombie and Couthy. You deserve them. They're very MN you know...

Hey, Stratters! Nice to hear from you.

No, I didn't get to call them. Well, I tried, but they must have been at lunch or something, because I had to talk to a machine. Which I hate. Hopefully hear back tomorrow.

Probably because I had issues with DS1 this morning - he school refused to the point where I couldn't physically get him out of bed.

He was awake, he wasn't ill, he just was complaining of the cold, and refusing point blank to get out of bed.

I managed to get a friend to take DS2, so he was on time, because he has meltdowns at the mere thought that he might be a minute late for school.

I eventually persuaded DS1 out of bed at 9.40am, and got him to school by 10.05am.

Then by the time I had done my food shopping, and got a chance to ring the Gynae dept, I guess it WAS lunchtime.

Afternoon filled with Physio and SALT and play therapy for DS3, then after school hydrotherapy for DS2.

All in all, a normal day here!

And I thought my day was busy...

<wanders off, shamefully muttering about knowing when you're lucky>

Hey Zombie, I just found this thread in my "hidden threads" pile. Sorry you are having such a shitty time.

I'm off back up to find out what's going on.

Have a glass of while you are waiting.

I'm glad the more recent news is a tad more optimistic.

Couthy, I'm trying to catch up on your shittyness - there is a useful school refusers thread somewhere I'll try to dig out.

But I have to feed the hordes. I will be back.

{{{Zombie}}} - I brought you back some sunshine and even more warm wishes from the Great FidEscape.

And Stratters - good to see you.

Maryz - I'd be interested in that thread too - we're in school hell here. <swigs duty free and resolves not to think about it all now>

zombie!!! Bloody hooray! So pleased for you xx

Zombie now has all the information she needs to ring the Colposcopy Clinic first thing Tuesday morning and book the appointment for the LLETZ. She may as well get this over as soon as possible.

Speaking of phone calls... Couthy? Any news?

Sunshine is gratefully received, Fid. There's still a fair amount of snow lying in Zombie's garden. And on the stairs down to the basement. She will have to clear them tomorrow as they are the only route to the laundry room and Zombie is running out of clean clothes!

Thanks, slatternly.

Nope, nothing.

Were you able to contact them today, Couthy?

I can't find that thread atm.

But I'm not unhiding teenagers until tomorrow so I can't look properly. I will tomorrow, I promise.

Pleased to hear you got the best result in the circumstances, Zombie. When are they going to do it, do you know?

More hugs for Couthy (but also sneaky admonishment - make the call and/or take yourself off to A&E. Normally I wouldn't say go to A&E, but if you're still bleeding that is not good; I'm also hoping you might have an extra pair of hands around given the long weekend so you can indulge in some care of yourself. Like tending to your medical needs.)

Thanks, Bluey. Zombie will find out on Tuesday when she will be going under the Loop.

Couthy, any update?

Hahahahahahaha at the chance of help - Ex's contract states he can't take bank holidays off (he covers for the head chef then), and it's his weekend at work. His next day off is NEXT Saturday.

Can't contact them again until Tuesday.

Can't go to A&E with 4 DC, and nobody to have them. If it's not stopped by Tuesday, I'm going to GO to the Gynae dept personally. With all 4 DC's in tow. If nothing else, I can get an appointment.

Hope Zombie is doing ok.

And to top it off, I have come down with the worst cold I've had in years. And it's not from the DC's, they're all fine.

If I find out who infected me with the lurgy, I shall throw snotty tissues at them until they are stuck to their face!

Nothing's helping. Not that first defence spray, not Lemsip pills, not Sudafed nose spray, nothing. (Yes, I am being careful with dosages and drug interactions).

Bleurggghhhhhhhh!

((((( Couthy )))))

Just rest as much as you can. Yes, I realise that will be difficult but do try. The cold is no doubt hitting you so hard because you're run down and trying to recover from the LLETZ.

Couthy - could you take echinacea and high dose vitamins to boost your immune system, and iron to stop you getting anaemic? Apologies if you are doing this already.

Couthy, all 4 DCs in tow should ensure an appointment immediately !

I wish I was closer to come and help you. STDG speaks wisdom btw, especially on the iron front if you are still bleeding.

That all sounds miserable Couthy. I think it's probably time to turn up at the doctors with four kids in tow and just cry. Someone will have to listen to you then.

Doctors?! I have Harmoni OOH. Who are bloody useless, and right across the other side of town. The Walk in centre will be open tomorrow, but I don't trust them as last time, they refused to prescribe me any AB's that I'm not allergic too...

What would happen if you went to A&E with kids in tow? In Casualty, some lovely nurse would take the children away and ply them with games and sandwiches, and you could lie down in a cubicle and have a nap, attended by a gorgeous F1.

Does that not happen in real life?

Maryz, are you on the already?

No, sadly

I'm off to my mum's for lunch. Where I will have to explain (again) why ds1 hasn't come with us [sigh]. She is going to be very upset, but I am not having a row with him. I can't deal with it.

((((( Maryz )))))

Enjoy your lunch. At least you didn't have to cook it.

Hope you have lots of Mary and can enjoy your lunch

Oh, yes I will enjoy it. My mum is great, and is cooking lamb <drools>

I just wish ds would come. He'd enjoy it if he went, but he just gets himself into a state. I probably shouldn't have warned him, just sprung it onto him at 1.30. But then, if he refused, I would be thinking "I should have told him yesterday".

So I can't win.

Anyway. Off to fight my way into ds2's lair room and see if I can get him out of bed [sigh]. I may be some time.

Zombie I hope it all goes well tomorrow. Let us know how you get on.

Zombie has made the appointment. She will have the LLETZ on Thursday, 18th April.

<< wibble >>

Couthy, what's your news?

Glad to hear you have your appointment.

Apparently most people (that actually REST) stop bleeding after about 2-3 weeks, but if you don't rest (yeah, like resting is an option with my family...) then it can take 4-6 weeks to stop.

Deep joy.

Make sure you REST after the LLETZ, Zombie!

Wishes she could take her own advice...

Oh - and a combo of feminax ultra (the one with naproxen in) and Buscopan is the best for the after pains. (Advised by the nurses after my LLETZ). Which do pass within a few days if you rest or a week and a bit if you don't...

No actual pain now, so that isn't too bad.

Glad you've got some clarification, Couthy. At least you know it won't last forever. By Zombie's reckoning, it's been 3 weeks since your LLETZ. Any sign of the biopsy results yet?

Zombie has made notes re the pain relief. She also has every intention of taking things as easy as possible after the treatment.

Not when I rang today. Am OUT (braving London from the furthest reach of Essex with all 4 DC's...) tomorrow. So will try again Thursday. I'm taking no news to be good news unless I'm told otherwise!

Good luck tomorrow. Hope you can enjoy the day.

No news is good news is probably the best attitude to hold on to.

Oh, God, I just love it when doctors say "rest".

I mean, wtf. Wouldn't we all love to rest .

I suppose a date is a good thing Zombie? At least you have a bit of an idea where you are.

Yes, Maryz, a date is a very good thing. Zombie has too many things floating so the more she gets pinned down (however unpleasant they may be) the better.

Zombie has been sneezing for 5 hours. She is developing the mother of all sinusy headaches. She's really starting to feel like death warmed over.

She's coming down with a cold, isn't she? She hasn't had a cold in nearly 2 years.

Bugger.

That's all you need.

Hot lemon, whiskey, sugar, bed.

Now [stern (but loving) glare]

Good thinking, Maryz. Zombie will put the kettle on and look out the lemons (hoping they haven't shriveled into nothingness).

How is your cold today zombie? Did the shrivelled lemons do the trick? Now that you have a date for your procedure, your body relaxed and wound down, allowing germs to attack you <technical, medical explanation>

Lemons are hardy, even shrivelled they're good in a toddy. How are you this morning, Zombie? Sinusy headaches are evil.

Warmth and fluids and a blanket on the sofa if poss.

I hope the cold is better. I hope it is sunny in Shrop. Sunny here for the first time in a looooong time. It makes things seem much better.

Zombie is much better this morning. The lemons weren't shrivelled but one had developed a green furry coat. She chucked that one away and washed the others.

In fact, Zombie is so much better this morning that she now suspects last night may have been an attack of hayfever. She knows it's early for hayfever, but there is something that comes out this time of year that she's allergic to.

She still enjoyed the hot toddies though.

Oh, and yes, Spero, it's very sunny in Shropshire this morning. It was also very sunny here yesterday. It does help lift one's spirits a bit.

Ah, Zombie, that'll be tree pollen.

<wanders off, tapping nose knowingly>

Zombie believes you are right, MrsW. She shouldn't have opened the window this afternoon...

Couthy, how are you getting on sweetie?

Zombie - I had severe dyscaryosis (CIN III) which was sorted out with a quick LLETZ procedure. I went on to have clean smears and two DC.

This is good news for you.

Thanks, Cote. Zombie does realise it's good news. She's just been through so much over the last two years and this is just One More Thing.

Ah, well. C'est la vie.

Is no different than having a dodgy mole taken out. I'm sure you'll be fine.

Couthy is still exhausted from her daft but lovely day out in London.

Spoons...I've run out!

Have still not heard about biopsy results, so am ringing tomorrow as I can't stand the waiting any more!!

I wish mine hadn't been early 'proper' cancerous cells as well as CINIII changes, they had to burn away more than usual on (in?) me than usual with LLETZ (no more DC's as risk of MC / very prem labour too high).

(Not that I need or want any more DC's, 4 is enough, thank you!!)

However, am having my first period since LLETZ, and fuck me is it stinging in there constantly!!

I was still bleeding right up to when I came on though (sorry for TMI), so possibly that makes a difference?

Just ouch, though.

Crikey, Couthy. Zombie can't believe you've not had the results yet. Do chase them tomorrow. That's ridiculous.

Strangely enough, Zombie almost wishes they had found a few (note - only a FEW) cancerous cells. Her fear is that they will be too conservative in what they remove during the LLETZ, that they then find cancerous cells in what they have removed and she then has to have further treatment. Logically she knows that is unlikely but when she had DCIS 20 years ago that's exactly what happened. Because she was only 40 years old, the micro-calcification on the mammogram was highly unlikely to be cancerous (despite a family history of breast cancer). So, they were conservative and she had to have a second operation to remove the rest.

Sorry it's stinging at the moment but hope that when your period finishes that will be the end of bleeding of any type for a few weeks.

Zombie had an unexpectedly good afternoon. A friend rang her this morning and pretty much gave her no option other than meeting for a late lunch. We live about 60 miles apart so we met at a pub between us and had a lovely long lunch and talk. It's good to talk.

Couthy, biopsy results?

Zombie has been at the hospital this morning for her Oncology Clinic appointment. After being under their care for nearly 18 months, she finally met her Consultant Oncologist. What a lovely, lovely man! He confirmed that her echocardiogram results were excellent, that she is tolerating the Herceptin very well and the physical exam revealed no evidence of any metastatic spread.

All in all, a bit of good news before the trials and tribulations of next week.

I was just thinking about you!

Glad to hear things are looking up and you have a good man on your side.

Hooray, Zombie!!

Good to hear, Zombie.

And now Zombie is at the seaside for a couple of nights. She loves the ocean.

That's good. Don't drop any toes if you go paddling!

That all sounds a bit better Zomb

Oooh, so !

Zombie is home now. The break did her a world of good on many levels.

Having said that, she's suddenly acutely aware that she has her next Herceptin cycle on Monday (not worried about that as the Piriton Fairies will take good care of her) and then the LLETZ on Thursday. That is starting to make her more than a bit nervous.

Hullo
You're supposed to receive the results of histology (biopsy or LLETZ) within 4 weeks, NHS screening programme standard. I suggest ringing the colposcopy co-ordinator, the gynae admin/secretary if you have their contact details. If that fails try PALS and/or your GP to get them to chase the results too.

Zombie had her 14th cycle of Herceptin today. That only leaves 4 more to go.

Now she just has to try and control her nerves about the LLETZ on Thursday afternoon. She is really, really, really not looking forward to that.

Sigh.

(Hug)

Things are rarely as bad as you think they are going to be, anticipation is usually worse than reality. And you've got lots of support here, if you need to talk it through. Have the Piriton fairies helped today?

thinking of Zombie

Thinking of you Zombie and sending you some gentle (((hugs)))

Will be thinking of you on Thursday zombie

Thanks everyone.

Zombie feels like such a wuss but the nerves about tomorrow are really ratcheting up now. She knows that the anticipation is almost always worse than the reality. She knows that this is really a minor procedure. She knows she'll be fine once she's through it.

She's just quietly falling to bits despite what she knows.

Don't fall apart too quietly, Zombie, or no-one will know where to find the bits when it comes to putting you back together again.

{{{huuuuugs}}}

This'll re-attach falling-off bits.

This'll help once it's all over.

I've started preparations for the shell party

Thanks, MrsWembley. Maybe Zombie should microchip her various bits so they'll be more easily found.

Those look good, Fid. Zombie would love to be on that beach right now...

Four hours from now Zombie will be in the stirrups. It's nearly time for her to have her last hot soaky bath for a few weeks. Bugger.

Best of luck Zombie.

You will get through it.

and [gin]

Good luck Zombs.

I didn't mean a grin I meant a smile.

Good luck today x

Zombie is off now. She'll see you on the other side.

Hugs Zombie

All the best Zombie. Will be holding you in my thoughts.

Hey Zombie - should all be done and dusted now. Hope it wasn't too bad x

Sending more {{{hugs}}} (but v. gentle ones).

Zombie is home. The clinic was running about an hour late so lots of time for the nerves to explode in the waiting room.

The doctor was lovely as were the nurses. Cervix did its usual trick of being very difficult to find but eventually surrendered to the inevitable.

The procedure itself wasn't too bad. Felt mostly pressure more than anything else. Down below does feel a bit battered and bruised now. Also having cramping and lower back ache but the ibuprofen and paracetamol are taking the edge off.

It could take up to 6 weeks for the biopsy results to come back.

Zombie is very glad it's over.

Gentle {{{hugs}}} for you, Zombie. xx

Thanks, SDTG.

The cramps and back ache are getting worse. Zombie has taken some Feminax Ultra and as soon as that kicks in she's off to bed.

Hope you sleep tight Zombie.

Did you get some sleep in the end? I hope your cramps and backache diminish / stop soon and you get the results before 6 weeks are out x

Hope you had as good a night as poss, Zombie.

Lazy day & weekend? Pottering, nip of whiskey, lots of rest?

Zombie had a fair night. She is indeed planning a lazy couple of days.

Zombie needs some advice, please.

She had been recovering well. Yesterday afternoon she started feeling a bit peculiar and about 7.00 in the evening began vomiting. She went to bed at 7.30. Today her stomach has been fairly settled although she still feels quite grotty.

Now she is starting to run a temperature. It's only up to 37.5, but she almost never has a temperature. Her normal temp is 36.8 - 37.0.

She needs to see a doctor tomorrow to check for an infection doesn't she?

Yes, you do because with everything else going on you need to be as strong as you can be and infections aren't good. Hopefully you can shake it off soon but you have to be careful, lovely Zombie.

Yes Zombie, probably best advised to get a once-over x

Zombie has just taken some ibuprofen and will go to bed in about half an hour.

If she's no better in the morning, she will first try the GP and, if he can't see her on an emergency appointment, she'll go straight to the hospital. The colposcopy clinic told her she could just turn up and would be seen if something like this happened.

Mintyy thinks Zombie should deffo go to gp in the a.m. and hopes she has a reasonable night.

Correct Mintyy if she is wrong, Zomb, but isn't paracetamol better for temps than ibuprofen? Anyways, if Zombie has some paracetamol in the house she can combine with ibuprofen (leaving a decent interval in between) for maximum temp zapping.

Zombie isn't sure which is better, Mintyy. She tends to alternate the two and as she'd had paracetamol this morning she took ibuprofen this time. If she wakes during the night (which she almost certainly will do), she'll have some paracetamol then.

Didn't know about ANY of this.

Hugs and love.

I agree you should see someone Zombie, the sooner the better.

Hopefully it isn't anything serious (or at least as unserious as it can be in the circumstances ).

Sorry you are having such a shitty time.

[virtual gin]

Hugs and cooling vibes, Zombie.

Been lurking here a while. Sneaking in to say I hope you sleep tight and cool down overnight. Hoping for a good and speedy result from biopsy.
Oh and <<hug>>!

Oh and we need a gin emoticon! Come on MN. For Zombie!!

Zombie's temperature has come down but she's a bit concerned about the discharge she's having so is off to the GP for an emergency appointment at noon.

Good luck x

Zombie is home with a dual attack antibiotic that should clear up the most common causes of an infection after a LLETZ and co-codamol for the pain. If things aren't a lot better by Monday they'll swab and culture for the specific bug.

She really, really hopes they start to work soon.

Hope you have a good weekend and feel a LOT better soon x

Fingers crossed that the tablets work, and you feel better soon, Zombie. The antibiotics might help with any lingering Zombie putrefaction too... [grin[

Me too xx

Darnit.

Get well soon zombie

{{{hugs}}} x 3, Zombie, 1 each for the dual ABs and 1 for the pain-relief.

And {{{hugs}}} just cos.

Oh, Zombie, it never rains but it pours, does it.

I hope the antibiotics are kicking in. And the painkillers for that matter!

{{{hugs}}}

Thanks everyone.

The co-codamol is definitely easing the pain. The antibiotics will take a bit longer to start making a noticeable difference and, at the moment, putrefacation doesn't really even come close to describing what her fanjo is discharging.

Zombie probably shouldn't be surprised that everything she's been through has run her down to the point where the infection has really knocked her for six. Not even the chemo made her feel this poorly.

She's written tomorrow off but has hopes for Sunday.

Hoping the antibiotics kick in really soon. Hoping you get some rest and holding out hope for Sunday.

Oh zomb! who is looking after you in rl?

And just wanted to add, if you are able to eat, do make sure it is something with plenty of roughage (as they call it in polite circles) because co-codamol can play havoc.

Fondest thoughts for you and your discharge and your bowel movements dear lady xxxx

Resting is about all Zombie can do right now, Wolfie. She had planned to do a few things after seeing the GP but was so worn out she had to come straight home instead.

Zombie is looking after Zombie, Mintyy. She's well aware of the effects of the codeine...

How are you this morning Zombie? Is the sun out where you are?

Any chance of getting a bit of fresh air and pretending that summer is on it's way? That always makes me feel a bit better.

Zombie still feels grotty, but, the temperature isn't as high as it was, the pain has eased quite a bit and the discharge is less aromatic. She's moving in the right direction.

There was a bit of sun earlier but it's been replaced by very dark grey cloud. There's a window open for fresh air but it's quite chilly out there.

Zombie doesn't believe in summer any more...

Summer will come.

Have faith.

Grey and chilly is good for curling up with warm socks and reading or watching something.

And Exit is right. Summer will come.

{{warm hugs}}

You know, Zombie has just realised that we've not had a proper summer the last two years. That coincides with when her life started falling to bits. Maybe, just maybe, if we do have a summer this year other things will start to look up as well.

Fid, Dr. Who starts in 10 minutes. Zombie will be watching avidly.

Dr Who never feels the same when it is daylight outside.

<first world problem>

We haven't had a decent summer in Dublin for a long, long time. I remember 1989 and 1994 being good, but since then I can't remember a summer when we had more than the odd day of sunshine .

Hopefully this will be a good one (if it ever starts ).

And I couldn't watch Dr Who as both dd and ds2 are away.

It's a bit sad to have to admit to watching watch it by myself. They would tease me horribly.

I've just watched it by myself. Not sure I had a clue what was going on mind.