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Who should pay? (Wedding related)

(24 Posts)
Peanutbutterandnutellanutter Mon 01-Sep-14 19:18:20

We are planning a small wedding (immediate family only) mainly to keep costs down. We are having it at a "restaurant with rooms".

DP's family live very close to the venue (20 mins' drive), my family live 5 hours away.

DP and I will stay overnight at the venue afterwards. We are not going to insist anyone else stays at the venue, but they are welcome to if they want to. My family will need to stay over somewhere as they live so far away, but it's totally up to them whether they choose stay at the venue or somewhere else. DP's family might want to stay at the venue, even though they live close by.

If our families do choose to stay at the venue, do you think DP and I should pay for them to do so? It is £200 per room per night, so if both our sets of parents and siblings choose to stay over the total cost would be £1,200. Would it be expected that we pay for this or would it be reasonable to expect them to pay for their owns rooms if they choose to stay overnight at the venue.

Not sure if relevant, but we are paying for the wedding ourselves, our parents are not paying for anything and we are already being generous with the food and wine we are paying for for our guests.

MamadotheBUMP Mon 01-Sep-14 19:21:06

I think they should pay for their own rooms. They could stay elsewhere if it was cheaper and get a taxi if they so choose.


Could your family stay at yours overnight or is it far away? I dont think I would offer to pay if they are not contributing to the wedding itself

rookiemater Mon 01-Sep-14 19:22:17

Is there anywhere cheaper to stay near the location?

they pay if they want to stay!
congratulations - sounds like a great day has been planned smile

Peanutbutterandnutellanutter Mon 01-Sep-14 19:23:04

No our house is too far away (and too small) and DP's parents don't have room for my family to stay with them

TheWhispersOfTheGods Mon 01-Sep-14 19:24:23

imo they should be paying for your nights stay if anything! I definitely don't think you should pay for their stay.

Peanutbutterandnutellanutter Mon 01-Sep-14 19:24:49

Yes there are other cheaper places they can stay nearby within a 20 minute taxi ride

50KnockingonabiT Mon 01-Sep-14 19:25:21

I think they should pay for themselves

It doesn't have to be expensive, they could stay in a Travelodge if you're worried that the cost will put them off attending

Seriouslyffs Mon 01-Sep-14 19:27:28

You shouldn't pay!

FamiliesShareGerms Mon 01-Sep-14 19:28:51

Yes, they should pay for themselves. It's part and parcel of accepting the invitation to attend - it's not like you're expecting them to go somewhere where there are only three rooms and the rest miles away, or something equally inconsiderate

TheHouseatWhoCorner Mon 01-Sep-14 19:29:26

They should pay. Maybe find a few alternatives varying in price range.

WhatWouldTheDoctorDo Mon 01-Sep-14 19:30:51

They should pay! I've always paid for my own room at family weddings. Have either happily forked out for venue hotel or on occasion stayed somewhere cheaper nearby.

SpidersDontWashTheirHands Mon 01-Sep-14 19:31:33

We paid for both sets of parents, my sister, DH's siblings, DH's gran, DH's uncle, my best friends and the best man to stay on the night of our wedding. None of them returned the favour when they got married.

TestingTestingWonTooFree Mon 01-Sep-14 19:32:41

They should pay for themselves. I'd only expect B&G to pay for their dependents and if they are insisting that members of the wedding party must stay at a particular place.

EightFiftySix Mon 01-Sep-14 19:35:20

I suppose it depends on your budget. I think it would be reasonable for them to pay. At our wedding, we were at a remote place and we paid for the parents and bridal party as they had little option but to stay. We also agreed a discount rate for our group with the hotel and we paid a proportion of the final bill to subsidise our guests so that the rooms were more universally affordable. (Not too much really, it was a small wedding).

MrsHathaway Mon 01-Sep-14 19:40:30

We got stung once when DH was a best man - B&G insisted we stay in the vair naice venue hotel for several nights, hotel dinners every night, etc, and said "don't worry, we'll sort it" by which they meant "We will book it" and we understood "We will pay". At no point did the B&G tell us what the cost would be (they had a special rate because they'd booked it out) sp I so I don't think we were U in our assumption.

Good thing we had the credit card when it came to checking out shock

In your situation I think you shouldn'tbbe expected to pay, even if it would be nice to offer. But you absolutely must make it clear when you speak to them, so they don't get the wrong idea.

Itsfab Mon 01-Sep-14 19:41:27

You definitely do not pay.

We have had to stay over at two family do's and both times we paid. Would have been much too expensive for the bride and groom and groom and groom to pay for everyone to stay.

Frontier Mon 01-Sep-14 20:03:17

Unless you're financial circumstances are such that you could pay and barely miss the money and it would create great hardship for them, then they should pay. TBH I can't imagine anyone would think otherwise.

TallulahPumpkin Mon 01-Sep-14 20:11:21

I agree with the others, they should pay.

Give them a choice of places with the prices and cost of taxis so they can decide where and it is clear that you are not paying.

The only person we paid for at our wedding was one of our bridesmaids and that was only as she was coming over from America especially, but we only paid for the night before and after and used the excuse to come over to see a bit of Europe.

MaryWestmacott Mon 01-Sep-14 20:15:19

They pay, you can offer details of other cheaper places in the area, then leave it up to them. i would put details in with your wedding invites, a sheet with the details of the venue (along with any discount for being part of the wedding party) and then other local hotels, it will make it clear to them that they will have to book themselves, and so pick what they can afford.

FourEyesGood Mon 01-Sep-14 20:19:58

They should pay! But then, we didn't even pay for our guests' meals...

Rhubarbgarden Mon 01-Sep-14 20:24:24

We paid for parents, bridesmaids and best man, but only because we wanted them to stay there and felt it was unfair to ask them to do so and pay it themselves when it was considerably more money than other cheaper places down the road.

Also, in those days, we had plenty of money, whereas the bridesmaids and best man didn't. It would be a different story these days!

PinkSparklyElephant Mon 01-Sep-14 20:38:11

They should pay. I wasn't bothered where anyone stayed so didn't pay for anyone's room apart from my Uncle and his partner. That was a thank you to him for paying for the wedding.

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