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Don't know how to help.

(27 Posts)

My sister (We'll call her C) has 2 children. A boy who's 8 in August (we'll call him J) and a girl who's 2 in November (we'll call her A)

She's recently split from her boyfriend, the children's father. Things were this bad before though so it's not because of the split.

She had J when she was a teenager, just left school. He was an accident and never really wanted. So was A.

When J was 5ish I called Social Services and reported her after she slapped him across the face extremely hard just because he wouldn't put his shoes on. This was the straw that broke the camels back, for years I had sat by while she forgot to feed him (I had to give him food) never washed him and neglected him when it came to things like potty training and personal hygiene.

He was, and still is, skin and bones. I don't get why the nursery and now the school have never done anything? Reported it? He is absent from school a lot because she can't be bothered to take him and they must be able to smell him, he stinks of urine ALL the time. sad

The little girl, A, is 2 in November but can't even hold her own weight on her legs. She spends all the time at home in a swing chair and all the time out of the house strapped into a buggy. The buggy is soaked in urine and so is she. The smell is unbearable. She never gets properly fed. She gets a bag of wotsits now and then and scraps from other peoples plates.
J at least gets a hot meal at school now but it's the holidays so who knows what will happen.

Her house is a tip, I have helped her gut it twice and it always ends up the same. Smelly clothes all over the place. Old food bowls and plates left dirty on the floor. The kitchen is covered in unwashed utensils, pans and dishes. Once I popped around and A was sat in her swinging chair sucking a lighter! Another time J told us he had "melted spiderman's hands on a candle"!!!

It goes on and on but I can't type it all out. I don't know what to do. I am scared for their safety and I KNOW this isn't ok but what can I do? I need advice. I have tried speaking to her about it and she lies about everything. She wont listen. What should I do? I don't want anything to happen to my niece and nephew. I don't want them to die!

I am willing to lose my relationship with my sister in order to protect these children but if SS wont do anything what more is there I can do?


Salmotrutta Fri 01-Aug-14 17:29:54

Are there any other family members who could also speak to her first then social services?

Maybe if several people spoke to SS they might do something?

I'm no expert by the way.

Lewisfan Fri 01-Aug-14 17:30:33

if its that bad, social care will do an assessment on the family including parenting capacity and other things.

ring them. Keep ringing until they listen

nachohousekeeper Fri 01-Aug-14 17:34:14

What is the father of the children like? Will he remove them and care for them?

Mandy2003 Fri 01-Aug-14 17:35:56

Have you asked the NSPCC for advice? Could the children stay with you if your sis was made to realise she isn't coping?

The only other family is our dad and he "doesn't want to get involved" So there's no hope there.

The father is just as bad. They only split up about 3 months ago and all of this was going on while he was there. He rarely sees them now.

I don't know what happened last time I called SS. My sister knows it was me and she says someone popped around, saw J eating a shepherds pie hmm said everything was fine and that I was probably just trying to cause trouble? and left.

Is that really what will have happened? She hasn't improved any since then so I don't think SS are seeing her regularly or anything.

Lewisfan Fri 01-Aug-14 17:42:07

She may have fooled them once but if you ring again and give the detail from you op, they should listen and visit

I spoke to the NSPCC before I rand SS last time. They told me to ring SS.

We have a 3 month old baby and not much space (or money) but yes, if the children were taken from her I would take them in rather than them go into care. I don't think she would just hand them over though. That would be admitting she wasn't looking after them properly and she likes to make out she's the perfect mother. She's in denial I think.

OHforDUCKScake Fri 01-Aug-14 17:50:04

Poor babies. When was the last time you called them OP?

Lewisfan Fri 01-Aug-14 17:50:43

social care will work with her to improve things before even thinking of removing the children.

they may have the assessment and go to an initial conference and may well be subject to a child protection plan but that doesn't mean she'll lose the children.... its really hard to get kids out of a family and takes months and months of trying everything else first if there's no immediate risk of significant harm

PeanutPatty Fri 01-Aug-14 17:52:04

Must be heartbreaking to see. Those poor children. You definitely need to report it. What about contacting A's HV as surely she should due a 2yo developmental check by now and these can be done in the home? The HV would certainly flag some issues and get the severity of the situation across to SS and any other relevant bodies.

Surely what your sister is doing can be categorised as child abuse?

Lewisfan Fri 01-Aug-14 17:54:18

It would be classed as neglect; they have to be very specific now and draw up plans of support to work from with the family and agencies involved

Mumof3xox Fri 01-Aug-14 17:54:59

You are clearly very concerned for these children

You need to make that call and you need to make it now

If Anything happened I am sure you would never forgive yourself

Peanut - I don't think she sees the HV. I know she misses doctors appointments for vaccines because I've seen the letters.

Please, please report her again. Explain that you're still concerned and that the children are being neglected

Those poor little ones

BathTangle Fri 01-Aug-14 18:08:05

I just wanted to say that these children are very lucky to have an aunt who cares - and I can see by your posts that you won't give up on them.

The only other thing I can think of if you feel SS are not intervening is whether you can ring non-emergency police number (101) and ask for a welfare check?

LIZS Fri 01-Aug-14 18:10:41

Ring SS. She clearly isn't coping , if it is a longstanding issue she may have PND or any number of issues which could be helped with appropriate support. School may well have reported their concerns and you wouldn't necessarily know, but if you know he isn't being fed for example this may raise their case as urgent.

KnackeredMuchly Fri 01-Aug-14 18:15:19

Ca you take A for a day out, but actually go to a walk in session with a HV, make her smell the buggy, see her unable to walk, talk about the slap.

Sherlockmaystealyourpug Fri 01-Aug-14 18:16:35

I'd call SS again, I work in social care and SS will do a through assessment (or should, it is a real shame it sounds as if that did not happen the last time). I would be really concerned about the long term impact on these children, especially if things do not improve soon - as you are. Can you ring again - you can do so anonymously and then you sister will not be able to know for sure the call came from you - if that is a concern. You sound brilliant, but if she is not wanting to take any help on board it sounds as if you are already doing all you can. As others have said - SS will attempt to work with her first, especially if you get a good social work team (which is sadly, rather dependant on area it seems). A repeated call should alert social services to a more urgent problem, and the more information you can give them the more quickly they are likely to act - when you call i would jot down a list of your main concerns. i'm sorry this is happening.

wombat22 Fri 01-Aug-14 18:18:09

I would ring the police. They can visit the home and if the children are at risk or neglected they can take them immediately to a place of safety. They will contact SS to come out immediately and find somewhere for the children to stay until a full assessment is made

I'm going to contact these tomorrow

Thanks for the advice and someone to talk to. It helps to get it all out.

wombat22 Fri 01-Aug-14 18:58:42

Good luck OP

PeanutPatty Sat 02-Aug-14 10:11:00

Those children are so lucky to have you.

Please keep us posted.

I mentioned the HV cos if she is missing appts etc then a call from you would explain why and perhaps this would be enough to get help started from SS or whoever. I shall stop warbling on as you have a plan of action. Hope your sister also gets the help she sounds like she desperately needs.

I have reported this morning.

Should I report every time I see something concerning?

Mumof3xox Sat 02-Aug-14 15:53:22

Well done op

and I would be tempted too yes

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