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No wedding list. Would you still buy a gift?

(67 Posts)
Su1773 Tue 12-Aug-14 08:45:43

Planning on a low key wedding as neither of us like the fuss, don't have the motivation to spend the next 6 months planning colour schemes etc and, most importantly, as we are both in our 30s will probably try to start a family pretty soon so would rather save money for if/when baby arrives.

Wedding will probably be a party in local village hall, with a nice buffet. We will provide wine/beer.

I suspect some of our friends will think we are being tight as we both have decent jobs so could afford a fancy wedding if we wanted one (which we don't) and most of our friends had expensive weddings themselves, to which we were invited. But I know its our day so up to us how we choose to celebrate it and true friends will be happy for us.

I am not comfortable with sending a gift list out anyway, but it would seem especially cheeky given that we are spending a very limited amount on our wedding (through choice rather than because we are poor). So I was thinking of just not mentioning gifts at all.

However, I am secretly hoping that we will get some gifts, as DP and I have spent hundreds on other people's wedding gifts over the last few years (yes, I know you don't give a gift to get one back etc...)

I would never go to a wedding empty handed, and if I buy a wedding gift it is to congratulate the couple on their marriage so the kind of wedding they are having is irrelevant to me. Just wondering what other people's views are?

Thanks

Personally, I really dislike gift lists and would find it so refreshing to have a wedding invite that didn't include one! I would never turn up to a wedding empty handed, and would probably give cash in the card.

beccajoh Tue 12-Aug-14 08:47:41

When there's no list I usually give John Lewis vouchers. I wouldn't turn up to a wedding empty handed unless the couple had specifically requested no gifts.

SweetPeaPods Tue 12-Aug-14 08:49:17

Wedding sounds lovely.
If you don't want to mention gifts you don't have to but I would have a back up, something to ask for if people ask. So maybe john lewis vouchers? They do nursery furniture and prams etc too so you could always save them for that without specifically telling guests that's what they are going towards.
Guests like a list as it makes things easier but you don't have to have one

TobyLerone Tue 12-Aug-14 08:49:18

Yes.

We actually specified no gifts of any kind (including cash/vouchers) and still got some.

PigletJohn Tue 12-Aug-14 08:52:03

I would unless the couple said "no gifts please"

I might ring and say I was thinking of getting a toaster (or whatever) and see what the reaction was.
But would it be awkward for other guests who don't?

IMO it is less important for an established couple than in the days when two youngsters were setting up their first home.

I don't like people asking for money, but that varies by culture and background.

TheresLotsOfFarmyardAnimals Tue 12-Aug-14 08:53:11

You could suggest a charity for donation if you don't need anything

If you don't mention anything you will get a variety of gifts, vouchers and cash as most people wouldn't turn up empty handed.

Cheeky76890 Tue 12-Aug-14 08:54:18

You will be asked so have a standard reply - vouchers

Heels99 Tue 12-Aug-14 08:55:57

Yes I absolutely would still buy a gift. Where no wedding list previously I have bought silver frames, other nice silver items from john lewis and enclosed gift receipt so they can return item, case of wine, champagne.

I wouldn't think you were tight with that wedding, you are providing food and drink and it sounds lovely. I would probably spend on live music of some kind, decorations for the hall I would get a party planner to do that I.e lovely flowers have a look at local wedding planners, some do beautiful tasteful decorating of people's homes, village halls, marquees etc. I would aim for classy. Sounds fab

LittleBearPad Tue 12-Aug-14 08:56:06

You'd probably get John Lewis vouchers from me. I wouldn't give you nothing.

MrsMillions Tue 12-Aug-14 08:56:40

YY to having something prepared to say if/when people ask what you would like. And "brief" your parents too if you are inviting extended family who might be more likely to ask them. John Lewis vouchers definitely a good idea, as mentioned they can be kept for baby purchases or you can put them together to buy something you really want - my DSis and BIL bought a new camera for example.

Or you might end up with 50 pairs of champagne flutes!

Marrow Tue 12-Aug-14 08:57:13

We also had a very low key wedding and did not have a gift list or make any mention of them. We received some lovely presents.

MrsMillions Tue 12-Aug-14 08:57:21

Ooh forgot to say yes I absolutely would take a gift even if nothing was mentioned with the invitation.

Groovester Tue 12-Aug-14 08:58:09

We had a similar low key, un fussy wedding and in our invitations we didn't supply any list (I just don't like them but each to their own.) We received lots of lovely and thoughtful gifts as well as some vouchers and cash. Some people didn't bring anything and that was fine too.

BumpNGrind Tue 12-Aug-14 09:00:46

I didn't include a gift list and if I'm honest it turned out to be a bit of a pain. Family members in particular will get you something, but we had weeks of people moaning because they didn't know what to get us and that we should have made it easier for them.

We received very kind gifts of mainly money, but also lots of trinkets and bottles of bubbly (I don't really drink but the thought is lovely).

OnIlkleyMoorBahTwat Tue 12-Aug-14 09:01:53

No list - vouchers and/or champagne/other fizz a good idea, but those of you saying John Lewis vouchers - please think whether the recipient has a convenient John Lewis - not everyone has one and/or wants to shop there.

I've never been to a John Lewis and think the nearest one is over 30 miles away and would never make a special trip, so having piles of their vouchers would be an inconvenience TBH.

LizardBreath Tue 12-Aug-14 09:03:12

For these situations I always give john Lewis vouchers and champagne, would never come empty handed however low key, it's a celebration!

Enjoy your day.

SmallBee Tue 12-Aug-14 09:04:17

I can't imagine many people will turn up without a gift, so if you really don't ask for anything be prepared for a mix of gifts, some will be amazing and something you'd never thought you wanted, some won't be to your taste & you'll probably get some duplicates (photo frames seem to be the default gift these days!)
If you don't mind that then great, but otherwise it might not hurt to pick a store you'd like vouchers for or a charity to donate to.

MildDrPepperAddiction Tue 12-Aug-14 09:06:22

Yes I would. No gift list just means you aren't grabby. We didn't have one and while we got a few of the same type of gifts (crystal glasses) we got some wonderful gifts that we would not have added to a list for ourselves and they are lovely reminders of the day and the person who gifted.

KoalaDownUnder Tue 12-Aug-14 09:09:23

I would never think badly of someone for having a small/inexpensive wedding.

I actually prefer not having a wedding list to go off. I think lists are borderline tacky, and requests for money definitely so.

And yes, I would definitely still give you a present. I have given very nice wedding presents to friends who didn't even invite me to their wedding (small ceremony with immediate family only). Because I wanted to, and because I give presents based on my relationship with the couple, NOT on how much they spend on hosting me.

mrswishywashy Tue 12-Aug-14 09:10:40

We didn't have a wedding list last year. Anyone that asked we said we'd
I've them to gift us their favourite book. So the ones that asked did that but we also got a huge assortment of other things as well, everyone invited knows we already live together so we didn't really get household stuff and we got know repeats. It made it clear though the people we invited really knew us.

LadyIsabellaWrotham Tue 12-Aug-14 09:11:26

Everyone will give you a gift anyway. What I did was to make a "secret" JL gift list (which in my case just consisted of a dinner service, so wouldn't overlap with towels/toasters/champagne flutes that people would get spontaneously) and then only revealed its existence to people who really wanted to know (elderly great aunts living in the sticks etc) plus I told my work who always gave very generously at weddings, to make the job easier for the boss's PA. If you aren't inviting anyone in that situation then you needn't bother, but I do think MN often undervalues how fantastically useful a gift list is to a relative who is having a frantic week. The relief of being able to tick off "Wedding present Cousin Isabella" in five minutes with a few mouse clocks is immense.

LittleBearPad Tue 12-Aug-14 09:11:58

OnIlkley you can use them for online shopping too. So not terribly inconvenient.

I take your point but if there's no guidance given then default gifts like JL vouchers are likely. As are photo frames, champagne and champagne flutes.

HannerHet Tue 12-Aug-14 09:12:36

Yes would always take a gift or put money in the card

I would most likely give you money if you didn't have a list. If you were a close friend, I would get in touch and ask what you might like (actually, I'd ask if there were a list anyway, but I'm guessing you'd say no, and I'd only want to know about specific gifts if we were close, as people can have too much 'stuff'!).

IME this is pretty normal - if you don't put in a gift list, people give you money or small gifts of their choice, but money commoner.

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