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To the mum/dad in Pizza Hut at Merry Hill today whose DD was having a meltdown

(133 Posts)
MarmaladeShatkins Mon 01-Sep-14 19:40:28

You were doing just fine. smile

I hope you didn't leave because you felt that you had to. I tried to catch your eye to show support after that family asked to be moved. They were intolerant and rude.

You seemed like a lovely family doing their best under hard circumstances.

flowers

MiddleAgeMiddleEngland Mon 01-Sep-14 19:46:30

Why are people so intolerant of children having a tantrum? Most parents do their best to minimise the effects on others, surely others around can see that.

I've posted this before but one of the loveliest things I've ever seen was at a supermarket where a child was in total meltdown at the checkout. The mum was obviously stressed and other people were beginning to make disapproving noises. Then, a customer, an elderly man, came over to her with a bunch of flowers saying that she was doing fine, her boy would grow out of it and not to worry about the noise. I wanted to hug him.

Valiant1 Mon 01-Sep-14 19:46:38

thanks

LemonMousse Mon 01-Sep-14 19:49:49

A family asked to be moved?! How unkind. shock

Vintagebeads Mon 01-Sep-14 19:53:28

Oh its so hard when that happens.
I was standing in line in Aldi and DD kicked up a huge loud no stopping tantrum,I had a full trolley ,I was standing there with people in front and behind me didn't know if I should try and get her out of the trolley or leave it.
When all three people in front of me, let me go in front of them all making comments about how they have all been there.
Thank you lovely Aldi people!

I have been that mum many times. Thank you. Sometimes it's amazing how other parents fail to show solidarity or even empathy.

MarmaladeShatkins Mon 01-Sep-14 19:55:34

I don't know, MiddleAge. And it was also obvious that the child had addiotnal needs which makes their behaviour even more disgusting.

That man sounds lovely. smile

ouryve Mon 01-Sep-14 19:56:45

A wonderful antidote to the other Pizza Hut thread.

Thankyou Marmalade flowers[pizza]

WilburIsSomePig Mon 01-Sep-14 19:57:32

DD had a hideous tantrum in Tesco once and a woman told me to 'sort my horrible brat out'. I burst into tears (I was knackered) and another lovely woman came over and said 'don't listen to her you're doing great'. I will always be grateful to that woman.

MarmaladeShatkins Mon 01-Sep-14 20:00:01

What other Pizza Hut thread?! <cranes neck for a look>

MarmaladeShatkins Mon 01-Sep-14 20:01:40

"DD had a hideous tantrum in Tesco once and a woman told me to 'sort my horrible brat out'."

Oh my God. shock

How can you be vile to a parent if you can see they're trying? It's one thing nonchalantly letting your kid run about stealing dinner off people's plates whilst mummykins looks on adoringly (saw this is Giraffe once!) But when the parents are trying their hardest and getting nowhere, how could anyone make it worse by being vile? <boggles>

MrsWembley Mon 01-Sep-14 20:02:00

I always try to catch the eye of the mum with 'that' child.smile I smile and try to indicate with gestures or comments or whatever that this too will pass.

Inside, I'm silently thanking the stars that it's not my turn to be with 'that' child...

madoldwoman Mon 01-Sep-14 20:04:54

Middleagemiddleengland - that's brought a tear to my eye!

I was on my own in Wagamamas once with my two boys, they were probably about 4 and 2 at the time and it was about 5.30pm on a Friday evening. DS1 was being an angel and eating his dinner happily, DS2 took exception to his dinner and kicked off. I tried everything to placate him but to no avail so I decided it was just best to wolf down my own dinner, encourage DS1 to wolf his down quickly too and then try to get the hell out of there!

Before I could though, I was approached by an old gentleman who was eating with his wife who very matter of factly told me "Don't you think you should take him outside, he's disturbing everyone!" I asked him how he thought I could take him outside and still supervise my other son who was happily eating his dinner - unsurprisingly he couldn't answer that one, so he just walked off tutting loudly and proceeded to give me filthy looks for the remainder of our time there.

I was so upset - I could have cried my eyes out on the spot but just about held it together. It really knocked my confidence though and it was a good while before I felt able to take the boys out for food on my own again sad

tumbletastic Mon 01-Sep-14 20:08:48

How lovely of you to acknowledge the hard work this family was doing in order to have a normal experience.

I congratulate myself when I successfully manage to calm DD down enough to actually get through my shopping (sometimes!)

DD has lots of additional needs and is obviously disabled but some people I believe r put on earth to test your patience. The rudeness and scoffs and looks etc, we live a much more isolated life than I would like.

What pisses me off more is the fact that in order for a child with additional needs to grow into a more functioning adult they need to learn and experience things like everyone else - seem common sense right?? Well for some people no this is not the case and your child should not be out in society.

Rant over and thank you OP, I hope the family sees this post as it is lovely that you are supportive

TSSDNCOP Mon 01-Sep-14 20:12:44

Surely the appropriate response is to mentally cross yourself and acknowledge there by by the grace of God.

Still vividly remembering a horror flight when DS was 2, I turned to the woman who's daughter flipped out on this years flight and reminded her that she was only 3 hours from gin and sunshine, and she'd be unlikely to see any of the tutting c@nts all around us again.

I try to give that "look" but sometimes get a sneering 'what the eff are you looking at?!' In return. I find the best course of action is just to ignore and hope they have a lovely bottle of wine waiting at home.

LadyIsabellaWrotham Mon 01-Sep-14 20:13:26

Tbf I don't know whether asking to be moved when there's enough space and another patron is being disruptive (through no fault of their own) is necessarily unreasonable as long as you're discreet and not being a twat about it. The family in this case were clearly being twats about it though.

LadyIsabellaWrotham Mon 01-Sep-14 20:16:00

I agree that sympathetic looks are fraught with the potential for misunderstanding - if you can't say something unambiguously supportive then maybe best ignore.

MrsUnderwood Mon 01-Sep-14 20:17:38

This was a really lovely thing to post, I really hope those parents read this.

Methe Mon 01-Sep-14 20:18:43

I've just come back from Merry Hell but it wasn't me grin if you'd have said pizza express and a 5 year old who thinks the word bum
is hilarious then it might be a different story.

I don't really understand why it is intolerant to asked to be moved away from someone else's child if their making a racket though?

Surely most parent listen to enough unnecessary notice from their own children to willingly listen to someone else's over dinner.

Methe Mon 01-Sep-14 20:19:45

Unnecessary noise.

MidnightDinosaur Mon 01-Sep-14 20:21:02

What a lovely post.

I'll always remember the woman who, when I had my screaming wriggling 3yr old under my arm trying to get him out I the supermarket and everyone was staring and tutting at me, put her hand on my shoulder, smiled at me and said "you're doing great mama, keep it up"

hazeyjane Mon 01-Sep-14 20:23:40

Having had a similar thing happen to us, IME it is a grim feeling to have people move away from you, because your disabled child is making a noise or behaving in an unusual way. It just makes you feel as though you shouldn't be there in the first place.

MarmaladeShatkins Mon 01-Sep-14 20:26:09

Oh I don't know. It was the huffy way they did it. If it was done discreetly then it would be different but it was obvious why they were moving.

I did enjoy watching their gopping faces when the little girl lay down by their table and ramped up her meltdown. wink

Methe Mon 01-Sep-14 20:30:57

Sounds like she got her own back anyway smile

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