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help composing a text to my ex please!

(21 Posts)
Frogisatwat Fri 22-Aug-14 18:28:23

Oh wise mumsnet collective. . I have just dropped my male cleaner (employee) home. I passed my ex (children's father) who saw me and a man in the car and he is going to go ape shit.
We are only just back to being civil after him going completely beserk when I started dating someone around 3 years ago
I had to involve WA and police. I do have a partner but its not my employee! And not the dickhead I dated.
I just want to somehow mention this was my employee without it looking obvious. I do have a reason to text him anyway re sons school uniform.
I am expecting lots of ' you don't have to explain your actions' but in this situation I am damned if I do and damned if I don't. . I wonder if anyone can think of something?

Frogisatwat Fri 22-Aug-14 18:30:47

Actually just reread my post.. I am ASSUMING he is going to go mad. He might not care anymore which is why I don't want to just send a oh btw you saw me with my employee. ..

CatKisser Fri 22-Aug-14 18:31:07

Well if you're damned either way, set the correct expectation and DON'T mention it. You look defensive and guilty if you mention it and it's precisely none of his business.

KittenOverlord Fri 22-Aug-14 18:33:44

Do NOT text him first to explain yourself! If he asks, casually say it was the cleaner, and leave it at that. He'll want you to go overboard with explanations and apologies, it's simply not worth the effort.

Even if it was a toy boy you were dropping off after a night of debauched sex involving squirty cream and chandeliers, it's none of his business.

AlpacaMyBags Fri 22-Aug-14 18:35:15

God, don't text him and explain anything! You don't have to explain yourself.

Frogisatwat Fri 22-Aug-14 18:41:20

No it isn't any of his business but (and sorry for the drip feed) he is supposed to be paying for his school uniform. The last time he went mental he ceased all maintenance putting his hatred towards me above the welfare of his children. Csa were hopeless. He is self employed.
I cannot buy one item of clothing. I am stony broke. I am really stressed about this. Its his first year of high school so its hundreds !

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Fri 22-Aug-14 18:42:18

Your ex is a loon and by trying to divert his attention from something utterly innocent by attracting attention to it is the route to madness.

No normal person needs their ex's permission to carry a passenger in their bloody car! Actually, no normal person needs their ex's permission for anything

Frogisatwat Fri 22-Aug-14 19:15:23

He is a loon. I do have to say something. I know I shouldn't and I know you are all right.
does this sound plausible. .? Btw my cleaner asked if you were the man who
fitted his kitchen?

chaz123 Fri 22-Aug-14 19:21:44

Clearly you are as loony as him!!

chaz123 Fri 22-Aug-14 19:22:42


TonyThePony Fri 22-Aug-14 19:22:45

It sounds obvious to be honest.

It really isn't any of his business. Are you going to keep your current relationship a secret forever? Just don't text him. If he wants to know, he'll ask, then you can tell him to fuck off

CatKisser Fri 22-Aug-14 19:23:08

Not helpful, Chaz123
But it's fairly awful the extent to which he still controls you. sad

CatKisser Fri 22-Aug-14 19:23:37

Oh, just seen the winky thing.

Frogisatwat Fri 22-Aug-14 19:27:38

Even with the wink chaz thats upset me...
<tries to grow thicker skin> wink
yes he does still control... I know I won't message him. Just wish he would ask so I could tell him.

sillymillyb Fri 22-Aug-14 19:31:16

Ok, I personally wouldn't mention it either, but if you really want to - how about something along the lines of - "Oh, did I just pass you? I was dropping the cleaner off and waved but now I'm paranoid it was someone else and I've been waving at strangers!" Jolly smile / light hearted / no big deal type stuff.....

BUT. Seriously, your ex isn't meant to have this much control over you. That's perhaps a separate issue you need to look at?

Betrayedbutsurvived Fri 22-Aug-14 19:48:18

But, but, if you have a partner, which presumably the ex knows about, then why would he go mad at the sight of you with a different bloke? Surely the worst he could do is tell your partner what he saw, which won't be a problem as it was innocent

Fairylea Fri 22-Aug-14 19:51:26

Please don't text him. You shouldn't be texting him anything unless it's specifically about contact or maintenance regarding the dc. Set yourself a precedent.

If he refuses to pay maintenance report to the csa and go from there.

Don't allow him to control you like this. You could have 443 different boyfriends on the go and it really is none of his business.

Frogisatwat Fri 22-Aug-14 19:51:59

He doesn't know I have a partner. . I dated but he doesn't know I met someone else. Its the dater he went nuts about!

BoneyBackJefferson Fri 22-Aug-14 19:54:47

just email him about the uniform and don't mention it.

deakymom Fri 22-Aug-14 19:58:48

sorry i couldn't stop to chat i had to drop the cleaner off are you still collecting dc on x date for uniform?

WeAreEternal Fri 22-Aug-14 20:02:35

If you have to mention it i would say something along the lines of,
"I saw you earlier when i was giving the cleaner a lift home, i waved but i wasnt sure if you saw it was me or not"

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