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So the call I've been dreading for 5 years happened today

(56 Posts)
WowserBowser Fri 01-Aug-14 11:14:41

The man who raped me was released yesterday.

I don't want to sound all attention seeking but i can't stop shaking.

So i thought i would turn to MN. Am all alone at the mo.

CaptChaos Fri 01-Aug-14 11:16:58

I can totally relate, although my first rapist was never prosecuted, I had to live in the same town with him grinning at me whenever I saw him for another 3 years.

I can't offer practical advice, just some hand holding and understanding thanks

WowserBowser Fri 01-Aug-14 11:19:19

That's awful Capt thanks

however Fri 01-Aug-14 11:20:34

Bastard. May he suffer years of unexplained diarrhoea. In pubic places.

hesterton Fri 01-Aug-14 11:21:28

Is there a risk he will contact you?

I'm so sorry, for both of you. thanks

Keep your head held high OP, you were strong enough to survive it once and you are more than capable of doing it again.

Positive vibes coming your way and cockrot vibes at the vile specimen who did this to you.

JennyOnTheBlocks Fri 01-Aug-14 11:25:02

Offers a hand for you to hold too

WowserBowser Fri 01-Aug-14 11:25:18

however pubic? grin

He was a stranger. He's in a halfway house. He was only 21. He had already been to prison for GBH on an old man. He's obviously got issues but not sure if he would want to find me.

I know he hated me for getting him convicted.

Salemthecat Fri 01-Aug-14 11:30:22

Hope you're okay wowser. I didn't report my rapist and wish so badly now that I had. Keep your phone on you at all times and if you see him at all phone the police straight away.

Hopefully 5 years is enough time for him have learned some insight into the effect of his crimes. Perhaps a bit optimistic of me?

WowserBowser Fri 01-Aug-14 11:33:51

So sorry Salem

i am grateful he went to prison, i realise most women don't get that.

He didn't learn his lesson the first time.

Thanks everyone who has posted so far. I feel less alone.

Beenspotted Fri 01-Aug-14 11:35:40

Offers a handhold. Congratulations on getting a conviction in the first place, they happen far too rarely.

JustTheRightBullets Fri 01-Aug-14 11:46:19

Another handhold. At least you got a conviction though, that's a really big thing.

RiverRocks Fri 01-Aug-14 11:48:39

Handhold and thanks for you, Wowser. Well done for being so brave!

Pubic diarrhoea vibes being sent his way!

Hand holding here. thanks

JustTheRightBullets Fri 01-Aug-14 11:54:17

I'm not sure many rapists do gain insight from prison. They know full well from the start that they are raping and harming a woman, they just don't think the woman matters.

Rapists think all men are like them, and that they were just the unlucky ones who got caught.

Wowser - what you did meant he spent 5 years unable to harm any other women. He might also be deterred from reoffending to avoid getting punished again. Well done - that's something to be very proud of.

If he tries to contact you, I assume that will be against his probation conditions?

Quivering Fri 01-Aug-14 11:57:22

brew you must be churning inside.

You did something brilliant by testifying. Keep hold of that strength.

mignonette Fri 01-Aug-14 11:57:43


I too laughed at the 'pubic places'- oh what a punishment that would be for this beast of a person.

I wish you well, salute your courage and hope that you can find a way of managing the feelings his release evokes. Do you have good RL support?


WowserBowser Fri 01-Aug-14 11:59:56

Thanks everyone

Just you've made me cry. That's a good way to look at it.

Yes, he isn't allowed within a certain distance of me.

I recognise some of your names from THAT poster thread. Yesterday, i was thinking how far I had come. And now i feel knocked for six. If that's the right expression.

WowserBowser Fri 01-Aug-14 12:02:55

I have absolutely brilliant friends who have been with me all the way. I have a dh and Ds who i love to pieces.

In fact it was because of what happened that spurred my dh to get in to a relationship with me. It made him realise how much he liked me.

Thanks for all your kind words. My head is all over the place. I loathe being a drama queen and find it hard to ask for support - but am so glad i found MN.

sillymillyb Fri 01-Aug-14 12:03:53

I am so sorry.

My rapist lives at the other end of the country, but I still have panics he will find me.

Can the police take practical steps to make you feel safer? Rape alarm? House marked for urgent attention if you call?

I hope you have some rl company soon, I'm thinking of you x

ChangeIsNear Fri 01-Aug-14 12:05:33

I am so so sorry.

callamia Fri 01-Aug-14 12:05:54

It's far away from attention seeking, you need all the love and support.

I'm glad there's something in place to protect you - and it's exactly right, you've done a good thing to protect others for the time he was in prison, and also afterwards - I assume he remains on the SO register and will be under probation service.

Feel proud of yourself, and do nice things for yourself this week. Don't feel cowed by him - you've already beaten him once. You're brilliant.

OcadoSubstitutedMyHummus Fri 01-Aug-14 12:07:08

I can't imagine how hard that must be. But remember, you can hold your head high whereas he has to live with being a convicted rapist on the sex offenders register.

WowserBowser Fri 01-Aug-14 12:08:24

I don't even know what to say. I am so thankful for all your responses.

And sillymilly thanks

I just want someone in RL to tell me that, today, i don't have to be brave.

squoosh Fri 01-Aug-14 12:08:32

I can't imagine what this must feel like. I'm in awe at your strength and courage and am glad you have lovely supportive people in your life.

I too wish a lifetime of piss and pestilence on your attacker.

flowers to you.

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