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Should I respond to this email from my mother's husband?

(241 Posts)
BigPawsBrown Wed 06-Aug-14 23:05:49

My mum left my Dad for someone else ten years ago and her new husband is an arse difficult. He makes horrible barbed remarks to me and has recently deleted me off facebook. My sister and I see my mum sporadically at best and he never sees his kids. They both, however, think they've done nothing wrong in their relationships with their children. I've had loads of counselling about my mum but have tried to just accept she is never going to be like a normal mum to me sad

It was his 60th on Sunday. I've never sent him a card or anything and I'm not 100% when his birthday is but have had some contact with him lately because he asked to read a novel I've written. I've just got a literary agent so was feeling confident and sent it to him and he was mean about it...

Anyway, he has today sent me an email saying:

Subject: question
Is there any particular reason why I didn't even warrant a birthday card this year?

angry Usually would ignore but I really want to reply.

A. Why expect a birthday card when you're a nob to me all year?
B. I could say I've got a card and present here but since you sent this email you can't have them.
C. Ignore?

TobyLerone Wed 06-Aug-14 23:07:32


The twat.

A. But make it more biting. grin

TreacleMoon123 Wed 06-Aug-14 23:08:29

Ignore! He sounds a pompous prick!

Icelollycraving Wed 06-Aug-14 23:10:03

You should ignore. I wouldn't be able to respond though. Along the lines of,this year was no different,I only remember people worth remembering. Other people will be along with fantastic cutting comebacks. Great it's on email,gives you time to think!

gamerchick Wed 06-Aug-14 23:10:07

I think ' because you're a knob' would do but the grown up response and most effective would be to ignore. Knobs hate being ignored.

s88 Wed 06-Aug-14 23:10:37

A !

FrankSaysNo Wed 06-Aug-14 23:10:44


Twats require oxygen to fuel the fire .... just ignore

TheWhispersOfTheGods Wed 06-Aug-14 23:11:07

Answer: Because you're an arse and I don't like you - you needed to ask? hmm

THEN ignore. smile No reason to speak to him really is there? thanks

HypodeemicNerdle Wed 06-Aug-14 23:11:38

'The same reason I didn't warrant one from you'

This assumes you don't get one though!

thesortingtwat Wed 06-Aug-14 23:13:10

I'd be tempted to email back 'no'.

TheTerribleBaroness Wed 06-Aug-14 23:13:14

Has he ever sent you a birthday card?

LilyandGinger Wed 06-Aug-14 23:13:44

Although it would short term feel great to get one over on him, long term it would be better not to engage plus it will drive him crazy

Torn between A and C grin

footballagain Wed 06-Aug-14 23:14:47


Difficult I know but try to satisfy yourself with the knowledge that he'll be tying himself up in knots about why you haven't risen to the bait.

HaroldLloyd Wed 06-Aug-14 23:15:11

The best thing to do is probably ignore it but I would be very tempted to just send the "no"

Poor you, what a knob.

BigPawsBrown Wed 06-Aug-14 23:15:34

I wonder how you get to your 60th thinking this is a good way to engage with your wife's adult kids? Other gems include, "I hope this was an unedited manuscript and not the one you got a literary agent off!" and inviting us to spent new year with them ON JANUARY 4th so as to not have plans as it was 361 days in advance.

My mum gets me a card from both of them. So I suppose he technically has.

rockybalboa Wed 06-Aug-14 23:15:55

So initially I typed a response along the lines of A. And then I deleted it a he's clearly being a goady fucker and ignoring his email together is a far better strategy than getting into the fight he was trying to pick. What a twat.

ImperialBlether Wed 06-Aug-14 23:15:56

Does he remember your birthday?

I wouldn't have let him read the book - you've done so well with it and I would've been frightened he'd try to ruin it for you.

VeryLittleGravitasIndeed Wed 06-Aug-14 23:17:35

Subject: answer
Because I don't like you.

Keep it simple, I say.

D. Reply "Ha ha. Or did the postman not deliver it?"

Sapphire387 Wed 06-Aug-14 23:18:01

I'd say 'it's not just this year you don't warrant one...'

Although I do prefer A.

BigPawsBrown Wed 06-Aug-14 23:29:28

Yes imperial, my mum asked to read it then passed it to him with a passing, "you don't mind, do you?". I figured whatever I said he would end up reading it. hmm

meltedmonterayjack Thu 07-Aug-14 00:24:24

I'd have to weigh up my instant satisfaction/gratification at sending a short and cutting reply, against the impact on him of zero response - for someone as immature sounding and as stirring as he is, it will be incredibly frustrating and maddening if you don't rise to the bait.

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