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Not brave enough for AIBU but

(73 Posts)
mathsgsceresit Sun 24-Aug-14 07:51:04

Am I? I don't think I am but my ex thinks I am and has been ranting at me down the phone. I will see him later when he drops the kids off and I think he'll rant at me face to face, and I want to be sure of what I am saying and doing.

My DD sat her maths a year early. Policy at the school she goes to.

She got a D in her mocks, and pulled it up to an A in her exam. School had predicted a C.

I am over the moon. Her father, my ex, has said that she has to resit next year to get an A* and that anything less than an A* is a fail.

AIBU to tell him no she is not resitting the maths and to fight him tooth and nail if he trys to make it happen?

Imbroglio Sun 24-Aug-14 07:53:40

Christ. Poor girl.

How long have you been apart? Is it likely that he's feeling his lack of involvement and taking it out on you?

ZenGardener Sun 24-Aug-14 07:53:40

What does your daughter want to do?

mintbaileys Sun 24-Aug-14 07:54:04

Of course YANBU.

Your ex is a dick

mathsgsceresit Sun 24-Aug-14 07:56:11

Imbroglio - possibly.

Apart 6 years.

And she doesn't want to resit. She worked her socks off to get the A she got. And I am very proud of her and have told her so. FWIW I've also been telling her since she sat the paper that it didn't matter what she got because I was very proud of how hard she had tryed and the effort she had put in (which was huge)

3pigsinblanketsandasausagerole Sun 24-Aug-14 07:57:15

Sounds like a bell end to me!

surely school will not let her resit it
they will want her to concentrate on her other subjects

i know its not AIBU but YANBU!

mathsgsceresit Sun 24-Aug-14 08:00:12

Should I ring the school and speak to them and tell them she doesn't want to resit it? Or leave it to her to tell them? Will they make her resit it if that's what he wants?

He will come down later when he's dropping the kids off and he will try to make me agree to her resitting the exams - he's a bully and he will not shout but hector at me and talk at me and try to make me do what he wants.

Shia Sun 24-Aug-14 08:00:36

What were his exam results and did he take any of them a year early and has he had a fantastic career based on his exam results?

Well done to your daughter for working so hard and achieving a great result.

Beenspotted Sun 24-Aug-14 08:02:17

I can understand the feeling that someone who gets an A a year early would probably get an A star with the full 2 years prep. But it would depend on your dd, her future plans and predicted grades in other subjects. He's a dick for yelling rather than having a sensible discussion with you and dd, so yanbu!

Beenspotted Sun 24-Aug-14 08:02:18

I can understand the feeling that someone who gets an A a year early would probably get an A star with the full 2 years prep. But it would depend on your dd, her future plans and predicted grades in other subjects. He's a dick for yelling rather than having a sensible discussion with you and dd, so yanbu!

Thistledew Sun 24-Aug-14 08:02:30

Tell him that he is getting a F for supportive, rational parenthood at the moment and needs to do better.

Tell him he needs to work on his logic and reasoning skills, as an A is clearly not a fail, but he is failing to put forward a rational and sensible argument as to why she should retake.

If he wants the opportunity to retake this particular parenting module then you and DD will give him the chance to try again.

What a dick.

mathsgsceresit Sun 24-Aug-14 08:02:43

Shia - he has all A's (there were no A* in his day) and a first class honours degree from a top class university and yes he earns a lot of money. If that's how you define fantastic career - it's how he defines it anyway.

mathsgsceresit Sun 24-Aug-14 08:03:16

Thistledew grin

LatteLoverLovesLattes Sun 24-Aug-14 08:10:30

What a bellend.

If he had started off by congratulating her and being very proud of what she has achieved then later on discussed re-sitting it next time to try for an A* I'd have been right behind him.

However, ranting about it like a complete fuckmuppet isn't the right approach. When he comes later, if he can't discuss it reasonably then tell him to leave. End of.

Tell DD that some random on the internet thinks she did extremely well and is very impressed!! flowers despite what her bellend father thinks

PlacidApricots Sun 24-Aug-14 08:12:50

Tell him to sod off, handover at the door, firmly say goodbye, and close the door on him. What an idiot, A is perfect and your DD should be very proud!!

mathsgsceresit Sun 24-Aug-14 08:13:37

His first words were "I'm very disappointed", which he said to me, not her thankfully. But he is a perfectionist and expects top marks at everything. He got them, everyone should get them. All his marks were in maths/science type subjects - DD is much more arty farty like me and enjoys her art, td, drama type subjects. Which she is good at. But he doesn't value them the same - because they aren't academic like maths and physics.

Littleturkish Sun 24-Aug-14 08:17:41

What a nob.

Could you point out any decent uni won't value a resit and she has to declare it as a resit? An A in the hand is better than being a fucking prick over a couple of marks...that's the saying, right?!

PenisesAreNotPink Sun 24-Aug-14 08:21:10

Don't say anything apart from we'll have a chat with the school and then shut the door. They really are unlikely to let a resit happen.

Shia Sun 24-Aug-14 08:24:03

Since he took his exams, it's more difficult to get a job even with the highest exam grades.

He is putting unreasonable pressure on her and it could lead to depression or worse caused by the stress of not feeling she has done well enough if she succumbs to his stupid demands.

Only1scoop Sun 24-Aug-14 08:24:04

Bloody ridiculous man.... there were no A* when I was at school. The amount of pupils getting these A* makes me think exams must be way easier these days!!

Tell him he is being incredibly stupid. Hope he doesn't make your dd feel a failure....she has obviously worked so hard to attain that grade after mock.

leadrightfoot Sun 24-Aug-14 08:44:07

There is a reason he is your ex.
I imagine this is a reasonable exemplar of the behaviour that makes him an ex?

I would say this is not a point of conversation right now, you think it is important to enjoy the success before focusing on the next lot of exams. you have taken up his comments on board and IF retakes are discussed then you will remember his pov.

Oh and add when is he going to retake his parenting skills class especially the one in supportive behaviour.

Don't let him in house and just keep,saying this is not a current topic of conversation it is inappropriate at this time.

FunkyBoldRibena Sun 24-Aug-14 08:49:28

When he drops the kids off say 'I will discuss with my daughter later. Thanks, bye' and shut the door. Don't let him in. Then give the kids a big hug and a nice tea.

LatteLoverLovesLattes Sun 24-Aug-14 08:50:45

His first words were I'm disappointed shock

Jesus wept, I thought he was a Bellend before, now I think he's an absolute wanker.

Your DD is of an age where understanding her father is a bellend perfectionist and that it is not a reflection on her would be a good thing.

I wrote a really long reason why that is, but have deleted it, it's personal to me and probably boring to everyone else! However, she needs to understand that his baggage is just that, his.

Pancakeflipper Sun 24-Aug-14 08:53:23

He would have to pay for resit.

But the school would not timetable her for GSCE maths. She done it and passed.
Tell him to talk to the school. Then ignore him and repeat to him "talk to the school". Hopefully they'll tell him to piss off in a polite manner.

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