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MIL wants DH to attend her friends funeral in her place

(109 Posts)
Pimpleminds Sat 16-Aug-14 08:34:04

Sadly a good friend of MIL has passed away and MIL wants DH to go in her funeral as she is on holiday in Spain. We will also be on holiday but in this country so it is feasible that he can attend. He is willing to do it to help her out but is a bit disappointed as holidays are precious family time and not relishing the (at least) 4 hour round trip.

MIL spends July-Sept in Spain, she is retired and has a property there so she could fly here and back. I am sure it would be inconvenient and expensive for her but not impossible. I think she will regret not going tbh, after all it is one of her close friends and there will be no second chance at this.

I would love to hear other opinions...

I "represented" my mother at funerals twice - once overseas (i was there on holiday) and once at home, when she was on holiday. Nobody thought it odd, and i was really pleased i could save her the upsetting experience (she was orphaned as a young child and found funerals hard going, not that other people find them easy going... )
She thanked me for this for years..i felt privileged to have done it

IDontDoIroning Sat 16-Aug-14 16:10:19

So she's asking him and his family to give up 1/7th of their hard earned rare annual holiday because she can't be bothered to give up 1/90th of hers.

She's taking the piss and if she really cared about her son and his work life balance his relation ship with his young children she wouldn't even ask!

The travel time is roughly similar- 2 hour flight plus transfers for her plus the cost of the flights but if she can afford a holiday home in Spain she must be able to afford a cheap flight with hand luggage only.

CalamityKate1 Sat 16-Aug-14 16:21:08

If a "good" friend (as opposed to an acquaintance) died, I'd get my arse to their funeral come hell or high water.
I'm just imagining the reactions of the families of my good friends if I tried to send someone instead if me hmm

I'm sorry, I just can't get my head round it.

Either someone's a good friend, in which case you get yourself there, or they're not a good enough friend in which case surely nobody will care if you're there or not, in which case what's the point of sending a representative?!

TheRealMaryMillington Sat 16-Aug-14 16:28:12

I think it is perfectly fine to have a family member attend as representative

But not if your preferred representative is on holiday and the only reason you can't go is because you are on holiday.

You are right that she may regret not attending if a close friend. Badly. Other people will quite clearly know her reasons for not attending are being on holiday, and may be very hurt by that.

Panzee Sat 16-Aug-14 16:29:40

I've been to funerals for my parents twice because they were on holiday. I really don't see the problem.

Inertia Sat 16-Aug-14 17:49:40

The problem is that the son is also on holiday.

JADS Sat 16-Aug-14 18:04:08

From another pov, when fil died over 200 people turned up to his memorial service (we had a private family cremation). It was nice but utterly overwhelming and really I wished fewer people had come. Many were acquaintances rather than friends. Mil had underestimated numbers so the wake afterwards was horrendous - not enough space or food/drink.

I guess this colours my judgement, but there is no way I would want your dh there as a representative. I would far rather mil sent a heart felt letter of condolence and flowers.

wafflyversatile Sat 16-Aug-14 18:06:25

If being on holiday is a good reason not to go to a funeral of a friend then being on holiday is a really good reason not to go to a funeral of someone else's friend.

angelohsodelight Thu 21-Aug-14 07:22:52

Update please!

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