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DD (3) tells me I'm her best friend whenever I get cross with her.

(21 Posts)
Floccinaucinihilipilificate Sun 24-Aug-14 18:43:39

She says it at other times too, she gives the best cuddles and tells me then. But whenever I have to tell her off about something she gets a wounded look on her face, looks up at me and says 'you're really my best friend'. It feels incredibly manipulative! I know she's not really capable of thinking like that, but I don't know the best way to respond. If she's feeling insecure I want to reassure her and give her a cuddle, (while reiterating whatever it is I've had to tell her off about) but it seems wrong that just by saying it she can stop me from telling her off and get a cuddle instead.

I don't know what to read into her behaviour basically.

PoirotsMoustache Sun 24-Aug-14 18:48:21

My DS always used to say 'You're so beautiful Mummy' whenever I told him off. The first couple of times he did it I smiled, so he figured out that if he said it when I was cross, I'd stop being cross. It's what kids do.

You could just say 'I'm glad I'm your best friend, but you still...'. And don't give her smiles and hugs, as hard as that will be!

hiccupgirl Sun 24-Aug-14 18:56:34

My 4 yr old has perfected the art of deflecting me getting annoyed with his endless questions - as soon as he can sense I'm starting to wound up by his constant 'whys?', he switches to 'mummy, I love you' followed by a cuddle.

They're too clever for their own good smile

Floccinaucinihilipilificate Sun 24-Aug-14 18:57:22

Do you think that's all it is? She's very convincing grin

Hmmm, I'll try to stick to the tough line. I've tried saying the equivalent of 'that's nice dear' when she's said it but it always feels so cold.

Entirely normal. My dd starts to cry and sobs ' but mammy I love you! And now it's my worst day EVER! ' when being told off- its incredibly difficult for me not to apologise to her for disciplining her and ruining her day. grinshock

BramwellBrown Sun 24-Aug-14 19:07:27

my DD did this too, I used to say 'you're my best friend too and that's why I need to make sure you know not to do x'

packofbaloobas Sun 24-Aug-14 19:11:30

Dd who is 5 puts on a wounded look and says"do you still love me mama?".I know she is deflecting but it gets me every time.

FoxSticks Sun 24-Aug-14 19:11:31

My 2.5 dd said "everybody don't like me" sad when I was telling her off yesterday - I felt awful!

Oh dear, I'm horrible and say I'm not your best friend, I'm your mummy and you better be good or I'll be sad wink

IAmNotAMindReader Sun 24-Aug-14 19:17:36

I would say I love you too but I am also your mummy and its my responsibility to tell you off when you have been naughty.

minkah Sun 24-Aug-14 19:17:56

It's really important that they know it's their behaviour and /or choices you are criticising, not them personally.

So it's 'i love you too. Totally. I always love you. Right now I'm talking about your behaviour/choice. The behaviour isn't ok. YOU are ok, though, YOU are more than ok, you're gorgeous! Now let's sort out this non - gorgeous behaviour!"

Floccinaucinihilipilificate Mon 25-Aug-14 07:15:08

minkah - I agree, I think that's why I still give the cuddles while restating why I'm cross with her.

TheCokeMachine "you better be good or I'll be sad" - Do you really say this (not sure with the wink). My MiL says this kind of thing occasionally (to her gc, not DH!) and it doesn't sit well with me. I think they need a more solid reason to do whatever it is she's trying to get them to do, and also, making children responsible for adult emotions is pretty scary for them.

Good to hear other stories of doe-eyed protestations grin

Hurr1cane Mon 25-Aug-14 07:29:30

My DS shouts "I love you mummy" if he's doing something he shouldn't be doing, effectively grassing himself up.

Hurr1cane Mon 25-Aug-14 07:30:18

I reply

"I love you as well DS but I don't love your behaviour right now"

NewEraNewMindset Mon 25-Aug-14 07:32:37

My 21 month son does this too. If I tell him off for something he comes over and holds my face and kisses me lol. What the hell can you do in that situation bar cuddle them?! wink

EMS23 Mon 25-Aug-14 07:33:29

I'm quite envious - my 3.5yr old DD shouts 'you're not my best friend anymore' when I tell her off!!

Floccinaucinihilipilificate Mon 25-Aug-14 07:43:10

EMS23 Aw, we've had that once or twice too, I guess it wasn't as successful a tactic smile

Hurr1cane That's brilliant - I can just see your ds scribbling on a wall or something out of sight and pausing to shout over his shoulder 'I love you mummy!'

minkah Mon 25-Aug-14 15:52:15

Ha ha, Inner conflict! I love you and I simply HAVE to rebel against you!

306235388 Mon 25-Aug-14 16:32:23

Dd (3) often says 'but I love you so much mummy' when being told off to which I reply 'yes and I love you too dd, I will always love you no matter what but it is not ok to XXX because YYYY'

Hurr1cane Mon 25-Aug-14 16:54:47

Flocci, that's exactly what he does!

Floccinaucinihilipilificate Mon 25-Aug-14 20:22:25

Hurr1cane grin

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