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working hours, if one parent SAH?

(113 Posts)
HelloLA Fri 29-Aug-14 12:00:23

Specifically: if you're a SAHM, how many hours does your DP work? Or if he's a SAHD, how many hours do you work?

DH works 8am-8pm, Mon-Fri. Out of the house before 7am, home about 8:30pm.

I hate it, mostly because he doesn't see DD at all in the working week. But is this an unremarkable set-up? I'm from a single parent family, so I feel a bit at sea when contemplating daily life in a two-parent household. Quite possibly my view of it has been totally skewed by idealization and sit-coms.

Is it actually fairly commonplace for the working parent not to see much, if anything, of the DC during the working week?

I know that's a really simplistic question, and the biggest elephant in the room is economic necessity, and that every family is different -- but I'm interested in the simple, basic fact of it.

however Fri 29-Aug-14 12:03:32

His hours are flexible, so the kids leave before he goes to work, and he's normally home by 6pm which is when we eat. He is senior enough to be able to do that.

The flip side is that he is always working. Even on holidays. He's always 'on' and 'available'.

When I was growing up we'd see dad mornings and evenings, but I think generally people worked more healthier hours. Plus commuting seemed quicker/more efficient/easier.

however Fri 29-Aug-14 12:04:33

Oh, plus he travels fairly extensively at certain times of the year. In fact, he's away all of next month. But he facetimes the kids daily.

Mintyy Fri 29-Aug-14 12:07:22

He's working 60 hours a week M-F, which is a lot by most people's standards.

Who does he work for?

Couldn't he do some of it at home so he can at least see his DD a little more often?!

Mintyy Fri 29-Aug-14 12:08:16

Its very hard on you, op, to be in sole charge for all that time.

amyhamster Fri 29-Aug-14 12:09:22

my dh leaves at 7.45am and is back by 6.45pm

flowery Fri 29-Aug-14 12:09:49

I'm not a SAHM but I do work hours that enable me to do school pick up, and the hours you mention are the same as my DH works. He sees the DC some mornings and when DS2 was a nursery he did the nursery run several times a week. Now they're both going to be at school he won't see them everyday and if he does it will be for 10 minutes in the morning.

I seem to know a lot of people who have working parents who finish early and work very locally, so see more of their DC but DH doesn't work in the kind of job you can walk out of at 5pm and he commutes over an hour as well, so it's normally 8.30 by the time he's home.

He makes up for it at the weekends, doing bath and spending lots of time with the DC.

amyhamster Fri 29-Aug-14 12:10:03

he also works every other Saturday

purplemurple1 Fri 29-Aug-14 12:10:39

Whole house gets up a 5am, working parent is out 6am to 530pm, baby goes to bed at 7.30 pm.
Our hours are a bit flexible but we both also travel for work sometimes so about one week a month one of us is a away for a few nights.

minilegofigure Fri 29-Aug-14 12:10:49

Without wishing to sound rude, this does sound reasonable and you are lucky that you can afford to be a sahm. My
DH is always home after kids asleep , often works one weekend day as he is a shift worker. I also work pt.

Having said that mornings and eves can be tough doing on your own. How old out you DCs? It gets a bit easier when they are more independent.

kiwidreamer Fri 29-Aug-14 12:10:53

DH has a commute of over an hour, leaves house at 6am so he can get a car park and go to the gym before work, which allows him to work 8.30-5.30 and be home in time to see the kids before bedtime, if only for 15-30mins. DH is now contracting so there isn't the pressure to 'prove' himself, he will work late if required but not as a daily thing. When he was a perm employee he was more local, did 9-6 home by 6.30pm.

SpiderTracker Fri 29-Aug-14 12:13:54

My DH does 7:30 to 4 so out of house at 6:45am and home just before 5pm. I am happy with this we would be better off financially if he worked longer hours but as we manage comfortably we chose for him not to.
A decision made because my Dad worked long hours when I was a child leaving the house before I got up and coming home just in time to kiss us good night. He had a second job at the weekend too I never really saw much of him and feel I have only recently got to know him since he retired. DH and I agreed we don't want our children to feel like that.

PourquoiTuGachesTaVie Fri 29-Aug-14 12:15:06

Dh is out if the house from 7.30am to 6.30pm 7 days a week as he needs two jobs (a full time apprenticeship and a part time weekend job - to try and make up the shortfall for the crap apprentice wage).

I've been off work on holiday while ds is not in school but I'm back at work next week until I go on mat leave in November. Tbh I don't have time to miss him! It is annoying that jobs I need him to do around the house have to take a back seat though.

m0therofdragons Fri 29-Aug-14 12:16:42

generally dh leaves at 8am and home by 6pm - he's recently taken a pay cut to work closer to home so before that you'd have to add an extra hour either side of those times. He does some late shifts (3 per fortnight) so then he leaves at 12.30 and is home by 10pm, but he takes lunch breaks which he comes home for and lunch break on late shift is timed for dc bedtime otherwise when they are the
School and pre school dh wouldn't see them for more than 30 minutes if at all while on lates. Officially dh does 37.5 hours a week.

BoysiesBack Fri 29-Aug-14 12:17:32

DH has quite a lot of flexibility in his job, but on average he leaves 7:30-8am and gets home 4-4:30pm. He can also work from home in needs be.

I realise we've been really lucky, but the downside is that the pay isn't great and he's turned down lots of promotions to keep a good work/life balance.

Chewbecca Fri 29-Aug-14 12:18:37

When DS was little, DH worked a fair distance away and left the house at 6:15 and returned about 8-830 so he missed much of the first few years Mon-Fri which was a shame (for him and DS) but couldn't be helped as that was where the work was.
We hunted for a more local role with better hours which he secured when DS was 4 and now leaves at 730 and gets home at 630 which is really lovely. He also goes in slightly later twice a week to take DS to school. We often have dinner together at 630. I think we're all very lucky to have this set up, we had to hunt hard for it though and DH's career possibly could have gone further if he'd returned to London but it's a choice we've made and are happy with.

SenatusPopulusqueRomanorum Fri 29-Aug-14 12:19:41

DH leaves at 7:30 and comes home between 10:30 and 11:00PM. I hate it.

offtoseethewizard64 Fri 29-Aug-14 12:19:56

DH was out of the house from 7 - 7 when the children were small and I worked 2 full days from 9-5 but was out of the house from 8-6. I found the days I was not at work very long and was watching the clock for him to come home so that I could have a bit of adult company.
He now works 9-5 but is out from 8-6 most days but goes to the gym on the way home some evenings so doesn't get home until 7.15.

MTWTFSS Fri 29-Aug-14 12:20:18

Depends what job he has I guess.

My friend's DH is a banker and he doesn't get home until 9-10pm at night, whereas my DH gets home at 5-6pm at night.

Preciousbane Fri 29-Aug-14 12:20:50

Very flexible for my DH but usually leaves at 9.30 and back at 7.30pm to avoid rush hour so it saves time and he says bye to DS going off to school. Though he travels so arrived back at 10pm after being in France for almost a week, picked him up with DS in Pjs and dressing gown.

SoonToBeSix Fri 29-Aug-14 12:21:32

My dh leaves the house at 7 is back at 6 . He contracted hours are 37.

HazleNutt Fri 29-Aug-14 12:24:43

Most days I'm home by 6-6.30, DS (13 months) goes to bed at 9, so I get to spend some time with him in the evenings. I have a very short commute and quite a lot of flexibility as well. I do need to be available and to check my emails, so if necessary, do some work after DS is in bed.

GnomeDePlume Fri 29-Aug-14 12:29:12

I leave home around 6.45am and get home again around 7.15pm. Not ideal but at least now that DCs are teens they go to bed after me normally!

Generally I work a 50 hour week. Contracted/paid is 40. Problem is that in this working climate and at my age (late 40s) there is too much risk of not being seen to pull my weight and being replaced by someone who will do the hours.

RiverTam Fri 29-Aug-14 12:37:50

DH left at about 8.30 and got home about 5.45. Contracted to do a 35 hour week, obviously there were times when he had to stay late/go in early, but that's how it is generally. So he can get DD up and to nursery, and pick her up and do bedtime if needs be. I'm not a SAHM anymore but when I was my heart sank if he had to stay late unexpectedly, but then I hated being a SAHM!

AppleAndMelon Fri 29-Aug-14 12:43:14

I'm more work-from-home rather than stay-at-home now but Dh is out at least 15 hours a day. It's not great, but it's a necessity due to his field and our unwillingness to return to live in London due to schools etc.

DC3 seems to feel it the most at the moment as he really doesn't see his dad very much at all during the week. It was almost easier when he was away in some respects as it is frustrating for them to know that he has been in the house but they have been asleep.

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