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If there was a welcome pack for immigrants to the uk what would it contain?

(33 Posts)
Skinheadmermaid Fri 15-Aug-14 17:01:27

My DH is taking his citizenship test soon. I joked that he would get a welcome pack with a football shirt, teabags and a Bognor Regis Butlins voucher in it.
I spent every summer as a kid at that Butlins. shudder
What would be in your welcome pack?

Morethanalittlebitconfused Fri 15-Aug-14 17:14:52

Cadburys chocolate
Flavoured crisps
Bakewell tart
Melton Mowbray pork pie
Stilton cheese
Cheddar cheese
Proper West Country cider

Erm...loads more!

Azquilith Fri 15-Aug-14 17:15:33

Baked beans. Rules around queuing.

London cheesecake
Pie and mash

nicename Fri 15-Aug-14 17:21:56

Steak and kidney pie
Pork pie
Cheddar cheese
Tea bags

Skinheadmermaid Fri 15-Aug-14 17:29:53

Oh and an umbrella!
Can you believe I don't own an umbrella...I think its time now...

TondelayoSchwarzkopf Fri 15-Aug-14 17:32:23

A Morrissey best of cd
The complete Carry On box set

UriGeller Fri 15-Aug-14 17:34:39

A jar of Branson pickle, unfinished and grown a crust and is at the back of the fridge 3 months after its sell by date then you can call yourself a true english person.

hackmum Fri 15-Aug-14 17:36:11

Kendal mint cake

A box set of Only Fools and Horses.

BruceSpringClean Fri 15-Aug-14 17:37:24

Jar of Marmite
Packet of Quavers
A tartan flask

BruceSpringClean Fri 15-Aug-14 17:37:53

Oh, forgot - a packet of Rich Tea biscuits

hiddenhome Fri 15-Aug-14 17:47:30

There are only two seasons - cold and wet and warm and wet.
All citizens are permanently drunk. Those who aren't, are in a bad mood until they've had a drink.
You must exist on a diet of junk food.
You must endeavour to to gain as much weight as possible during your stay.
You must eat fish and chips at least once a week and every time you visit the seaside.
You must either drive very fast or very slowly.
You must have very white, purply blotchy legs.
If you are educated, forget everything you have learnt and replace it with popular culture facts, pop music, football, X-Factor and Kardashians (whatever the heck they are).
All furniture must come from Ikea.
You must talk in a very loud voice.
You must have very low standards in absolutely everything at all times.

TiffanyToothache Fri 15-Aug-14 17:49:03

Nice thread juxtaposition in active convos grin

angelopal Fri 15-Aug-14 17:58:42

Irn bru

IdealistAndProudOfIt Fri 15-Aug-14 18:03:08

If its food you're after, as an expat I would offer
a selection of British cheeses
Proper english cider (local shop in belgium thinks cider is fizzy apple juice!)

Dh would add
Chocolate digestives
Selection of real ale - I was surprised at first, but Belgium really doesn't have the variety that UK does.

Sigh. Things we miss.
for other practical things, a voucher for internet access for the first month; a translator to help get through the ridiculous paperwork for the first month; and of course english language lessons (I think said lessons should be more widely available as elearning, my dh says that's not possible for languages but i disagree).

And finally - this should be distributed to all citizens - selection of rotten veg and eggs to lob at the rotten politicians.

CerealMom Fri 15-Aug-14 18:03:12

Synopsis of all major soaps ('stenders, Corrie, Archers, Emmerdale)

Sicaq Fri 15-Aug-14 18:04:50

I think this would be a lovely idea!

Mini Scotch whiskey
Voucher for fish and chips
Earl Grey tea and big mug
Bacon and white bread for breakfast; or fried eggs if you don't eat pork
Block of indeterminate orangey cheese
Black pudding
Box of Thornton's chocolate
Newspaper of choice and garden chair to sit in whilst reading it

IdealistAndProudOfIt Fri 15-Aug-14 18:05:23

ps how could i forget tea. Though I can get it here.

nicename Fri 15-Aug-14 18:07:47

Something that expains the humour
Ditto north/south divide, manchester/liverpool rivalry and why the brummie accent is funny (sorry brummies, but it is!).

A really really good sandwich.

ChairmanWow Fri 15-Aug-14 18:09:27

Tunnocks caramel wafers
A pint of ale with a nice frothy head
A Ploughman's lunch
Yorkshire tea
Bara brith
A bottle of brown sauce
A voucher for a full Devonshire cream tea

BertieBotts Fri 15-Aug-14 18:09:48

Haha Tiffany, actually they almost make a little conversation!

All of these are making me feel homesick sad Someone send me a welcome pack!

TondelayoSchwarzkopf Fri 15-Aug-14 18:09:54

A guide to how your daily newspaper and choice of supermarket reflect your specific socio economic status

Sicaq Fri 15-Aug-14 18:14:08

Damn, how did I forget Tunnock's? Good call, Chairman. Though I'd go for the teacakes, personally.

LemonMousse Fri 15-Aug-14 18:36:23

I think a woolly hat and gloves are in order and (if they're coming to the North East or Scotland) a fold up snow shovel.

Maybe a crochet blanket made up of squares? (Can you tell I'm feeling a bit chilly today?)

DogCalledRudis Fri 15-Aug-14 18:40:25

Polish beer...

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