Threads in this topic are removed 90 days after the thread was started.

My dad has admitted he has a favourite.

(20 Posts)
MyGastIsFlabbered Sun 24-Aug-14 19:54:39

Went to see my dad & stepmum today and after a few drinks my dad admitted that DS2 is his favourite. He also said that he finds being a grandparent difficult because he never had knew his grandparents. He's promised me he will do his best to avoid showing his favouritism and I'm to tell him.if he does show it, but I'm really upset and don't know how to go from here. DS1 is only 4, DS2 is 1.11 and I'm so saddened for DS1, and also feeling disappointed in my dad.

MammaTJ Sun 24-Aug-14 19:57:20

In my opinion, he was worried about it and asking for help not to show it and that can only be a good thing.

Bluestocking Sun 24-Aug-14 20:00:46

I agree with Mamma TJ - I think your dad is asking for help with this, because he knows how hurtful it would be to your DSs if they found out, and he trusts you to make sure you aren't the person they find out from.
In any case, I think it's normal to like some children/people more than others. Each of my sisters has two children, of whom I like one better than the other. But I don't drink, so I'm never, ever going to get sloppy drunk and admit it to anyone.

DaisyFlowerChain Sun 24-Aug-14 20:58:19

I think lots of people have favourite children but would never admit it likewise lots of people have family they don't like.

At least he has told you to help him keep it in check so he is conscious that the children don't find out.

LatteLoverLovesLattes Sun 24-Aug-14 21:02:06

I think it's perfectly normal to have a favourite - it's natural. What matters is that they are all treat equally, but as individuals. Also, it doesn't mean that DS2 will always be his favourite - things change.

Singmetosleepzzz Sun 24-Aug-14 21:05:28

My father definitely favours one of my children. I think it is to do with the fact that the DC has additional needs and was extremely unwell as a baby. I agree with Mamma that he is probably seeking some advice about how to ensure it is not visible to both DC.

loombands Sun 24-Aug-14 21:09:54

in addition to agreeing with what everyone else has said, I also think its really common t favour a 1.11 year old over a 4 year old!!

1.11. year olds are really cute, and everything is still excusable. 4 year olds are generally really opinionated and a bit hellish, no?

PrimalLass Sun 24-Aug-14 21:10:31

That is just the best age though. I love both my kids equally but could have eaten them both when they were about 1.5 - 2.5.

ClashCityRocker Sun 24-Aug-14 21:15:28

I think favourite is an emotive word.

Most grandparents, I think, have grandchildren they feel like they 'click' more with. In wider family, I certainly have a nephew that, although I love all my nieces and nephews, I feel more of an affinity to and have done since he was a baby. Can't think of any particular reason for it.

I would never admit it in RL, and try not to treat the kids any differently.

peggylou1 Sun 24-Aug-14 21:22:58

He must have consistently put in a lot of effort over the years so that you were surprised by his revelation.

Hulababy Sun 24-Aug-14 21:24:29

I really dislike favouritism. Sadly, no one really benefits from it - not seen the one favoured. it is almost impossible, imo, to keep hidden, though this is harder when it is not acknowledged.

However, at least he has acknowledged it and has asked for support in making in not known. So he is trying not to. Maybe it is time to encourage some 1:1 time with him and DS1 to build a stronger bond.

Mintyy Sun 24-Aug-14 21:26:12

God that would piss me off! What are you supposed to do with that information? Feel for you, op.

Mintyy Sun 24-Aug-14 21:27:46

It's a lot to ask for "support" from the mother of both of these children! If one of my dc's grandparents had admitted to favouring one over the other then I'm afraid I'd really hate them for it.

expatinscotland Sun 24-Aug-14 21:29:55

I don't get why anyone would ever say this. Whatever ever happened to being an adult and keeping some of your thoughts to yourself because they might hurt people?

I would be beyond furious with him. Seriously.

So what if it's difficult because you didn't have grandparents or clicked more with one than another. Boo-fucking-hoo, break out the world's smallest violin.

I would tell him how disappointed you are that he couldn't find it in himself to put other peoples' feelings before his own.

expatinscotland Sun 24-Aug-14 21:30:46

I don't get why it's your duty or job to make him behave like a fecking grown up, either.

MyGastIsFlabbered Mon 25-Aug-14 07:32:22

Interesting range of viewpoints here. When I look at my 4yo, he's so amazing that I just don't get it. I honestly don't have a favourite amongst my boys, I adore them & they infuriate me equally! I joke that my favourite is whichever one is annoying me least at the time.

Joking aside, I will have to watch the situation closely. My ILs obviously favour DS1 & I've threatened to stop contact because of it, I just didn't anticipate the same problem with anyone in my family.

LingDiLong Mon 25-Aug-14 07:37:55

Does your dad know about the in laws favouring Ds1? Maybe he is compensating for that? My mil favours my middle child, it makes my mum very cross and she makes an extra fuss of my eldest as a result. Mil has got better at covering up her favouritism over time and thankfully the kids don't seem to notice. We had to have it out with her a few times though.

Rogerthatmummy Mon 25-Aug-14 07:46:07

I agree with loombands - i think it is easier for your dad to 'favour' the 1yo as the 4yo is probably going through that testing time.... Just as my 4yo is!

I sometimes catch my DM spending the day awwing over my 1yo and telling my 4yo off!

Not excusing it, but I kind of get it.

Not ok to raise it with you though - your dad should be a grown up, as others have said up thread. By raising it with you he is not taking responsibility and making it your job to police him. Does he do this on other issues?

minifingers Mon 25-Aug-14 08:12:36

My mum has a special connection with my dd who was her first grandchild, who is named for her and who she looked after when I was at work.

I have no problem with this - she is still loving towards and interested in all the grandchildren.

TBH I think it's a bit precious getting a bee in your bonnet about it.

MammaTJ Mon 25-Aug-14 13:12:36

I joke that my favourite is whichever one is annoying me least at the time.

I tell mine my favourite is whichever one of them is furthest away. I may not be joking. wink

I just didn't anticipate the same problem with anyone in my family.

I am certain he has told you so it does not become a problem. Having seen your latest post, he may also be trying to redress the balance in light of your ILs obvious bias.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now