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Neighbour banging on wall when baby wakes early

(118 Posts)
MrsJaffaCakeAddict Sat 30-Aug-14 06:31:30

We are currently battling with our early riser who likes to wake at 5/5.30. Trying to get him to sleep to 6. We live in a typical 1960s semi where the small room (the baby's) adjoins the neighbours' small room.

Often when he wakes at this time they will bang on the wall until we remove him from the room. We often do this and take him downstairs trying to be considerate, but I'm not keen on this as it's not really teaching him good habits.

This morning my DH is away and I've been really ill all week so the early rising is stressful enough anyway. I have a older child too so can't just go back to sleep when the baby has his nap later. I was giving water/ cal pol for teething and generally trying to settle him at 5.37 this morning when they started banging.

A couple of weeks ago my DH had taken him downstairs and came back up at 7 to go to the loo, popping DS back in his cot. He cried for the 2 mins it took him to go to the loo and the banging started so it's not just that we leave him for ages (which I wouldn't do out of consideration).

The neighbours have adult children and about once every 6 weeks they have a large sweary argument which has on occasion woken us at night. We've never said anything.

I think that if you live in a semi/ terrace/ flat etc a little bit of noise is inevitable.

Any advice on how to handle this? Should I be avoiding any crying in his room whatsoever? BTW neither of the children wake at any other time of night, it's just the baby's early rising.

springbabydays Sat 30-Aug-14 06:36:57

They should be knocking on your door in the day to discuss not banging on the walls, how immature of them!

You probably need to be the bigger person and do the door knocking and explain that you're trying to train your dc to sleep longer but that's not going to happen with someone banging on the walls.

Maybe take a box of chocs to apologise, as of course a crying baby isn't a great thing to hear at 5am but actually they need to be a bit more understanding and give you a chance.

Sunna Sat 30-Aug-14 06:39:02

I can imagine that being woken early by a crying baby is annoying. But I would think that they should be tolerant.

However, if you know it is disturbing your neighbours then it's unreasonable to let the crying persist if you can stop it by taking the baby elsewhere.

PrincessPotsie Sat 30-Aug-14 06:42:14

Great advice SpringBabydays.

MrsJaffaCakeAddict Sat 30-Aug-14 06:53:23

Thanks so much for the advice. I'd wondered about popping round to discuss but based on the aforementioned loud arguments they have they don't seem very reasonable and I'm worried about getting into an argument as I know you have to disclose disputes with neighbours if you want to sell. But I know that's the only solution really!

isitsnowingyet Sat 30-Aug-14 06:55:30

Erm - your neighbours sound vile. Don't apologise or 'take them chocolates'. Do they sleep in the room right next to the baby?

They are being completely unreasonable for banging on the wall.

Can you take the baby into bed with you for a snooze in the morning?

Littleturkish Sat 30-Aug-14 06:57:42

Box of chocs, big smile, please don't bang- we're trying our hardest- banging is making it worse.

Good luck!

CadleCrap Sat 30-Aug-14 06:57:54

I thought it was only legal disputes you had to disclose.

Next time they argue thump on the wall.

I would be banging back, they sound totally intolerant.

Don't you dare take them chocolates

KoalaDownUnder Sat 30-Aug-14 07:05:38

I think chocs are unnecessary. And I come from the POV of being a quiet person with a neighbour who has screamy kids.

Go over at a decent hour and knock on their door. Politely apologise for the disturbance and have a chat about what their expectations are, and what you might be able to do to mitigate the noise.

I know you can't stop your baby from crying, but being woken for work at 5:30 if you don't have to be up for work until 7 is pretty shit, too.

KoalaDownUnder Sat 30-Aug-14 07:06:09

Sorry - should say 'being woken at 5:30'

RubbishRobotFromTheDawnOfTime Sat 30-Aug-14 07:07:19

Have you been leaving the baby to cry for a while in his room? How old is he?

KoalaDownUnder Sat 30-Aug-14 07:08:52

And don't bang back - that makes you as rude as them.

awsomer Sat 30-Aug-14 07:08:57

Our upstairs neighbours' DS went through a particularly loud tough phase of waking in the night and being unable to self soothe back to sleep. Our ceilings/floors are ridiculously thin and let so much sound through so at times it felt like he was screaming in the same room as us! (Although obviously it was louder for his poor DM.)

Anyway, she used to come and see us regularly and apologise. She bought down chocolates after any really awful nights and was generally very apologetic and embarrassed about the whole situation. She also used to invite us up for a cup of tea and this meant we could get to know her DS, who we obviously fell in love with (who can resist a cuddle with a baby?).

The screaming phase went on for about 6 months and yes, it was still amazingly frustrating to be woken up so often and at times I could have screamed myself, but we got on with it. Babies are a part of life. Our poor neighbour couldn't help it and neither can you.

mathanxiety Sat 30-Aug-14 07:13:41

Bag of flaming dog poop on their doorstep?

Take the baby out when they have their six-weekly argument and bang right back.. Or just take the baby out one morning and start banging.

I wouldn't apologise at all. They are being completely unreasonable. They should move to another bedroom if they are being woken too early. You are not going to be able to stop the crying. If it was that easy I am sure you would have done it months ago. And 6 o'clock is going to be just as bad for them as 5 or 5.30.

The fact they are banging at 7am makes them total dicks, I think unfortunately all the normal being nice tactics won't work with them. Because they don't sound very nice at all

lunar1 Sat 30-Aug-14 07:17:53

How often are they being woken at 5.30? If it is occasionally then they are not being fair, if it's a regular thing then I think you need to make some changes.

The minute I wake up in a morning I can't go back to sleep so if I was woken regularly by neighbours at 5.30 I'd be pretty unreasonable I imagine.

thesnailandthewhale Sat 30-Aug-14 07:24:28

I live in a flat and used to occasionally be woken by the baby downstairs crying, yes it can be irritating to be disturbed but generally I didnt mind - like others have said, a baby crying is a natural noise. If you were playing loud music then fair enough I can understand them banging on the walls, but a baby?? They are unreasonable.

Ohwhatfuckeryisthis Sat 30-Aug-14 07:29:20

If they are in small room I doubt it's parents, but the adult kids. Go and chat with the parents reasonably-bet they don't even know.
Oh and eat the chocolates yourself.

KoalaDownUnder Sat 30-Aug-14 07:29:41

I can't believe people are saying they wouldn't apologise! Of course you should. Whether you can help it or not, the fact is that noise from your flat is audible at 5 am in your neighbours' flat. That merits an apology and discussion, in my universe.

No wonder neighbours can't get on.

mathanxiety Sat 30-Aug-14 07:41:40

I tend to be very tolerant of babies crying. That was the soundtrack of my life for many years. Dogs let out to bark at 6.10 otoh -- grrrr.

I just don't think that people who expect some sort of result from banging on a wall when a baby cries are the sort of people who would be interested in an apology, or who I would feel comfortable talking to as the whole thing might escalate and not because of any contribution of mine.

MrsJaffaCakeAddict Sat 30-Aug-14 07:48:45

Rubbish no we don't leave him to cry in the room- we sometimes try to sooth him or do a bit of pick up put down type thing but not for more than 10 mins as I acknowledge it isn't fair to neighbours.

Lunar1 that's what's so annoying- I took the children away all week to visit family so this is the first morning for a week that he's cried and they're banging straight away!

Koala I take your point about apologising and would never bang back, but surely the fact that they have the loud arguments means they should also be apologising especially since they are between adults who could reasonably be expected to tone it down?

Thank you everyone for your ideas and views. Sorry for not replying more fully- both children now up and DH away so am on duty!!

I had this with my old neighbour and it got worse, he got less tolerant and began to bang on the wall over almost anything.

So when I saw him arrive home once I went and spoke to him. I said that I am sorry the noise disturbs him but my children are not trying to do so - but that his constant banging was very deliberate and actually a bit intimidating. I told him how much noise we could hear from them (which seemed to surprise him) but never dreamed of banging on the wall about it. I says we are neighbours, we don't want to make anyone's life harder but with adjoining walls there will always be some noise, sometimes. He was actually a bit embarrassed and apologetic - I was expecting him to be horrid about it. We got on well after that. Worth a try?

MrsJaffaCakeAddict Sat 30-Aug-14 07:51:23

math yes the escalation is what I'm worried about. I don't really think there's anything I can do so thank you for letting me rant here!!

dancestomyowntune Sat 30-Aug-14 07:58:20

We have an awful neighbour who is always complaining about my four kids playing in the garden. I sympathise op. I am now pregnant and already dreading the baby waking in the night, but then her banging around and loud music at all hours disturbs me and a baby crying is unavoidable sometimes.

I would definitely try and say something, but be polite, apologetic, and explain they aren't helping the situation.

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