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Very whingey, ungrateful 5-year old DS

(14 Posts)
confusedofengland Mon 18-Aug-14 19:35:08

DS1 is 5.8, so about to go into Year 1 at school. I have found lately, particularly over the summer holidays, that he is very whingey & ungrateful. It doesn't seem to matter what we do or don't do, what he gets or doesn't get, whether we play with him or not, he always finds something to whinge about sad

I wouldn't have said that he is spoilt by any means - we don't go on fancy trips all the time & he & his brother (DS2, 3.4 - there is also DS3, 6 months) don't get sweets or new toys all the time, they have plenty of our attention but are also encouraged to play independently, in fact we have just sorted out a large spare room as a playroom for them & it has in it lots of toys they haven't seen for ages so it's like having new toys, iyswim.

Today has been a typical example of whingeing. We had friends over -among them a boy of his own age who he has been friends with from birth. We went to a park we hadn't been to before & had a drink & mini pack of Haribo there, then a cake & play in their playroom when we got back. Then when they left I allowed each DS to watch one programme they chose on TV. DS2 was fine with this. DS1 watched his programme quite happily & then stamped his feet & shouted 'it's not fair' when it finished (it was 25 minutes long!) hmm He has also whinged because DS1 got to put a bigger coin in the piggy bank than him (a 2p, he put in a 5p) & seemingly hundreds of similar things.

We have done lots this holiday - been on a week-long holiday, he has stayed with both sets of grandparents, playdates, picnics, soft play, board games, craft, pet-sitting, he even went to a premier league football match with DH & got a much-coveted official shirt. They haven't had lots of toys bought for them, but we already have plenty, as well as the ones I unearthed for the playroom. But now it is getting to the point where I am reluctant to do anything else for him or with him, because I know he'll just whinge whatever I do.

How do I stop this? Does anybody else have this? Kind of hoping it's a 5-year old boy thing, not just a DS1 thing.

One final thing - he is starting at a new school in September, so I don't know if worry about this could be a factor. It's the school in our village & he's been for a visit & enjoyed it & already knows lots of children there from football club. He gets excited when he talks about it.

bearfrills Mon 18-Aug-14 20:09:21

I think it's a 5yo thing.

DS1 is 4yo, about to turn 5yo, and will also be starting year 1 in September. Some days he is exactly the same and there's no pleasing him. The other day we went to soft play and afterwards he wanted a go on one of the coin rides, then he wanted crisps from the vending machine, then a toy, then a taxi home (!), then sweets at the local shop, then McDonald's for tea, then to stay up late, and so on. When he was told no to everything from the coin ride onwards all I got was "but I waaaaaaant toooooooo" in a whiny voice. When he wasn't asking for stuff it was DD looking at him funny or being in 'his' seat or touring his stuff or she had a bigger sandwich than him and on and on.

It's the same every school holiday. I think he gets to a point where he's had enough of the holidays and he needs to be back at school, he needs to be with his peers and to go be part of the herd for a little while (in a nice way!). It's part age, part boredom, part disruption of routine and part pushing the boundary to see how far it can be pushed.

confusedofengland Mon 18-Aug-14 21:59:23

I'm glad it's not just my DS! I think you may be onto something with the need to go back to school grin

Happypenguin2014 Mon 18-Aug-14 22:02:37

My 6 yo dd and 4yo ds are like this!! And they argue with each other

BikeRunSki Mon 18-Aug-14 22:03:43

Mine too! DS is 3 weeks off his 6th birthday, also about start Class 1, and is the most grumpy, discontented person I have ever come across, no matter what we do. So we're staying home and eating toast from now on.

naturalbaby Mon 18-Aug-14 22:05:28

I have a 5yr old and just 6yrs old and they're both very much like this. The phrase of the moment in our house is 'it's hard work being 5 isn't it?!'
Giving my ds1 some more responsibility has helped a lot. Just doing a few extra jobs and asking him to help out seems to have made him feel much better about things.

BikeRunSki Mon 18-Aug-14 22:12:56

Oh God, and the squabbling! Dd (2.10) is old enough to argue back now...

confusedofengland Mon 18-Aug-14 22:14:07

natural being given jobs to do just elicits more whingeing. Eg, when asked to put his toys back up in the playroom or to fetch a sleepsuit for his baby brother he says 'Hmph, when do I EVER get to sit down' hmm although this actually makes me laugh a bit, sometimes grin

Littleoaktree Mon 18-Aug-14 22:22:40

Ds1 (5.3) is also going into year 1 and also been v whingey and suddenly bursts into tears if he doesn't get his own way and I am the 'most horrible mummy in the whole world' quite a lot of the time (until he has calmed down and then just wants to climb on me and kiss me confusedgrin) tbh 2.4yo ds2 behaves better a lot of the time at the moment.

I think not being at school really doesn't help, he's loved his first year, misses his friends (who all seem to be away whenever we try and arrange play dates) and misses the stimulation of school.

I'm treating it as just another phase as he's adjusting to the new school/holidays routine and at a stage where he can be v sensible and grown up and also v babyish in his tantrums at the same time so obviously quite a lot of emotional/intellectual changes for him to deal with. I'm disciplined with bedtimes and mealtimes/healthy snacks as lack of sleep/proper food is always a trigger for him.

Roll on back to school though... grin

naturalbaby Tue 19-Aug-14 20:52:08

I'm giving mine my jobs - he's now unlocking the front door for me, helping set the table for meals, carrying in the shopping. I love how they moan about how hard life is!

GogoGobo Tue 19-Aug-14 21:32:05

You are not alone, my DS, nearly 4 has started to ask for more and more and more of everything and its driving me nuts. I get "humphhh" arms folded, cross little face, and then at bathtime he has taken to "reviewing" the day and will tell me how I am not kind to him because I said no to something and how he would like two mums, me and one who is kind to him! I find it so hurtful but DH says its just a tactic employed by DS to get me to give in to him! I feel sad that he recounts only the negative from what I feel has been a full and happy day!

MogTheForgetfulCat Tue 19-Aug-14 21:44:23

naturalbaby - DS2 (6.6) keeps telling me "it's hard work being 6" with a very serious face as an explanation for why he is being so difficult at the moment. He has been such hard work this summer - winding his brothers up, ungrateful, whiny, moaning and lacking in enthusiasm for most things (except Minecraft confused).

But get him on his own and he is just lovely - genuinely good company and absolutely delightful, really well-behaved. Sigh. I feel your pain.

petalunicorn Tue 19-Aug-14 22:33:07

I tell my whinger not to say anything negative, if it's negative I won't respond, it sometimes works. Is she carries on whinging I send her to her room until she feels she can stop it. I think they get in a vicious cycle. Mine would stop whinging if I spent all my time with her and did no chores and spent no time with her siblings but that's just not life.

I think it's a personality thing. I suspect they will grow to be glass half empty people. My other children don't do this in the same way, I get the odd 'I'm bored' but not the constant moaning.

PinkSquash Tue 19-Aug-14 22:37:12

They're learning their way in their world, unfortunately it's the need to strop and whinge.

DS2 is 8 and he's slowly growing out if it, I have found the more you give them, the more they want. It is a difficult time, but they can be very funny with it.

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