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why IS it so hard to accept a compliment?

(15 Posts)
Loveneverfails Thu 28-Aug-14 23:49:03

was out with a friend tonight. Don't see her very much but when we do, its lovely.

Her husband asked her who she loves to see most, friends wise and she said me hmmshock. She genuinely meant it. I was shock.

She then reeled off things she loves about me and how she relishes our little times together to chat and drink brew

All the while I cringed whilst she complimented me.

I am now home and feel distinctly uncomfortable, why?

she is a lovely person, we are good friends, she was being very genuine, I guess to her what she thinks of me makes me feel blush as I don't see those qualities in myself.

Am I weird? to find it hard to even hear accept compliments?

Loveneverfails Thu 28-Aug-14 23:49:47

(tho I am prone to low self esteem)

DiaDuit Thu 28-Aug-14 23:57:55

What a weird question from her husband! confused

Aside from that grin i have no idea why it is so hard. I used to be awful at accepting them to the point of arguing with people that they were definitely wrong blush ive learned now just to say thank you and that its a lovely thing for them to say. Even if i dont believe them.

Loveneverfails Thu 28-Aug-14 23:58:57

It was a weird question from her husband wasn't it !!!

It is so much easier to take criticism to heart grin Now that language, I understand wink

Shockers Fri 29-Aug-14 00:14:35

I think perhaps she has said all of those things to her husband before and maybe he thought the person responsible for making her happy should hear them too!

Which is nice when you consider it.

I'm not comfy with compliments, but I like giving them. Is that odd?

Loveneverfails Fri 29-Aug-14 00:32:58

I think you may be right re her hubby and her chatting.

I am the same, I love complimenting but can't quite believe it when I get any back!

What an odd breed us humans are grin

I cringe when someone compliments me, I tend to reel off an old saying of my dads "thanks don't fill me pockets" and end the conversation. grin

Loveneverfails Fri 29-Aug-14 00:48:36

I think I looked decidedly awkward too grin

Though do feel kinda fuzzy that someone likes me grin

<plus the cat, cant forget him>

flipchart Fri 29-Aug-14 00:49:59

I used to be uncomfortable with compliments and say things like ' this old thing' if someone like a dress for example or if they liked my hair I would thing of a reason to find fault with it
Then a few years ago I noticed that women in general were terrible at accepting compliments and when I said something nice to someone and they said similar to me it felt like an insult to me.

I have modified my behaviour and now smile and say 'oh thanks, I love this top, it's lovely isn't it' or similar and appropriate.

Why make people feel bad when they saying something nice to you?

unrealhousewife Fri 29-Aug-14 00:53:14

I think it's odd for him to ask the question, and odd for her to make the compliments.

It has made you feel uncomfortable, not something friends are supposed to do to each other.


Loveneverfails Fri 29-Aug-14 01:02:05

I think it was my friends way of saying she misses me (as I do her, our worlds don't collide nearly as much as we would like any more) xx

LePamplemousse Fri 29-Aug-14 01:13:45

I don't think it's a weird question! And I think she was most likely just trying to be nice... confused by posters who see the negative in everything.

DarceyBustle Fri 29-Aug-14 05:00:58

unrealhousewife seriously? You genuinely think it is odd to give compliments?

I think it is a very bad habit we've got from our parents. My own mother thinks people who say nice things about her (and of course about her children) are "soft in the head". I disagree, and tell her.

When you reject a compliment with 'this old thing' or cringing it is actually quite rude. It is basically telling your friend that she has shit taste.
Worse than that it is a dreadful example to set your children, giving them the message that "if someone says something nice to me they are either stupid or lying". Now I am well into my forties I can see it is a weakness in my mother's upbringing that makes her reject any compliment we received- but it blighted my childhood believing it was jut done out of spite.

Shockers Fri 29-Aug-14 10:07:45

Although Loveneverfails felt uncomfortable at the time, she is now appreciating the compliments.

I think it would be a sad old world if we all thought it was wrong to tell others what it is about them that makes them special to us.

unrealhousewife Fri 29-Aug-14 17:36:19

Darcey I would never be rude about it but excessive personal complimenting as in this case, not a 'nice jumper' type one feels a bit close for comfort.

Some people do weird things to each other, try to push them into a closeness they aren't ready for, as it turns out this was not the case here.

I guess I prefer good deeds, actions speak louder than words. Supporting someone when they need it, being respectful, sharing things or their time, is what I prefer.

Compliments can be given by people who don't mean it, actions or good deeds generally are not.

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