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SAHP's - do you get up when OH gets up?

(60 Posts)
Pyrrhagena Thu 04-Sep-14 06:46:56

Well, do you? Or do you wait for the DC to get up, or do you get up and sneak back to bed once they've left for work?

Disclaimer...I'm not a morning person. I'm grumpy and tired. And mightily annoyed and I know I shouldn't be. DH got up at 430 this morning. I was half awake because my bed (have separate beds, same room) had been invaded by a DC. I ask DH to carry DC back to own bed. He's not convinced but does in the end, DC wakes briefly but goes back to sleep quite quickly and I go back to bed. DH is showering then comes into the en suite to shave. At about 455 he opens the bathroom door so the light shines into the bedroom and proceeds to open and close drawers, shuffle around, moan he can't find what he wants until 5:24. When he turns the light off and turns the light on in the hall, pulls the bedroom door to. Then leaves for work. I dozed until the DC got up and feel worse for it probably

Was I rude? I got the impression he thinks I'm rude and lazy for not getting up when he does. And is annoyed that I get to stay in bed when he gets ready for work. (If it's after 6, or wide awake, then I do get up)

waithorse Thu 04-Sep-14 07:00:39

It would be ridiculous to get up at 4.30 just because he does. 4.30 is not morning. Saying that, does he get up at that time every morning ? That must be difficult for him.

To answer your question, I get up when I need to, not when dh gets up. But we do usually get up at the same time. except for weekends.

RunBikeRun Thu 04-Sep-14 07:03:09

No way! DH alarm goes off at 4am and he gets up as quickly as possible (I'm talking seconds) grabs his stuff and goes straight to the bathroom to get ready, then slips downstairs and goes to work. I'm currently pregnant so sometimes I'm awake but I never get up, if I'm awake he'll make me a cuppa before he leaves but he'd never ask or expect me to get up with him as I'd never ask him of it either.

Our DC are 11 and 6 so I get up before them and then drag them up at 7am.

He only has Sunday off at the moment and on that day the 3 of us are very careful not to wake him up early.

AnnOnymity Thu 04-Sep-14 07:03:51

It would be ludicrous to get up at 4:30. That's not morning!

Fairylea Thu 04-Sep-14 07:05:10

Why on earth would you get up with your dh? That's not your "job" if you're the sahm. It's your "job" to look after the dc so I get up when they do or just before so I'm awake enough to cope! There's no way I'd get up just for dh. As it happens we all wake up about 7 anyway. There's no way I'd be waking up at 4.30 for dh!

guyropegirl Thu 04-Sep-14 07:06:30

4.30 is still the middle of the night. When my dh gets up at that time for a flight hevlays all his clothes out in the hall the night before abd creeps about.

If 4.30 is normal for him though thst is totally crap for him. I would not be getting up though!

YeGodsAndLittleFishes Thu 04-Sep-14 07:08:06

I don't get up and dressed, but if DH is getting ready for work that early it would be me getting out of bed for the DCs because he has things to do and won't have time. (And he might then forget something he needs for work and he shouldn't have to get up extra early to sort out the DCs if I am there.)

Equally, when I have gone to work in the morning and he hasn't, he has a lie in all the more.

ftmsoon Thu 04-Sep-14 07:08:19

I actually get up before him, but that's because I get up with the baby when she wakes and he gets up at the very reasonable hour of 7.30. No way would I be getting up with him before about 7am!!

ABlandAndDeadlyCourtesy Thu 04-Sep-14 07:09:40

He needs to lay out his stuff the night before.

DefiniteMaybe Thu 04-Sep-14 07:10:37

I normally get up a while before dp because I have to get up with the dc. He doesn't start work until 2pm so he doesn't need to get up early.

Sunna Thu 04-Sep-14 07:12:56

DH used to go to work at a more civilised hour than that but I was always up before/with him.

I'm a morning person, so it wasn't hard.

diddl Thu 04-Sep-14 07:14:02

Get up with him?

What for?

Can he not get up, washed, dressed, feed himself & wipe his arse??!!

YeGodsAndLittleFishes Thu 04-Sep-14 07:15:27

DH leaves at 4:30 on Mondays to catch a flight to work. He does leave things out and he usually tries (fails) not to wake me. He texts when he gets to the airport and again when he's landed.

Ledkr Thu 04-Sep-14 07:16:36

Nope and he knows better than to rummage through drawers etc.
He gets his stuff ready the night before then sneaks down quietly.
On the rare occasions dd is awake early he brings her up to my bed with her milk and my tea so I can stay in bed.
I do work part time tho so not a total princess grin

YeGodsAndLittleFishes Thu 04-Sep-14 07:18:17

I am a morning person (at 6am) and he isn't. When he comes home late I do usually wait up though, or at least stay awake in bed.

LetticeKnollys Thu 04-Sep-14 07:18:45

No, I wouldn't get up at that time. Maybe if he got up say, 30 minutes before the kids I would come and have breakfast with him and sort myself out a bit.

When DP worked from home and I worked away from home he didn't get up with me, so I wouldn't feel obliged. I used to make an effort to do noisy things in another room, it's not really hard to do.

3stripesandout Thu 04-Sep-14 07:19:55

God no. DP gets up at 5am. Jumps out of bed, turns alarm off and goes down (leaves his clothes downstairs).

Pyrrhagena Thu 04-Sep-14 07:48:09

No! he doesn't have to get up at 430, he gets up whenever he wakes. He can work flexible hours so long as he is in the office between 8 and 11 and 2 and 4. I have never asked him to get up with the DC's and he has never done so. It was just because he was awake and standing next to the bed that I asked him to carry the 26kg of sleepy child through to the other bedroom. I then went and sat with him til he settled again. In retrospect, I should have left DS in my bed and climbed into DH's! Usually I intercept the DC but this time I didn't notice him come in (I slept very badly last night and am ill at the moment, so was completely out of it), he must have been asleep a while, so he can't have woken DH up.

See that's what I think wait I don't classify 430 as morning!

I felt less guilty going back to bed when he got up when I was up three or four times a night with the DC, but now it's usually only once a night and now even every night any more.

Ledkr Thu 04-Sep-14 07:54:20

I used to get up for my job at 6 and unless the dc were up I'd not expect dh to move at all. In fact I used to scowl at his sleeping form in the bed as I was jealous (not a morning person)

I honestly think something is wrong with your relationship if you feel guilty about not getting up at 4.30 because that's when your husband voluntarily gets up.

And he should be laying his stuff out the night before and not making so much fuss in the bedroom.

It is really not normal to expect your partner to be awake just because you are, and I have no idea why you would feel guilty about it.

Coughle Thu 04-Sep-14 08:04:34

Tomorrow, get up at 3:30 and clomp about. When he asks wtf you're doing, tell him he's lazy and rude.

(Or you could just tell him to be more quiet in the mornings)

wonkylegs Thu 04-Sep-14 08:05:41

4.30 isn't morning that's still night time!
Usually DHs alarm goes off at 6.15, he gets up & uses the bathroom. When he's finished, I get up & use the bathroom, whilst I'm in the bathroom, he gets dressed... Etc etc.
I'm not a SAHM but I work from home & my work day doesn't start until I get back from the school run.
I have been known to go back to bed after school run if I've had a bad night but that's only if my RA is flaring and I'd be pretty unable to work without a rest anyway.

Ledkr Thu 04-Sep-14 08:12:30

When you get up with the dc (as he never does) make as much noise as possible and put on the lights, run the taps etc.

So he gets up when he wakes up naturally and you just have to fall into place and get up too even tho it's not your natural wake up time?

Good grief!!

bambinibop Thu 04-Sep-14 08:15:15

My dh gets up very early. I'm on maternity leave with 7 mo and she normally hears dh when he gets up (her room is right next to ours and bathroom so he can't avoid it really ) so he gets her and brings her to me in bed I then feed her and go back to sleep for a few hours afterwards. My dh would think it very odd if I got up before he left for work and I know he would stay in bed if it was the other way round ! He also never puts a light on or makes any more noise than is necessary for him to get ready. And on the rare occasion I need to get up before him I am also very quiet

squirrelweasel Thu 04-Sep-14 08:15:49

My husband gets up at 4 and I get him to wake me at 4.45 before he leaves. But I really am a morning person I usually am asleep by 9.30 latest. The morning is the only space I have for myself I feel grumpy all day if I sleep on.

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