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Just been talking to a very pregnant woman......

(215 Posts)
PlumpPartridge Thu 07-Aug-14 12:02:58

.....she's my colleague, and it's her first.

Here are several quotes:

'I don't need any friends, I'll be happy to just see my husband every day.'

'We can go for lots of lovely walks - it will be blissful.'

'I don't need the NCT, I already know how to breathe!'

I've got two of my own and had to try very hard to smile nicely and say 'Oh, that's lovely/yes, that's right' to everything she said.

I don't have any issue with her statements per se, as many people can attest that they did indeed feel that way after the baby turned up. But I find her absolute certainty that her mind will not change AT ALL IN ANY WAY post-birth to be rather amusing!

I do actually like her and appreciate her blunt attitude, but will await with interest to see how she feels in a few months' time (she's due in 3 weeks). I had a hard time adapting to life-with-baby myself so will be sympathetic to any changes of mind. Equally, if she doesn't change her mind at all then I will be quite impressed at how she got it all right first time!

I can't help but wonder how many mums had to bite their tongue when I was expecting my first and just merrily expected breastfeeding to be super-easy and that I'd be 'firm but fair' HAH

What amusing statements have you heard from first-time pregnant mums?

I hope she will be ok. Maybe she was tired and fed up.

elvenbread Thu 07-Aug-14 12:06:54

Maybe she doesnt need any friends. Not everyone is particularly social. Perhaps she will go out on some lovely walks. Some children sleep beautifully in their pram. She will give birth regardless, whether or not her breathing is perfect.
Why judge?

micah Thu 07-Aug-14 12:08:36

Toys will be in the toy cupboard in the baby's bedroom. Child will be allowed one toy out at a time, and put each one back before getting another out.

Of course it'll be fine going to a festival when expected pfb will be between 4 and 8 weeks old.

Baby will be left at earliest opportunity, regularly so as to have no separation issues. (Which of course developed after 4 months of smug and is now the clingiest 11 month ever!)

PlumpPartridge Thu 07-Aug-14 12:10:36

She seemed pretty chirpy, just like she always is.

I did say, I don't have any issue with the statements! I do find it odd when people don't acknowledge the possibility that they might change their minds in future though. It seems very rigid.

I change my mind all the time!

CMOTDibbler Thu 07-Aug-14 12:11:27

I did go for lots of walks when ds was little - I didn't have any friends (baby groups just didn't work out for me), ds liked to sleep in his pram or sling and it was nice time as the three of us. Oh, and I went to NCT but it didn't really help me in terms of birth or getting going with feeding.

But I equally wouldn't judge someone who needed lots of people round them, didn't want to get out, and wasn't a 'find out for yourself' kind of person. We all make it up as we go along anyway

PlumpPartridge Thu 07-Aug-14 12:12:08

Yes sizzles, that was why I just agreed with everything. I had a hard time myself and it helped to be able to admit to everyone that I was indeed finding it hard. As I said, I like her and do want her to be ok. I'm worried she is setting herself up to mentally fail.

PlumpPartridge Thu 07-Aug-14 12:12:58

micah, I did ALL those things, actually [wink[

no I bloody didn't.

PlumpPartridge Thu 07-Aug-14 12:13:14

Argh! wink

BlackeyedSusan Thu 07-Aug-14 12:14:20

I never did the one toy at a time thing as I am an early years teacher and think that children should have free access to toys and be able to mix different toys. what I did not expect was masses of the damn things scattered across the floor. nor teaching my children swearwords when I have trodden on a marble/legobrick/other pointy object.

I did however expect to be able to finish the decorating... which is why I still have lime green and pastel walls in the hall and masses of woodchip and piles of DIY stuff.

lanbro Thu 07-Aug-14 12:14:53

When I was pregnant my sister insisted when she got pregnant she would only put weight on on the bump! When she did fall pregnant she ate for England and was huge! Obviously, being the lovely sister I am I didn't say a word!

PlumpPartridge Thu 07-Aug-14 12:15:22

I do hope that it all works out as she wants it to, because it is officially crap to be disappointed. I just worry that she's not being realistic, as she is very very chatty (so am I) and I think she has a certain 'I won't be one of those one-track-minded mums' thing going on, so there might be a bit of resistance to how big a deal it all is.

I don't know, I'm guessing really.

PlumpPartridge Thu 07-Aug-14 12:16:05

I thought I'd learn Arabic whilst at home with DS1. HAH!

FrankSaysNo Thu 07-Aug-14 12:22:09

NCT isn't compulsory and I was quite surprised to find you have to pay a lot of money to access what should be a free support group. I certainly didn't need any group like that. Of he people I do know that have used it, only one is still in contact with the group members, the rest all felt it was an unnatural mix of people they didn't have anything else in common with.

Some people are capably of having a baby and it not changing their life drastically. Babies fit in with you, most certainly not the other way round

PlumpPartridge Thu 07-Aug-14 12:24:12

Babies fit in with you, most certainly not the other way round


I know literally no-one for whom what has been the case!!

I've been very lucky in that I get on very well with 3/6 of my NCT group and we still meet up every other week 3 years on. I think the actual advice was crap but the friends are fab.

FrankSaysNo Thu 07-Aug-14 12:27:22

There is the generational difference. No one my age had the world stop revolving because a baby arrived. Where as .......

Infinity8 Thu 07-Aug-14 12:27:38

I agree with her about the NCT (mum of 4 here).

I thought first time around that I would look like the model in the mamas and papas add - all glam and elegant, pushing my pram grin .That didn't exactly work out.

I also thought I wouldn't get fat everywhere cos I would eat chicken salads etc. I did eat those, but a truck load of cake as well!

PenguinsHatchedAnEgg Thu 07-Aug-14 12:31:32

Babies fit in to a certain extent - e.g. DS just has to lump the school run, the supermarket, etc

But the reason mothers could just get on with their housekeeping in the past is that they did what my grandmother did and put the baby in the pram at the end of the garden for long periods. My own mother said her mum didn't understand why she struggled to get housework done and didn't understand why she didn't want to do that.

PlumpPartridge Thu 07-Aug-14 12:32:27

I don't think I have explained myself very well here.

I think my message has been perceived as:

'grumpy cow pursing lips and feeling superior at pregnant lady'

When really I meant to convey

'wry smile of amusement at pregnant lady whom I like but consider to possibly be in for a shock when the baby comes out'.

I repeat, I DO LIKE HER and want her to be happy in her life. Sitting at home and crying because you're feeling so shit is not fun - been there!!

annabanana19 Thu 07-Aug-14 12:36:59

Micah - what is wrong with one toy at a time rule?

They can only play with one so why not keep it before getting another one.

Those who dont imply that rule are the ones who come here complaining "oh my house is a mess"

WhatTheFuff Thu 07-Aug-14 12:40:29

All those quotes are true for me.

I don't like to socialise, have no friends, through CHOICE.

We go for big longs walks with the children and the dogs.

Never been to NTC in my life had all natural births not even a paracetamol and I breathed just fine.

melissa83 Thu 07-Aug-14 12:54:44

I have never even met a mum that attended NCT classes so thats highly likely she wont do that one. Babies going for walks is hardly a radical idea so thats probably likely to happen.

its not for me as I see my friends but there are plenty out there that are introverts.

ThinkIveBeenHacked Thu 07-Aug-14 12:57:21

OP she may just possibly manage to do all that. I couldnt bear the thought of an NCT group or toddler groups or any such setting. DD and I walked lots, daily, and all my friends were at work FT when I had dd.

Lally112 Thu 07-Aug-14 12:57:36

I don't see much different from me either in what she said, I didn't need new friends, my old ones were just fine and they still are. I tried NCT and it was as pleasant as an attempted suicide and I had to pay six quid for it. Lots of judgey old women sneering at the fact I was 17. DH and I were newly married and I couldn't wait to see him everyday, pregnancy makes my libido go through the roof so the minute he got in the door I was extremely happy to see him.

melissa83 Thu 07-Aug-14 13:02:42

I really dont see the point in NCT or pre birth classes. Surely you just get there on the day and give it a go with birth.

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