Oh I'm a firm believer in being upfront about this stuff. I'm very impatient and can't stand games.

The hard bit is to let the ones go who aren't suitable. Not chase them around the place like a loon.

Then eventually you meet someone who doesn't play games either, and is straightforward, and then things can proceed in an uncomplicated manner.

I would be permanently miserable if I had to go out with a bloke who was into games, and I had to pretend to be not keen, and all that stuff. It's not my personality. There are plenty of women out there who do like all that stuff - leave those men to them.

Mmmwine: You haven't even met the guy yet, so it's a lot desperate to be expecting him to commit to you in any way at all. He owes you NOTHING right now.
Honestly, get yourself a hobby or something, if you are this obsessed with Getting A Partner you are going to simultaneously scare off the nice men and send out a kind of radar signal to the awful ones (cocklodgers, scroungers, con artists and psychotic abusers) that you will put up with anything at all just to be able to say 'That's my PARTNER' about some knob or other.

I chased DH. He did really like me, but was a bit shy and didn't think that I would like him. He was also at the tail end of a relationship with a woman that he didn't really like, but he didn't want to dump her as then he'd be a bastard. I didn't know about the girlfriend, by the way.

He admits that if I hadn't shown any interest and kept up the momentum that nothing would have happened. He also admits that he was terrified that someone else would come along and that I'd go out with them instead.

I actually think that chasing a man becomes more and more vital as you get older - the men that are left unattached tend to be single either because they never want to settle down and will break your heart, or because they are really nice, but rubbish at chasing women. I wanted one from the later group.

I also felt that it was a bit silly to fancy someone senseless and not say anything or do anything about it. I have asked lots of men out in my time, and some of them were horrified, I had lots of fun with some of them, and DH turned out to be a keeper. Well worth the risk.

It might be a bit retro, but I think the most you should do is indicate that you might be amenable to further contact, and leave the ball in their court.

You can make it clear you are perhaps interested without being desperate. I do think that most guys like to feel they have done some chasing so you look like a prize worth having. You don't need to lay everything on the line straightaway. It's not playing games, but just being cautious, and giving the other person a chance to show some enthusiasm.

mmmwine, maybe he wasn't lieing hun?
Some places don't log you off straight away, even if you've turned your computer off! He may not have logged out properly and it may have taken time for the servers to refresh themselves?
I am, of course, being the eternal optimist here, but thats probably because when I met hubby, we hit it off straight away and he was moving in 3 months later...that of course could also be interpreted as us both being desperate and lonely, but I'm going for the first one
If you met the guy on a dating site then maybe just keep your options open, that way, if he turns out to be a twonk, it wont matter
I admire women who have the confidence to be up front with a man and do the chasing, I think it shows a self awareness that I can never hope to have lol

<sigh> I just don't think I get dating. I just think I do it wrong.

Take tonight, I've been texting a guy (off a certain dating site, I admit, have no shame!), then he says he is off to bed now, really tired, blah blah, but then I could see he was online on the site for another 45 mins! So I think, well why did he lie to me and it annoys me, even though really I know he doesn't owe me anything.

So the point of that tale is I am clearly no expert so maybe I do come across too keen at first

Of course it can be the woman.

But it isn't about taking control.

If you keep control of yourself, then there's no need to make early declarations in order to regain it.

You shouldn't be waiting for the man to decide if he likes you. You should be waiting to see whether or not you like him.

mmmwine: well of course there's nothing wrong with it being the woman rather than the man who is the first one to say 'More!' My point is, don't do it on the first date, and don't do it until you have some indication that the other person is at least interested in more dates. Because at the beginning, both of you are checking each other out and seeing if you like each other and there is no need to rush.

But isn't that poshsinglemum's point, that if someone has to say it, then why can't it be the woman? Why can't we take control and say "look, I like you. Do you like me too?" without being worried we're going to scare someone off? Why do we have to wait for the man to decide he likes us, surely it's better to cut to the chase and stop with the games, if for no other reason than it saves everybody a lot of time!

Phew, a lot of questions, can you tell it's something I feel strongly about?!

When the other person is not giving you any indication that they are more than mildly interested in spending time with you, grand declarations of your desperation love for them will make you look like a total twunt. If someone is as keen to spend time with you are you are keen to spend time with them then, well, somene's got to say it.