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Help me decide a fair punishment.

(38 Posts)

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Lezprechaun Fri 01-Aug-14 00:04:34

Ok so have just found my sons iPad in his bedroom and the screen is severely smashed, looks like it's been stepped on. It was on his bedside table so he is well aware this has happened yet has not said a word to me. He's gone to his dad's for access so isn't home at the moment.

I'm aware accidents happen and this most likely was one, although I'm ALWAYS having to tell him to be careful with it! But he has deliberately not mentioned this accident to avoid being in trouble. It's going to cost me £100 to replace (insurance excess).

What do you think would be a fair punishment? He is 10 years old, suffers from ADHD and ASD so short term punishments work better and dosn't get pocket money to repay the cost as money has no meaning to him.

Thanks

Theselittlelightsofmine Fri 01-Aug-14 00:08:23

Small amounts of housework done on a daily basis until you decided that the money has been earnt?

ancientbuchanan Fri 01-Aug-14 00:18:06

He's prob scared to tell you. And may be defensive.

How essential is it to his learning and happiness?

Because one option would be to say that you have to save up money before it can be repaired. And to take it off him until you have done so . If that would make him, and you, v unhappy then don't.

But perhaps more help round the house, or giving up something else he likes doing that costs money? And showing that he can look after something? Eg doing the washing up without breaking things for a week?

Ie, making it clear you understand it was an accident, but they don't grow on trees and he needs to learn to look after it?

Seriouslyffs Fri 01-Aug-14 00:18:26

I wouldn't punish him. I assume the fact that it was in his bedroom that you let him have it in his room overnight? You chose to let a 10 yo have unsupervised use of a £400 gadget, those are the consequences. And get the screen repaired for £40 rather than repairing it.

Lezprechaun Fri 01-Aug-14 00:26:09

He dosnt have it in his room to use, just to charge on his desk. He is not allowed to use it in bed and he knows this. It goes onto his desk just to charge as we have a serious plug socket shortage.

It will need repairing / replacing as he uses it for speech aps due to his delays. Chores sound like a good idea, to earn the replacement. More annoyed that he has not told me it's broken. He has a habit of hiding things he has broken (regular occurrence) and we always stress how he gets in 'trouble' for lying / hiding what he does rather than admitting the truth.

On another note, where are you finding this £40 screen repair? All over £100 where I have looked.

TheAwfulDaughter Fri 01-Aug-14 00:30:15

Those phone unlocking shops usually do cheap screen replacements. I can't recommend a known nationwide shop that will replace it for £40, but smaller local businesses do. Ask around on FB for recommendations or perhaps call a independent tech shop to point you in the right direction.

Can't help you with the punishment, but there's no need to claim in on insurance.

TheAwfulDaughter Fri 01-Aug-14 00:31:09

I know you have a plug shortage, but unplug the kettle or toaster at night and put it on charge there?

There is no need for it to be in his room.

Lezprechaun Fri 01-Aug-14 00:42:00

He's 10, he plays in his room. He's autistic and spends most of his time in his room as he feels safe there. If he didn't use it in his room he might as well not have it. He isn't allowed to use it overnight and once it's bedtime it goes on charge on his desk, which to be fair is where I found it. This has been the rule for 2 years now with no issues.

He breaks things a lot, usually accidentally due to being careless. It's the not telling that I want to punish more than the breaking of the screen. We are working very hard on admitting thins and not lying etc. and I don't want to reinforce the message that's it's ok to not do anything and I just replace / fix the thing he's broken.

Lezprechaun Fri 01-Aug-14 00:44:16

I should have also said it's specific iPad insurance, not general house insurance. Will need to check that getting the screen replaced myself won't make this insurance invalid as may cost more if someone goes wrong later. We paid extra when we bought it to cover it against damage for 5 years.

SoonToBeSix Fri 01-Aug-14 01:38:22

No punishment , do you get dla for your ds if so use that to replace screen as you bought him the iPad due to his ASD.
If it's on the side it's not like he hid it and lied is it. I gave a nine year old with ASD I think you are being unfair and I find your post upsetting.

NickiFury Fri 01-Aug-14 01:43:35

I have an 11 year old with ASD and would not punish him for this in fact I would feel awful that he'd been too scared to tell me.

My ds wouldn't have broken it through being "careless" he just wouldn't have the thought processes to see possible outcomes.

I'd have had a bit of a rant and then replaced it and that's what I think you should do too.

lettertoherms Fri 01-Aug-14 01:46:47

If it belongs to him I wouldn't dream of punishing him. You gave him an expensive, fragile item. It's his to break or take care of.

If he wants the screen replaced, by all means that should be his responsibility, through saving pocket money/working off the cost with chores.

It's not right to punish a child for a toy they accidentally broke, whether it's a bit of plastic tat or expensive electronics.

missingmumxox Fri 01-Aug-14 01:52:44

I actually think 2 years without a break from a 10 year old is amazing, I drowned my iPhone 3 months after getting it, dh, has smashed the back of his phone 6 months in our iPad was 18 months old when dh passed it to one 8 year old DT then told him to close the car door, our mini as made it to 18 months without event, it is the only one that has remained in its otter box at all times (other makes available) these things break so easily, the issue is the not telling you, so the punishment should be based on that.

I have a son who is currently being investigated for ASD, i do what you do let him have it in his room, I also have a plug issue, 2 plugs in every room!!! FFS! It's ridiculous I have a whole 4 in the kitchen, lucky me grin
I go a get the iPad mini at 9pm as when he goes to bed he head bangs and everything goes flying, also he wakes in the night I have discovered and the plays for several hours, (school told me thisshock)
go easy if he is ASD his punishment he has possibly do this to himself already but he can't get away with nothing for not telling you, so an evening without it?

NickiFury Fri 01-Aug-14 01:58:10

How would you punish yourself or your DH if you broke your iPad or iPhone OP?

TeenageMutantNinjaTurtle Fri 01-Aug-14 05:17:22

There are some pretty rugged cases on the market. It never fails to surprise me when people buy extremely expensive, fairly fragile pieces of equipment, fail to protect them adequately and then complain when the children break them.

fraggle84 Fri 01-Aug-14 06:05:22

When you get it fixed id recommend a griffin survivor case, you can pick them up on ebay and so far ours has survived dh standing on it, me dropping it on the stairs and my mums cup of tea being knocked over it! Best £15 I spent

ShirazSavedMySanity Fri 01-Aug-14 07:29:02

Don't claim on the insurance. It will bump your renewal up and here is no way a repair like that should cost £100.

We repair items like this. It shouldn't cost more than £60 inc vat, just depends where you take it.

DogCalledRudis Fri 01-Aug-14 07:32:31

I would just take the thing away. 10yo is a bit too young to have one anyway.

FelicityFoxton Fri 01-Aug-14 07:39:54

ask on your local fb site - someone will repair the screen for a lot less than 100 quid

As to a punishment , I wouldn't. If talk to him about it but I wouldn't punish him. And if you receive DLA, this is exactly the sort of thing that that money is for

FunkyBoldRibena Fri 01-Aug-14 07:48:12

Just leave it on his table until he tells you, and then sit down and discuss the consequences and what is going to happen next. I'd perhaps consider not mending it, and hi. Using the apps on a family computer if it is not possible to keep it safe in his room.

Shia Fri 01-Aug-14 08:01:25

I think you've put too much responsibility on your son.

You could easily have charged it in the kitchen overnight but chose not to.

You are saying he's not allowed or use it whilst it's charging overnight, but in reality have no idea if he wakes up during the night and goes on it.

Anyway, boys can be boisterous in their bedrooms or he may just have accidentally dropped it or dropped something on it, whatever happened was an accident.

He may have only done it just before he was leaving and so didn't want you to say he couldn't go or there to be upset before he went away. He may have been thinking of you and how upset you'd be whilst he was away.

He may be planning to tell you when he comes home, so don't be there waiting and angry. Welcome him home as usual and then calmly say you noticed the screen is smashed. Don't be accusatory, he is old enough to understand that it's a valuable object and things cost money to repair if broken.

Once he's explained what has happened, you have to tell him that it will be expensive to replace, (it's not that dear actually) and he will have to contribute financially or earn money doing chores around the house to pay for it to be repaired.

My aim would be foe him to pay twenty pounds towards it as you are responsible as well for the other half.

I wouldn't punish him, he's punished himself by damaging something he enjoys.

He just has to learn to be a bit more careful with his things. However, as I said, it was your responsibility to leave it in his room and not charge it elsewhere and I also think you are putting a big temptation in front of him, to go on it at night. Unless you pass code it every night so that he can't.

Poor kid, bet he's stewed about it whilst away.

Lezprechaun Fri 01-Aug-14 15:33:31

Someone finds this post upsetting, really? I'm not suggesting beating him! I specifically said short term punishment also so it isn't like I'm going to make his life a bloody misery either.

I just want him to understand the value of something to encourage him to take better care of it. He is 10, yes he had ASD but he is very intelligent and is able to understand the rules. I don't see his condition as a reason to excuse him damaging something.

I also don't see that 10 is too young considering he needs the communication apps to function and he hasn't punished himself by breaking it as I have to repair it or his communication suffers. It's a device he needs not wants and he has to learn to care for it better as I cannot continually repair it.

Any way we have found a place to repair the screen for £60 so am sending it off today and DS will be expected to complete chores to 'repay' this money as well as being reminded that he needs to tell people when these things have happened.

diddl Fri 01-Aug-14 15:39:21

He needs it due to certain apps, but I don't see how that equates to it being solely his to care for or why it must be in his room to charge tbh.

Lezprechaun Fri 01-Aug-14 15:40:55

And some more replies I forgot to answer. I wouldn't punish myself or DP if we broke ours but we a) look after it as best we can and b) understand the value of money and know it had cost to repair. DS dosnt, a small punishment will make him think twice when looking after the repaired one more than saying it cost xyz to repair.

Also it does have a supposedly unbreakable case on it for all the good it did! The one I bought (can't remember the name) showed videos of bowling balls being dropped on the screen! It wasn't left unprotected.

To the poster who said boys are boisterous, my DS isn't! He dosnt play at all, it's part of his condition and he would not be waking up playing on it in the night a) as he knows the rules and does not want it removed from his bedroom and b) as he is medicated to sleep so would be highly unlikely to even wake up.

SoonToBeSix Fri 01-Aug-14 16:17:22

I wasn't suggesting you were going to beat him. But punishing you ds for an accident makes me sad for him. I know you said it because he didn't tell you but he might not have had chance yet or he may be too nervous.
You say he doesn't understand the value of money yet you think he will look after it better after it is fixed ( although it was an accident!)
Try an otterbox case my dd has one they have an extra bit of plastic that covers the screen.

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