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do you think the terms "love" "my dear" "lovie" and other suchlikes are patronising

(118 Posts)
sweetsmellingrose Thu 31-Jul-14 20:27:43

I have just read an article about how so many people find the use of these forms of address patronising. ....Why is it patronising, whilst I wouldn't address someone in this way, I have never minded other people addressing like this, I am often called "love" "dearie" and "young lady", and have never minded a bit . I am mid fifties, don't know if its an age thing ????

EatShitDerek Thu 31-Jul-14 20:28:01

Not at all

EatShitDerek Thu 31-Jul-14 20:28:37

Not at all. It's very common where I am for people to say love. Never once thought about it

sillymillyb Thu 31-Jul-14 20:29:41

Oh I love it when people call me things like that <needy>

I am 33. It reminds me of my dad I think.

RainbowInACloud Thu 31-Jul-14 20:30:13

No, I see it as affectionate . There are far worse things to get worked up about.

ThatBloodyWoman Thu 31-Jul-14 20:31:35

I like being called pet, petal or love, tbh, because its usually from the sort of people I like.

Don't like ma'am or madam though.

sillymillyb Thu 31-Jul-14 20:31:53

I like "duckie" too (family from derby) Someone called my 2 yo DS it the other day and he was very confused, and said, "I not a duckie, I a pussy cat". Which, er, helped clarify things..... Sorry for the tangent!

DiaDuit Thu 31-Jul-14 20:31:54

no, I actually think it makes a person sound/seem more down to earth/friendly. the people I know personally who use it (including me) use it in an affectionate way. I don't see how it can be viewed as patronising. unless it is said in a condescending passive aggressive way?

Sparklingbrook Thu 31-Jul-14 20:32:11

I don't mind it at all. Reminds me of my Nan who called everyone 'me duck'. smile

DiaDuit Thu 31-Jul-14 20:33:03

"I not a duckie, I a pussy cat". ahhhhh! grin

BobPatandIgglePiggle Thu 31-Jul-14 20:33:15

I like it and hope it doesn't all die out.

MrsEdinburgh Thu 31-Jul-14 20:34:11

No I quite like it but do agree with exactly what Diaduit says.

ThatBloodyWoman Thu 31-Jul-14 20:34:15

Oh that is soooo cute silly grin

Thurlow Thu 31-Jul-14 20:35:42

Depends who it is. If it was someone mansplaining something to me and then added "love" or "sweetheart" on the end, I'd find that patronising.

But 99% of the time it's nice. All the small shopkeepers and the guys on the market say it all the time. This weekend I got a "there you go, beautiful", which made my day grin

boogiewoogie Thu 31-Jul-14 20:37:02

No, unless it is used to intentionally to patronise someone.

WanderingTrolley1 Thu 31-Jul-14 20:37:50

Don't mind in the slightest.

Softlysoftlycatchymonkey Thu 31-Jul-14 20:37:56

Doesn't bother me.

I also use flower and cock, I don't realise I'm saying it.

I call my dd2 queen.

Common as muck I am !

ObfusKate Thu 31-Jul-14 20:38:23

It depends on the context. I was a little annoyed last time DP and I went to the dentist (we book a double slot and go together) when the dentist called me "sweetheart" throughout my consultation but called DP "sir".

shouldnthavesaid Thu 31-Jul-14 20:40:05

At work every one of my long stay/seriously ill patients has a pet name - unless they have specifically stressed otherwise (always asked at admission).

My girls and ladies are usually (age dependant) - m'dear, darling, my sweet, lovely.

The guys are always - my good man, lad, chummy, or if younger, sweetheart.


Softlysoftlycatchymonkey Thu 31-Jul-14 20:40:11

Now sweetheart jars my nerves. I always feel like saying " I'm not your fucking sweetheart'

My dad says it but really drags it out ' sweeetheaaaart' - manc style.

KatnissEvermean Thu 31-Jul-14 20:41:02

I'm in my twenties and I don't find it patronising, it's just friendly. 'Cock', 'chick' and 'bab' are common around here too.

I never say these things myself, though.

ThatBloodyWoman Thu 31-Jul-14 20:41:24

Its often a regional thing.
My dh sometimes calls men 'love' too.

Softlysoftlycatchymonkey Thu 31-Jul-14 20:44:26

Regarding the 'cock' term - my friends Algerian boyfriend was in the butchers and the server passed him his meat and said 'there you go cock'

It didn't go down well grin

JustAShopGirl Thu 31-Jul-14 20:45:09

I wear a (first) name badge at work and have found I much prefer "love" or "sweetheart" to someone repeating my first name on every sentence. Someone actually using my name when I don't know them feels a bit threatening...

my favourite is the old gentleman who always calls me "my lovely"

SociallyAcceptableCookie Thu 31-Jul-14 20:46:05

I'm not British and I did find it patronising. When I first moved here it felt like people were talking down to me because I was a young woman. I know that it's normal, colloquial, said to everyone, etc and now I don't feel so strongly when it happens but I still don't like it.

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