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babies crying when you put them to bed!

(49 Posts)
bambinibop Wed 27-Aug-14 20:05:52

Does it ever stop? My baby is 6mo she goes to bed and down for naps fine she usually settles within 10 to 15 minutes but always cries for the first 5 or 10 minutes proper heartbreak crying . She hardly ever really cries so it's really sad! But then she falls asleep so no point me picking her up again (I've learnt from experience! ) do some babies just always have a cry before going to sleep!?

bambinibop Wed 27-Aug-14 20:06:48

Also first night in her own room tonight and I'm really going to miss her being right next to me :-(

RabbitSaysWoof Wed 27-Aug-14 20:18:50

We had this until over a year at nap times and probably the first six months for night bedtime.
It's for the greater good if your dd can get herself to sleep though, I bet it spares her many middle of the night tears being able to get herself back to sleep.

CustardOmlet Wed 27-Aug-14 20:25:58

That sounds like my DS, he still does it occasionally, but iv learnt that if I leave him he settles himself quicker than if I go in and comfort. Used to make me feel terrible when I thought of the anti-cry-it-out brigade, but he can always resettle himself in the night.

bigoldbird Wed 27-Aug-14 20:27:49

Goodness, taken me right back. DD1 did this for I don't know how long. She is now 24 and would probably still cry for me to sit next to her holding her hand if she thought she could get away with it. I eventually had to harden my heart and turn up the TV loudly so I didn't hear her so well, she always stopped within about 10 minutes, if not I used to go up to her. Good luck. x

MaryAnnTheDasher Wed 27-Aug-14 20:51:35

It's just horrible isn't it? I'm on 3rd dc and about to enter the realms again of letting her cry when it's bedtime and I'm dreading it! I usually turn up the telly, put my fingers in my ears whilst humming and tell dh to keep me updated. I'm useless..

ThisBitchIsResting Wed 27-Aug-14 21:15:34

I let DS cry a bit as I'd never put him down otherwise. Am surprised at so many admitting it on here - normally on MN it's the devil's work to leave a crying baby. But he was a brilliant sleeper and a brilliant self settler, and a happy and content child.

CalpolOnToast Wed 27-Aug-14 21:44:47

I have only been putting DS down in his cot and letting him lay himself down after a bit of crying for a month or so, for a long time he could keep up the crying and screaming longer than I could stand it! I used to hold him tightly to my chest and he'd be asleep in 10 minutes without a whimper but just before he learned to walk he suddenly got very strong and I couldn't do it anymore.

MiaowTheCat Wed 27-Aug-14 22:02:19

DD1 still does one loud blood curdling wail before zonking out completely. It's fucking terrifying if she wakes slightly in the middle of the night and you just get this axe-murderer level yelp coming out of the baby monitor in the dark, rush into her room to check on her and she's out for the count snoring away!

Canshopwillshop Wed 27-Aug-14 22:07:26

My DS did this. I used to try and pick him up to comfort him but he still yelled his head off. I finally realised that this was just how he settled himself and by picking him up, I was just prolonging things. If I left him, he would normally settle within 10 minutes or so (felt like much longer!!).

bambinibop Thu 28-Aug-14 06:02:53

So glad I'm not the only one ! She never cries for long about 5 or 10 minutes and like others have said she settles herself quicker than if I go in and pick her up but isn't it sad listening to them! !! I guess I have a while of this yet then but at least she can get herself off to sleep in the night and in fact she doesn't usually cry in the night if she wakes just shuffles around until she goes back off. Sometimes banging her head against the cot for good measure but that doesn't seem to bother her!

bambinibop Thu 28-Aug-14 06:04:04

First night on her own last night and I kept waking up and wanting to go check on her! She slept fine I slept terribly

RabbitSaysWoof Thu 28-Aug-14 10:54:40

It is refreshing to see this on here, I try to avoid sleep threads now because I have to hold myself back from advising the op to let their child cry for a while, you just know you would get pounced on and accused of advising something cold and damaging.

ApocalypseNowt Thu 28-Aug-14 10:58:06

My DD1 would go to sleep anywhere (buggy, my arms, cot, floor) without a peep when it was nap time.

DD2 likes to have a 5 - 10 min woe is me fest. Doesn't matter if i'm rocking her, cuddling her or she's in her cot. She just likes a good old skrike before she sleeps.

Each to their own, I say!

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Thu 28-Aug-14 15:04:23

DDS always exercised his lungs before he slept, he never, ever just nodded off.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Thu 28-Aug-14 15:07:30

I just used to leave him and he settled himself. On the occasions I did go in,I disturbed him further and he then took longer to sleep. It helped his room at the time had a window in the door so I could see what he was up to-he used to be all cosy and tucked up, not moving at all but just making lots of noise!

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Thu 28-Aug-14 15:21:36

DDS? I mean dsgrin

Lweji Thu 28-Aug-14 15:26:59

My DS was like that.
The most heartbreaking cry and then fall asleep. He did sleep well through the night, though.

I have since realised that it probably meant that he wanted to sleep but he couldn't, as when he got older he'd cry in the night when he woke up for some reason.
For example, he'd cry all the way to the toilet and back to pee and then quickly fall asleep.

Lweji Thu 28-Aug-14 15:28:39

I used to reassure DS at 1 min intervals, then extend to 2 min.
When I went to the 2 min intervals I could notice him starting to settle at the 1 min mark, as if he self soothed. It was kind of funny.

depends on the baby. my DD, if left to cry for more than about 2 mins, gets so upset she vomits uncontrollably. So not something I am willing to leave her to do.

DS has a whingey cry that means he's tired and pissed off that the day is over but can be safely ignored.

The idea of leaving the baby alone for a bit shouldn't be a no-go option IMO, if there's some firm boundaries e.g. never longer than 10 minutes, and as long as you have certain ways to satisfy your worries that they may be unwell.

It might also help to think a little outside the box, or er, crib. Maybe there's anxiety coming from somewhere prior to putting them to bed, or maybe the bed might be more comfortable with a different mattress or beanbag.

ZebraZeebra Thu 28-Aug-14 16:15:29

I'm not at all dismissing this but I just can't wrap my head around it. I've heard it so much - take a pause before you go in to their crying, see if they actually do just like a whinge before sleep. But I only have DS and tried controlled crying over three nights and it was hideous - the worst thing I ever did. He didn't stop crying. At all. He was hysterical long after I went in to comfort him and the intervals of 1, 2, 5 etc minutes just made it worse.

Eventually we found our own way and he has been sleeping wonderfully and reliably for a long time now. But a baby that cries for ten minutes but is ok and goes to sleep - I want to be open to it as I'm pregnant with DC2 and recognise they'll be an entirely different baby...but still it's difficult to comprehend. Not saying you're a bunch of liars grin Just can't imagine it because of my experience with DS.

SnottySundays Thu 28-Aug-14 16:25:14

Bless you, I remember those days. Horrible hearing them cry isn't it? In my mind there's a world of difference between 10 minutes crying and hours and hours of it. Having said that, I'm not judging those who use CIO as I've never walked in their shoes!

A book I found helpful was "French children don't throw food" - said that you can give your baby a chance to settle themselves by not going in immediately when they cry but giving them ten minutes to see if they settle. Unless ill etc. Made sense to me as they don't cry enough to learn that nobody comes when they cry, (go in and reassure after ten mins etc) but hopefully learn to settle themselves.

I do find my DD knew if I was outside the door though, I have to go downstairs for her to go to sleep.

SnottySundays Thu 28-Aug-14 16:25:14

Bless you, I remember those days. Horrible hearing them cry isn't it? In my mind there's a world of difference between 10 minutes crying and hours and hours of it. Having said that, I'm not judging those who use CIO as I've never walked in their shoes!

A book I found helpful was "French children don't throw food" - said that you can give your baby a chance to settle themselves by not going in immediately when they cry but giving them ten minutes to see if they settle. Unless ill etc. Made sense to me as they don't cry enough to learn that nobody comes when they cry, (go in and reassure after ten mins etc) but hopefully learn to settle themselves.

I do find my DD knew if I was outside the door though, I have to go downstairs for her to go to sleep.

SnottySundays Thu 28-Aug-14 16:27:33

Sorry about double posts, on phone and it doesn't like new site.

zebra you are absolutely right, what works for some doesn't work for others. You have to do what works for you and your child.

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