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I messed myself today....please share your embarrassing toilet incidents

(72 Posts)
Glastogirl Sun 24-Aug-14 18:51:05

This may be a TMI thread so please don't read on if you're not one for over sharing. wink

Was out with the family. We were visiting an English Heritage property with an event on so it was packed with not many toilets.
We were almost finished touring the house and I had to go to the toilet urgently. One of the poor guides directed me to the nearest exit but it was still a few minutes walk. Needless to say I didn't get there in time and spend the next 20minutes trying to clean myself up. Had to bin my underwear blush

An hours drive home with no underwear and sat on your dc's blanket in the car is rather stressful! I had 2 immodiums and luckily they stopped me going on the drive home.

I'm not sure if it's a bug or not...I do have ibs but very, very rarely don't get there in time! I haven't been since but could be because the immodiums have bunged me up!

Tell me your embarrassing stories to make me feel better! grin

Happy36 Mon 25-Aug-14 17:21:40

neversleepagain_ Poo in the slipper is classic! At least it was your own poo and your own slipper.

I´ve got a terribly loose bowel at the moment. I get it whenever I´m feeling anxious.

Redglitter Mon 25-Aug-14 04:41:01

This has me crying with laughter. Rather worryingly though is the other day it was a thread on farts which I couldn't read for the tears.

I've regressed to being 8 years old haven't I laughing at poo and farting stories blush

Redglitter Mon 25-Aug-14 04:40:20

This has me crying with laughter. Rather worryingly though is the other day it was a thread on farts which I couldn't read for the tears.

I've regressed to vein 8 years old haven't I laughing at poo and farting stories blush

Veins Mon 25-Aug-14 03:59:54

My parents were doing some DIY and for some unknown reason the door had to be removed from the toilet. Everything came to a halt when their friends arrived so it wasn't possible to use the loo. I was desperate for a poo so took a black bin bag to my room and pooped in privacy.

GaryShitpeas Mon 25-Aug-14 00:36:18

OMG

Actually crying at this thread gringrin

millymae Mon 25-Aug-14 00:30:59

Excellent household tip scratchandsniff - lining a bucket with a carrier bag.
You get my prize for quick thinking.
OH thinks I've lost the plot as I'm crying with laughter over PistolWhipped poo in the woods story. The image I've got in my head will stay with me a long time.

Sparklypants Mon 25-Aug-14 00:16:38

I've never told anyone this because I still feel The Shame but many years ago I pooed myself while having sex with my exh.

Btw, it's not the reason we split grin

LuluJakey1 Sun 24-Aug-14 23:53:17

I was in hospital and did not poo for a week. They gave me a laxative which had no effect.
Next day they gave me an enema- on the ward with the curtains pulled round the bed and left me with a commode. It seemed to be working, there was gurgling and then awful cramps and then the loudest, smelliest fart you have ever heard on your life and then nothing.
I heard someone on the ward say ' Oh my God what on earth is that'
Mortifying.
The next day they tried another enema and I insisted on going to the bathroom- shower and toilet. I was there 40 minutes. I took all my clothes off. After straining and awful pain, I pooed out something like a rugby ball and then lots of other stuff. The sweat was running off me all over, I fainted from the exertion (i was really weak after a nasty illness) . When I came round, I stood in the shower crying for 10 minutes just wanting to feel clean.

No dignity left at all. I returned to bed and a nurse came and took notes on my experience - everyone heard.

Was about 16, having a poo and discovered loo roll was finished. I reached toward the cupboard under the sink to get new roll, wiped, flushed, all sorted.

While I was sitting at the PC I could smell a strong shit smell, wondered what it was for a while but smell didnt fade so I got up to investigate. Discovered squashed turd in my slipper! All smooshed! It must have fallen into slipper when I was leaning forward getting toilet roll blush

Happy36 Sun 24-Aug-14 23:30:08

Since my late 20s I´ve suffered from a very loose bowel, as does my sister. For both of us it´s worse the first few days of our periods. I´ve had loads and loads of accidents and always carry wet wipes and spare pants for myself. Luckily it always seems to happen when I´m alone and - I think - I´ve always managed to get to somewhere with a toilet and clean myself up. Many pairs of pants have been binned sad

On the up side I never suffered from constipation or piles or anything like that which made some of my friends´ lives a misery during and after childbirth smile

xalyssx Sun 24-Aug-14 23:22:53

I was 3 months pregnant and had been constipated for a couple of days. I was also in the process of moving house, and my friends had been over zealous and packed everything. I had a bag of cleaning stuff, a blanket and one last loo roll, I had to spend one more night in the furnished flat so I could hand over the keys first thing.
My mum had just come over to help me clean, when suddenly I felt the need to go - desperately. I didn't make it to the toilet.
I hurriedly popped into the shower, wrapped myself in the blanket, and shoved my clothes in the washing machine. Then, there was a knock on my door, and my mum let three of my friends in! There I was, wrapped in a blanket, with the only clothes I had still shit-stained in the washing machine...

harverina Sun 24-Aug-14 23:21:13

God, my dh will go mad if he see's this but....my dh was out walking when he had to poo. He was desperate but about 2 miles from home. He had to stop in the bushes and poo and had to wipe with his boxer shorts shock He was so mortified that he left them in the bushes!

ElizabethLemon Sun 24-Aug-14 23:15:37

I can't stop laughing at pistols poo hungry dog story.

After a dodgy lunch and a trip to the pub with my sister I started feeling really unwell and had to call a cab to get home. Halfway through the journey I knew I was going to vom but we were stuck in the Blackwall tunnel so I had to just roll down the window and hurl. This carried on for the rest of the journey and at one point I did such a violent sick that I shat myself.

When the poor cab driver finally got me home I chucked a wad of cash at him and darted into the house. Dp was waiting for me at the door and looked horrified as I ran in stinking. He was shouting "you've shat yourself" while I cried "no I haven't!" and locked myself in the bathroom. He still brings it up now hmm.

Darquesse Sun 24-Aug-14 23:11:05

I was doing the scan bran challenge at slimming world with explosive results. I was using the toilets on the unused top floor or the building so no one would hear/ smell me.

Was in the middle of an awful episode of rumbly squirty sharts when the fire alarm started going off. I couldn't stop midflow so started to get all clammy and panicky!

Bogeyface Sun 24-Aug-14 23:00:46

redhead I had that too when I had norovirus the worst I have ever had it. I dont count it because frankly when you are that ill, getting the bathroom at all is a massive achievement!

Bogeyface Sun 24-Aug-14 22:59:16

PG with DS2, on hols in France, constipation and had a small glass of perry that tasted a bit funny.

Woke up the following morning at 6 am feeling a bit damp. Threw back the sheets to see a positive tsunami of diarrhoea. It was the singe most embarrassing moment of my life. Sent (now ex) DH out of the room but he knew what had happened, showered in the ensuite and rinsed out the sheets then spent a fortune in the on site laundry.

sadsadsadsad

Redhead11 Sun 24-Aug-14 22:46:44

XH came home from 'work' with a ghastly bug which he claimed was doing the rounds on the boat. (Turned out it was some slag, however...) i was vomiting so hard that i crapped myself. Thereafter, i sat on the loo and puked into a basin while the other end kept working. Bloody horrible!

awfulomission Sun 24-Aug-14 22:39:10

pistol that's brilliant. grin

flipflops I'm sure the vet has smelt worse… poor you, poor cat.

DH is recovering from some awful food poisoning. I've had to change the bed 3 times this week. Can you believe he'd not heard of sharting. He has now. grin

flipflopsandcottonsocks Sun 24-Aug-14 22:17:43

I shit myself WHILE I WAS HAVING MY CAT PUT TO SLEEP.

No word of a lie. It was awful! While we were having a serious conversation with the vet about my poor old girl, I felt a build up of what I knew was going to be awful diarrhoea. It got worse and worse and I think that that coupled with the sobbing and my overly emotional state, I lost control, and crapped myself. Luckily it didn't leak through my jeans, only my knickers, but I didn't know for sure until I left the vets and could investigate- so I remember uncontrollably sobbing about my cat and trying to back out of the room without anyone noticing my predicament.

Not exactly how I wanted to remember my last few moments with my poor cat! Still, fairly amusing on reflection!

BeyoncesCat Sun 24-Aug-14 22:01:51

Golden rule of having a dodgy belly: NEVER TRUST A FART! gringrin

SmashingBlouse Sun 24-Aug-14 22:01:00

Pistol that is definitely the funniest story I've ever read on mumsnet in the 4 years I've been here grin

MrsPnut Sun 24-Aug-14 21:58:48

I have ulcerative colitis so have had loads of poo accidents and near misses, it's shit (literally).

squirrelweasel Sun 24-Aug-14 21:57:54

grin oh my goodness helpme that is the funniest thing I have ever read.

At the seaside with the family. H and ds2 wait outside while dd and I go to the loo. Dd 8 now and insisting on desperate cubicles. I let out an enormous fart. Giggled and asked dd if she'd heard it no reply. Come out of the loo to see a lady giving me the filthiest look, dd nowhere to be seen she was outside with h and ds!! The lady must have thought I was asking her. blush

telsa Sun 24-Aug-14 21:50:01

It happened to me on a really long bus ride in Portugal once, when I was on my own. My tummy was really dodgy and I could not hold it in on the long long journey and it oozed out and a woman near me knew and everyone moved away from me. It was so bad. And I had to go and pick up DH and Dc from a Museum and tried to clean myself up there and really failed and fouled up the non-flushing bog. it was so so awful and I don't know if other people we were with noticed. I die when I think about it, then I try to rationalise it. it is only poo.....

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