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Most embarrassing FAIL when trying to chat someone up

(98 Posts)
ColdCottage Fri 01-Aug-14 21:45:42

I once used my tried and tested method (with strangers) on a school mate.

I was about 17 and at a party. I walked up to this boy I'd liked for years and said

I find you very attractive, would you mind if I kissed you?

His repley, errr yes I would, and walked off blush.

I died, the song that was playing at the time haunted me for the next 3 years, as did the embarrassment! It was especially bad in French on Monday at school. I was convinced the whole table was laughing at me.

Plus side, still worked with the fit boys in town.

I must stress, it was ONLY ever a kiss they got!

Not trying to chat up but local heartthrob/army captain/all round niceguy trotted past in his running gear and I fell off my bike owling my head round to sneak a peek at his bottom. So he trotted back to help me untangle legs and hoist me up (am heifer) blush

ColdCottage Fri 01-Aug-14 21:59:58

Wow that must have hurt in more ways than one. Did you take the chance to offer to take him for a thank you drink wink

EatShitDerek Fri 01-Aug-14 22:00:32

I was admiring a man in a shopping centre. He was beautiful, the sort of cant look away beautiful.

He was staring back so I thought 'oh I am in here'

As he walks past I hear him say 'O cant go anywhere without people staring, I'm missing an arm not a head'

It was then I see he has one arm. I hadn't even noticed and I was looking at him as he was carved by the gods.

I thought 'oh I can save this and he will be mine' and said the following:

'oh, dont worry, I dont use my left arm'

He obviously thought I was a nutter and as the last syllable came out I walked away. I power walked the fuck out of there.

I wanted to tell him I wasn't bothered about his missing arm as I found him attractive and instead I tried to make out we were the same just because I dont really use mt left

confused blush

I am a terrible flirt. I panicked and spoke before thinking.

HomeIsWhereTheHeartIs Fri 01-Aug-14 22:06:38

Derek you always make me laugh smile

Littleturkish Fri 01-Aug-14 22:08:15

Bloke in cafe: can I just tell you how stunning you are?
Me: thanks, it must be my pregnancy glow <pointedly look at bump>

He went red and ran off. In his defence, I was still small and just starting to show.

Fragrantfancies2010 Fri 01-Aug-14 22:09:15

Looool! Oh no, you plonker Derek!

NeverTalksToStrangers Fri 01-Aug-14 22:09:48

In my first year at uni there was this bloke I fancied who I always had a cheeky flirt with. He was one of those it'll-happen-at-some-stage interests.

We had been in dining hall together and I asked to see his watch - it was a storm watch, they were pretty new and cool back then. He told me his mum had bought it for him. I put it on my wrist and was admiring it. no idea why.

About 20 mins later we were together in the lift of our halls of residence and i was getting out at my floor. He said "never, my watch?" so i said "oh yeah" and went to undo the clasp to take it off my wrist. It slipped out of my hand and fell straight down, through the tiny gap between the lift and the floor.

We managed to get it back but it was in bits and I had to buy him a new watch. Never did get to snog him...

theendoftheendoftheend Fri 01-Aug-14 22:12:31

All going swimmingly (i thought) with a guy i'd liked for aaages. until he said 'you're a little bit defensive arn't you?' (yes, i'm the youngest of 4 it comes with the territory) to which i replied 'No!! I am very OFFENSIVE!!' What possessed me! He believed me though, and ran for the hills!

EatShitDerek Fri 01-Aug-14 22:14:41

I've told that story many times on these threads.

The next one isn't so bad. I have this long running crush on a bus driver. He is gorgeous but I don't see him often. When I do I turn to jelly.

I somehow manage to throw my money at him every single time or I drop it. My son always ends up saying something's embarrassing like telling the bus driver I need a boyfriend etc

I have tripped over when getting on or off the bus. It only happens when it is him!

NeverTalksToStrangers Fri 01-Aug-14 22:17:15

Derek - If your life was a chick flick you would deffo end up with the bus driver. And he would already been in love with you, ala Mark Darcy.

theendoftheendoftheend Fri 01-Aug-14 22:17:19

eatshit I love you're attempt at clawing it back haha its the kind of thing that just slips out on a flirting panic!

ColdCottage Fri 01-Aug-14 22:23:51

Oh Derek that is so rubbish for you and him. I hate it when you only think of what you wanted to/ meant to say about 5 minutes later.

He missed out.

EatShitDerek Fri 01-Aug-14 22:29:50

I bet he thinks he had a lucky escape grin

I am shit when it comes to men. I'm a terrible flirt and also can't tell when someone is chatting me up.

I once went on a First date and was nervous so had a little drink before meeting him. I then went on to drink jäger bombs while we were together. I was posses by 10pm. I told him to come back to mine. All was fine til half way through taxi journey. I felt sick so I had to stick my was out of the widow like a fucking dog!

Got to mine and I started throwing up outside my house. He did not get lucky, he spent all night rubbing my back and ignoring me telling him to just leave me and the embarrassment alone. I did go on to see him a few more times after though grin

I'm starting to realise why I am still single though. I either insult them, throw money at them or throw up for hours

MammaTJ Fri 01-Aug-14 22:33:47

Flirted and got on well with guy in my local. Upped the ante one night and was quite direct. He said 'You know I'm gay, right?'

Gaydar well and truly faulty, blush and cringe mode fully operational!

TheCunkOfPhilomena Fri 01-Aug-14 22:36:52

EatShit, you must be my chat up twin.

I once had a MASSIVE crush on a man for about 6 months. I used to just clam up when I saw him on my lunch break (we were on 'Hello' terms). Anyway, one day I had dressed up extra specially nice for work in the hope of seeing him; I sat on a stool in the cafe on my lunch break, he came in and I promptly fell off the stool and flashed my knickers. We never did get together, funny that.

I am so classy.

I also have no idea when I am being chatted up.

ColdCottage Fri 01-Aug-14 22:37:49

NeverTalks - I am so clumsy at times could totally see myself doing this, especially in front of a boy I like.

Sorry your romance when down the lift shaft (excuse the bad joke).

ColdCottage Fri 01-Aug-14 22:40:56

MammaTJ that has to be the worst blush

NeverTalksToStrangers Fri 01-Aug-14 22:52:21

Cold cottage - Ahhh no big deal. He wasn't 'the one', nowhere near it, lol. I was just mortified because I was a serious flirt (still am to a certain extent, but been with my hubby 12 years tomorrow) and it ruined my game.

In contrast to some others on here I knew immediately when someone was interested in me when I was young, free and single. He definitely was, but after the watch incident I think he just thought i was a tube. It didn't help that I couldn't find exactly the same watch. The face was a different shade of blue.

seagull70 Fri 01-Aug-14 22:55:20

Back in the day, I was on a YTS placement with this boy who was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen. I was completely in love and had managed to convince myself that he felt the same way.

We were on a dinner break together and had the staff kitchenette to ourselves. I offered to make him a cup of tea and as I was bending down to the cupboard I let out this massive fart. It started on a low note and gradually became higher.

As I slowly stood up, the same thing happens but this time in REVERSE with the tune from my arse going from high to low.

We both stood staring at each other not knowing what to say until he broke the silence by offering me a rich tea biscuit.

Thankfully, we were coming to the end of our placement together. The shame blush

NeverTalksToStrangers Fri 01-Aug-14 22:59:22

Oh seagull!! You poor thing!

ChittinIt Fri 01-Aug-14 23:00:03

Not really a chat up but when I was younger I was walking alone and a big group of boys were walking towards me. I felt a bit intimidated but kept my head up and kind of smiled as we approached each other but just as I came level with them my nose just randomly blew a HUGE snot bubble.

I'm not even sure they noticed as I was already running!

ColdCottage Fri 01-Aug-14 23:00:41

NeverTalks I remember Storm watches were so cool end of the 90's early 00's my friend was obsessed. Think that might have put him off a girl too.
Happy anniversary for tomorrow.

ColdCottage Fri 01-Aug-14 23:01:42

Seagull, even in a non romantic situation I think I would die a little at this. Poor you. Have you recovered yet wink

ColdCottage Fri 01-Aug-14 23:02:37

Chitt shock poor you.

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