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DS had a terrible driving lesson, would you make him take another one?

(38 Posts)
Annunziata Fri 22-Aug-14 20:09:33

DS had a disaster with a roundabout and a dog. He came back white as a sheet and shaking, I've never seen him so anxious. He says he is never getting back into a car to drive it again.

DH thinks we should gently persuade him to go for next week's lesson so that it doesn't become a big fear. I think we should leave him be and he can go back to it when he wants.

BrianButterfield Fri 22-Aug-14 20:10:47

I think your DH is right. I say that as someone who stopped learning for a while and it turned into 16 years!

DocDaneeka Fri 22-Aug-14 20:11:57

Bit like horse riding?

If you don't get straight back on, you probably never will...

Sirzy Fri 22-Aug-14 20:11:57

How many lessons has he had?

I would suggest he tries again but ultimately it's his decision. I started lessons at 17 and soon realised i wasn't ready. 12 months later when I was ready I started again.

There is no rush to learn if he isn't ready

myotherusernameisbetter Fri 22-Aug-14 20:12:32

Definitely get him back again - you fall off the horse you need to get right back on!

Vajazzler Fri 22-Aug-14 20:13:52

My dstepdad had a similar experience and never got back in the driving seat. Now at the age of 55 he regrets it so much. You have to get back in the saddle so to speak.

MyCrazyLife Fri 22-Aug-14 20:14:40

Yep, get him back on it!

I remember how close I came to killing me and baby DS in an accident in 2009 but once my friends had come to help me out of the ditch I still had to drive home...!

Good luck to your DS x

Annunziata Fri 22-Aug-14 20:15:34

He's had about ten or twelve.

I'll give him until Monday and then persuade him then, thanks!

WorkingBling Fri 22-Aug-14 20:16:15

Definitely get back on. You could try a slightly gentler approach by you or dh taking him out tomorrow on a easy route to get him back into it. If he stops, he will struggle forever.

joyjac Fri 22-Aug-14 20:27:27

I second you or his dad taking him out tomorrow. Just like getting back on the horse and all that!
Poor lad, but it will make him a safer driver.

Annunziata Fri 22-Aug-14 20:30:02

He can't drive our cars, they are too big for a learner. Maybe I could get one of those Arnold Clark ones dual control ones though?

Plomino Fri 22-Aug-14 20:30:20

Absolutely do . My DS is currently learning , and very nearly gave up on his first lesson , 8 months ago , when he got shunted out of a junction by an articulated lorry driver who just didn't see him , straight into the path of another car . The instructors car was a write off , and he ended up in hospital . He was adamant he was never ever driving again, and tbh on that day , it would have suited me just fine . But a few days later , common sense kicked in, and I realised that to stop would cause so many more problems than it would solve , and would make it much more difficult to start again. The instructor started again , and was brilliant - very very patient and understanding . He passed his theory test this week , and has booked his practical test already . The instructor thinks he's more than ready , and his cars on the drive. In many ways , I think the accident may have been almost a silver lining , because I don't think he'll ever be that over confident young driver that takes unnecessary risks that I deal with at work all too often.

leadrightfoot Fri 22-Aug-14 20:31:07

What did driving instructor say?
Can he come back and take him out same route to show what he did was fine or how to handle it differently?

I'd speak to instructor trust find other side to story and explain his predicament then ask if can help in anyway

NorksEnormous Fri 22-Aug-14 20:33:35

Yes definately get him back in the driving seat! As a newly qualified Driver I had someone step out I front of me and come through my windscreen- I said I would never drive again but thankfully I did get back into the driving seat and built my confidence back up and ten years later have never looked back

Annunziata Fri 22-Aug-14 20:36:54

What a scare he must have got Plomino! Congratulations on the theory, I hope he passes the practical.

The driving instructor was lovely, and just said he had had a shock but it was one of those things. A dog managed to appear from no where and belted into the roundabout (only DS could this happen to), so DS automatically tried to swerve and just missed someone coming behind him.

I'm inclined to agree with those who say to get back into it ASAP before it becomes a big hurdle. But I suppose how you handle it depends on what exactly happened and what his instructor thinks. If it was something horrible but out of his control it's a case of trying to get him to understand there was nothing he could have done and to try not to let it put him off. But if it was something he caused then the instructor could help give him the skills and confidence to avoid it happening again.

Gileswithachainsaw Fri 22-Aug-14 20:44:02

I agree with your dh.

If the dog ran out in front if him it's not his fault and whatever else happened the cars are always clearly labelled as learners and it's not his fault if another car got to close or was an arse and had no patience.

Everyone has to start somewhere.

Stokes Fri 22-Aug-14 21:03:36

I'd definitely recommend to him that he gets back in the car. I had a horrible experience learning to drive - the car was attacked, bricks through the window, someone jumped on the bonnet smashing the windscreen with a brick. We were lucky to survive, by some miracle I wasn't even injured and my instructor escaped with a few cuts. The next week I went out for a short lesson, just the simple things. It's the worst I've ever driven (apart from probably my first test!) but it was the best thing to do. If I'd taken a break I'd probably have never started again.

However, don't go too hard on him - I know how I would've reacted to my parents pushing me at that age! ;)

Annunziata Fri 22-Aug-14 21:11:33

Oh I know Stokes! He's a bit of a mamma's boy though, I think I can persuade him.

PasswordProtected Fri 22-Aug-14 21:12:38

I would take him out with me.
I took my sister out when she was learning

EvansOvalPiesYumYum Fri 22-Aug-14 21:17:08

Could you speak with the driving instructor, explaining how your son is feeling, and book him in for an extra, early lesson (before next week's).
I agree, he has to get back in the saddle, so to speak! If not now, then he will find it much harder and feel more anxious as time goes by. Your DH is right.

Crikey, Stokes - that was an ordeal and a half!!!!

MrsSpencerReid Fri 22-Aug-14 21:21:13

Yep, get him back in the car! I had a minor accident (tiny bump in other car, I was doing about 5mph) they guy got out and screamed at me, and I was in such a state I couldn't drive home. My dad made me get back on the car a few days later and was very patient with me, am so glad he did (still avoid the junction where it happened!!) hopefully his instructor will be able to help him back to where he was before

todayisnottheday Fri 22-Aug-14 21:27:37

So he missed the dog and the car? Sounds like a success to me, a scary one but still! I learned the emergency stop on my first lesson meaning I didn't kill the milkman who leapt from his float in front of me on the way home! I still remember the shakes and palpitations - but it made me very aware of the road. Your ds will be the same I should think if he can learn and move on.

I'm intrigued by the thing about your cars though? I learnt in a mahoosive sports machine, the size really shouldn't matter after a couple of goes, are you thinking insurance?

exexpat Fri 22-Aug-14 21:30:54

The driving instructor's car was written off in my first lesson - not my fault, someone drove out of a pub car park and straight into us. I was a bit shaken, but as soon as he got a new car, I restarted lessons.

If he had accidentally killed a dog I could see why he might be really shaken (thinking it could have been a child and so on) but it was just a near miss, and we all have those sooner or later. I think after a short break you should encourage him to get back to it.

NCISaddict Fri 22-Aug-14 21:34:43

I think he did really well to both avoid dog and other cars, in some ways it's not a bad thing to be reminded of how quickly things can go wrong and how alert you have to be behind the wheel although obviously wouldn't wish it on anyone.
Well done to your DS.

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